B_25
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A few errors, but good story.
*dare to know.
*am
I love Spike's continuing support for Rarity. I like the mystery of how Rarity fell this far. And how did Spike and Twilight have a falling out? What happened with Sweetie Belle? And what will happen if the Elements are needed again?
God this is such a amazing story really. I love Sparity since it is SOOOO rare now a days. And this one is just great. I love seeing them just talk, I know when the intimacy happens it will be epic for sure. But the build up, the feelings, the connection. It makes it SOOOOO much more amazing to read for sure. I am honestly a bit sad I have to wait for the next part and I can't just have it all right now but it is so worth the wait big time. I know you best chance get story request or suggestions all the time. And it would be slightly like this but I can't help but think of a story where Rarity moved away, got married, had a kid and had the 'ideal' life she always thought she wanted, but than after all these years Spike comes back into the picture and it starts up a whirlwind taboo romance of a married milf and her young handsome lover. It being so wrong but feel so right lol.
Sorry this story just really is great and I can't wait to see more from it and more of your Spike stories.
9215146
Surprisingly, I'm not sure if someone has made a story based on that scenario. If that is the case, why hasn't it been done yet?? It would a perspective that hasn't been done before--or at least it hasn't been done for a long time...I would love to read it.
Also, I'm a little surprised that Sparity is considered rare these days--probably because of the numerous options that Spike can be shipped with (popular ones being Ember, Smolder, Starlight Glimmer, and Princess Twilight Sparkle). Guess we flooded the market when it seemed like one of the few shows in town, and that now that the market's expanded to more options there's not that many stories featuring the 'mainstream' ships anymore...
If Spike is as rich as he claims, why not simply buy out the rest of the time she would need to work in advance?
She gets her boutique, and he gets to see her doing what she loves.
I don't really buy the premise.
Rarity would have had to have done something so completely out of character for her to have 'burned bridges' with the rest of her friends,and I don't see the element of Generosity doing something to intentionally hurt her friends to the point where even the element of Loyalty would leave her side.
9215355
Rarity want to do this on her terms without help. Spike doing that would probably feel like a sell out to her
An addendum to my last comment, I also can't see Fluttershy letting Rarity fall to the point of prostitution. Even if Rarity did something to end their friendship, letting someone who was your friend fall to that would be 'unkind' and therefore out of character.
9215468
She needs to learn to accept generosity, but that's not the point. The point is that he wants certain actions and behaviors from her, and he is paying her enough to make those happen. He wants the experience of seducing his childhood crush while she's living the life he remembers her living.
As long as they both hold each other to the terms of the agreement until his purchased time expires, it's business.
There's quite a few errors in this so far. Mostly small missing words, or poor misspellings. The occasional grammatical error.
Still overall pretty good, on the storytelling side.
One small note, though:
People hiring prostitutes just to talk to them is actually VERY common. (Maybe not for dragons, but still)
This feels like it could have been a great story, but it's a bit... off. Like a lot of important things were downplayed or not really addressed even as they were mentioned and then dismissed soon after. It left some irritating questions like just how involved has rarity been in the underworld and just what happened to bring here to this point. It feels like it would have taken something pretty wild to break up the main 6 like this and to drive rarity to a situation where she was actively manipulating people in such a greedy fashion and yet is so sharply aware of just how selfish she's being. The rest of the story sort of revolves around this event and the way it changed her but those very things are kept as vague and indistinct as possible.
I suppose later chapters may address this but I'm currently left in a state of confusion.
9215121
Thank you for the saves, b0ss. Writing on the road—and a shitty chromebook—leaves me writing like a poodle who is slightly illiterate. Glad you're enjoying the story!
9215355
More on this in PART II
9215453
I concur. Riding the motorcycle, the idea of 'Rarity should be a fuckin' hooker' struck me. I didn't think much further than that, and in hindsight, I really should of. Or lowered the premise from high-concept. Lola.
9215767
I agree. The story is written with the scope of acquiring something that is genuine. Because of this, I didn't think of other details due to them being irrelevant to the scope. This was foolish. Those small details sell the immersion.
On a side note, I've been away from home for a week, and my writing, even to me, has felt off. I should get into my sway of things soon.
