Flurry Heart felt that her parents were too strick, so she used the crystal heart to turn the Crystal Empire into the Foal Kingdom! Were everypony is a foal. Can Twilight and her friends set things right?
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 10th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
BubblePuff
I am a brony and a long time writer. This site will be for my MLP fanfiction, and you can read my other works on Deviantart.com under the name potsticker13.
BubblePuff
Joined 10th Sep, 2014 ·
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Well...Sunburst has a lot of work ahead if him
This is so cute!
when is the next one gonna be done?
Wow, this is a good start. Flurry and her kingdom are so cute. I hope this continues because I think this has potential.
That's a great story you have there!
This ain't bad! I like the simple mere premise so far. Like someone recently mentioned, this might be a "turn off" since this would be someone else's fetish. Yet, in your behest and defense, I say that I don't really detect anything of such nature or anything in this story.
Just typical, adorable, foalafide versions of characters. 
I've added you to my watch list. Keep up the good work on this story. Again, this (to me at the very least) feels like an original tale. With a simple eye of innocence and wonder, it will get you a long way! 
Wonderful job! 
Oh, the typos.
OH, THE TYPOS.
9089377
I agree. Again, it's a nice simple story so far. It reminds me of an actual cartoon plot. Structure: Kid under adults become spoiled, kid gets punished, kid seeks retribution, kid does whatever they want, kid is talked down (either against a worse threat at hand that they themselves are directly or indirectly responsible for the sake of plot), kid seeks redemption, happy ending. Simple structure, yet, original in a sense of it self. Wouldn't you agree?
Awesome!
Twilight, I have another plan for you to get help: go to sleep, and call out in your dream for Princess Luna. When she answers you, tell her what has happened to the Crystal Empire.
I think fetch was the one with the better plan
Awesome!
I don’t care how cute Flurry is, when Starlight and Moondancer get there she is in for one serious time-out.
OOOOOOOO NOOooooooo fwurry heawt noooo
Discord: Even by my standards, this is too much chaos.
Mostly i totally agree with Flurry's punishment, but tying her wings sounds like foal abuse.
Okay they were way too hard on flurry donating all her things to charity id be supprized if she didint become nightmare flurry or whatever her evil self is.
9128564
and No sweets forever seems alittle extreme.
9129343
Ha, that last one would be interesting.
9128695
I know if it were up to me i would send ghost galloper or spider stallion or some other pony-fide marvel hero in there to set things right (In case someone doesint get it ghost galloper is pony-fide ghost rider and spider stallion is clearly spiderman).
And this is why Equestria needs a formidable navy: throw a couple 14" rounds into the heart and the foal kingdom is...
...lol kingdom?
9174488
I'd call a naval artillery strike on the crystal heart and pray that no-one get's killed...
9376530
Only problem is that the Crystal Empire seems to be safely far enough inland and/or icebound enough to be out of the range of ship mounted 14" guns. Might do better with a rail gun, or, ditch the guns in favour of a cruise missile, and be prepared, no matter what you do, to spend eternity in Tartarus for attacking foals with deadly force...
It. Is. ON!
(Why are there no Starlight emojies?)
9376543
You seem to have a thing for naval bombardments. Just curious, what's your cutie mark?
9377410
and B. Make a few bits. But turns out nopony wants a 4 turret 22k ton leviathan so I need to make a 1000 page report on when a battleship would have fixed everything... So I'd mark this scenario in to hopefully get Celestia to loosen her purse and get a navy that is at least somewhat competent.
And they will be beautiful ships 
A smoke stack.
Look, I am an engineer who tries to sell a battleship design to the Equestrian Navy so I can A. Sleep at night without worrying about Queen Cheeselegs
9377627
Ah, makes sense. And a naval bombardment covering a beach assault at Klugetown, or on the Hippogryphs makes perfect sense, just not sure about on the Crystal Empire. Well, maybe if you sold Celestia on some aircraft, er, pegasus carriers it could work, it just seems like the CE is a bit too far inland for a ship to shore attack to be able to reach. Or ship to shore cruise missiles might work too...
Anyway, it's now 2019 now where I am, so Happy New Year!!!
9378740
You know if i were in this story id cast a curse on shining and cadence to where they become foals and flurry becomes an older filly until they ease up on her punishment i mean really donate all her things to charity, tie her wings down, and forbid her from using magic (like i said in an earlier comment i would be surprised if she did int become nightmare flurry or whatever her evil half is).
9595996
Yes, that comic was the inspiration for that scene.
A paper airplane flying that far I don’t think that even possible
quite an interesting start to the story
9377627
Meanwhile a pony in the top secret naval factory is that pony trying to steal my job again?