- Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Admiral Biscuit
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Admiral Biscuit
Joined 2nd Nov, 2012 ·
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This kinda didn't turn out the way I thought it would. It was going to be a silly comedy, but instead . . . well, it's not exactly that.
Also, I never though I would write a clopfic (of sorts) with Hayseed Turnip Truck as half of the tango.
I blame Anonpencil 100% for that. Even though she never once uttered his name.
Anyways, moving right along, the pony on the cover art is Venus Spring, who's reasonably well known on Derpibooru and I'm sure other places. The fact that I thought of her as a prostitute is completely random and we will speak of it no more. I never ever browse Derpibooru with mature turned on. Nope.
During the mature 'how to write a clopfic' panel at not-Bronycon (seriously, it was held in a remote, undisclosed location), Anonpencil suggested that someone ought to write a sex scene with a stallion who has no sense of object permanence, and she looked at me when she said it, so really, what could I do?
Is that Venus Spring?
Oh my.
OH MY GOD ITāS THIS FIC
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You understand that I had to do it.
8372849
I do.
I really do.
Meh. It was okay, but it's lacking.
Okay effort though.
:P
Do you want me to write this one for you, Biscuit? Maybe you really didn't get enough sleep at Bronycon.
Damn it, Biscuit.
....What...?
Wow, that's... what it says on the tin, I guess. Weird, though.
This is everything I needed in life. Everything.
Spent 45 minutes on this gem, what'd'ya think?
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/382906/party-hard
8372988
Thank you this was hilarious at the end š. You need to twist admiral arms more often
This fic. . . that is all I have to say
The title should have been a clue to the punchline. I've read enough Biscuit fics to know...
But somehow, it wasn't. And that's a testament to the skill of the author.
Uh... I just want one spoiler:His penis doesn't come off/get eaten, does it?
Normally I'd never have asked, but a comment about the title and a personal nightmare I had once...
I don't even want to know why this was written.
>Hayseed Turnip Truck
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/tomska/images/7/77/I_LOVE_IT.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20131127110654
Best laugh I had in a while at the end.
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It's okay. She puts it back.
So thanks for that.
My sides!
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I'm telling priest he's not needed anymore.
It's alright. Anonpencil is always to blame.
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I was expecting that to be a joke before reading the story. It wasnt
Somepony clearly hasn't learnt how intercourse works.
...
Biscuit...
What are we going to do with you?
Take your filthy like.
This is great.
I can tell this was written while Con goers where on the mind. The reference to fleshing up, applied to a lot more then it should have.
or at least from my experience while I was there. The rest was just truly hilarious if not a litthe sad. 
Funny story altogether. I give it a A+
Ok, that was hilarious, just...
I'm seeing a scenario where the prostitute flickers her tail to show off her private parts to Hayseed Turnip Truck, but when the tail moves back in position he goes.
"OMG, she just made her lady bits disappear! Witchcraft! I need to get out of here!"
NSFCW indeed.
Wow, I saw the title and sex tag and I wondered what this would be. You didn't disappoint.
Great start, bad finish
I have read this as far as I could before I decided that yes, yes this is NSFCW. Trigger warning approved.
Dear Princess Cadence,
For the sake of all mares, please go and educate the stallions who work the farms of Equestria about how sex works, before their stupidity causes a massive population decline.
Signed, Venus Spring.
the hell did I just read
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I never joke about dicks. Just ignore all my jokes about dicks when you read this statement. Dicks are hilarious.
So thanks for that.
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I am so happy
Iā¦ think I get the title now.
Here I was, thinking this was gonna be something sappy. Not the proper thing to think when anonpencil is involved. Take a like!
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I heard that playing peek-a-boo with them when they're babies helps.
Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's a case of Schrodinger's Dick! š When it is outside the box, the dick is alive and twitchy. When it's not, it is possibly all, like, dead and nonexistent and stuff to the world. Although it's prolly still twitchy. Wait. Does this mean the dick is undead? Is all smuttery involving dicks necrophelia? š
I blame Anonpencil for the case of Schrodinger's dick.
8372986
Huh what are you doing here? Uhhh... you do not see me here. And I am not making necrophelia jokes I think I guess? You are confusing me for, um, yawg... lore? Yes! You are confusing me for a user named yawglore. The person you met at Bronycon was named yawglore and totally not yamgoth. Yes! š
(Yus I am slick as molasses! Yeah! VICTORY TEABAGGING!)
If any pony ever understood the concept of sex, it would be a farmer. Something is horribly wrong with Hayseed Turniptruck. He needs to go into politics instead, where object permanence is counted as a strange and alien concept.
the picture makes me thing of that strange fanart with the character that always end up being raped or something, is it supposed to be her?
8374883
she reminded me of that too :D
8374883
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Her name is Venus Spring. She has a few safe pictures.
derpicdn.net/img/2017/6/1/1451095/large.png
...are you fucking kidding me? XD
Fucking hilarious! XD
With what I know of this character... I'm apprehensive.
I laughed... I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair. Scared my boss and it took every ounce of control to finish reading. It was beautiful.