• Member Since 26th Sep, 2018
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Deergenerate


هذا الحساب برعاية أساطير الظل الغارة

Comments ( 87 )

You’re missing the anthropomorphic tag

hum, looks promising looking forward what you will come up with this.

um what does the acronym stand for exactly and should I be concerned that sounding it out makes it sound like an African swear word?

God! Am I loving this story :trollestia:

10064338
If you can list what's so confusing about it I would be happy to help clear it up :twilightsmile:

Ell

Interesting

10064293
Don't you hate it when your comments don't get a response?

10064293
The Acronym stands for: Cadance is A Fucking Retard.

10108226
Dominant gays who prefer to be on the bottom rather than top.

Just saw this and would love to see a pony dom version to much Zebra dom

10109182
Oh believe me.

There is gonna be ponydom. Lots of it XD

Ell

I must say, this must be the only time i love cuckolding as a fetish, bravo

Hum, interesting turn of events, keep it up.

10158320
How you look commenting that on a story you clearly refuse to read without giving any criticism on how to make things better:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7y4jMKl9K0

I wonder how guilty To'Achuu actually feels. He didn't just help destroy Shining's life, after all, but the thing he's doing here? What looks like helping? Well, it's also massively taking advantage of a guy in deep, confused hurt.

Plus, it feels like something shady is going on when EVERYONE is suddenly gay, including the guy who had, up until this moment, no hints at all he would be. Spike at least had a mention of swinging both ways.

10158374
not til they stop fuckin occurring like this
cuckoldry and zebradom need to die

10158333
sorry
i reserve criticism for things that can be improved
this is too far gone to be improved, except by deletion
and i reserve reading for the good stories, i.e. not this one
but if you want my criticisms, i can give you them in 3 simple words:
1. zebradom
2. cuckoldry
3. anthro
ooh, i forgot one
4. striped

10158453
If you read this story you know it features no cuckoldry (that tag might get removed) and the zebradom occurs for only one character in the story - Thorax.
Don't comment on things you know nothing about silly billy :twilightsmile:

10158457
see, it's funny you think that makes it better
it doesn't
the fact that it happens at all is a massive issue here
and i'll say again:
zebradom and all it entails needs to be dragged out behind the shed and shot in the back of the head

10158448
1. I'll be sure To'Achuu's feelings are brought up next chapter. There's obviously a lot to unpack there. This chapter and the following two occur immediately after chapter 3 in the canon of things. There's a rush of things, so we'll slow down the next time we're with these two and have a discussion.
2. The reason for contagious gayness is a mixture of mass orientation-play and the implication that they're just that good. Of course, we'll touch on the fact not everyone succumbed to the zebra's charms we just got enthusiastic about the scale. We'll reel it back some.

10158456
1. The Zebras are not domineering chads wanting to take over the planet and fuck every mare in existence, they are cute femboys who Cadance Stereotyped because she is an idiot.
2. There is no cuckoldry in this story. The character who WANTED to cuck her husband was arrested for it.
3. Shut the fuck up about Anthro you Equestria Girls apologist.

How you look for not reading the story and acting like a 6-year-old who can't read:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7y4jMKl9K0

You are a clown

10158473
nope
not til this either undergoes a FUCKMASSIVE overhaul or gets deleted

10158476
anthro is for fucking retards who don't understand that humanized exists
or for furries in denial

10158483
Why don't you undergo a massive overhaul bud and stop getting so angry over nothing? You're not entitled, and you're not special. :rainbowlaugh:

10158486
Thank you for turning the comments of my story into a knife fight.
You are SUCH a great person who I 100% respect for voicing your opinions.
Please, keep commenting, I am SURE that will make you look like a better person.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7y4jMKl9K0

Eldorado
Moderator

10158490
10158491
Just felt I'd point out the fact that a block feature exists on Fimfiction.

Nice chapter. I like the little heart to heart between shinning and achoo. Especially the joke at the end. I hope this story continues as I wonder where it will go after Spike and thorax respective chapters. This really is a nice twist on the whole zebra take over genre if you can call it that. Any way. That’s all I want to say right now. Until next time

Whilst I don't think this is as strong as previous chapters I think as a whole this story is fantastic! I can't wait to read what happens next.

10158470
To be honest, I don't even get the impression that To'Achuu is a bad person. However, he's done some really, really questionable things, and even if he's not the worst in this story (That would be Cadance, who is a whole other can of worms), it shouldn't be ignored how manipulative and two-faced he's been through all of this.

Heck, he and his Zebra fellows were unbelievably lucky so far. Not just with Cadance inviting them in and acting, frankly, completely insane, but also in how little backlash they got during the end stage of his plan. A plan which, at its core, saw him reveal to the current prince the princess's madness in the worst possible way, and hopefully not have said prince, who is a frightfully powerful mage capable of holding back an army by himself, wipe the floor with To'Achuu afterwards.

