• Member Since 7th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

RockstarRaccoon


She's right you know, Pony Should Pony Pony! | Raccoon Feeders get chapters early.

Sequels1

E

[Dramatic Character Study of the Young Six]
[Endcap for The Hearth's Warming Club]

A month after Gallus' attempt to delay the other students from leaving instead of just telling them his problem, Fluttershy decides to hold a special session on sharing your feelings with your friends. What follows is a series of confessions and discussions by the students about the things that bother them.


This is me experimenting with Slice of Life and Drama, which I've always felt was a place I needed practice. This idea went through my head after watching The Hearth's Warming Club, and I finally decided to sit down and write it so y'all would have something for the Hearth's Warming season, AND because there's not enough of the Young Six, who have become some of my favorite characters in the show.

Trigger Warning: May Contain Feels.

As this story hit 100 likes in 3 days, a sequel is now being planned.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 74 )

I only just now realized we've never seen a king of the Hippogriffs...

9314771
HEH HEH HEH... Yeah, if Novo has a daughter named Skystar, and she's the age she seems... Then where's her father? Shouldn't he still be around? I mean, it's not like anything happened recently where he might've died...

...Oh wait.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

My problem is a strong yearning for death.

Also the fact this isn't featured.

9314781
I don't doubt it either, just like what I think is the most likely reason Princess Amore wasn't in the Crystal Empire when it returned after King Sombra's curse. Would further explain Silverstream's fear of the Storm King.

Anyway, I was feeling a bit down earlier today but reading a story with Fluttershy in it helped cheer me up a bit.

9314790
I had the same feeling with my LAST seasonal fic, but if people keep reading and upvoting it, it should be up there by morning...

9314796
According to the comics, Princess Amore wasn't there because Sombra petrified her, shattered the statue, and scattered the pieces to the far ends of the planet when he took the throne.

9314807
Well, comics aren't canon coz they also depicted the Dazzlings' banishment differently than in Shadow Play. Physics work differently there too - Sombra implies Amore was still alive in that state, while if this held true in the show, Twilight wouldn't have had to save Luna and Tempest from being shattered when they were turned to stone and about to fall. (That's in addition to dragons and lava, and whether it's possible to lasso the moon, as well as Sombra being redeemable, not to mention issues with itself in that the Crystal Heart only banished the other Umbrum where it's fatal to Sombra)

Perhaps in show canon he did do the same thing, but it killed her outright. (Or maybe it did in the comics too but Radiant Hope could revive her with all the pieces as she did with him through his horn and ghost, which btw ghosts are stated by Twilight to not be canon in the show)

Damn, that ending.

I thought the song was fitting.

9314880
Originally, I made it happy and hopeful, like, he'd get over it. But then I realized that that wouldn't be honest: even at 27 years old, it hasn't gone away.

9314930
Something tells me he's killed.
I'm probably wrong, though.

Comment posted by RockstarRaccoon deleted Nov 26th, 2018

9314951
Uh, not within the context of this story...

9315174
Bam! Feels! Right between the eyes!

9314800
I doubt it will get featured. And it'd be a huge shame too. This is one of the better fics I've read this month.

9315386
Ahem... Featured! :D

9315413
Yaaaayyy! Yaaaayyy! Yaaaayyy!! :derpytongue2:

I like it, but I think Gallus is a little too much of a dick at the beginning, felt it would have worked more he had started out fine then as everyone started opening up we would start getting more hostile knowing that it’s probably gunna be his turn soon.
Still was pretty good and I am always a fan of sad Fallus, the poor bastard.

Ri2

How old IS Novo, anyway?

And this was very, very sad. Well done.

9315593
I thought about that too, but I decided that it was better to have both him and Smolder being rude early on, so that the real contrast was that she stopped by the end, rather than have him suddenly become rude. If you notice, he doesn't really make fun of anyone but Fluttershy and Sandbar, which is part of why him referring to Sandbar saying he has something to share as "first world problems" is kind of poignant: Gallus is from a fail state, basically the third world, while Fluttershy and Sandbar are the only characters from a currently modernized nation. (Yona and Smolder are from nations which never developed, Ocellus and Silverstream are from nations which recently went through major upheavals they haven't recovered from)

9315635
Considering Novo was apparently very close with Celestia, and that contact with the hippogriffs was lost so long ago that ponies don't remember them, I'd say at least a century. She's clearly immortal, although that puts a snag in my current headcanon that Celestia and Luna are postmenopausal, (they have to be, if they are anything like earth animals) although, she might have used magic to bypass biology.

