• Member Since 29th Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen August 26th

Jay Bear v2


"I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards." -- Garth Marenghi

T

Campfire tales never scare Gallus. After surviving life alone in Griffonstone and a year of challenges at the School of Friendship, it’d take way more than hearing “The Olden Pony” again to get his heart racing.

But Silverstream’s monster story isn’t like other campfire tales. As Gallus and his friends listen to each revelation and twist, an unshakable urge possesses him: sink to the bottom of the ocean.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 39 )

Interesting look at Gallus' life in Griffonstone, so far.

9235161
I got some inspiration from your Carnivored. :yay: Hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

OOoh, a Gallus Story! And one that'll regularly update! Sign me up.

9237552
Thank you for the favorite! I’m in the US, so my Tuesdays and Thursdays may end up as early Wednesdays and Fridays for some folks, but I’ll stick to the schedule.

Knowing when the next chapter is going to come out is both a blessing and a curse.

The death tag scares me tbh.

9243798
Pretty sure the Death Tag is for the Hippogriffs who got eaten during Silverstream's story.

9245918
Oh okay, thanks for that.

Dude, I totally dig this. The Gallus/Sandbar thing is super cute and the non-linear storytelling is executed pretty well.
Can't wait for more.

9245918
9243798
Without spoiling the rest of the story, I think them being drowned are sufficient for a Death and Violence tags. Some people can be badly affected by reading about those kinds of subjects, so I tend to err on the side of tagging even if it’s a borderline case.

9247804
Thank you, and I’m glad you like the Gallus/Sandbar parts! The idea for the non-linear structure came from another sea-horror story I read (Fodder’s Jig by Lee Thomas, which unfortunately isn’t online), so I’m also glad to hear it’s working.

9245918
Well, they never found the bodies which in fiction usually means something fishy, pun not intended.

9249144
Hm, do you ship it or is it just a bro moment in your mind?

It looks like I’ll have to post the next (and final) update on Friday 10/26 US time. Sorry about the delay, y’all!

9250957
Heh, it just so happens a good part of tonight’s chapter is a flashback about them on Hearts and Hooves Day. That said, this is a horror and shipping story which, so far, has been heavy on the shipping and ephemeral on the horror. No guarantees about where they go from here.

*checks clock* God damnit, a Cliffhanger... Still amazing though, but now I have to wait till Saturday.

Solid end, dude. I'll admit, I was a little skeptical as to how you'd tie everything up with just a few more chapters, but you did pretty well. I know the story says complete but I'd love to see more of the aftermath of this, and I definitely would like to see more Young Six stories from you.

Damnit, that ending... I can only say wow. I was expecting a stereotypical ending, but geez. Amazing.

9255468
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!

9255305
Thank you! I am interested in writing more Young Six stories, although it might be a while before I come up with a sequel/followup to this story.

I shrugged. We’d told the fillies we were a couple during registration. They’d cooed and begged for all the cutesy details…and then confessed that they had no idea what to teach a couple.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Yaoi Fangirls, yay!

Snippets about Cozy Glow and not testing animatronics filtered through in snippets.

That's some strange sentence. A lot of snippets in it.

9257773

That's some strange sentence. A lot of snippets in it.

Argh, that’s what I get for tweaking right before posting. Thanks for catching it.

I love the shipping subplot! I think those 2 go well together!

9386845
Gallbar is an adorable ship, and I felt bad for sticking them in this horror story. One of these days I’m going to write a cute, drama-free one-shot for them.

Hit damn.

This is amazing as all hell.

9414697
Glad you enjoyed it! And thank you for watching and the favorite.

9415998
Your welcome lol.

I hope we get more out of Gallus and the group from ya lol

9416006
The young six are really fun to write, so I’m absolutely writing more stories with them. Hopefully I’ll have something in good enough shape to post in a few weeks.

Well this story is off to a very interesting start!

So I take it Squirk appears in this story?

9566262
Haha, I’d never heard of Squirk before! And I thought Tirek was a crazy G1 villain.

This is actually very good. Never thought I'd see a horror story and a romance tied together by a common theme and character. And yet, it all works. Having Yona turn into a sunfish was a nice touch.

I don't why, but I feel that this song fits this chapter, or maybe the final half of this chapter, or the third act of this chapter. I don't know, please someone tell me if I'm right or just crazy!

10110718
I don’t think you’re crazy, I can hear it too (for whatever my opinion’s worth :pinkiecrazy:). Now I wanna play some Transistor, though.

10111906
YESSSSSS!
I think it might have to do with the fact that in the game, this song plays during an Almost death scene, kind of like what happens in this story.
Come to think of it, "In Circles" might fit somewhere in this story too, as it has a common theme of a failed romance that couldn't be salvaged.

Damn, this was so god damn good! I didn't expect romance and horror could blend together so well! I'm kinda bummed there was no mo'ster or ghosts but the story is so good it becomes unimportant :D

This story makes stellar use of mythology and a positively phenomenal use of atmosphere that had me pouncing on every next chapter. The dive into first person and interpersonal romance issues between Sandbar and Gallus were absolutely visceral. Numerous clever elements from everything as small as water effecting Silverstream’s body language to the historical ties of the myths litter this story.

That said, I have two nitpicks with the ending. The first is that I can’t tell exactly what outcome you’re suggesting. We had very really evidence that the monster seemed to be there before full unreliable narrator Gallus took hold, then Silver and Sandbar show up with a necklace to keep Gallus from drowning. My question is, does Gallus maul Sandbar and the latter remains alive after the line where he whimpers? Or am I right to believe that with the explicit use of the word viscera and the death tag that Gallus accidentally killed him, hence the remarks about not being able to be healed? If the former situation is present and Sandbar has survived, exactly what type of injuries has he been given? I can tell that aside from being a literal bloody mess, his face is noted to be hurt. Yet, when you say he can’t be healed, is this referring to the non-physical trauma that Sandbar has gone through here, since I’m not sure how a world with healing magic and a character with direct connection to god-like beings, friendship princesses, the Elements of Harmony, and maybe toss the Crystal Empire’s royal family in there, would not be able to be healed physically.

My second gripe is that the sudden uncertainty over how the ending played out and the fact that the story ends before it can give one last clarifying gut-punch knocked me off how much I was eating this up. I suddenly ended up being very confused from having to guess which ending might have happened instead of soaking up the story. It admittedly doesn’t help make this story totally effectively haunting that we don’t get a peek of the aftermath and the long-term consequences of the events that transpired here, be it death or a savage attack.

While the first batch baked, I asked him, “Have I ever thanked you for everything you’ve done for me?”
His chest puffed out. “Not that I remember.”
“Good.” I turned back to the fire. “So I don’t have to take it back now.”
That got me another ear yank. At least I earned it that time.

Got me giggling in the midst of feeling bad for him.

Ooh I do love me some tragic lover tales.

Comment posted by TheEsoteric deleted April 30th
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