• Member Since 14th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen October 16th


"I haven't seen a bigger waste of talent since Dan Marino." -Lucky Seven; Want to support me?


Quality control is an important cornerstone of any organization, and magical castles full of Pony Princesses are no exception. When Luna and Celestia read the suggestions given to them by their staff however, the result is most certainly not better efficiency and satisfaction.

EDIT: Featured 10/24/17! Thank you all!
EDIT: Featured at #1 10/24/17! Awesome, I'm glad you're all enjoying!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 71 )

Luna is best waifu! And thats one lucky guard.

the first of many...

...and applications to join the Night Guard increased 1000% overnight. :yay:

“Tell me, would you perhaps like a kiss?” she asked hopefully, a warm smile across her face.

Can I have one?

*Hugs Celestia plushie close* Watch yourself! She's mine!

mrk #6 · Oct 24th, 2017 · · 3 ·


I mean... Ahem.

Princess Celestia, I just want you to know that I have always loved you. Nothing in this world exceeds your beauty, save your wisdom and kindness. I would go on, but I know your unrivaled modesty would not allow me to continue unabated.

Would you show me the greatest honor of becoming my Very Special Waifu?

No Waifu no Laifu! And Luna is one of the best

True, but no waifu shines brighter than Sunbutt.

I'm glad they weren't forgeries for placating her.

I might have had to do something very naughty and rude and down vote your story if it was.

Did you seriously think that I'd write a story in which everypony was not enamored with Luna?

I don't remember reading anything else you've ever done, but I suppose it IS quite out there for people to not recognize best waifu.

This was silly.
You're silly.

I just thought of something. BATTLE OF THE WAIFU PRINCESSES 2017!!

“Always the bridesmaid…never the waifu.”

Can vouch. Luna best waifu.

Luna wiggled on her throne. “Oh, I’m so excited!” she said, eyeing her own indigo-colored box with anticipation. “I love constructive criticism; it is the most efficient form of complaining!”

Oh boy, having read Anonymous Internet complaints and rants, I'm sure I can see where this will go.

Luna pressed her lips firmly to his, cutting him off mid-sentence. Wrapping a hoof around the guard’s neck, she deepened the kiss, causing her ‘loyal protector’ to melt under the result.

Was NOT expecting that! :twilightblush:

Celestia frowned, huffing and walking past the guard into her chambers without responding to his request. When the doors closed behind her, she let out her last sigh of the night.

Someday, Celestia. Someday.

This is all your fault Celestia for putting yourself on such a high pedastal and always appearing so chaste.
I mean even Discord is a better Waifu than Celestia, because Discord can be a trap! Plus the amount of wild unlimited vacation dates would be amazing too!

Also: Luna is Best Pony Waifu!!

This was great

Sorry, Celestia. Luna always pulls ahead in the Best Pony Contest.


Good premise. Needs more.

Behead those who insult Tibbles. Or at least withhold smooches and hugs.

Honestly,i had the same fear 😱
So glad proper respect for best princess has been adhered to.


I think they gave up on having paperwork for that part of the Guard on account of paper shortages for applications.

*Slips a suggestion into teh box* "One day each month all the noble houses of Canterlot MUST do something NICE for a poor family without expecting ANYTHING in return" :raritywink:

Author-san I don't understand what is wrong with what I said. I mean Discord has LIMITLESS potential as a Waifu, considering he has domain over his own shape that would make a Changeling green with envy. To say nothing of his ability to teleport. Nor his ability to manipulate reality.

I mean honestly...why would Discord NOT make for an AMAZING Waifu, ESPECIALLY over someone so distant like Celestia?

AyanamiRei-kun, Celestia's feelings were hurt about what you said about her, not Discord.
(besides, Dislestia is actually a pretty solid ship)

It's actually -chan and not -kun.

It's actually because Celestia is TOO good at the game of politics. She can't be the same fun loving Princess who gets down and dirty with the peasants like Luna can. So while a hug would be great, you'd be more likely to feel like you'd be defiling yourself if you wanted to do...THINGS to her. She's too pristine, too pure, too motherly.

