• Published 1st Sep 2012
  • 30,874 Views, 743 Comments

To Befriend the Night - LucidTech



Submitting to Trials, Tribulations, Lies, Misunderstanding, and Pain. And all these things for one purpose. To Befriend the Night.

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Chapter Seventeen (Conclusion)

“What,” Luna deadpanned.

“I know, I know. Look, it’s hard for me to admit, but things got complicated. Hendrick is acting split; he’s been getting scared less and less. Things are not going according to plan,” the fire thing rambled off. “Which is why it’s a good thing you’re here.”

“Why is my presence a good thing?” Luna’s eyes narrowed as she looked at the fire being, but he didn’t seem to notice. He walked away, running a hand through what would be his hair had he been a physical being.

“Because you’re the only thing he still cares about, now! There’s a fear for each person or being that won’t fade with time, something they avoid confronting. You’re that thing for him. When all of the other fears lost their sheen, showing him a nightmare of you dying in fire, crying out in pain, forcing him to watch as your skin burned in fire and you turned to a skeleton...” The crackling voice died away as a smile split the creature’s face. “Oh, it really was beautiful. You should have seen it.” The being turned around to see Luna looking unamused. “Anyway, if anyone can bring Hendrick back into working order, it’s you, and I can help make sure it happens.”

There was a moment of stillness where Luna took an opportunity to think. “No.” Luna’s eyes gleamed like ice as the words left her mouth and the fire being shivered from some unseen cold.

“No? What do you mean, ‘no’? I thought you two had a whole relationship thing going on. You’re just gonna ditch him?”

“You misunderstand.” Enraged sadness covered Luna’s features as her words bit into the air, sending another shiver through the demon’s body. “I’m going to help him, but you are not. You aren’t going to exist.”

“But, but you need me!” The flames were flickering away; its voice shuddered from a chill only he could feel. He looked towards Luna and she stared back at him, emptily.

“I am Princess Luna, the guardian of the night, the culler of nightmares and bringer of dreams. I do not need you. I do not need a being who treats Hendrick as a food source, a being of pure malice, a nightmare that takes a pony’s worst fear and uses it to their own advantage, twisting and turning their brain to the point that they go mad from imagined fears. No, your time is quite done.” Princess Luna closed her eyes as she finished talking. Her mane began to reach out, the mass of ethereal stars transforming into tendrils that snaked through the air.

But he wasn’t going down without a fight. “N-no, I’ve put a lot of work into surviving here!” it shouted. Fiery needles exited the being and flew through the air with shocking speed, burrowing into Luna’s skin, digging into her body and crawling to her brain. “Do you even know what it’s like to exist here? I had to carve out even the simplest of livings! The first few weeks were hell!”

Luna’s mane began to shake violently, her body mimicking the action. The physical flaming night terrors wormed through her body; she could feel them behind her eyes and all along her spine. Is this where it ends? Luna thought as she felt the darkness making haste towards her mind. Then, a surge of determination shot through her.

NO! I will not lose Hendrick, too!” Her canterlot voice split the air like an axe. Luna opened her eyes—her white, shining eyes—and her mane wrapped the demon in an chilling vice grip as it shone like diamonds. It struggled and strained against the pincer hold, but all in vain as the ice bit deeper and deeper into its fiery being and it writhed harder and harder.

Then, all at once, it stopped.

“Nightmare Moon,” the being said with a defeated tone that held an air of forgery. Silence answered it. Luna’s attack was slowed, though the tendrils still dug into the skin of the fiery creature. Eventually, it raised its burning gaze to face the full form of Luna. “That’s who you are, isn’t it? Or who you were, as the case may be.” A look of sadness shown through the eyes of the captured prey. “My, how you’ve grown.” It grinned a genial happy grin and Luna felt chills run down her spine.

“Had I but known, I might have let you take Hendrick back from me from the start. After all, the last time you tried to break the hold of a nightmare—” Spikes of ice shot forth from Luna’s mane and the creature’s face was torn to shreds, interrupting what it had been about to say. Luna looked on, full of rage, towards the dying entity. Even as it was pulled apart, however, it didn’t break its expression, didn’t scream. It just smiled at her. Then, with a burst of black flames, it was gone.

