Verris is an unremarkable person. A loner living in a city of millions. New York, Where he is but the tiniest cog in a global machine. Yet with a spirit that desires adventure. Desires to be like the heroes, generals and emperors of old. Alexander, Caesar, Genghis, All the great conquers of history, the statesmen who built empires, the kings who defied all odds. Yet in the modern world there is no opportunity for that besides in the comfort of vidoe games, stories, his imagination and the history books.
But fate has decided to give a blessing upon this unremakrable man. To give him one chance to do what he so often dreamed of. To conquer an empire. Yet fate is a cruel mistress, and Verris, would not be thrust into familiar territory of old history. Or even with humans.
(Inspired by playing Mount and Blade Bannerlord, Its a great game.)
(Featured 4/10/20, hours after posting, Thanks you all)
👌👌
Oh! This picture is from Evomanaphy! She did it for a friend as a commission. And the character on this art is from his fanfction "13 Fates". A german fanfic.
Great start!
This shows potential, I will be watching this.
So many relatable stories lately. If only I could have the same opportunity...
You have my attention!
I started bannerlord as well, and it's pretty nice, beyond the bugs. Cant wait for some more chapters!
I'm a big fan of the Mount and Blade series and always wanted to see something like that in the Equestrian universe. Looking forward to how this is going to continue^^
Hi, as JP has already mentioned, the griffin in the cover picture already belongs to another fanfiction, namely mine. ^^
It's my character and I commissioned this picture at the time, so I ask you to look for something else for your cover.^^
graaaaah! You beat me to it XD I was plotting something inspired by bannerlord too!... though, maybe not quite so literally in my case. XD
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Oh sorry about that. I just googled it and thought it looked perfect. I’ll change it by the end of the day and the description of the main character.
it's almost harvesting season
*excited bat noises*
Alright, I'm hooked, can't deny it.
This seems familiar... like I’ve seen this concept before...
Oh that’s right. A wings of fire fanfic. From fanfiction. net
Woah, the thumbnail changed quickly. Both are excellent though.
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Also Griffin the Griffin that i'm rereading right now.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/12350/griffin-the-griffin
Apart from the random capitalization and spelling errors I'd say that the story has an alright introduction. Although the mount and blade series doesn't have much to go off when writing a fic inspired by it, I can definitely see some potential in what the story might bring if you decide to keep on going. Although I do have some advice on how not to handle proving your character is 'good' if you are trying to make them look that way.
Personally (some mostly random issues I've seen in other stories that have tried this before), just try not so hard to make your character be a 'good guy'; IE: Force a situation where he has to save children to show how good of a gryph he truly is/I won't be a noble because wanting it would make me look greedy! It rarely works, because when you force a moment where the only option is 'be good' there isn't any interesting decisions to show how good of a gryph he truly is rather than just a normal, if a little brash, person. If the character does eventually reject a leadership role, try to explain why they would not be leaping for the opportunity to possibly be good in that situation if they have been dead set on being a leader for good. It's almost silly to see some stories try their hardest to get someone into power by swearing a bunch of oaths to do good as it makes the story read like author thinks the readers are idiots and if the audience doesn't see that the main character is definitely only in it for good; it almost is a red flag that most likely the character failed to show that they've been making actual good actions that a good person makes rather than randomly good actions that a chaotic stupid good character makes.
Anyways I hope you have fun writing the story, honestly you don't have to worry about my advice too much if you just want to get a story that you like.
This story has a promising start, but you need a copy editor. There are lots of words that should be capitalized which aren't, and even some words that are capitalized when they shouldn't be. Additionally, I don't think you used any apostrophes anywhere. And your verb tenses are inconsistent. You should go through the whole chapter again and make corrections before you post a new chapter.
That said, after you make those corrections for things like capitalization, punctuation, and verb tense, then I think you have a good story here.
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Original ones owner contacted me so I changed it
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Yeah I have that problem when typing. I’ll be sure to clean it up a bit.
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Thanks for the advice I’ll be sure to take it into account. Not looking to make Verris into a saint. Mistakes, bad decisions, and personal interests will get in his way. Or at least I’ll try to write it that way.
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Hopefully you can get those corrections made before the new chapter. If I catch any later, I'll let you know. I only get aggressive with correcting typos when the story behind them is engaging. Speaking of which, did he reincarnate as the dead griffon whose grave he looted? Will it eventually be explained where his food, money, and supplies came from? Or by what method his death led to ending up in Equestria? (Possibly Discord, as is often the case with human-to-Equestria stories?)
GASP! a story with the main character as a griffon....so rare... i look forward to more.
It's finally harvesting season! Let us drink from their skulls!
Yo, if you need an editor, just ask.
I have high hope for this please don't drop it if you get stuck at parts of the story pm readers for help . even me!!
good world building and start for now will be intresting how dis progress with truble and allies he will collekt to become a leader
im half expecting him to wake up tired up and be sold into slavery, never give your sword to strangers
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:D
I'll be honest the main reason why I looked at this story was the cover art. That is an amazing image and I hope this story captures the same amount of detail.
Congratz, ya got featured. 4/10/2020
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the power of a goood cover image
Well, I'm happy that you are still creating stuff, but somewhat upset that it's not that "Rise of the Roman Empire" story. Oh well, this will do.
But really, just keep doing you man/whatever.
I knew this would come eventually. Long have I waited, and now Bannerlord shall take over everything! Anyway.
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Yep empire ftw btw
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Definitely, which Empire? Southern Empire! Wooh! I have wiped out dozens of clans, to serve my Empire, to bring it success! Also this inspired me to write a Bannerlord fic ( which i was planning to, but... well rewriting takes a lot of motivation. )
Ah, a Mount and Blade inspired story....yesh
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I doubt that someone who wants to be like these three: Alejandro, César, Gengis, can be an angel (sorry for my english)
I think a rhapsody of fire song would be perfect for something like this.
aaaaaaaand the master Sir Christopher Lee as the narrator
Shit you have Bannerlord? I swore that I would not buy the game until I conquered all of Calradia in Warband. But I chose the Nords, nobody wants to fight, BUT I'm already far enough that my investments and businesses pay for my holds and 100+ army, so I REALLY don't want to restart.
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the road to hell is paved with good intentions
I am very much so looking forward to this continuing. Hope you have great luck in your writing and all other endeavors.
I can’t wait for more. Gryphon squad!
"in the" tbh very little in the ways of mistakes, but at times it gets confusing but thats just me being tired i think.
question about this, is his new body based off the fitness of his old body? or does he get an average gryphon body?
It's harvesting season!
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Old Body
I’m enjoying this
A problem using a wall for protection against enemies who can fly is that they CAN fly. I did see where you addressed that matter by having someone comment that the villagers have bows ready, but that only points out another problem about fighting enemies who can fly: whoever holds the high ground has the advantage.
Of course, you’ve ended this debate with a classic cliffhanger where the enemy has taken hostages, not giving the hero any good choices, now. This story shows promise.
DO NOT FUCKING QUIT THIS SHIT YOU DAM CUNT !!!!!
My man , ya need an editer to fine tune your words
They're good. Would be a smooth read if ya had someone to right some of the words.
Love it
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Flying takes a lot of energy compared to walking. Why do you think birds always walk when they can? Forcing the enemy to fly means their going to be expending more energy to get to you and have lesss to fight with.
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Yeah I do I just don’t know anyone who can .
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Well calm down sir.
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Griffons can walk on clouds, too, remember?