• Member Since 13th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 18 hours ago

Arkhivez



E

This takes place after "Mirror Magic".

Starlight Glimmer has immensely enjoyed her time with Sunset Shimmer and the Canterlot High group. However, as she has a last conversation with Sunset, an important question comes to her mind to ask Twilight. The answer may not be quite what she expected.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 62 )

Not bad. It's really solid. I'd give it two thumbs up if I could. But, the site only allows the one.

The interactions were for the most part very well handled, and it makes for a really great character study that puts the mentioned actions in a new, emotionally intriguing perspective. Not to mention, as someone who is also working on a fic taking place after "Mirror Magic" (you probably have mine on the 'Similar' bar, in fact), it definitely shows a lot of what I like to think would happen at that point, especially in terms of how Starlight and Sunset work off each other. Pretty good read.

I'd fix the spacing between paragraphs, though.

8324726
Thanks for your comment. I tried "fixing" the spacing, but the way I fixed it didn't meet guidelines apparently. Will go back and fix.

8324913
Try copying the entire text into a Word or Google document, then just have them add some space after every paragraph. That way, you won't have to add it yourself.

Hivemind #5 · July 26th · · 1 ·

I don't understand the connotation, or lack thereof, between the story and the paragraph spacing.







It's kind of painful to read.

8325210
It added paragraph space on its own, the fixes I attempted the first time didn't go through. Working on fixing it now.

8325226

That's understandable, if you transferred your work from a third party program. :twilightsheepish:

8324937
Did some quick editing, should be an improvement. Will try more careful edit later.

8325232
Yeah, I transferred from Open Office. I didn't realize how it would "transfer" to this site. I did some quick editing, should be an improvement. Will do more careful editing later when I have more time.

8325234
Certainly a big step up from before. I don't know how it is in OpenOffice; when I wrote my story, I copied it from Google Docs and the only spaces between paragraphs were the ones I told the program to add. I recommend trying that if you can.

I really enjoyed this story:heart:. it was very well done and really puled at my heart strings.

8325375
Thank you! Glad you liked it!

Hmmm...

This is fantastic. Gives me a whole new perspective on Sunset and Starlight's friendship, it just wasn't clicking for me but now it does. Plus a very good exploration of the rationales and feelings of Twilight and Starlight when offering friendship to their (at the time) enemies.

“Somebody--” Starlight corrected...

SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME.

8326017
I'm glad I wasn't the only one, but not at all surprised.

The “premiere” was a lot of fun. The movie that the other girls were in wasn't quite like anything she had seen before. Rainbow Dash was eager for a “sequel”

Why do you have quotes around premiere and sequel? That would imply these are concepts Starlight is unfamiliar with, but that's nonsense, because Equestria has theater, which has premieres, has movies, which also have premieres, and has books, which have sequels.

The fellow unicorn was starting to have fun, and finally understood why Sunset was so passionate about her music and guitar. Of course it had to be now when it was time to return to Equestria. She knew what she'd be doing first if Princess Twilight allowed for another visit to Canterlot High.

Or, you know, she could just pick up a guitar back in Equestria. Which has guitars.

“Huh?” Twilight immediately wheeled back around to look at Starlight. The young unicorn

Weird qualifier there. I get the impression that Starlight is the same age as Twilight, if not a little older.

Twilight was looking over Starlight's shoulder into the mirror. It was a little difficult to tell in the dimly lit room, but she thought that she saw for just a second their human counterparts, in their “ponied-up” forms. Both of them had wings.

...

:facehoof: REALLY?!

You were doing so well up until THAT.

I would have upvoted, maybe even faved this, but the implication that Starlight Glimmer deserves ascension gets you nothing except this comment and an icy glare.

(Drop that unnecessary bit and you'll get the like and fave. The rest of the story more than earned it.)

All I want to know... is how much has/will these new EQG specials messed up my head canons. Until recently, I was under the understanding that EQG wasn't directly canon to the show just like how the comics aren't considered directly canon.
Honestly, after Tirek, I haven't really been keeping up with the show as it is, so I hardly know what I don't know as it is.

Sunset is NOT Twilight's student. Stop propagandizing this nonsense.

i dont know why but i loved starlights eyes when she was in her human form

8327288
Her overall design was amazing, period. Love drawing her.

8325714
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. :pinkiehappy:

8326017
Yeahhh, was expecting this. Good job.

8327665 I could only read that line as smash mouth.

Memes have ruined my life.

