• Member Since 19th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen April 21st

Soothing Stone


I write about ALL the ponies. Especially royalty for some reason.


T
Source

The next Nightmare Night is approaching fast, and this time Luna's going to come to scare everypony as Nightmare Moon the first time intentionally. A few days before she leaves for Ponyville though, she discovers the friendship reports Twilight has been sending to Celestia. Interested in these, she reads them and realizes she has a crush on Twilight Sparkle.

How will she react to this revelation, and will Twilight return those feelings?

Cover image is by RyuRedwings. Editing done by Destinae Spring on chapters 1 and 2.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 416 )

why am I a sucker for these kind of stories?
thumbs up and track

I really couldn't even get all the way through this. There are just so many grammar mistakes, misspellings, typos, and awkwardly-worded sentences that it's a bit of a bother to read. I can get through your comedies better because being funny lets me ignore such things, but in what is supposed to be a serious piece I just can't. You really need to proofread your material. I've seen stories with far worse and far more frequent mistakes, but it just gets distracting. It makes it seem as though you didn't really put any effort into writing it. If you can't even be bothered to read through what you've written carefully enough to pick up on the numerous mistakes, why should anyone else read it?

Is English not your first language? If so, I do apologize for being a bit harsh. I've always been a bit of a stickler for grammar and such. If that is the case, I would suggest looking into some free online lessons on grammar. The awkwardly-worded sentences will eventually disappear on their own as you get more accustomed to the strange workings of English. Really, though, even if English isn't your first language, some mistakes are just glaringly obvious. Take this sentence for example: "Now what/s bothering you this time?" Just looking over that I think you can find an error. I see so much potential in your writing, but please, please proofread your work!

You know what I want to see? A romance that doesn't end happily. One where feelings aren't reciprocated. That'd be cool.

988493

Taking down story until further notice.

Hey, don't do that. Ignore what the other guy said. Say what you will but I happen to have a soft spot for stories like this. If you do take it down, well, I will understand and lament the loss of a good story. If your grammar is bad, then just take your time and go over the chapter before you submit it. I am a stickler for grammar as well but it wasn't THAT bad. I still read through the whole thing and I liked what I saw. I say that this story has the potential to be a good one. Please do not be discouraged by negative comments. Constructive criticism is fine but to put someone down is not necessary. Now I am not pointing fingers or anything nor am I trying to make someone mad, this is just my opinion. Please don't take down this story. It looks good so far and could be great if given the chance.

this story is awesome. screw grammar, gimme story. i got a nice amount of hate on my fanfic, and now it's 43 chapters strong. so don't worry what they say, write what you want to and entertain those of us who appreciate a story not for grammar, but for the story itself.

sorry for my grammar but i am English but i'm very dyslexic so it's hard for me to see what's wrong with my English, sorry

how come i can't see this in my favs, in the search or in you list of stories.

i love this story but I'm scared I'm can't read anymore as it's not showing up

989096

It was taken down for a minute. It will go up again soon, and I do have a friend who's volunteering as an editor for the story, Destinae Spring or LadyDestinae, whatever name he goes by on this site.

989132

oh good ish

oh sorry i read the that reply wrong sorry (note: i only read it because of "Is English not your first language" cort my eye)

at least you English isn't as bad as mine, my English is a joke http://tiavik.deviantart.com/gallery/34780148#/d37h72l

989178

Wait...does this mean you're from another country? If so, which one?

989233

im was born in England and in England. im just very dyslexic

Celestia knows. She always knows.

988584
I have seen several. i cant remember the names ...
in one Twiluna Twilight ends up dying from a broken heart.
in another Celestia confesses to Twilight just to hear the dreaded "i love you but im not in love with you" speech.
and those were not even the grimdark ones. (i try to avoid grimdark :derpyderp2: )

992695

Oh sheesh...I admit I plan to have a bittersweet ending, but not like either one of those two.

As long as no one dies from a broken heart!
I cried for an hour after i read that one. :applecry:

I love the story and cant wait to see more. :twilightsmile:

993815

I was depressed for a whole week after The Last Crusade. I really don't want to read another fic that sad again...although I have a story that depressing planned for the future..

Alright, DestinaeSpring just wrapped up his edit of chapter 1, and it's now up. Whew, he edits fast. Now onto Chapter 2!

This an adorably fabulous story.:rainbowkiss::heart: I can't wait for the next chapter to be posted!

Shining jumped back, not thinking it would be that type of question.
"recoiled" is the perfect word to use there.

Overall from what I see so far, the story could be interesting, but there are three things that get in the way of faving this.. two, which are related --
inappropriate tense changes, and excessive use of the passive voice;
and also, telling rather than showing.

It seemed like they were taking more time than usual, even for such high royalty. Celestia was notorious for showing up on time, all the time. It didn't take long for them to guess what was keeping her up for so long.

The reason was obvious inside her bedroom. Celestia was adding a few touches to her mane, but she looked confidant compared to the other princess in the room.