Luna’s mane retracted and black flames licked at her hair, the last remnants of the spirit fighting to survive. She paid them no heed. Her mind was tormented by the after-effects of the creature’s fiery shards, and she found herself unable to move as the incessant pounding in her ears seemed to grow louder and louder. She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes while her horn shown in the silent and still darkness as she fought back.

Magic coursed through Luna’s veins, battling the fire that burned through her soul. It reached greedily for the back corners of the princess’s mind, reaching for the fears that she had placed there, reaching for the food mere inches away. They inched closer and closer through Luna’s being, but just when they were about to reach it, she cried out in pain. Magic coursed through her in uncomfortable levels, tearing the fiber of her being as they traversed her body en masse. The magic collided with the fire, and it was removed from her body in an icy purge.

Luna slouched, letting the magic bleed from her body. Her mane lay limp next to her, a testament to how much she had put into removing the infection. It no longer shone with the night sky, but had turned back into its old light blue. For a moment, she just laid there, letting the fatigue run its course on her body. As she lay on the black ground, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander, back to the first day she had met Hendrick and the feeling of segregation that had plagued her.

She had convinced herself she could manage just fine. It had been the norm, a thought that, in retrospect, scared Luna to some degree. To be content with being lonely and forgotten, aside from the constant, comforting presence of her sister. None besides Celestia had cared about her. The guards seemed annoyed when they had to be present for her night court, to which no one showed up day after day.

It was a numbing kind of despair, entirely different from the jealousness and hate that had fueled Nightmare Moon. This had been a poison she never felt on her. Not until she was cured of it did she realize it had been there at all. Another pony had done that for her once: cured her of corrupting emotions. Luna looked up at the pitch black sky of the soul realm. She couldn’t see anything up there, of course, but her gaze remained steadfastly directed upward anyway. Eventually, a single tear came to her face, a stark contrast against her steady expression.

Feeling the liquid on her coat, Luna brushed it away, along with the memory that had stirred it. The sheen was coming back to the princess’s hair, and Luna was feeling much more rejuvenated. She forced herself to her hooves and took a deep breath, an act more for the comfort of knowing she could breath than because she needed to.

“No use crying over spilt milk,” she said to herself, a sad undercurrent breaking the monotony of the saying.

With a too-steady gaze, the princess turned herself about and faced every which way, looking for the thing that had broken the omnipresent darkness holding her in its wrappings. Slowly, something began to form around Luna. She didn’t notice at first, as it started incredibly subtle, but before too long, the entirety of a library had come into being around her. She was confused, now more than ever. If she were seeing a library, then she had to either be in a dream of Hendrick’s, or she had to be directly touching his soul. Neither of those answers felt right.

“Luna!” came a call from behind the princess. She turned to face the voice and was surprised to see Hendrick in his pony state behind her. He had never been a pony in the dreams, and his soul should appear as a human as well. Something was most definitely off. “I’m glad you’re here. I need help—” His voice suddenly dropped a pitch or two and he was replaced by his human form. He didn’t seem to notice, continuing on without stopping. “—culling these rebel scum.”

“What?” Luna asked. Things weren’t making sense in the least.

Human Hendrick sighed, but spoke again in an annoyed tone. “Your orders are to—” He was a pony once again, and his light voice she had come to know was back. “—help me shelve some of these books? It’s proving to be a rather more daunting task than I had anticipated.” He smiled at her kindly.

Princess Luna found herself unable to speak, out of shock, and simply nodded her head instead. She grabbed some of the books in her magical aura and Hendrick’s smile widened. “Oh thank you—” Another shift. “—you worthless maggot.”

Deciding not to point out the change, she began to follow Hendrick as he made his way through the library. He would occasionally shelve some books, all the while shifting between human and pony forms. Luna would shelve her own books when she passed by a place where they went, but otherwise kept her full attention on Hendrick, trying to figure him out.

After several minutes of walking, Luna decided to change tactics, having gotten nowhere with her previous approach. “Hendrick, is something the matter?” She posed this question to the human avatar.

