Vinyl couldn’t come up with the right song, she needed to come up with a song for her platinum record that she was going to sell at the music store where she worked.
But there was one problem, Vinyl had lost inspiration for writing.
The DJ and her friend were sitting on a park bench trying to come up with a song, when they heard a nice melody coming from across the street.
As of now this story will be comment driven that means at the end of each chapter you will put in the comments what should happen in the next chapter.
Cover art made by https://www.deviantart.com/lifesharbinger on deviant art.
STAFF EDIT: Profanity-laden rant about being unappreciated removed.
Chapters (6)
Good story
9815327
Thanks, man
9815328
I do got a question if you don't mind me asking why Stevie Wonder
9815331
Because I admire him, even though he has a disability he doesn’t give up
This is a nice idea.. but it could also use a nice read through. Perhaps go at it with a fresh eye, scour out what might be there for the improving, and fix a few parts... then, you have a great story.
9815421
Thanks
Listen, the story isn't bad, but your presentation is. Your description isn't describing the story so much as it is begging the reader to overlook slight mistakes. This:
Does not inspire confidence in me to read the story. Why even mention it?
And then there's your attitude about it. Posting in every group letting people you have a new story, and sending PMs to people like me instructing me to spread the word about it, won't help. If anything, it'll hurt your reputation, especially if it's already low.
9815429
What do I do?
I think you story is off to a good start, but I think you need more comedy. Like when Vinyl asks him how can Stevie play piano with blindness, have her make a joke and say that he uses the force. Then right before Pinkie pops in, have Stevie say something like, “I feel a disturbance in the force!”
9818271
Ok, thanks
9818353
no prob
Certainly a fun story.
9823232
Thanks
Pretty trippy story. All in all well told.
9838904
Thanks so much
Hey man. Found this in the No Author Left Unnoticed group. Figured I'd give it a read. I'll just add to this comment as I go. Just as a heads up though I do not consider myself great by any means, but I like to believe I can at least write passably. Also everything I say is more or less how I feel and not objective fact so take it with a grain of salt.
So first off something I noticed in the first paragraph was that it felt kind of rushed. They're working on a song? Okay. Can you tell us a little more about it and why it's important? Also, why would they be working out in the park when the more logical area would be in their house where they have all their equipment? A reason would be appreciated, and it doesn't even have to be a big reason. All it needs is a line or two tops. Also the last sentence starting with a "but" is not necessarily the best option. It'd be like starting a sentence woth "and" or "because". It's not good writing, and could have just been assimilated into the previous sentence, or omitted entirely. Showing is better than telling.
Vinyl's first line of dialogue is more of a nitpick then anything but it's okay to not really know what to do for a tune. My older brother composes music a lot and he's scrapped tunes he's worked on for hours simply because it didn't work out. An hour is nothing in the grand scheme of things but that's ultimately irrelevant I suppose. You don't have to pay mind to that if you don't want to, but the dialogue itself feels a little dry.
As for the second paragraph I like the description of Octavia's voice. It helps introduce readers who aren't very familiar with the character -like me- to her. That said, the events that transpire in this paragraph feel very rushed and very forced. This is an event that is better suited to be placed later in the fic, as establishing the characters and setting -even in fanfiction- is bery important before you kick everything off. Otherwise you're forcing the audience to go at a fast rate rather than a more comfortable speed. I understand that you're eager to get into the meat and potatoes of your story but please remember that storytelling doesn't work well like that.
The next part where Vinyl gets up and moves is again, rushed and clunky. Time had to transpire between point a, when Vinyl gets up, and point b, when Vinyl reaches her destination. It's a perfect time to put some detail in between those two points, not only to make the writing higher quality, but to give the illusion of time to the audience as well which helps the story flow better. Also "she got up and went" is not very creative, and will disengage the audience from your story. Diction is important, and what separates good stories from bad ones.
The next few lines are alright. The description about the music is welcome.
There was a group there? This was never mentioned, and will stand out to the audience. If you mention the group in a previous paragraph you won't pull the audience out of the story by mentioning it now. It's rough, and you have to be super methodical about this. I get it, it sucks but to tell a good story you have to be as consistent as possible.
The next couple dozen lines are very dialogue heavy. This is generally somethjng you want to avoid unless you have good setup for it, or punctuate it with snippets of detail every now and then. It doesn't leave much to the imagination otherwise and will disengage the audience.
That said it's quite late on my end. If you want me to carry out with the rest of this just reply to me and say you want me to. I apologize if this sounded harsh but I'm telling you this because everybody here -me included- wants you to be better. It's always a pleasure to see a new writer making wonderful new stories that enrapture audiences. Anyways have a good one man, and keep on practicing.
9846792
Thanks
9847181
I’m here to help you my guy.
9847196
Ok, but I’m a girl
9847197
Then I’m here to help you my girl.
9847327
Thanks.
9892628
Thanks, i'll try to have more description in my next chapter.
Hey there, I went and checked out one of your stories. :) I think it has a pretty interest concept but like some of the comments here were saying it could use more description, grammar improvement, getting rid of plot holes (like how Stevie and Ray got into Equestria) and the like but I don't think it's a bad story at all.
I believe you could make it a lot better and make an interesting idea into a great idea and a fun story.
Truth be told, sometimes there will be harsh constructive criticism but that's just how it is sometimes. Don't let it destroy your confidence or wanting to write, use it to get better. One way to help with writing is to read a lot. Writers read a lot and it's helped shape how they write in different ways.
I recommend using this video below to help you a little bit and the one below to help if you have writer's block. I find them enlightening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHKKtxliYaY&t=0s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTrTBjwUulE
10044830
I agree
10044845
Go ahead and check the videos, too. :)
10044851
I will
A rather enjoyable story. I think that you probably got more dislikes than likes though, because it was kind of a cliffhanger, plus they never really ended up coming up with a song.
10081660
Story isn't done yet
10081864
Okay.
My gift for you is this: a fucking mindblowing Stevie Wonder bootleg live album:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvxWibFr0wiKO_uovkBXGOxSAl4vADl9h
10100528
I don’t understand why did you send me that?
Honestly, I know you’re taking the constructive criticism to heart, but be glad you get constructive criticism at all. I don’t get much constructive criticism, and it drives me insane. I’m at least happy a good concept is getting people trying to improve it.
10100549
Ok, thanks
10100539
I thought you loved Stevie Wonder?
10100577
I do but I already have most of his songs on record, not actual records but you know YouTube
Oh wow, this is really good so far!
Oh boyo, this is really cool, when humans die they go to Equestria... I like that idea.
10578711
Thanks
10578719
Thanks. I’ll keep writing it
So, they are dead. And they are in Equestria now. Interesting...
10636755
Thanks
perfection
10713429
Thanks
Noice story!
I think it's a really good idea to turn Stevie Wonder into a pony.
And a story about blind ponies make me feel good.
So remember, if you reable the ratings, I'll vote 👍
10730508
Thanks
There are a lot of different ways that people imagine Vinyl to speak if they ever did speak. It takes a lot of thought to develop a pattern of speech for her, so props to you!
Well, look at this hidden jem among millions of fics. I loved the Idea of Vinyl and Stevie wonder meeting, and the story was pretty sweet to read as well.
I heavily respect any story that does him right, and you delivered hook, line and sinker!
Great job!
10750451
Thanks
10750367
Thanks for your message
I gotta say, if nothing else, that's a pretty good title.