• Member Since 14th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen May 8th


"I haven't seen a bigger waste of talent since Dan Marino." -Lucky Seven; Want to support me?


A startling situation arises when Princess Celestia begins acting crazily and violently cuddling the ponies around her. Fearing the breakdown of the government, Princess Luna and one of Canterlot's most unfortunate doctors hatch a plan to cure her by letting her cuddle the daylights out of a Royal Guard.

Cover art is by magister39.

EDIT: #2 featured on 6/17!
EDIT: Now with an AUDIO READING by LonelyFanboy48!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 43 )

Well. That happened.

At least she didn't become a hug wolf:rainbowlaugh:.

Better if Luna cuddle Celestia!

This reminds me very much of that one episode of Adventure Time, 'Hug Wolf'.

Alright, that was more amusing then I thought. Nice job.

Just from the image and description, I'm getting a weird Zamairiac vibe here. Can't wait to read it though, looks fun!

Yep, fucking hilarious!

Great story mate, I couldn't stop reading it from the moment I started.

Friiigiiin cuuuute!!!

Buy you more coffee? Howz about ten when i getz money?

That poor guard... I wonder what lengths any of us what go to to be put in his place.

Good story.

I'm just gonna leave this here:

That ending, god damn it.

Luna pursed her lips and hummed. “I think...we don’t have any other option. Thankfully, I shall be able to find a volunteer promptly!”

Here's what you do, Luna. Get Pinkie Pie, and have her use her 4th wall breaking powers to bring a brony that's a Celestia fan into the story. Said brony will be very happy to volunteer.

“A month!?” Steel Point groaned, collapsing deeper into his pony cocoon. “Can I at least use the bathroom?”

“Oh! I’ll come with!” chirped Celestia, hopping out of the bed with one foreleg still holding her new cuddle buddy. She dragged him towards her attached bathroom, his back hooves dragging on the ground.

“Hey, stop! Y-you can’t come in with me!”

“Oh, don’t be silly! Of course I’m coming in with you!”

This reminds me of a scene from Practical Magic - just watched it again two days ago.

Wave function was never seen again, and from that day on it was decided that Princess Celestia had finally gone completely mad in the head.
She was promptly sent to a highsecurity rehabilitation facility to save the populace from her cuddly wrath.

I'd hope for a shower at least in the interim! :raritydespair:

Fun little story, was a good read!

I hope they both got a good meal in before they started this, cause as it looks there aren't any lunch breaks in the business of cuddling.

The Cuddle Master has deigned to grace us with another story! Hooray! :yay:

Look for a tickle spot! It's the one weakness of cuddlers!


Well, this just got...interesting.

She's cuddling him! And then she's going to cuddle me. Oh my Faaaaaaauuuuuust! :applejackconfused:

Was this a clopfic parody? If so, how very meta of you. :moustache:
If not, than it was just a very humorous and whimsical tale. :twilightsmile:

Well....that gave me diabetes.

What can I say, I’m a whimsical and humorous guy.

May Cele—

Oh, wait. :twilightoops:

May Faust have mercy on your mental state, Wave Function.

On third thought, "Celestia" does fit, though as a direct plea for mercy instead of a prayer to a higher power.

“You’re not paying me at all,” he mumbled.

“Exactly, and therefore are not paying you to stare at the ceiling! I thought that you practitioners of the medical art were supposed to be smart?”

That... she's not wrong. :twilightoops:

Still, bad Woona, you need to pay your employees and stop threatening them! You don't want a revolution on your hoof, do you? :duck:

Princess Luna’s eyes shiftily darted back and forth across the room in a rather suspicious manner. “I have...no idea,” she lied, her muzzle scrunching up.

Throw her in the Cuddle Room!

Ponies, unite for the glorious cause so that we may see the living moonlights be cuddled out of Luna! :pinkiecrazy:

“Ooooh, nooo ,” he gasped. “It’s happening again! I’ll have to, uh, quarantine her!”


*sees Author's Note*

Wait, there's an official fan group for the Cuddle Master? :rainbowderp:

I'm in!

This sickness, I can get down with.

If you've already got Pinkie, why go to the trouble of having someone else do it? I feel like she'd be totally up for it.

This is what happens when an Alicorn doesn't get enough cuddles. Lucky guard. Good story!:moustache:

Join our official group! Yes, grant verified it. Ask him

I swear, this author never ceases to amaze.

I never cease to disappoint my parents either!

I feel sorry for the guard, being roped into the situation with no warning 🤣

Aw, dude... do you need a hug?

She gasped in surprise. “It absolutely is! I have an overwhelming, indefatigable need to feel a pony pressed against me!” Punctuating her statement, she wrapped her hooves around his neck and pressed his face forcefully into her chest floof.

The last time I saw the word indefatigable was during a study of the Battle of Jutland. I love the vocabulary of this story! :twilightsmile:

Silly but entertaining. Wonder how Twilight would be like with this disease.


Silly but entertaining. Wonder how Twilight would be like with this disease?

Big Mac, Time Turner and every stallion in Ponyville would need to go on vacation for a month. :ajbemused: :flutterrage: :derpyderp1: :eeyup:

Or maybe she'd obsess with the CMC... after all, they are cute and fluffy and easy to catch. :scootangel: :applecry: :unsuresweetie:

Either that, or Spike might be willing to take time out to be a living snuggle-plushie for Twilight. :moustache: :twilightsmile:

“Just relax! I don’t know how long this will take, but it’ll probably be less than a month.”

Hehe eh! F##k you!

“Fall asleep and I shall visit you with night terrors,” she quickly threatened. “What of the guard? Is his constitution failing under sister’s constant assault?”

Well unless he has a kilo of crystal meth in his pockets, falling asleep is not an easy task to avoid. Ms. D#ckish.

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