“You dare question your superior—” Pony Hendrick. “—friend?”

That was still disorienting. “No, I just want to make sure you’re feeling well. You don’t seem like yourself.”

Hendrick glanced from side to side, then leaned towards Luna. “Can you keep a secret?” he asked, a worried tone evident in his voice. Luna nodded and leaned towards him. “I think I’m—YOU ARE NOT A HIGH ENOUGH RANK TO BE WORRIED ABOUT ME!” Luna backpedaled at the sudden change in voice. “Am I understood!” Her mind still shaking from undue exposure to the surprise shout, she hesitantly nodded. “Good!”

And then they went back to shelving books.

Luna was worried, not because of what had just happened, but because she had never seen this before. She hadn’t even heard of this before. It was like his soul was trying to be two different people at the same time. Hendrick would end up killing himself from stress if this kept up. The constant shift between militaristic march and soft steps kept Luna on the tips of her hooves as she followed behind the shifting form of Hendrick.

Then, something changed. The books began to become disorganized, but Hendrick continued on as if nothing were amiss. He shelved books still, though Luna found herself forced to stop.

Hendrick had explained his sorting system to her once, and she had managed to remember most of it. But this... this shelf of books didn’t even look sorted by his system at all. Instead, smaller books were placed on the bottom rows and they got thicker as they moved up. Despite this nondescript system, Hendrick still seemed to have an exact location for all the literature he carried with him.

A shout caught the attention of the duo.

Luna turned to face the noise moments after Hendrick, whom was currently a pony. A little girl was approaching them and Luna found herself shocked still. This girl.... This was her. Well, not her exactly, but the form she had taken whenever she had dreamt of Hendrick. But how was she here? Was this all truly a dream and not a reflection of Hendrick’s soul?

“Rakya, I thought I told you to stay with the others, dear,” Hendrick said in a calm tone. The girl kept her gaze locked on Hendrick’s face, not paying attention to the fact that he was currently a pony, nor the giant blue alicorn standing behind him.

In response to Hendrick’s statement, the girl only shook her head and pointed to the shelves behind him. He turned to glance as well and a half smile crossed his face. “I promised you I would read it to you later. It’s not safe for you to be moving around the library right now. You should head back to the reading area.” Rakya shook her head fiercely and crossed her arms, universal body language Luna easily deciphered.

Hendrick cringed. “Please, Rakya. Please.” His voice was growing weak and Luna quickly approached him to make sure he was okay. Rakya, however, remained steadfast in her stance. Just as suddenly as it had been all times previously, Hendrick changed into a human again and the girl began to back away in fear instantly, as if knowing what was coming.

“A no good tribal. Just like all the others. You aren’t worthy to breath my air, you filthy, worthless piece of trash.” Hendrick pulled an odd device from his clothes and leveled the open end of it towards the head of the small child. The look on his face told the princess exactly what he was planning. Acting instantly, Luna moved between them. She wasn’t sure why there was a child here, she wasn’t sure why they were in a library, she wasn’t even sure what Hendrick was going though, but she was still going to live by her morales.

“No, Hendrick. You can’t do this.”

“And who do you think you are to tell me what I can and can’t do?!” Using the thumb of his finger, he pulled back the piece of metal attached to the device. This change caused Luna to remember it. She had seen in one of the dreams; it had killed people. Or she thought it had killed people. She thought it might have killed her. She couldn’t remember it correctly, anymore.

Her mind stopped for a second, contemplating if she could die in whatever this place between dreams and the soul was called. But she pushed on. “I am Pr—” She stopped immediately. She had been about to announce herself in the same way she had with the fire spirit. Now, though, she realized that would be a bad choice. “I am your friend, Hendrick, and I want you to be well again.” The words rang with truth and a spike of hope filled her as human Hendrick began to lower the gun.

Then, he raised it again. “You lying maggot. I don’t have any friends!” He practically hissed the last words.

“No, Hendrick, you do.” Luna stepped forward, her fear of the gun forgotten. “You are friends with Octavia and Vinyl. You are practically a father to Moon Light. A friend to Shining Armor and Cadence.”

