• Member Since 23rd Aug, 2018
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semillon


sem ee yawn

T
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Since Gallus moved back to Griffonstone after ending his career with the Royal Guard, he’s paved a decent life for himself. He’s been charged with spreading the message and lessons of friendship throughout the village, which usually amounts to beating the other griffons over the head with common sense. 

But one day, he snaps out of a haze. He realizes that griffons don't have as many problems with each other anymore, infrastructure is being built at an impossibly fast rate, and industry is flourishing on all sides.

And as good as that sounds, there's something malicious lurking behind this new age of prosperity.

Something bad is happening, and whatever it is, it’s affecting everyone else too. As Griffonstone grows, the other nations on the continent are getting worse, and it’s all connected.

Gallus, along with the rest of his old friends, are the only ones who can stop it, and considering that the last time they were all in the same place was three years ago, and it resulted in a bar fight and a lot of tears, none of them are in for a good time.


This story assumes that the epilogue at the end of the series takes place 10 years into the future.

Many of my chapters are edited by the wonderful Miller Minus and Jack of a Few Trades . I'm very grateful for them and I wouldn't be the same without them.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 119 )

Can't wait to see where you take this.

This sounds rather interesting. Tracking.

Very interesting! I was just gonna add this to my Read Later liste, but something just...caught me in the description, and I'm glad I gave this the look it deserves. Excited to see where this setup leads!

This is great.

Mad love for the story so far!

This story's premise is super intriguing and the first chapter completely sold me on it. Looking forward to more!

you certainly have me hooked with this first chapter
what's the update schedule if there is one?

A fascinating, brutal beginning. I'm eagerly waiting to see where this goes!

I think the epilogue is WAY more than ten years, if only because the Mane 6 look significantly older. I'd put it at about twenty.

I enjoyed reading this first part and I'm glad to read someone else has a 'vision' for Griffonstone too! Please continue with this.:twilightsmile:

9884491
I've tried rationalizing it according to the canon ages that everyone appears, but it didn't make much sense when I thought about it.

The Mane 6 are old enough to be going gray even though they were like, late-twenties at the most at the end of show, so that suggests at least thirty years forward. Pound and Pumpkin look like they're fully grown adults, but the CMC are just grown adults as well even though they're at least ten years older than the Cake twins. The Young 6 are also simply adults, despite being at least five years older than the CMC. And Flurry, from her stained glass window, appears to be either a teenager or an adult as well. That all suggests ten or twenty years, but why are the Mane 6 so old-looking if that's the case? The timelines don't match up very cleanly—I think the character designs at the end were just to clearly portray that it was many years later, and it's all just speculation anyway—so I kind of decided to just impose what I wanted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I considered slapping an Alt. Universe tag on the story, but decided not to. Maybe I should have.

9884302
No update schedule but I have the story outlined and a few chapters in editing—I'm not gonna be running from this any time soon.

This has got me hooked! Such an interesting premise, and so many questions!

Why is poor Gallus having a panic attack? What happened to his wings? Why does he have such an adverse reaction to ponies? Why is he back in Griffonstone?

Can’t wait for more of my big blue burb :rainbowwild:

Alrighty, so now that I've gotten a proper read-through done, let's talk a little about this.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this story, honestly. The writing quality is solid, particularly in the use of descriptive language. You have a penchant for using flavorful, interesting words in just the right places to evoke vivid images, and that tasty prose is definitely a strong suit for you. Keep that shit up, my dude.

On the other hand, a lot of this didn't make sense to me immediately. The premise is simple enough, but little things in the story don't quite add up. Why did Gilda tell him to avoid Gertrude? Why did Gertrude suddenly refer to Gallus as a "friend" even though she's clearly a level-headed individual and she's only known him for less than an hour? What was with the unexplained fear Gallus felt toward the end?

See, I would like to write these details off as mysteries to be revealed at a later date, but the story doesn't seem to treat them as such. The narrative seems to include these peculiar details as if they were totally innocuous and just part of regular, everyday life for Gallus. Nothing to dwell on, nothing out of the ordinary other than the break-in. It's kind of a tough issue to nail down, but in moments like that, it feels like the narrative doesn't explain itself well enough.

