• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
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Somedays, I sit, looking at the stars. I muse and wonder. I meditate and reflect. And I find the miracle in a new day of life. Especially since I swallowed so much glass the day before.


A History of Cooking

An Extremely Irreverent Tale

In which Princess Celestia picks up an important life skill

and then some other things happen

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

Oh shit, the legend returns! Schrödinger's cat 🐈 lives at last!

“It is most definitely fire,” Luna said.

“Ah. I see.” Celestia nodded, a sad look upon her face. “As I suspected.”

Twas a mystery really.

“At the very least, is this not a vast, vast improvement over last week?” Celestia asked, hopefully.


“And I’m not dead! It seems very important that I am not dead!” Dash emphasized.

Atta girl Dash.

“Princess. You must do something that you have never done before in your life,” Twilight stated. “You must be the one to save us.”


Cooking is the first and most necessary stage in the process of digestion which makes essential nutrients available from otherwise indigestible sources including bark, beans, garlic, potatoes, bones, sand, etc. You should not libel it, sir.

The libeling of Celestia, Twilight and Dash are perfectly acceptable and entertaining, though. I would give it four stars, but certainly no banana sticker, because of the opening disparagement of the most important basis of all thought.

A very accurate portrayal of Celestia.

It's like you snorted a line from the ashes of Douglas Adams and H. P. Lovecraft and slammed a few rounds of ponies just for good measure.

Goddamn I missed your amazing blend of utter WTFery.

“Princess. You must do something that you have never done before in your life,” Twilight stated. “You must be the one to save us.”

Let it be known it was here that I lost it. Jesus christ talk about a hilarious low blow.

~Skeeter The Lurker

This is what would happen if Monty Python were allowed to write an episode. I look forward to seeing more.

This is good stuff, KR.

“We may live without poetry, music, and art; We may live without conscience, and live without heart; We may live without friends; we may live without books; But civilized man cannot live without cooks..” ― Robert Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Earl of Lytton

EPrincesses Can't Cook
Following a certain eclipse, both halves of the Diarchy have agreed to work on their absent culinary skills. Anise Verum and Blending Stock are the lucky ponies who get to change that status. ('Lucky' may not be the right word.)
Estee · 11k words  ·  573  7 · 8.6k views

Overheating eggs makes them explode violently. I know from experience. My mother is in the process of renovating her kitchen, which might or might not be because of seven eggs exploding. It's completely unrelated, but the eggs exploding is true.

sees [Incomplete]

:pinkiegasp: Do go on sir.

This is the kind of quality content I come to this website for.

9787799 My dad left eggs boiling in a pot one night and fell asleep. He awoke to find the pot totally empty and exceedingly hot. But there was no smoke, so clearly the eggs didn't burn up. He couldn't figure out where they'd gone... until he looked up to the ceiling. :rainbowlaugh:

Awesome stuff! I can’t decide if it’s more Pratchettian or more Pythonesque, and that’s a great problem to have! :rainbowlaugh:

If Twilight Sparkle were to describe her, she would call her one of limited coruscations, for example, or perhaps she of economical perspicacity.

I don't question Dash's bargain-basement perspicacity, but I will note that she coruscates every time she goes fast enough to leave a contrail.

In any case, thoroughly glorious madness thus far. I definitely detect Aragon's hand in this. Looking forward to more.

You know what? I can't. I can't know what. What can I know? I know that I can't. What can you know? Know that I can't. I cannot know what.

The story you are about to read deals with one of the most vile and malevolent of activities -- cooking.

It should come as no surprise to anyone, then, to learn that the thing called 'Alondro' is a master of cookery.


In this story, you have channeled the spirit of Agrabager... Argonborger… Argembarger, who sadly disintegrated after walking in front of the LIGO particle beam last year.

Or at least that's what I decided is canon for reality today. The spirit of "The Spiderses" lives... IN YOU!! :pinkiecrazy:

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