I don't have anything against Celestia as a ship, other than she's not my cup of tea, but I can certainly see why her Guards would be a lot less likely to want to be sexual with her. She's put herself on a pedastal for far too long, and now she must pay the consequences.

I mean I didn't really ship Discord much before...until I really started to think of his POTENTIAL as a Waifu. As he is currently? Not very appeal. Though what he COULD be, what he CAN be, that is a different story ENTIRELY as I REALLY started to think about it.

Have a thing for Sea Ponies? Mer Ponies? Discord can do it. Have a thing for Andro Stallions or Mares? Discord can do it. Want a fling with Chrysalis, Discord could totally change into that. Want a Half-Snake Half Pony Waifu? Discord can do that. Want to cuddle Princess Platinum? Again, Discord can make that happen. Want to cuddle a Filly Luna as a Filly or Colt? Discord can make it happen. Not only that, but as a creature of Chaos it's in his own best interest to NOT let things get Boring or Stale! We've already seen what happens when he gets too orderly.

I see you have thought about this at far greater length than I have

Most of it was done done and in response to discussion about why you found my post so objectionable. I thought it might be Discord, so I started to think "Why would Discord be such a terrible Waifu". So I tried to defend my choice, and the more I seriously thought about it, the more logical choice it became ^^;

Yeah once I start making a choice and ESPECIALLY if I have to defend it, I will really go in depth about WHY I feel or think the way I do ^_^;

Still, I would LOVE to read a sequel of this, perhaps with Luna getting into more trouble with her new attitude than she thought, along with Celestia trying hard to get some admirers but ultimately failing.

Anyone else think Celestia faked the secret admirer letters to cheer up Luna?

Here's a suggestion, Sunshine; lower the brightness and heat of the sun. It literally burns me and my eyes!
Ah, but I don't have eyes Yohohoho.

“Always the bridesmaid…never the waifu.”

This kind of sibling envy is so damn human and relatable. Also made me lose it hard :rainbowlaugh:

Huzza! Luna is best pony

The problem with being Equestria's mom is that any attempts at affection beyond the familial is downright disturbing.

Luna, I know you were gone a long time, but that…never happened. Ever...

"You mean nopony ever offered you any hearts of the wicked?"
"No. Because that didn't happen."
"Maybe not for you, Sister. Why, I scarcely knew what to do with all of them! Especially after that nice Quetzalcoatl left with some hussy from his own pantheon."

In any case, thank you for a fun little slice of royal life.

Amazing! I love this! How about a like and a follow from me?

So true... one could almost pity Celestia. But how would you kiss someone you can't even reach?
I love how impulsive you're describing Luna. I'd rather wish to be a Nightguard on duty that night...
Thanks for this!


This was by far the most enjoyable story I have read.


Luna wiggled on her throne. “Oh, I’m so excited!” she said, eyeing her own indigo-colored box with anticipation. “I love constructive criticism; it is the most efficient form of complaining!”

This line is absolute genius. I love it!!

Also I like the idea of Luna having a possum for a pet. However this is the reference to something else please don't tell me.

She does have a possum pet! Tiberius is featured prominently in the MLP comics

I figured that was the case, but I'd like to also pint out that I didn't want anyone to tell me.

I thought you meant non MLP by 'reference'- sorry :fluttershyouch:

Thats ok, it's only a minor thing.

Luna might still be considerably older than every other living pony, sans Celly of course, but the guards probably see her as the cute new neighbor girl, where as Celestia in all her beauty and grace has been Equestria's mother for the past millenia. She has been "mom-zoned", which I feel would be a disturbing statement if made in other circumstances. Poor Celly.

Sadly I have not ever seen a Dislestia shipfic. Know any? Preferably good and long?

Luna is best waifu, honestly. This is excellent.

Sadly, I don't know of any good ones over about 2k or so words off the top of my head. I check around in the Dislestia groups tho

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