In Canterlot City, Twilight and her friends work in a group retirement home, In the home lived Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Stevie Wonder, Jimmy Buffett and Alan Jackson. Twilight is the manager, Rainbow Dash is the caregiver who comes in the mornings, Sunset shimmer is the night caregiver, Fluttershy is Alan Jackson's one to one, Spike is the therapy dog, Rarity is the fashion designer that they have living at the group home and last but not least Pinkie Pie who is the premier party planner. One night Twilight goes to Paul's room, as she wants to know what the true meaning of music is. What Paul tells Twilight will brighten her love of music forever.
The description was written by https://www.fimfiction.net/user/366857/Grand+Galvatron.
The first chapter is co-written with my friend Grand Galvatron
Editor for chapter 2 TheMajorTechie.
May I ask why the ratings disabled?
10666604
Because I get so many bad ones, but did you like the first chapter?
For starters, make sure that there are no errors in your short description. It's Canterlot City and retirement home. It's also better to refrain from using the Main 7/Mane 6 thing, as it annoys quite a lot of people and sounds really bland--better word it as "Twilight and her friends" or such, if you really need to mention the characters. Second, all this description does is state the story's premise. While that's not bad per se, it doesn't intrigue me enough to read the actual story. A good, hooking description should clearly convey what's the story's conflict, the force that drives its plot forward. The long description should then expand upon that a bit.
10666984
I understand, my friend wrote it for me
10666984
I changed my description
10666986
10666990
I see. I hope that you and your friend find it a little helpful. I think you should also go over the new version with them though--the new version is missing a subject and, frankly, makes no sense (You cannot just cut 'main 7' without replacing it with something else or rephrasing the sentence.), so I think they can help you reword that.
10666995
Thanks, I'll be sure to tell them
10666995
I changed it again
10666973
Well that will always happen.
And the first chapter is good.
10667109
Thanks
Here's what destroys any chance I'd read the story. Disabling the ratings makes you look like a petulant brat that can't accept that not everyone will love their story.
Even if you do everything right with the story, people will hate it. Mature authors can accept that. It's called reality.
And with how often this story in particular is being promoted, the disabled ratings might turn off the readers who do genuinely want to read it.
10675933
I've decided to disable the ratings because I get so much dislike on all of my stories that it's extremely discouraging for me to continue writing when I see the dislikes, somehow I think you are right I might turn the ratings back on, maybe then people will actually read the story instead of just asking why the ratings got turned off!!!
10675933
I turned the ratings back on, and I don't mean to come off as rude but did you even read the story, or did you just comment to tell me that turning off my ratings is a bad idea?
10676071
There's your other trouble. You're taking the downvotes far too personally. There's stories on the site that have far more donvotes than all of your stories did. Combined.
Yet the authors kept the raitings on.
10676101
I was going too, until I saw the ratings turned off. I'll read it now. No promises that I'll like it though.
10676109
Yeah ratings are turned back on so please read the story
10676105
I get rather emotional when people tell me they don't like my story, but if there are down votes I usually continue writing the story because I don't fucking care!!
I think I saw this as an idea in a group and I really liked the concept. hope you work more on it. it's a one-of-a-kind idea. one that I hope becomes a great story.
10692063
Thanks for your time to comment
10675933
Well if it isn’t the same person who commented on my reboot of a dislike spammed story blaming me of all people for said story’s failure (all while ignoring the role of people being unnecessarily rude and stripping my motivation in why I didn’t write it or make supposed needed edits.) thought you’re profile pic looked familiar. And you may ask, why did i bring this up? Well from you calling artist a ‘petulant brat’ for disabling ratings after similar vote bombing, it’s clear you still have no regard for how much such negative treatment affects authors writing about personal issues, nor do you seem to view the people who pettily vote bomb stories as what they are, antagonists, (especially since this is likely based on discrimination as me and artist both have disabled leads and stories with trans characters seem to get similarly flooded by dislikes). The truth is they are just as much at fault as the author, if not significantly moreso for being petty and not having the balls to actually say what their problem is so the author could have a fair chance to at least understand WHY this is happening and have a shot at making needed changes.