Also this happened.

“Do you want to come inside?”

“I’ll wait for you out here.”

“I’ll try,” said Gallus, and then he closed the door gently.

Gallus, that was the most awkward thing I think I've ever heard.

Overall, I'm intrigued, but I'm also a little weirded out by some of the narrative choices. In spite of that, it's still a solid start, and I'm watching with interest!

Ri2

9884491
I read a story where Rarity was dying her mane gray to look 'distinguished,' so who can say?

Hmm.


...yeah, that's all I got currently. :twilightblush: It's a good "hmm" though, so...there's that. So we'll see how this goes. :twilightsmile:

CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!

gives me a feel for old noir detective novels as well as hints of lovecraftian style detective work splashed in. I am very intrigued to see where this story leads.

this chapter just oozes a feeling of subtle wrongness
this feels like the first act of a thriller story tbh

Pharynx’s songs

I...what? I assume that's songs sung by someone playing the role of Pharynx and not songs sung by Pharynx himself, because the statement "Pharynx singing" seems like an oxymoron. :rainbowlaugh:

In other news...things are happening. I...am not totally sure what things are happening, but I can be certain they're important things, so...stay tuned? :derpytongue2:

At any rate, the mystery deepens.

So many questions I want answered. So many things that just felt like they'd receive an explanation in due course. I'm very very excited with where this is going.

Let me guess: The main villain is that thing the Young Six were fighting in that stained glass window in the final episode.

“Birds are dumb,” he said. “They’re weird, and they have scary, unfeeling eyes, and you don’t get to call us birds just because we look like birds, and share genetic similarities to birds, and eat worms sometimes. No griffon likes birds. That’s not an exaggeration. Zero griffons like birds. We all hate them. Like, a lot. The only thing that they’re good for is dinner.

I have feelings, Gallus.

I am absolutely enthralled. The creeping horror and dread is really well crafted, to the point that I was shrinking down nervously as I read it. I cannot wait to keep reading this story!

Hmm. The mystery deepens. Definitely some sort of elaborate conspiracy going on in Griffonstone, involving some serious magic as well, and not the good kind. :twilightoops:

...and more not good things. Not good things for everybody now, it seems. :twilightoops:

Oh no! My poor Gallus!

Got to say, I really didn’t expect the Resident Evil vibes coming from this fic. It’s a really pleasant surprise and I am hooked!

Can’t wait for more :twilightsmile:

Uhhhh...what in the hell??? Things are starting to get uh...capital D Dark, and fast.

First time in a long time I’ve been spellbound to a horror story, and this one is the horror-iest!

I’ve often imagined what a modern Griffonstone would look like, and seeing one described like this is breathtaking. In chapter one. More recently, it’s been reminding me of Dishonored: Death of the Outsider, where parts of the world start flickering in and out of view because they do, have, could have, or should have existed. Or maybe when you’re trapped in a simulation and are finding inconsistencies. That’s my sense when Gallus feels something is just wrong.

And that scene with Gabby. I was so genuinely afraid of reading further, because I had no idea where you were going with it. THAT’S the hallmark of a good story! Just reading all this has got my creative juices flowing; I can imagine a ton of directions this story might head!

This is intelligently written, well structured and has many exciting mysteries, questions, and side stories about the past. This is every bit as enthralling as reading a story by H.P. Lovecraft - but even better, because I actually care about the characters - and I await each new installment with baited breath!

Oh darn. I was hoping that what those smugglers Silverstream caught were smuggling would be Gallus. Because, y'know, that'd be a heck of a set-up for an unexpected reunion. Plus, it'd be a good way for him to get into the country all under-the-radar like. But I guess there is that whole legality issue to contend with... :rainbowlaugh:

Though, all things considered, it might not have made a difference in the end. Clearly someone...or I suppose something...is out to get him. :twilightoops:

This will be interesting

I am both excited and terrified of the reunion. Can't wait for more!

You've really have my attention now. Lovecraftian horror isn't something I'm well versed in admittedly but this feels like it fits that billing quite well. I'm just itching to see how the other characters are faring in this, erm, future? and how the HHQNRN (Hippogriff Navy) deals with that Leviathan.

