- Member Since 29th Dec, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
GhoulDash97
"Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
GhoulDash97
Joined 29th Dec, 2016 ·
Offline
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Bwahahaha this is great.
You had my interest, but now you have my attention.
8738582
Mauroz drew her.
I love the idea of being the small guy. Please, continue this.
That’s one way to start a relationship, hold him down and blackmail him to go out with you then kiss him goodbye. This looks like it could be fun.
Amma follow dis.
Allright, this looks good, and the cover was made by Mauroz! Excelent choice my friend.
8738616
Such an amazing artist, yet so underrated and not well known at the same time.
Quit your bitching and DO IT you fagot! She wants some, and what is wrong with a tall woman? You are always at eye level with her boobs! That is literally something you can brag about. The call of nature is worth a little harmless DEATH. DO IT!
I liked it, for the most part. Spike seems to have a bit of sass on him. That’s good when it comes to quick witted humor... however, this girl just saved him from bullies. There’s no signs that other people treat him bad, just Garble and his cronies. Spike seems to have a caring and humorous mother. And Spike himself seems to have a backbone. So... why did he get angry at his savior? From the looks of it the hazing would have gone on till Garble and his gang got bored, apparently the teachers aren’t worth a damn for this story, so why be angry seconds after this girl just saved him? Literally that’s been my question since their first interaction.
8738687
Damn straight, brother.
This is interesting to say the least. I don't really know how I feel about Spike at the moment tho. I mean for some reason he stay on a team that seems to do nothing but abuse him and doesn't show him any respect. But than Ember works up the nerve to ask him out and what does he do HE than disrespect her and even call her names because she isn't in his eyes, feminine, enough for him. I think it is good in a way since it gives him room to grow and break out that foolish way of thinking and we may find out why he is even the watering boy with the way he is treating.
Nice chapter, Spike was a bit better this time about well he wasn't at least a ass or a whipping boy this time around so I can take it. And not to mention he seems to be at least trying to make a good impression on Ember's father, so he isn't foolish enough to show how much he doesn't want to be on this date infront of him. Now that it is just him and Ember tho this is where the real question of his character will arise.
Torch seems nice.....
you have my interest.
Okay, not gonna lie... I'm both proud and a little angry/jealous about you getting featured. Congrats.
8739966
Thanks, dude! Means a lot.
8739968 just a heads up, if you already have the Equestria Girls tag, you don't need the human tag. Just seems unnecessary but not a bad thing.
8739977
Alright. Thanks for the tip.
After a second re-reading, I get the feeling Spike is hiding something to act the way he did towards Ember after she helped him. And it looks like Ember has some sort of (intimidating) track record.
When I read the part about Torch, I can't help but think of Slade Wilson from Arrow and the mental image of Slade in a Hawaiian shirt is both hilarious and terrifying. That pretty much sums up Torch for me.
This looks interesting.
I'm curious where it goes!
(And can you add the cover source?)
Ember really is the best waifu for Spike.
At least his friends aren't at the same place those two are going.
Spike! My bro!
Ghouldash97. You have earned a fave on the story and a follow. Not just because of the Soda choice for Spike. But I actually like this story and like how you portray Spike and Ember. Plus Papa Torch feels like a soft teddy bear on sec and a Grizzly bear the next.
8742145
Thanks, dude! Dr Pepper was my favorite soda, so I decided to make Spike have one.
Great, now I'm hungry for a carnivore special pizza.
8742160
You are cool. I can't wait for more of this story.
8742184
Thanks again.
This looks interesting. Let's do this!
To the Arcade!!!!
Oh hell yeah. I'm excited.
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Put these on the same line. You do it a few more times, and you need to change those as well. You only make new paragraphs with dialogue when
1) It's the same person talking and they require multiple paragraphs
2) It's between a group of people and they're having an actual conversation. It's usually obvious who says what line, but sometimes authors make it confusing on purpose, usually for comedy (from what I've seen anyway)
remove "was"; you already had it right before.
uhh... https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/submission/14625/waining
Yeah I've got no clue
he turned to Ember, who smiled (don't forget the comma)
Just stay (???)
delete comma
girl's
I understand why you made it plural, but "girl" is an adjective here, it works to explain the singular group that contains all girls.
8742196
No problem.
You better make a new fic with Spike as Batman now.
-----------------------------------------
your
Same mistake with the dialogue as last chapter. Same fix as well.
my Swedish heart thats a lot of money for 2 drinks a side dish and a pizza💸💸!
With that kind of money here you can get a fancy dinner and wine.
Nothing much & special happening at the moment, but I am a sucka for Human Spike stories as of late and the fact he's going out with Ember, this does have my full attention, so I'll wait & see how this plays out , plus I'm curious as to why Ember wants to date Spike.
Ok dude, I don't mean any disrespect, but get yourself a prereader. The writing feels really unorganic and forced. The story has a great premise, but needs more polish. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you soon.
8742444
Thanks. It means a lot to see you reading my story.
8742326
by god how what was this pizza made of gold and gem stones XD
8742473
XD
Excuse me, but, how much was it for two sodas, a side dish, and a pizza!? I could eat at a good restaurant to my heart's content with about 2/3 of that, jeez.
I'm getting curious. Where is Twilight in this story?
8742445
What do you mean by "to see you read"?
8742976
Well, you know. Just happy to see a critique such as yourself read my story.
8743152
I just never realized that I had a reputation here is all.
I think I'm blushing.
8743158
Well, you were reviewing my writing.
8743391
Oh snap I misunderstood.
LMAO
8743400
Yeah, you did. Anyway, it was nice talking to you.
It's an hour away. wtf?
It's highway robbery. $56.72 for a pizza meal? it better be dancing and doing tricks on my tongue before I spend that kind of money. XD