This story is a sequel to What Does Music Really Mean?
It has been three years since Paul's death, life has returned back to normal in the group home.
2 new residents have arrived at the group home, but Allan is not very happy about the new arrivals, he is still grieving the loss of his friend.
But after one of the residents disappears, strange things start happening, and it’s up to the girls to figure out what.
Editor and co-writer Thaums
This story is a multi chapter story that is comment driven.
At the end of every chapter please comment what you want in the next chapter.
Chapters (2)
I think you did a great job, Artist.
11025856
Thanks
You just wanted a comment, so here is one.
Ctrl + f can help you as a writer. Ctrl + f " as ", as in the word 'as' with a space either side. It's never a good idea to keep using one word over and over, and 'as' is no exception. 29 times in just over 2k words is a little high. You need to include a bit more variation when you describe actions, but make sure the story doesn't consist solely of descriptions of actions, as well.
Ctrl + f has helped me a lot as a writer. I used to use 'as' way too much when I started writing.
11037104
I don't understand what does this have to do with the story?
11037375
You use the word 'as' to link descriptions of actions together too much. There are so many other ways you could do this, but reading the same one over and over—it gets a bit repetitive.
11037629
But i don’t know how
11037636
The best advice I can give is to read other people's stories, and see what they use to keep the flow interesting. Not eveything in a chapter has to be one description of an action after another. You can mix it up a bit. Don't just explain everything that's happening to the reader—leave little clues that are deduced through context, stuff that the reader has to figure out for themselves.
11037644
Thanks for your advice
11037104
I have a feeling this is more directed at my parts. That's a pretty good catch, I went through some of my google docs and noticed that I do use "as" way too much. Now I'll never unsee it
11044830
Seeing it is half the battle. Now, your writing should noticeably improve.
this is really good.
11480829
Thank you so much
I read it. Contacting spirits after breakfast is good for digestion? I have a doubt.
11856279
I don’t know if it’s good.
I know it’s bad.