“Then where were they?!” His voice had taken on an edge of sadness that went all too well with the rage that currently sat in his voice. “Where were they at?! Where were you?!”

A shallow scowl came over Luna’s face. “I’m sorry we weren’t there for you, Hendrick, I really am, but you never gave us an opportunity to help you, either. Would you rather, when you act like you want space, we just crowd you? Do you honestly want that?”

“Y-yes.” Hendrick was a pony once more and tears were beginning to gather in his eyes. “Just... please don’t leave me alone.” The library began to fade from view, as did the young child. The book disappeared and all that was left was Hendrick and Luna in the crushing blackness that made up Hendrick’s soul area. “I can’t handle being alone...”

Luna looked around, a reassuring sense of normality filling her body. She leaned in towards Hendrick, as if to whisper something in his ear, then pecked a kiss lightly on his cheek. She smiled as Hendrick smiled and stepped a few feet away from him. With one last glance towards Hendrick, she cast a spell and disappeared out of the realm.

Luna found herself back in her body, not that it felt like she had ever left. She glanced towards the form of Hendrick that was beginning to stir. Then, her eyes looked around at her surroundings. Both of them had been encompassed by what looked to be a whole battalion of guards while they slept. Luna caught the eye of Shining Armor, but made no move to speak with him.

Hendrick’s eyes began to flicker open and all the guards took a step forward to be prepared. Luna, however, maneuvered herself to be in front of Hendrick. His eyes opened fully and when he saw the princess, a blush came to his cheeks and a soft smile crossed his face. “Thank you, Luna.”

“I would do it again, Hendrick.” Luna’s voice was unnaturally cold for so cheerful a statement. Her voice lowered and she spoke again. “But, I can’t do anything if I don’t know something’s wrong. All right?” Hendrick nodded. “Good.”

She stood, Hendrick mimicking the action, and several nearby guards moved forward to contain him. They found themselves slowed by a blue magic aura that had sunk around their knees. “Oh, Hendrick, I almost forgot. Vinyl has invited us to a dance party in a week. I expect to see you on time. Also, I’ll have to get in touch with you later. Celestia informs me that flowers are a good thing to bring for a date, but I don’t know which ones you like.”

Hendrick made no move to answer, a wide smile speaking for him instead. The guards cuffed him and began to lead him away. As they did so, Luna approached Shining Armor. “Make sure to tell the judges my judgement is parole. And that is final. I doubt many of them will argue.” Shining Armor nodded, a jovial smile on his face, and teleported away.

Luna remained in the alleyway for a period of time, thinking. Then, with as much force as she could muster, she shot into the sky with a heavy down beat and made her way towards the castle. Celestia was going to have quite the story to listen to today.

The End

Author's Note:

(If you're looking for a link to the sequel check the description of this story.)

'Tis the end. I just want to thank everyone who read this. As I finish this off I have perhaps the best feeling in the world. Staple Cactus is an amazing Editor, I need you guys/gals to bug him while I'm gone. Don't let him quit editing like he keeps saying he will, someone needs to get him to write his stories too. He still owes me a chapter of CoSH.

715 likes right now, prior to the conclusion being published. I'm quite astounded. Seems like only last week my goal was five hundred. My heart is so light right now, knowing that I finished this before I left. It's going to be a great two years, I can feel it. Thanks for all the support guys.

I can't express my feelings right now. Everything is just so.... warm...
I think I'm getting all soft inside, like an old apple.
Don't forget me while I'm gone eh? I'd hate to come back in two years and post about how excited I am to be back, only to be answered by empty silence.

Don't let Knighty shut down Fimfic. Not that I think he will, he doesn't seem the type to do something drastic like that.
Well... I suppose this is the last Hurrah for now. I'm sorry I couldn't write more for my other stories. Time was tight and I was lazy. A horrible combination.

I...
Oh, what does Luffy say?
"I never say good bye. I just say see you later."
Something like that.
...Apt isn't it?...

(This farewell has since been... changed. Ignore the parts about me being gone for an extended period of time.)