8327729
Memes bring nothing but death, destruction, and hatre--oh, who am I kidding? Memes are hilarious! Sometimes.

8327661
To me, it's all the little things they did that made the design so appealing. The beanie, the watch, the pant rips, etc., all added an extra layer of creativity that most of the other EqG counterparts (re-clothed Sunset included) do not have.

This was a great fic! The formatting of the paragraphs is a little odd in parts and it threw me off a bit, but the story itself was solid and sweet, with no glaring typos or grammatical errors. Have a like and a favorite!

8327862
Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed. Will maybe get to paragraph spacing at some point, I wasn't allowed to have the spacing as I originally wanted it.

Both interactions handled so smoothly. Fantastic job!

Wow a good story in the featured box. Unbelievable! have a like.

8329959
Thank you so much!

8329963
Thank you! Was really nice to get a feature.

8327838
The cutie mark being on the WATCH of all things was a stroke of genius.

8326322
Damn you are such a dick! Mad because you're last few chapters did not get featured? Hey you know this site has PM's Oh but its better to bash someone in the comments? Douche bag.......

8330605
I really hope Starlight makes more appearances in future EqG installments. The design is too good and the idea too interesting to only be used once.

8330630

8326322
How can I Pm you when I am blocked? Or I would said that to you in a bucking PM!! Not in the comments in a P bucking M.. That last part was uncalled for I am sorry for that and only that

Pretty rough both in writing and formatting, but a good concept; I recommend some proofreading, editing, and redrafting to polish it up. I’m guessing that, like me, you’re hewing more closely to Ms. Faust’s original world-building, which placed Equestria’s technology in the equivalent of the late nineteenth century, before electrification (and motion pictures and electric guitars).
   Still, it’s true even plays have/had premieres—from whence the movie industry borrowed the term—so Starlight probably would be familiar with that concept once the parallel was explained to her. I’m not as sure about sequels, though, since I think the modern concept of the sequel was in the process of developing during the nineteenth century.
   The mirror vision of wings, I think, does weaken the story, but the reference easily could be cut without materially affecting the story. Also, it seemed clear to me the narrative wasn‘t stating Sunset is Twilight’s student, but I suppose I can see how a hasty or careless reading could cause that impression, so it might bear some rewriting for clarity. In any case, though I agree with those criticisms, I can’t condone the impolite manner in which they were delivered.

8331228
I'm definitely more open to criticism when it's delivered in a calm, non-accusatory, and objective manner, so, much appreciated. :twilightsmile:

I was not attempting to post a perfect story. I did this to have fun, and I knew that doing it would make me a better writer. So far the negative feedback I've gotten has been mostly opinion-based, so while I'll certainly think about what I was told, making physical changes to my work is another matter entirely. Though almost any feedback, I will appreciate. I will at bare minimum give it some thought.

8331478
Must have felt really good to see this story get such a great reception then. And while this was made for personal reasons, I'm really glad you chose to make it, as we've had surprisingly few stories about how Starlight's few days in the human world even went on here. It's basically why I made one myself; that, and to improve my own writing skills, which you said you also aimed to do.

8331706
Yeah, not bad for my first, haha. Really happy that people like it. Tracking your story.

8326322
The critiques of your newest story are more or less as what you said to this author . You're reply to those more or less "it does not matter to the story as a hole"

This story added a really nice epilogue-like follow-on to the EQG specials.

twilight is not forgiving at all look at how she treated trixie or her hesitation with sunset in rainbow rocks or her miss trust of discord even in season 5

Comment posted by Fracturedheart deleted August 1st

Ponies do have guitars so I think they can handle then just fine also Sunset is not really Twilights student.

8333400
While that did happen you have to admit shes more forgiving than others

8357204
out side of luna (who is her mentors sisters so...) she has not shown any real forgiveness to any one even when they prove them selfs she still wont trust them if they have a checkered past

she SAYS she forgives others but actions speak louder than words

8357745
Thats probably my major complaint with Trixie coming back in season 6. She forgives a former cult leader and a former tyrant of a country so easily but not a stereotypical bitch that was a cliche take over the town villain?

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