• Member Since 7th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday


Meanest little raccoon with the cutest little boots. | You Like? Join the Raccoon Feeders or buy me a kofi.


[ Gothic Horror / Ghost-Story Mystery ]

Nopony knows where she came from, or who she was.  No book describes her origin, no story of her was ever passed down, but since the it’s founding, the woods outside the seaside town of Serenity Falls have been haunted.  Nopony even knows the name of the mare who stalks the woods, all she is known as is...

The Mare In White.

“and perhaps someday, we can prove, once and for all, that there is no such thing as ghosts!”

Twilight Sparkle is about to learn that some secrets are better left covered...

Speedfic I wrote based on an idea I'd been rolling around in my, head... Just in time for Nightmare Night! I've already got this one fully written, and read a draft of it at the local fanclub's Nightmare Night party to a lot of praise. (although, granted, I run the local fanclub) I will be posting it as I proofread through it, with the intent of all chapters being up in time for the 31st.

Because people will inevitably ask... NO. This will NOT be a gorey "horror" story, where I brutally murder the ponies, just a ghost story. Remember guys, there are tags for all those things, and you should trust that I'd put them if I intended to focus on that...

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 67 )

Oh boy. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on this.

Already showing promise, tickling the Supernatural fanboy inside me with the first chapter. An upvote and a favorite for sure.

HA HA HA... *cough, cough* I'm ready for this.

Thanks! I thought it was a fun little ghost story myself. :3

This story has 2 more "Act" chapters, and then an Epilogue. I'll try and stick the next chapter up here before I go to bed tonight.

YAY GHOST STORY! I haven't felt like this has been Halloween this month until now.

Yeah, I know, right? There really aren't enough seasonally thematic stories coming out right now...

I'm not usually a fan of death of ponies and such but rather how the ghosts and skeletons tell their history of what happened to them. I'm really interested in this and I hope everyone else likes this too. Btw thanks for explaining the tag. ( °v°)

Interesting you should say that, considering the upcoming skeleton scene...

Well I do try to find stories on those but the only ones I can find is 'Blanked'. Which was really good if Applebloom didn't make it out but unfortunately it never finished.

NO. This will NOT be a gorey "horror" story, where I brutally murder the ponies, just a ghost story.

...oh, you don't always need blood and gore to make a horror story...

I know, I get really annoyed with these writers who think that horror just means you have lots of death and Gore.

Ah... Those would be slashers. Honestly, if done right, the genre can be pretty good... the thrill of the hunt, the terror of the prey, as the hunter chases them down... picking them off, one by one... until no one is left. But yes there is way more to horror than Slashers.

The death and gore isn't what makes it Horror though. It's the suspense, the creeping feeling that something is wrong, and the unease it leaves you with once it's over. Some of the best horror stories don't even feature an on-screen death, or even that level of peril, only the idea that something is very, very wrong...

I got a call from my doctor, he said the cancer was terminal. I'm sending you the medical bill, it's the least you can do.

She felt a bit guilty to be spending so much time on such a personal project when speciesism and xenophobia were still so prevalent.

Not this social justice bullshit. Just cuz they're unfamiliar with other creatures doesn't mean they hate or fear them lol.

Other than that, good story. That kinda threw me off a little bit, but the rest has been great so far.

This is foreshadowing. This is Hardcore foreshadowing. Not only for the fact that this is set right before she opens the school, but because of how this story ends.

Also not sure which show you've been watching, because ponies being racist is pretty well established...

I haven't watched since Episode 100. Don't have a lot of time anymore.


Also not sure which show you've been watching, because ponies being racist is pretty well established...

She felt a bit guilty to be spending so much time on such a personal project when speciesism and xenophobia were still so prevalent.


Is the Mare in White somepony's bride?

Well, yes, but there are details here which imply a greater backstory than was stated. Nopony got it at the Nightmare Night party, but I added a couple details, so you guys might.