Comments ( 108 )

And that's a wrap, folks. It was great to edit this for Enfan, and I know I'll miss his antics. He'll be leaving us tomorrow, so be sure to throw him as many blessings and luck charms as you can (he'll need it). :twilightsmile:

I was thinking about Enfan's stories the other day. He's the only guy I know that can take a completely random idea (Fluttershy Queen or Hybrid) and do a great job of sucking you in. Maybe some of his charisma shines through in his writing or something...

As for this story, being there for the conception, and then the subsequent execution was a joyful experience, something I've had the pleasure to have on a few occasions as an editor. He won't say it, because "It's cliche," but I hope you've enjoyed this piece of literature.

Farewell, Enfan. Hope to see you in two years (and maybe I'll have CoSh completed by then) and a good day to you all.

I'll read it later but if I recall the story didn't seem anywhere near a conclusion. I hope ending it was a good choice.

Wait...so confused...does the ending of the AN mean sequel? :pinkiehappy: Or are ya just teasing us? :twilightangry2:



Either way I hate to see this end but you did a damn good job and finding the perfect time for it to end.

That's it:ajbemused: Applejack is not amused

Good shit. Whether there is a sequel or not I thoroughly enjoyed it. I would like to keep reading about Hendrick though. Very well written character.

We'll miss you man... Now where are you going to force you to leave us for two years? I haven't kept up to date on all your blog posts.

Thanks for the story. :twilightsmile: But what's this about Knighty shutting down fimfic?!

Commence read.

All has come to an end?

Finished.

Eeeh, ends rather unexpectedly... Oh well, another story finished, 199 more to read, yay! :yay:

Untill next time.:twilightsmile:

You know, I really liked this story, all the way through.

Right up to the end. There was literally nothing resolved. We know next to nothing about Hendricks past, we know next to nothing about how he and Celestia are going to get along, or what Luna's intentions are to deal with him, and his friendship. We don't know what's going to happen to the foal he rescued, not really... the only thing that was resolved was the issue of his incarceration and the nightmare he was having.

This felt like the end of a story arc, not the end of the story. It was, quite simply, one of the least satisfying endings to a story that I've read in a while, if the intention was to have the story stand alone.

I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, and for the most part, this has been a damn good read. But that ending is just... it isn't an ending.

The way I feel right now, it's as if I was watching Star Wars: A New Hope and I got to the part with Princess Leia wishing Luke and the rebel pilots good luck on their mission to destroy the death star... and the credits roll. The end.

Well... good luck with your future endeavors but... damn... I wish you hadn't ended it like that.

Allow me to add my two cents to what 2216839 said:

There are two kinds of kudzu plots.
The one where the story is wrapped up with a decent ending, and the loose ends left to interpretation feel like bonus information? That's the good kind.
The bad one is exactly what you did: you left important plot points about the life of the main character (which is the absolute center of the story) hanging in a way that doesn't give the reader any closure whatsoever. And stories, sad or happy, NEED closure. We have to, if not comprehend, at least understand what the central pieces of the puzzle all sum up to.

This just feels like a half-assed, half-done climax where the authors just run off without even bothering to make an ending mid-presentation or even drop the curtain, or a really long string of equations left with a lot of still indeterminate variables and not enough logic behind it for us to find their values.
I'll be waiting for an actual ending (an "epilogue" won't do, I'll just warn you already - a story needs an end to have an epilogue) to reverse the downvote this fic just got. I'm sure you can do better than this.
Seriously, dude, if you value your readers, don't imitate the author of The Sun Is Tired. That's just mean.

...what?

The chapter itself was pretty good, but it did seem more like the end of an arc than the end of a story.

DustTraveller compared the ending to ‘A New Hope’ without the Death Star. I think the ending is more like the end of ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ without ‘Return of the Jedi.’ Yeah, Luke, the Millennium Falcon and the rebels escape the empire, but we’re left pondering what happened to Han Solo, what the relationship is between Luke and Vader and a myriad of other questions. It certainly left everyone fired up for the sixth episode...