Anyway, glad everypony is liking this.:twilightsmile:

MJP

what's Gallus' problem...

MAAAAAAAATH!

9315712
Heh, the best part is he's in private remedial math.

Also, I made this the other day...
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/487290021007851520/514526364683075585/RainbowEatingDirt.gif

Ri2

9315697
If Novo is immortal...what's that mean for Skystar?

9315757
Dunno. Maybe somepony should write a fanfic about it. :V

9315767
Thank you for volunteering. :D

9315775
Oh, definitely not me. No interest in writing that here whatsoever.
*Goes back to writing Displaced into Nothing*

I wanna hug the bird now :fluttercry:

9315970
Gallustopia needs hugs.

9315697
I see where your coming from it just seemed a bit too cruel for him, especially since your description says after the hearts warming episodes where the whole point of him revealing himself cos he hated seeing them all fighting. I think I would be inclined to like this more if this was early days Gallus but then of course they wouldn’t know about his upbringing yet

9316048
This is a good point, and it's something that I was thinking while I was writing this. As you can see though, sometimes you need to have a caveat. I think that just because gallus gets upset when the situation turns horrible because of him doesn't mean he's not going to still be rude, and just because he can act on his feelings of empathy doesn't mean he's fully bonded with his friends.

I strongly recommend a follow-up, if for no other reason than the ending felt like it...petered out.

I also grew up feeling abandoned (for rather different reasons) and it does still impact me to this day (the feeling truly never goes away, and I'm nearly twice your age. Time has helped me temper my reaction to it, but it's a constant struggle.

I'm not going to tell you how to write your fic, but I'd offer a little advice, if you're willing to take it. The group Trans-Siberian Orchestra's second album, called "The Christmas Attic," has two tracks that are mirror images of each other; The Music Box, and Music Box Blues. The lyrics are identical, word for word.

The Music Box is a very uplifting piece, describing a scene of someone sitting by a warm hearth, fondly missing someone who's absence is felt during the holiday season with a sense of hope that the target of the affections of the subject of the song will be returning home soon.

Music Box Blues is done in a minor key, and for all the style is more reminiscent of old-school jazz than rock, pop-rock, choral rock, or light metal like the rest of the album, it is unapologetically returning to rock's blues origins, and the mood of the piece is somber. You're not sure if the target of the subject's affections is even alive to return home to see the candle in the window, and there's a sense that "Christmas" just isn't Christmas with the absence of the subject's paramour. The subject of the song is doing the Christmas thing anyway, because there's power in the doing, even if the belief that the action will produce results is dead on arrival.

The metaphorical "happy ending" fic you mention not wanting in your afterward would be like if you were playing "The Music Box" for an audience. Nothing wrong with it, just very fluffy and sappy and not what you're going for, even if the lyrics are the same.

The fic I think you're going for is more like playing Music Box Blues for an audience. There's fervent strains of hope mixed in with the pain and depression, but there's no denying the song isn't a happy one.

It's as though your fic spends the entire time with an instrumental version of Music Box Blues playing in the background, only for the record needle to scratch and an acoustic version of "Creep" were to play it's final bars. Sure, the mood of the two songs is similar, but you go from having one "tune" to another very abruptly and without transition or warning.

My opinion, and you can take it for what it's worth, is that the following is where the problem lies:

This night would be a cold one...
...And there would be many, many others just like it.

If you were to take that out or change it somehow, it'd probably remove the jarring feel of the end without spoiling the overall mood you were going for.

9316108
This is somewhat confusing feedback I don't know that telling me about those songs helped me with it. I looked them up and am listening to them though. I'm surprised I didn't know which songs you were talking about because I have the album and have seen the TV special multiple times.

As I've said, ending it happy just didn't seem honest, because, as you said, it's not something you just get over in a single episode or followup fanfic. That thing I did at the end was to try and linger on that dark note, to haunt the reader a little. I see what you mean about it though: it's a bit jarring, and if I'd taken a bit longer re-working this story, I might've done something differently...

Huh. I really expected someone would have posted that Fresh Prince clip by now.