Mare in White/Night Witch
angry undead cunt who murders
Serenity Falls <--
site of battle?
old light house/fort? lunar symbols
marble statue of Celestia at ghostly party, most likely wedding
possible suicide due position on the rocks
made out of moonbeams
racist? referrers Spike as a pet/child?
dead for plus 1000 years or 400 years ago?
crescent black/silver pendant
white dress/wedding gown
lost someone
a Nightmare Night story
no AU meta tags
how far into the future on MLP is this?

My guess:
Serenity, the bride who lost her groom

Where did you get 400 years from? There is nothing important in that part of the timeline. This is set in season 7, after Starlight but before the school, which isn't super relevant to the Mare. Twilight thinks about making something like the school and at the end her 6 friends all signed the card, meaning Starlight signed it.

Other than that, you were close. Her name was Serenity.


...only four mentions of the Mare in them, all off-hoot, the earliest one dating back to the beginning of the recording, a little over two hundred years ago.

Wild estimation. Double that time because people aren't that good with time.

Another theory but it's too gross to state in a "Teen fic". Already had my guess anyway.

I mean, it depends on your definition of "gross". I'm fine with wild mass guessing here...

Edit: also, thanks for spotting the typo.

high tide.

He helped me experience high tide:

The Mare in White's identity is revealed.
Did anypony guess it?

3rd guess (2nd guess I will never tell no mater how much you torture me or bribe me). Figured who was the groom was because of the lunar pendent and the whole

One was tall and slender, perhaps a stallion

just screams misdirection. Good Nightmare Night story space cow girl.

Honestly no I didn't guess her identity but then admittedly the title alone more made me think of the 1859 novel the Woman in White which was among the first mystery novels ever made rather than who the ghost might be.

This story was actually really good. I just wish it wasn't so short lol.

Well, Displaced into Nothing has dragged on for so long, I just wanted to bang out a quick story. This was written to be read in under an hour: this is a Campfire story. I read the first draft at the Nightmare Night party I threw for my local fan club, and I'll be reading this revised version at the Nighmare Night event of the fan club for the town south of here.

Someday I might come back and write out a longer, more suspenseful version, which shows you the things I breezed over, but not now. Right now, this version has become a bit of a hooffull, with me trying to figure out why nopony is reading it while dealing with requests for things like dramatic readings on internet-radio shows.

In any case, I'm glad everypony is enjoying it. Like I said, I'm still a little surprised at how few people are actually reading it....

The ending was bittersweet. Good way to close things out.

Yeah, that was one of the earliest parts of the story. I knew I wanted Twilight to investigate a spooky ghost, and I knew I wanted the big reveal to be that it was Luna's lesbian lover. That part where it sort of became poetry, I wrote on and off over the past two weeks, and only really finished it today. I thought it was a nice touch too, a really fitting end for this story, as short as it was.

You definitely earned the like, favorite, and follow.

Where do you think I got the idea for the title? Woman in White, Lady in White, Woman in Black... It seemed odd nopony had used that kind of name for one of these.

Would you care to be more detailed?

You should read my other one, it's way longer, and way more intense, with no definite ending in sight, because sequels.

I was referring to the ending.
It was just one of those 'holy shit' moments.

Why thank you. Stuff like that loses its shock-value and intrigue when you're the one working on it....

Im imagining this more as the daniel Redcliffe woman in black more than supernatural sam and dean but it would be cool

To be honest, and I know this is going to sound weird considering I'm a horror writer, I've never seen either of those, and am only vaguely familiar with them.

I'm glad that you're connecting this with good works of the same genre though, I was kind of going for that classic Gothic horror feel, Which Woman in Black basically is, and Supernatural probably makes nods towards.

heh well I would recommend those to check out, and i read the whole story, and i think its ok not great but, it wasn't how i was expecting it, and the ending was somewhat ok but i wish there was some more, hint to it or so, but it hey you wrote the story you wanted, but i award this story 5/10, it was interesting but it didn't feel too scary, especially with the ending, sorry it wasn't as High as i wanted to give it

Horror doesn't always have to be scary, I wasn't really going for a nightmare inducing thing here, just a ghost story. I also thought it was a bit weird that people were gushing over it so much, seeing as I didn't think it was that amazing myself when I was writing it, just competent.