2217375

2216839


The title to this story is 'To Befriend the Night'. Has that not been achieved? This isn't a story about who Hendrick is, or what happened to Luna to make her into Nightmare Moon. This is a story about an introvert with a dark past befriending a princess who has a dark past. I didn't answer those questions because they weren't questions that needed answering. Not in this story anyway. One could argue Hendrick wasn't even the main character, but rather Luna instead.

One COULD argue that, but I won't. I won't argue against it either. In fact, I think that I have explained my reasons quite well. You guys have fun freaking out and calling me a bad author. Can't be anything worse then what I've been telling myself for the past year. But this conclusion? I feel very good about this conclusion. So sling your mud, I won't be able to read it for another two years anyway.

2218929

How was that mudslinging? Wow, what a horrifically BAD reaction to constructive criticism. I told you that I, as a reader of your story, was disappointed in the ending, then I told you WHY I was disappointed... and you proceeded to take it as an attack.

My entire reaction was, "Hey, I like this story, BUT, there was a part I didn't like. This is why."

Then you went on to say, screw your opinion, there is no room for improvement, despite the fact that several people appear to have agreed with me.

At the very LEAST you have to admit that your ending was very abrupt. Sure, he's friends with the princess now, but my point is that all of the tension and drama you so masterfully built up DIDN'T resolve itself. The only thing that happened is that Luna resolved to be friends with him. There's still the matter of Celestia and her intentions that Hendrick not hurt Luna, there's still the matter of the foal he befriended and what is going to happen to her, and her reactions to Hendrick. There's STILL the matter of Hendrick's past, which has not been resolved in the least.

What you basically said was, "my intention was to have Luna and Hendrick be friends, thus all of those other plot elements which you found compelling and which made you follow the story with interest don't matter at all, as long as at the end of the story, the two are friends.

That doesn't make sense. That doesn't...

You know what? I'm sorry. You obviously don't feel your writing has any room for improvement, and I'm aggitatiing or upseting you by having an opinion about your story, so good day to you. You won't receive any more criticism from me. I don't downvote stuff, I think it's a crappy metric for how good or bad a story is, but if you're happy with the state of this story, then I guess we have nothing else to discuss.

Comment posted by Verdigris deleted Mar 5th, 2013

2218929 All right then, whatever you say, mr. Ted Baxter. You don't wanna take criticism and advice, be an arrogant git and don't.
I did my part, now I'm outta here.

2219000

My deepest apologies, even if you won't accept them then.

My work can definitely use improvement, I'm reminded of that fact multiple times a day. In fact, in the same comment you are replying to I state that I've been extremely hard on myself this past year of writing, a fact which, in and of itself, seems to me that I know my writing isn't perfect. You are over reacting to my comment. I offended you in one way, and you decided you had to write a paragraph on how self serving I am.

I'll take constructive critisism, but only if you can see that I'm defending against it. I didn't answer the side questions of the story, I'm so very sorry. But I concluded the plot that I had created. So I'm sorry that the ending wasn't what you had wanted but, to be frank, I'd rather that I have fun writing, as apposed to you have fun reading it. This ending was quite exciting for me to put out. For the first time in a long while I haven't been obsessively counting the words so that I can put out a 'normal' chapter. And if you dislike how I ended it, then I encourage you to write a story, even an alternate ending if you want, so that I can see how you wanted it to pan out.

I don't claim to be a good author. I just claim to be myself. And my work is mine and mine alone (And Staple's). I put this up here to share what I had written, because I thought others might enjoy it, and it seems they have. I'll take constructive criticism, but in the end it's MY say about if I think the criticism is valid.

This ending (if that's what it is) was satisfying on its own. If it's an arc, I'm looking forward to the rest. :pinkiehappy:
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I don't see what the fuss everyone is making is about. Not every story has a happy, neatly-resolved ending, and there's no rule anywhere that says it must. I see no reason to buckle to peer pressure, if that even applies. The original Grimm Fairy Tales were anything but bright and sun-shiny. I pity anyone who can't deal with anything less. :fluttercry:

2216499 Probably something like CyberV, a mission for his church. Sounds about right, and the time period matches.

2219121 Well said. In the end, the author has to decide how, when and where the story goes, and that's how it should be.
If you do what the readers say, it's not writing. It's pandering. And dishonest.