9316378
Oh look, someone recognized where I got the line from.

I really liked this story a lot! And it's nice to see it get featured. I feel like their needs to be more stories of these characters honestly.

9316579
My thoughts as well. That's why I wrote this one, and the corresponding blog post. I wanted to show people that you could get a lot of character depth out of them, so I did. Glad you appreciated it!

You really captured the feelings of the Young Six pretty well. I can see these problems being apart of them and what makes them what they are.
Great Work.

9316732
Why thank you! Glad to hear I got across what I was going for! :3

9316242
I disagree with Columbia. Having it end on that jarring note puts emphasis on how deeply painful Gallus' situation really is. Thinking just friendship alone can make it disappear is wrong and kind of callous, so the uncomfortable ending works as it kinda flies in the face of the happy go luck fantasy land the show represents.

9316777
Yeah, that's what I was going for. It's not Bad advice, because she's right that that might be a better flow, but there's always different ways you can write a story. There's always something you can improve, and it's just not worth worrying about it some point.

Part of why I've been proofreading on this site for so long but never actually wrote anything here until the past couple years is because I'm too particular about how good what I write is, so I second-guess myself until my writing slows to a crawl. I'm on a roll right now, so hopefully I can get another update of Displaced Into Nothing out while I'm slamming down these other stories. I'm sure everypony on the site will be excited for that...

Dan

That's not what agoraphobia means.

9315413
Well that's a surprise really. Maybe there is hope for this website after.

9317131
Oh wow, you're right. I should consider fixing that...

9317174
Glad you liked it: it made me happy.

9317275
Yeah, it sat just below that Apple-incest story for a whole day in terms of popularity, unlike my last holiday story, which just nopony read: this one had more likes and views in one day than The Mare in White had in a month...

Edit: Waitaminute... Over night it jumped back up. Now it's back in the featured box and above that one on the list.

9317348
Maybe people decided that a story that wasn't about incest sex actually might be a better piece of fiction. Whatever the answer, well done on getting Featured. We need more stories like this.

“Well, my family isn't originally from Ponyville, when my parents moved here for work, I didn’t know anypony. I’d had to leave all the friends I had where we used to live behind, and when I was in school, I just didn't make any new ones. I don't know why, it's not that I didn't try, it’s just... everypony else already knew each other, and I didn't know anypony. I didn't really know how to make friends with ponies I didn’t already know.”

This one honestly hit home more than any of the others. I recently started college, days' drive away from my home, and though I've started making some more friends, it's still really hard. And it seems like everyone else makes friends faster than I do, maybe because I'm such an introvert. I have a group of friends from one of my classes, but it always feels like I'm on the edge of the group... like they're all better friends with each other than they are with me. And it's not like they knew each other before (which makes everything harder)--we all met at the same time. Same with my roommates. Is there something I'm doing wrong? Is it obvious to everyone but me?

9316777
9316108
I actually thought that ending meant that this little group would keep meeting, to help Gallus work through it. Obviously this session can't fix it, and it might not ever be completely gone, but I think that with help--and regular visits like this--they can help him. But maybe that wasn't the goal?

9317440
I think we just get a bit resentful, as authors, that we create these emotional, thoughtful works, and then we look at the front page and see several slots regularly taken up by pornography. I suppose there's nothing wrong with people liking it, it might just be that it's not a pair of things which ought to be mixed like this...

9317826
I know the feeling, and yeah, it's a real problem with real pain associated with it.

9317834
Well, that wasn't my intent, but yeah, the ending was supposed to be clear that, unlike the others' problems, Gallus' doesn't really have a clear resolution: prolonged childhood trauma like that isn't something you can just work through with hugs and feelings-circles.

Your approach to the Student Six was great. While they all have a lot of potential as characters, Gallus allows for the most play for authors. I can see him having a variety of issues, due to his background. You showed his despair at being 'unwanted' very well. Your take on Yona was great. She has never come across as slow to me, and you skillfully show that having a different education, and a language barrier, does not mean that a creature is not sharp. You even made Silverstream into an relatable character in the way that you presented the pressures on her and how they were crushing her. All of your approaches to the students were great, to be honest. I will be going through the rest of your stories. I really like your writing style and want to see what else you have written.

9318613
Couldn't agree more with this guy. Or gal. Whatever gender they are. There's male or female, so it's one of the two, unless there's a third I haven't heard of. My point is their comment is right.

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