Luna, with her eyes glued to the mirror, was trying her best to make herself look at least somewhat presentable. She didn't have a clue what most of the makeup powder on the desk did, so she experimented with a yellow tipped brush.
Notice how many times you use 'was'.. EVERY sentence except the first and last, in that excerpt. Not only is that tiresome to read, but it distances the reader from what's happening. 'was', 'were', 'is' -- these are all signs that you are using the passive voice. Character dialogue and second-person narrative are the places where it's normal to encounter passive voice.
"She didn't have a clue.." is a perfect example of telling rather than showing.
(btw, the 'a' highlighted in red is a spelling error, it should be changed to an 'e')

Here's a version rewritten in active voice, with some of the telling converted to showing:

Time dragged on as the members of the court awaited the Royal Sisters. They well knew Celestia's penchant for constant punctuality, and quickly came to a consensus on the cause of the hold-up.

Inside her bedroom, Celestia added a few subtle touches to her mane. Her confidence presented quite a contrast to the other princess in the room - who, eyes glued to the mirror, struggled to make herself look even somewhat presentable. Fumbling through the different make-ups on the desk, Luna hesitantly brushed on some yellow powder.

I also found it necessary to remove any redundancies (for example, Luna is by definition the 'other princess', so explicitly naming her is unnecessary until the following sentence.)

Hope that helps. I will be tracking you and hope to see your writing skills improve to match the quality of your ideas.

i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/554/facepalm.jpg
Sorry, but I really can't get behind the idea of someone that is like... 1... 2.. 3... "OMG you're my soul mate and I love you forever! even through I know nothing about you! and it seems kinda creepy and stalker-like to love someone through a bunch of letters never intended for my eyes!" yeah... that doesn't really float with my boat (I like to have romance to sink in a bit, like making sense... just like i've always hated christians going like "i love jesus" and then they go say shit like they know him in their hearts... i swear... religious people are fucking retards), I'll give the next chapter a change to redeem this story. Also the part with Luna kissing one of the letters? Kinda creepy... oh, not to mention, Luna having trouble with finding a fitting colour for make-up? If shes an artiest then that shouldn't be a problem whatsoever. No matter, looking forward to the next chapter and best of luck! :)

I'm not doing romance stories anymore after this. Might cancel this one soon.

Neat, I'll find more to comment about it later.

"Pinkie shaked her head up and down"

I think shook would be a better word for that.

Nor do I think "Shaked" is a word....

1030041 how about Pinkie bobbed her head

That "go" at the end of Celestia's second letter should be "do". Anyway, I like where this has gone so far and I look forward to seeing where it is going.

fabulous chapter :rainbowkiss::heart: this is a great story and i can't wait for the next installment to be posted

Nice story! I think that the potion is going to some how end up in ponyville to cause problems funny problems:pinkiehappy:

Twilight must have told Luna a great deal about Rarity for Luna to trust her so quickly with such important (and sensitive) information. :twilightsmile:
It is nice to see Pinky get into her part (even if she has to break physics to do it). She Never broke character the first Nightmare Night so i hope she will not break character this time either. :pinkiehappy:

Really good story, I think I have to applaud you on the character traits the most. Each character seems to fit within all of their traditional traits perfectly. I especially enjoyed how well you did with Zecora, and Pinkie. I look forward to whatever you have planned next.
Sincerely;
The Fictional Critic.

Another excellent TwiLuna Story that is a pleasure to read with good Characterization and an interesting premise having Luna and Rarity meet

"Strange, you do seem to have a similar voice to mine,"
I see what you did there :duck: a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/a/sarcasticlunaplz.jpg

1064614

I think it would be more interesting if I went and have Luna meet Photo Finish and she goes "I do not know why, but I have a feeling we're related," because their voices are so different yet they share the same VA.

Seriously, Tabitha St. Germain is awesome.

This is getting very interesting, can't wait for the next chapter, keep up the good work :twilightsmile:

"It seems I do not know how to enter anywhere without making a subtle entrance."
You reversed that. Fluttershy is the type of pony that cannot enter without being subtle. Luna, as you depicted, cannot enter subtly. She "does not know how to enter anywhere with a modicum of subtlety"..

Unless this is an intentional Luna-language-error.

"If you mind,
Missing "don't"

royality
Royalty (no 'i')

kept fantazing about tomorrow night
Fantasizing.

I have to question the in-characterness of a Celestia who casually confesses, even to her sister, that she has created, and intends to use, what amounts to a mind-control potion. If she were the kind of person to create such a thing, I would expect her to be secretive about it. As it is, when Celestia talks about the potion and her intent to use it, she comes across as a sociopath.


On the plus side:

Is it coffee? I'll take coffee."
"HUZZAH! THE NERVES HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!" :pinkiehappy:

Your use of 'said' is at a much more reasonable level, it's quite readable.

I enjoy the overall Luna->Twilight vibe in this chapter a lot. It feels believable.

Ooh, a shipping story wherein the characters are acting even halfway open and rational about the whole thing.

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That was the intent. I am OK with some shipping stories where they hide it for a while if the author does it well, but I didn't want to do that here.

I enjoy rationality when it comes to shipping stories. especially if the confession happens early in the story. looking forward to seeing what happens next between those two.

They're actually acting logical for once!

Very nice. That is all.

Go back and re-read the second paragraph. You goofed there.

I love you soooo much ;.;
It's beautiful
Srly can't wait for the next chapter

another great chapter Huzzah! :twilightsmile:

so....much....HNNNNNG!
i wanna see what happens next, it's so awesome and great and *explodes from spaz attack*
i'm okay...

Twilight's inner thoughts gave me a few good chuckles...keep it going please!

twlight smartass vs regular twilight was funny as hell. regular twilight - :twilightblush:, smartass twilight - :facehoof:

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