It was a good conclusion, but it could have been better. Curse time and it's tendency to force sub-par conclusions.

Best thing I've read in almost 4 years and that is not an exaggeration.

Farewell sir! *salutes*

May the road rise to meet you,
may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

We will always be here, waiting for you :pinkiesad2:

That was..incredible...

I mean I have read this story a few times through and it still gets me in the feels..:pinkiesad2:

I look forward to reading more of your work :pinkiehappy:

I would like to hear more about Moonlights situation consiidering her last meeting with Hendrick went so poorly, but I can easily see that as another story for another time...

Good Work!

This was one of the most amazing stories I have ever read. The story, plot, and eloquence of your words was by far comparable to that of published novelists. Please continue writing, as I think that you will go very far as an author. I was privileged to be able to read this story, and it truly touched my heart.

Oh my god, what a wonderful ending. Thanks for posting this. It's a great story and I look forward to anything you plan to do in the future.

Dangit, why are there so many good stories on your page? :pinkiehappy: And Why are most of them INCOMPLETE????? :pinkiesad2:

This was a brilliantly written story!

2219121 Actually, no. It's your say whether or not to listen to the criticism. Just because you don't want to hear it doesn't mean it isn't valid. I certainly share the opinion that this was one of the most unsatisfying endings to anything I've read and that is absolutely, completely valid. Feel free to disagree.

2302863
my whole world just blew up...

That was simply amazing. You, sir, are an amazing writer, and you will be missed.

Also, I couldn't help but listen to this song at the very end of the story. It just felt so fitting even if you aren't going to do a sequel.

Left several questions unanswered, but a good ending so far as what it did cover goes.

Celly is gonna freak. Wonder how she'll tyrant it up.

Shall there be an sequel to this fic? :D

I look forward to reading this sequel when it comes out.

read this all in one night, sir,

after reading your reasoning, frankly, this story works after that key information things clicked in a new way. This story, clever boy to quote doctor who. You used the title to give a good part of the plot away. Very clever. Also don't be so hard on yourself on your writing, it is amazing from what I can see of this story. Very well done.

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL!!

2218838

There's this liiiiiittle part at the back of my head...

what an amazing story! loved Hendrick and his whole personality. not many authors manage to make an intriguing main character that's eccentric like yours. i loved the story . really is one of those stories that is so bland to the eyes that it literally engulfs you in its wonderful story telling and leaves wanting to read more.

my only nitpicks at this story was, the ending felt odd, it was a bit rushed but it didn't leave and impact on one's expectations as most endings do. my guess is that it lacked emotion or something along those lines. my last issue is that there was very limited back story to Hendrick since he was very secretive with his past. all i know is that in his past he seemed to be part of the military and was a high ranking officer who fought some sort of rebellion. also he ended up as a librarian who took in children? im not sure but it would have been nice if you would have explore that a bit further since his past truly intrigued me. this wasn't a big mistake but still it peaked my curiosity as to know his past since he was such an interesting character.

anyways im glad to have read this story and you have my sincere thanks for this wonderful story and wish you the best success in your other ones. also congratulations to the success of this story since i know how much this means to you. now im off to read the sequel to this story :D

2625289

There's a sequel that's a WIP, by which I mean it's incomplete at the moment. Link is in the Description.

2625300

yes i was aware of this but i think im going to wait until that story is fully complete but i will keep track of it and once it is complete i shall read it with great joy. i have been victim of many cancelled stories and long waits.

2625320

Understandable, I know many people who share that look on stories as well. I just wanted to make sure you knew of it, so you didn't go believing that this was the end.

Thank you very much for the time you spent reading my story, as well as writing comments to it. It makes me feel successful. ;p

2626285
Holy crap that is so weird. I've had the dang theme to that stuck in my head for no apparent reason ALL DAY TODAY. Anyway... On to the read!

2627448

When I have a tune stuck in my head, this always helps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93LJVlxzE_Q

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