In the future, I’d advise you to learn to get the big picture and stop acting like the author is at fault for having issue with putting hard work into their writing only to be shat upon by clowns who never take even a fraction of the time the author took to write to say what their deal is, and the same goes for all who liked that comment and those who will no doubt dislike spam this response instead of leaving a comment to show they have the ability to not be part of this site’s toxic hive mind
10713054
Thanks for understanding, did you like the story?
10676105
Again, you are failing to realize that artist’s stories are PERSONAL. It’s easy to keep writing when a story written for comedy or for gratuitous shipping gets disliked as there’s not much personal investment, but when a story the author is writing to vent about and convey personal issues and experiences gets votebombed, it isn’t so easy to just brush it off, especially since every time you post a new chapter a new crop of dislikes comes in keeping the wound fresh.
But of course realizing that would require you and others to actually sympathize or empathize with someone else, and you and pretty much everyone else on here has shown those things don’t compute with you
10713057
I haven’t had a chance to read it yet unfortunately
10713062
It's ok
I think this is alright actually
Though I do want a bit of an explanation about the men because they seem like they're pretty young and not men at all.
Reminds me of a certain group of fillies...
10730500
You mean Jimmy and Allen? They have mental disabilities that make them act like kids
10730507
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
That makes sense.
10730509
I hope you like it
10730511
Don't worry because that like button has been pushed.
10730514
Awesome
So I did read this. Despite what 10713059 said several times (which I could care less about how some random face thinks of me and what I say), I did like it.
10795095
Well Clearly you could care less... because i suspect like a disturbing number of others on here, you’re a selfish jerk who just want to be able to say and do what you want, and if it’s rude, hurtful, or out of line, (and what you said definitely qualified as all three) then that’s too damn bad for the person you’re dicking over, because ‘freedom of speech, i can say what i want when i want’ am i right? No seriously? I’m asking.
Also have to note how, instead of talking to me directly if you have an issue with what i said, you mention me in passing to someone else. That’s coward’s play! If you have an issue with me say it to my face, otherwise, stop talking about me.
Also glad to know you refused to listen to my legitimate criticism at any point and even attempt to change your mindset or behavior so it’s less rude or hurtful. Because easier to dismiss me as some random guy who knows nothing than consider the fact that “gee, maybe i’m not perfect after all and he has a point” and use my criticism to become a better person eh? And ironically enough, isn’t that literally the same thing you accused artist of doing.... dismissing criticism and calling the person responsible crazy instead of actually listening to it and growing from it?
10795095
I understand, ok, good, but you should be more nice to me in the future
Artist I love this story you have a lot of potential in a writer just keep your head up and don't let others get you down
10816653
Thanks for your advice
10816667
No Prob if you ever need to ask advice I will try to give you good tips
10816669
Thanks, what did you like about the story?
10816671
I liked how you brought in Paul MacCartney and Ringo Starr those two are from my favorite Rock Band
10816836
Thanks
10816878
You are very Welcome
10816979
Please recommend this to your friends as well!
By your stories you have a clear love for music, music and musicians. I was reading this so I could give you help like you had posted about, but I just don't have that same level of connection to music as you do. Keep doing what you do because you clearly have a reason you're doing it, but our styles are just way too far apart.
10853318
Yeah I love music, I'll keep writing about it
Personal disclaimer from me, the editor for chapter 2:
I had to search up all of these people to figure out who they were, so I have no clue if this is actually how they talk or not. This is my usual disclaimer: I can't guarantee quality. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
also just gonna repeat that none of these real-life people have these disabilities save for Stevie Wonder, nor are they, to my knowledge, are evencloseto death, and I almost never work on stories featuring actual people 'cause it makes me feel weird.this is, no joke, word-for-word how I introduce myself to people.
11120586
Really?
11120587 yes. I tell people that I am looking for my autistic friend, Jimmy Buffet.
11120596
I don't believe you, but I hope you like the story
Howdy, hi!
A review from the mansion to you!
11126725
Thanks