Thanks everyone for reading!
This sentence reads oddly.
9215453
I'm thinking some sort of addiction.
If he can't have her as, Spike the dragon, then he have her as, The dragon known as Spike!
To get some of the negatives off your back, maybe you should add the "Alternative Universe" tag. It might help, since this idea is "out there".
9215818
The real problem is that in this day of internet, low brow TV and instant answers, no one has the patience or education to figure things out on their own. Poor writing on the screen plays used on most TV shows take the viewer by the hand and explain absolutely everything that happened on the show. Everything is tied up in the end, so that the uneducated viewer isn't burdened with that uncomfortable feeling of having to think. After all, most watch TV as an escape from thinking. Its an escape from life into a happier place.
I however agree with the writer Steven King. He was asked why he doesn't explain where the evil came from in many of his books and why he leaves so many loose ends unresolved. His response was interesting. He basically said, "Thats what happens in real life". People never enter a situation at the beginning, and are almost never there at the end. He said we stumble into situations, somewhere in the middle, as we go about our day. We often never know why it started and often don't know how it ends. We play our parts and move on. (paraphrased of course.)
I rather like that.
As for Rarity burning bridges and falling low, Its well within her personality. To reach the upper class, one often has to step over people. Thats why honest people tend to stay put and sociopaths tend to become influential. Many who try reaching for fame often alienate themselves from those around them, or from those they left behind as they try climbing that social ladder. Its no different from high school. Its not uncommon for a girl to try to become one with the popular group, only to fail and find she lost her place in her old group because of how she treated everyone in her attempt to climb.
Happens every day,
The Monk
9215988
That would only lead her friends to help her more, not cause them to abandon her. Addiction is an illness, not a character flaw, and should be treated as an illness.
9217046
No, if you willing take something that your told is addicting that makes your a loser who is best abandoned before you drag others with you, the world is full of people saying drugs are bad, if you still do it you deserve what happens its nether fair or nor right to expect innocent people to help you.
When I was a kid I had four uncles and they're all dead from drugs the last one before he died I brought in to my home to help him in that year before he died he stole everything I had for drugs I couldn't even keep a tv in the house because I would come home from work to find he sold it.
I remember one day I came home from work and we got raided by cops I spent from 10:30 am to 4:30 pm in my yard with cops pointing a gun at my head as they tore my house apart, when my uncle finally died I thought it would be over but instead his buddies kept showing up looking to see if he had any drugs hidden somewhere they even breaking into my house several times to see if they could find his stash.
If you know someone who is addicted get away from them only strong-willed people can get over a addiction and anyone who takes drugs is weak-willed by default
9217467
I'm sorry that you had a rough experience in your personal life, I truly am, but you're wrong about addiction. It is a physical condition with physical causes.
I work as a Security Site Supervisor at a Provincial Mental Health and Drug Rehabilitation Center. In order to deal with the patients that I do on a daily basis, I need to understand the causes of why they are there, and how the treatment works so that I can ensure the safety of my staff, the medical staff, the patients themselves.
Addiction is rooted in the release of dopamine, the so-called 'pleasure' drug, but is actually a neurotransmitter that is released by the brain that controls Executive Fuctions (Behavior), motor functions, reinforcement, reward, and arousal. When you do something that you like, and you feel elated because you did it, that's dopamine at work.
It's not entirely the 'substance' or the 'action' that you're addicted too, its the release of dopamine as well, and over time, your body becomes desensitized to dopamine and it takes more of it to get the same effect, meaning that you have to take more of that drug, or do more of that activity, all for that sweet sweet neurotransmitter that allows your brain to feel that sense of reward.
And the part about willpower is bullshit. Willpower isn't a finite thing that you either have or you don't, its something that can be gained and lost based on circumstance, or even with the help of prescriptions. After my fiancee committed suicide a year ago, I needed to be put on anti-depressants combined with a sedative for sleep, because I physically couldn't sleep, I didn't have the willpower to 'shut off' my brain so that I could get some proper rest, with out it I would stay awake till I passed out from exhaustion.