I also realize that there isn't enough information for you to really guess the ending, but if you go back, you should be able to make out the breadcrumbs I was trying to leave. (The wedding scene, for example, very specifically specifies Lavender hung on the walls. Who in the show have we seen hanging Lavender?) (Also, the bit at the beginning, where Twilight mentions xenophobia, comes back around to why the Mare doesn't kill her: because Twilight doesn't judge like that) As I said, I was trying to write this one fast, and I noticed that I didn't slip in enough clues this time, which is something I usually do the opposite of, so it's been a good learning experience in that way too.

I regret not being able to participate in the mystery. Still, a fantastic tale of horror. Twilight was especially great. One does not simply tell Bookhorse to stop investigating some undocumented magical phenomenon, especially not if she can also befriend it.

Also, Serenity and the moon princess in a forbidden romance. What you did there. I see it.

Thank you for a wonderful story.

Glad you enjoyed it! Even with some of the problems, I think this is a pretty solid story for what it is.

Really, this was all an SJW story the whole time? I saw a few hints of it, but damn this chapter just went full-on with the BS.

"Hurr durr, our forbidden gey sehks caused me to become a phantom and murder a gazillion ponies. " Crazy Ghost Pony
"Lol, that's ok. I dun care about them, my obsession with you is all that ever mattered to me." Loony

REALLY?! Is this supposed to elicit sympathy at this lesbian pony who KILLED COUNTLESS INNOCENT PONIES, thus demonstrating that gays are indeed emotionally unstable monsters who hide their true colors? And the other part of this pair? Luna! Who became Nightmare Moon and tried to murder her sister and take over the world in an act that would most certainly have doomed all life on the planet!

But we're supposed to accept that their forbidden love is A-Ok when they exhibit so many psychotic tendencies... we're supposed to forget everything we know and get swept up in this artificial romance at the last moment.

It's the fictional equivalent of using the 'bad childhood' defense in the trial of a gang leader who shot up a school playground... after shooting up a mall... after shooting up a wedding...

Starting to get the picture of why this fails so hard? This ghost was just killing and killing... after killing herself. Over what? Because ponies were mean to her. They weren't even the ones who killed her or directly led to her death, which would at least get you the poltergeist excuse. No, she buried herself in her own emotional turmoil, then killed hundreds or thousands of ponies who couldn't possibly have played any part in it.

Let's also analyze deeper: Luna became NMM BEFORE this happened! So, Loony had the love of this mare, and was a Princess.. meaning no one would have dared interfere while Luna was present since regular ponies are petrified of alicorn power. And even with this love, Luna cast it away because of nothing but petty jealousy over Celestia. Power and praise was clearly more important to her. Gee, what a sympathetic character. Had Luna turned after finding her love dead... had some Celestia-cultists thrown her to her death... well then, we actually have a motivation there for a vengeful spirit AND for Loony to blame Celestia and at long last have a better catalyst for the emergence of NMM.

Why, if one wanted to read into it as presented in the story, one could conclude that this love was the product of an unhealthy obsession by two mentally-unbalanced mares who then became either suicidal or murderous when they felt they couldn't win approval.

Sheesh, you've done a better job demonizing them than the Westborough Baptist Church could ever hope to do!

NOT a better love story than "Twilight"! I've never said that before... I've never had to.

The tires on this story were only half-inflated in the first place before all the air was let out of them.

This is what turns people off so much about all stories like this. It feels so horribly forced and agenda-driven, shoehorned in for the sole purpose of guilt and emotional manipulation; while also inadvertently giving credence to the opposing side's arguments because of its own inability to portray it's supposed victims in what amounts to an incredibly unflattering accidental condemnation.

Login or register to comment