10160099

he's done some really, really questionable things

it shouldn't be ignored how manipulative and two-faced he's been through all of this

As I said before these things will be brought up again. The only reason they haven't is due to how immediate the events of the latest chapter occur after chapter 3. To'Achuu has, on two occasions, been labelled a risk-taker. First by Hajaa in chapter 3 and by self-admittance in chapter 4. He is motivated by his people but he does care for Shining - at least from what we've seen of him up to this point - but he hasn't had the opportunity to really console Shining about everything that has occurred nor has he really given him a chance to catch his breath. A way this situation can be observed is that he's trying to the minimalist risk and guarantee that the nation's most powerful mage - behind Cadance - isn't a threat to them. Shining had to be broken to ensure this, even if To'Achuu tried repeatedly to soften the blow by acts of kindness and is trying to be a sincere friend to the unicorn. Originally chapter 4 would have contained a sex scene but Deer correctly pointed out that Shining wouldn't be ready for such an act. I might want to make this another focus point, later on, I'll have to discuss it with Deer. Overall I wouldn't say he was being two-faced per se but he certainly kept his wife's motives hidden from him, which I'm sure he'll apologise for profusely the next time we see them.

Heck, he and his Zebra fellows were unbelievably lucky so far. Not just with Cadance inviting them in and acting, frankly, completely insane, but also in how little backlash they got during the end stage of his plan. A plan which, at its core, saw him reveal to the current prince the princess's madness in the worst possible way, and hopefully not have said prince, who is a frightfully powerful mage capable of holding back an army by himself, wipe the floor with To'Achuu afterwards.

Hajaa did highlight their luckiness in chapter 3 and To also acknowledged the level of danger that came with every decision he made. Even in chapter 1 (2? Not the prologue), the disbelief on the zebras was obvious. Again, due to how quickly chapter 4 occurs after the coup/takeover, we haven't yet seen the backlash. We can see To'Achuu taking measures by asking Shining to be the 'face'. At this point, the people who are aware of this having happened at all is everyone present in the throne room. News will, however, inevitably spread - that's just common sense. Whilst I do not picture the ramifications of this to be seen next chapter, we will see a taste in the one after that. What exactly would be spoiling but we have given it some thought, we're just considering implementation.

Thank you for being so interested in the story that you'd ask questions about the plot like this. It's engaging and only helps encourage me (and Deer, assuredly) to write more. If you have any more that won't force me to spoil I'll be happy to answer them (or Deer will, if he sees.) :twilightsmile:

For what it's worth this has rapidly become one of my favorite works. Eager to see more 👍

10160145
I'm glad you like it. :twilightsmile: People liking it makes writing it worthwhile. Thank you.

10160137
All true. The characters around To'Achuu have done a good job explaining it so far. Including wondering what they're even doing away from their homeland, when it seems he's going to recreate the same system here that they left behind in the first place.

As for To'Achuu being two-faced... it's debatable, at least. It does seem like he likes to twist words around when it suits him. He denies having taken anything from Shining Armor, but just a few moments before he'd said he took over his country, and mentioned Cadance, his (now) ex-wife. Arguably, that does constitute 'something'. And even if he's doing it with the best of intentions, it's clear he's doing it to an emotionally highly-vulnerable person.

“What’s income tax?”

Only the most evil thing in all of existence

Grats on the new cover art. That's pretty amazing!

10158333
This is absolutely great! I really really look forward for more. Given that the person in question has 0 stories (I know I do, but I do most of my writing in forums and on discord in multi paragraph form in ERP), I think they are just a sour troll. They also seem to not know where their shift key is, except for the word "FUCKMASSIVE" that they somehow figured out how to capitalize. Either way, you are now my favorite writer with this story. I am now hooked and will be following it, because I absolutely love the wonderful little twist, and I love the way you write the relationships forming.

10203099
Deer has yet to reply to this but I would guess that I mirror his sentiments. Your appraisal is much appreciated. The relationship-side of things is something we are both particularly fond of. Of the three major pairings, his favourite is Spike and Hajaa whilst mine is Spike and Dansaar. This has lead to an awkward position where Shining and To'Achuu comes across as less-developed as a result but we will rectifying the shortcomings there in upcoming chapters. Aside from that, I'm happy you're enjoying the fic.

This is excellent. I am guessing we have Spike and Dansaar next? Either way, very much looking forward to the continuation. You wrote Hajaa and Thorax very well. I am glad to hear that Shining and To'Achuu will be more developed, but then again considering the situation it makes a lot of sense that they would be given how much time was taken just to getting Shining to understand the situation, and what To'Achuu needs from him.

I especially loved the clothes being torn off of Thorax, and how gentle he was removing the briefs. I am curious as to what lurid acts we will be privy to, or how the public that wasn't at the event takes it, given that Spike, and Cadence were involved suggests that someone will investigate what is going on, likely Twilight and company. If not, that is ok, but if the story lasts long, that will have to be addressed, but at least Shining Armor will be able to try and smooth things over, Cadence will have to be dealt with, after all, she was princess before her betrayal.

I am genuinely shocked by how much I'm enjoying these characters and the story. Amazing.

10358822
Thank you ^^

That honestly means alot to hear, me and Jackelope put alot of work into each and every chapter of this, so hearing that people like it really makes our day :)

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