Anyone can become addicted to anything, it only takes the right circumstances, be it peer pressure, curiosity, naivety, or genetics (yes, some people are predisposed to addictive behavior by being more susceptible to dopamine and other neurotransmitters), ect ect.
And while it is true that 'you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink' (you can offer help but you can't force it on them), if that help is accepted, if they are given proper care, compassion, and love, people can regain the willpower needed to beat the addiction, and with the right moral support from friends and loved ones continue to fight the addiction from that point forward.
TL;DR
Try understanding what you're talking about entirely and don't let your personal bias' get in the way, that's what leads to prejudices.
I don't know how to feel about this, even when this is an AU.
I'm actually surprised about this
9217046
She may have refused help. Looking forward to where the author is taking this. (Agree 100 % that addiction is a disease).
9217467
You must be fun at parties. That or your baiting people to give you that sweet sweet attention.
9218046
You replied to a conversation that took place 6 or 7 hours ago a conversation that's already finished just to accuse someone of wanting attention, you know what you're right obviously it's me who is after attention.
9217912
Everything I've seen and read of Canon Rarity, IN MY PROFESSIONAL OPINION, leads me to believe that she is not one to develop addictive tendencies without some kind of outside influence, and in MLP's case, that influence most likely being magical or a curse in nature.
So no, I don't think she did, and the author has already said that they didn't think about the reason she is in that situation, something they admit is a mistake.
Didn't she already have a store in Canterlot?
This whole story feels very off, if I'm Frank. I don't really think that the Mane Six would abandon any one of them for almost any reason. Not even on, like, the basic level of friendship, but on the basis of the elements of harmony and the necessity of them in the context of everything. This is also disregarding that Rarity really wouldn't act so selfishly, no matter how she felt about her business. I suppose these are just things to pick at in an au-based story, so, I suppose it's just a little silly to complain, but it does bother me that it doesn't feel like Rarity is genuinely Rarity, though I suppose that, perhaps, that's the point.
9218861
Rarity would and has acted selfishly to the point that it was her s1 defining character trait. (She HAS gotten better, but she used to be only one level above prostitute).
Wow. I came here looking for porn, and I got this...GEM.
This is Rarity, but in a different light that would be expected if the familiar world of My Little Pony had taken a darker turn. She is fascinating, deep and damaged, and I can't wait to see how this turns out.
This is also Spike, colored by the world in which they all now reside, and though it makes me sad he's no longer friends with Twilight, there's a backstory I find intriguing as well.
I really don't care if there's explicit porn scenes later, I just hope you finish this extraordinary tale.
9218438
Let me say that skipping the small details isn't always a mistake. Backstory is best when there are clues but no answers—endless renditions tailored to each reader's experience and ethics and headcanon's. A cliched answer by now but one that remains true.
The issue is how much to leave behind, to give some half-answers, allowing for legitimate interpretation. I was hoping to have left Rarity vague enough that the reader could imagine some terrible event or something close to it.
Were I to do the first part again, I would drum up a course of events that led her here, dropping clues and cues to said events, but never enough to give a direct answer. That was what this fic had taught me. Not to leave things vague but never give the full answer.
Unless, of course, those events are a part or impact the story, in which case, give the damn answers for effect.
Also, thank you for the criticism. Been a while since I got any you, and to be honest, the whiplash stung at first. I very much doubt you'll be back for part two, but, at the very least, thank you for your notes on part one.
Your not so friendly author,
B
I love this story I can’t wait for part 2.
Rarity is very well written for the setting she's in. Though this is tagged for sex and porn; the scenes are much lighter (virtually non-existent) than I expected. Still, despite that, I'm interested to see where this goes.
9223454
"Fuck logic" is a rising trope in entertainment lately. My recent favorite being the anime Inyuashiki (which is worth a watch at 12 or so episodes that has a definitive ending)
Not everything needs an explanation, more interestingly is moving forward from wherever you started.
9216135
This was a good response and I was too lazy to reply to it.
Why did you Cancell it?
Same what we the reason for cancelling
Hm
This is so good I wish there was more
A backstory would be nice, to find out how she got into this situation. Even learning if the other girls were looking for her and she had been dodging them for years. But a good story.