I'm not much for commenting, rarely do, but I am because I can't like this story enough. It's great, mysterious and lovecraftian. But I like the characterization of everyone even more. This is becoming one of my favorites very quickly.

This continues to be really, really good. I loved Silver's seemingly unintentionally-forced optimism. The part about the textbook, and especially the direct text as read from it was incredibly well done: I forgot for more than a few moments that you didn't have anything you were actually quoting from. You really captured the voice of Twilight via textbook.

...and she didn’t remind him too much of Sandbar. That earned her bonus points with him.

:raritycry: that's fine. This isn't tragic at all.

The supernatural threaded through this is really enticing. The threatening (the storm, the sunken horror) and the beneficial (the amulet, the magic in every creature) create a very interesting balance to the world you're crafting.

So Glad you're back to publishing more of this.

It's going to be a long road to friendship recovery

Good heavens, just what did happen between these six...I mean, we're getting clues, enough that I can start to speculate, but...still a lot of critical blanks in there... :fluttershysad:

Oh, he did NOT just eat another dudes ice cream!

Pine Needle Barrens

Does the Equestrian Devil live there?

10035113
And he had the tendency to burp very loudly afterwards. -_-

By the Six, I Hate It. I hate the way each new chapter eats at my psyche, driving me to consume it in a single sitting, a fevered intensity in my brain. I hate how much I love discovering each terrible, dark layer of pain that gets unveiled piece by piece. I hate how much I need to find out what happens next.

I think Silver, Terramar, and Gallus are all really well written and totally believable and sympathetic characters. I loved the oddball ice cream parlor and the way even that spark of joy failed to ease the burden of shared shame, anger, and regret.

tl;dr: Thanks, I hate it!

Oh god. I was snuggling a Gallus plushie and I literally threw him across the room after reading certain sections of this chapter. He’s so mean! :raritycry:

But honestly, this story so far has been a masterpiece. Great work. A gigantic mystery with multiple facets: past, present, future. Answers masterfully drip-fed, each only opening up more questions.

I just LOVE your characterization of Silverstream, of how she acts vs how she feels. How she handles all of the stresses of the situation around her. And the adorable ice cream parlor is a nice touch.

Can’t wait for more :twilightsheepish:

Fuck you, Gallus.

Just...

Fuck you.

My heart hurts. This chapter was a very difficult read, but I couldn’t pull myself away. I need answers. I *crave* to know what set all this off. Forget the mystery in Griffonstone, how did things turn so intensely sour that Gallus doesn’t even try to fake pleasantries?

I’m perplexed and confuzzled, and kind of raw. Can’t wait to see what comes next!

Loved the chapter.

I am loving the story and wait with bated breath for he next chapter

So whoever our baddie is, they've got seriously good connections with other baddies to be constantly throwing them at our heroes like this. I had hoped that Silverstream and the crew of her ship would be spared another attack like this, but deep down I sort of knew that wasn't happening. I just hope it doesn't end like the last attack had... :rainbowderp:

In other news, slowly starting to piece together just what the heck had happened between Gallus and friends. Not that's much better news, but it does help to slowly clear things up.

10080406
Perhaps Gallus is the villain? It was implied he killed Smolder, but I could be wrong. I thought he was an asshole in the last chapter, but now, he's freaking evil! I didn't know his character could be flanderized THIS bad!

10080430
Personally? I highly doubt it's as straightforward as probably what either of us might think currently. :twilightoops:

Those kelpies are scaaaaaary, man. Like, deeply horrifying.

10080430 I wouldn't call it flanderized, not by a long shot. This story has made it abundantly clear that there was some DARK shit happening. Everyone got scarred for life by what went down years ago. Not to mention that Gallus didn't kill Smolder. He killed a kelpie that was manipulating his memories to eat him. He did not murder Smolder in cold blood years ago while she tried to console him over everything that happened. He's become extremely jaded and cynical, pretty hateful, but he isn't a murderer.

So it's the work of kelpies, manipulating their thoughts and minds. I'm still kinda leaning towards parallel universes being the major plotpoint, even though new developments are nudging me away from that theory.

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