• Member Since 29th May, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Flameboy


I like Dragons. Spending time with my family. Playing games and going to the Beach.

E

Whenever Twilight was signing autographs, including the last one being Star Tracker, she went to find her family only to see them having fun watching the northern stars. She cries of course. But, instead of standing there, she runs back to her room, crying just like she did in Once upon a zeppelin. Then, someone comes to comfort her in the unlikely source of friendship that others would say "chaotic."

P.S., I mean she cried just like she did.

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 15 )

Uh yeah... Some problems with this story. Part one? If so, why is this story marked complete? You don't just post one chapter of a story and mark it complete, and what I assume you'll do next is post the next part as a separate story.

Plus, Twilight's so OOC here it seems more like you're speaking rather than her. Just an excuse for fans to hug their Twilight plushies and say "Yay!" to borrow a phrase from Deadpansnarker. Blog posts exist for a reason.

Twilight is very emotional like me, but I don't really have anger and rage issues like her, unless it's necessary, but sometimes over the simplest things XD

Either way, I can relate to her lol ๐Ÿ˜Š Great story so far btw. ๐Ÿ˜„

This was an interesting concept. It could have been funny. Iโ€™m sorry, but you butchered it.

The writing is too informal, itโ€™s difficult to read, and skips around a lot.

Find a second pair of eyes before you post your work; itโ€™s incredibly helpful.

Ummm you have heard of paragraphs...that makes it easier to read........not that it matters the grammar is horrible.

"Thanks to you, I am NOT alright. And thanks to you, I missed out on spending time with my family, who I DON'T, see often," she interrupted as she had the tip of her nose touching the tip of his with angry eyes with small, very small irises and pupils. "And thanks to you, you also caused me to not spend time with my family," Twilight said afterwards and then she pulled her nose back and her chest into the air, pushed him with her right hoof, and made him land on the wood with a thud and no sound. He blinked as he hit the ground without his mouth making a peep. Twilight pushed the same hoof straight out and touched the tip of his nose. "If you hadn't won the prize, then, and only then, I would've been the most happiest girl, element of harmony, and princess of friendship," she said and put her head down. Then, she started walking with her left hoof out to his right side. Next, while looking at him, and stopped to do so. "Follow me, then you get thrown into a pool, with a sprained hoof, or a broken arm," she threatened while touching his nose again. And then she picked her right forehoof and her left backhoof up, and placed them down to her left and moved her right backhoof as well. Then, after trotting past Star Tracker she stopped with her right hoof and left backhoof up. Star Tracker looked up with curved eyebrows and was looking in front of him for the sudden silence he just heard from the princess. Curious he looked to her, saw that she was looking to her left as more tears came out, then she sniffed and looked in front of her, stood on her one leg and stuck all of her hooves that were still in the air. With her left forehoof up as well. Then, she placed them back down and squatted and jumped into the air little and back onto the wood and started galloping or running away. He had his right hoof in the air, but, he pulled it back when she ran to her right of the Captain's room and out of his sight. Next, with his sad eyes and eyebrows, he looks down in disappointment, then saw a big circular tear puddle close to him and one smaller far away from the first one and close to the path that Twilight took.

Out of character.

OBJECTION:
Iron Will did NOT teach Fluttershy to be a bully, she did that on her own. Rarity told her to be a flirt to get what she wants and Pinkie told her to swindle others. And Fluttershy swindled Iron Will by lying.

I swear, the only way I can put my stories in fimfiction is if I mark them completed. I might try to fix them. So, for this story, just pretend its on Hiatus. Okay? Is that hard, to ask?

I swear, the only way for me to put my stories on this site is if I mark them completed. So, just for this story, can you please pretend that its on hiatus. Also I have a little of OCD so I put a lot of detail into my stories. Is that so hard, to ask?

Wow *stands up and claps for Discord* was hoping one day Discord would unleash pain on someone for talking bad about or hurting Fluttershy. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!