• Member Since 21st May, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago


I have no heart and my avatar makes everything sound sexual. Also, It's pronounced "sam-ee".


Comments ( 79 )

Really? My faith in you lessens every time I read your stories. I love it.

I swear, I'm gonna write something serious next time. Maybe :pinkiehappy:

I'm going to try it at my local bowling alley anyway so ha.

They may not want that bowling ball back...

Neece #5 · Apr 4th, 2016 · · 1 ·

Please please PLEASE :flutterrage:
Make this a frequent series, Samey. All the now three installments are in my favorites and I have no doubt all future ones will be too.

Not only that, do anyone there have a rocket? I've got to get my sides back, but they are in orbit :rainbowlaugh:

Reading this alone is one thing.
Reading this aloud on a bus trip to DC for school is another.

I did both.

11/69 I regret nothing

“High five!” she yells at the bowling guys. “Hoofsies! Yeah, high five!” She stands in the middle of the corridor and smiles proudly. “Fillies and gentlecolts, I fucked an octopus!”

I was cracking up at first, but this line just straight up killed me.

I must be broken, because I found this absolutely hilarious. :trollestia:

Cloud Kicker groans and opens one eye, prompting the bowlers to sigh with relief. She looks around unsurely, until her gaze lands on the bowling wall

should be ball not wall

also you shouldn't wait this series is fantastic

There is something wrong with these ponies

You might want to fix that quote. :derpyderp1:

7096223 Damn did you quote the whole story?

“I don’t usually go out with patients,” Stable replies, smirking. “Unless they’re my type.”

“What’s your type?”

“Tall, blue-haired, blue-eyed…”

"Daddy, how did you and mommy meet?"

"Well son, it all started one night at the hospital..."

On the strength of the prequels, I faved and upvoted this immediately when I saw it in the featured list. I was justified in my decision. :eeyup:

Why the third part of most fics involving some random comedy and sexual motives use Added Alliterative Appeal? /lame_joke_here

I have a vague idea for the fourth part, but I don't know what'll come later.

Where exactly? You kinda quoted the whole thing.

They just like to experiment :pinkiehappy:

:rainbowlaugh: Then the kid needed years of therapy...

I blame KiltedKey. On a side note, I kinda liked the idea of "III" in the title being not only a Roman numeral, but also the shortened subtitle.

For fuck’s sake Samey, it’s 3:00 a.m. here, stop making me laugh so hard goddammit.

:rainbowlaugh: Good job!

Course now I'm curious for some of those alluded occurrences! :rainbowwild:

This would make a flawless series of story chapters at this point. I mean, you have three winners in a row, go for more!

They get to sleep during their night shifts?! :rainbowhuh:


...I want to work for this hospital. :raritydespair:

Other than that little detail, everything else was a pretty accurate depiction of life in hospital. Seriously. Though bowling balls and octopi are still pretty tame compared to real life. Red Heart hasn't worked for long enough if something like that unsettles her.

It's a small town and ponies don't do weird things every night.

Hmm, I fear to ask what's going on in real life, then... :pinkiehappy:

7098527 Let's just say bowling balls are preferable to some of the cases we see in real life by virtue of being inanimate.

7098621 you HAD to go there didn't you. NoI don't want any explanation please. This is one time I glad of ignorance and don't wish to be informed.


This right here dear author is one of the very few times where it is not rude to delete another user's comment, as the quotation was done as a joke and the post serves no purpose other to troll and/or be annoying. I'm pretty sure none will be offended of you do, and I urge you to delete it, as it makes browsing on a mobile device harder.

You should delete that comment that quoted your whole story.

7098621 I remember reading about the hamster cannon in Darwins awards. That thing freaking broke someones jaw when it shot out.

Fixed,Downside of being in a hospital bed and using only a phone. Didn't see the quote cover the whole story.

I'd volunteer to work as a nurse in this hospital just so I could make journals of everything and send them to the Princesses or publish them. Totally worth it. I'd even make an audio-visual documentary on how crazy ponies are. :rainbowlaugh:

Yep. All three installments to this series are now in my favorites. Have a follow.

Almost died laughing thinking of a bowling ball being shot out of someone's pussy bouncing around a room then hitting someone In the face sending them flying out of a room

Ha, I worked in fast food for almost eight years. Good god, stay in the kitchen and flip burgers, because once you start dealing with customers, especially in drive thru, you'll eat a glock. I can empathize with the nurses believing that everyone is retarded until they prove it otherwise.

I've seen people pass off counterfeit money, walk into the fucking manager's office claiming to be an IT guy from corporate, literally fall asleep in their car halfway between the pay window and the ordering speaker (how the fuck do you do that?), and the obviously required fucking in the car in the parking lot. I know people think "It's just one time", but when you're dealing with on average one order every minute on an eight and a half hour shift, statistical law of probability means you're going to get some POS college student thinking they're funny trying a British accent or flashing their vag. Window boobage doesn't even do anything for me anymore. What I'd give for a nice, hairy man ass just to spice things up.

There will always be another customer to make you start considering eugenics.

I hope that hospital wasn't anything like this one. :rainbowlaugh:

Congrats on the top of the feature box.

Wow. I sleep for three hours and this is at the top of the feature box. :pinkiehappy:

Cartoon hospitals are freaky.

A bowling ball in her vag...

I am reminded of the time I spent at McDonald's working the drive-thru. I wanted to give my Desert Eagle .50 AE a fucking blowjob every fucking night. And then, the shit patients come to the fucking desk with...

100% Approved.


The fic has no hamsters. I just heard of such a thing happening.

Nah, I see it was edited.

Wat... :twilightoops: *notes the story idea*

I wonder what'd the princesses say... :trollestia:

I used to work in Tesco. Those people are insane, from old women arguing about promotions, a guy in his fifties that got mad because he didn't win a pack of chips, and a young dude who wanted to buy alcohol and when I asked him for ID, he gave me Ukrainian passport (took me a while before I found his date of birth in it). Oh, and after three months of working there, I knew all the homeless guys in the neighbourhood.

Thanks :pinkiehappy:

7101357 sorry it didn't break the guys jaw it, broke his nose. Here's where I read it from http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-10.html

there's a lot of Ideas you could get from this website. Though it's not a true darwin award unless you're unable to pass on your genes, so it's pretty morbid

Dear Princess Cadance,

Today, I learned that friendship with benefits is magical. And just like regular magic, there is a dark side. Involving bowling balls, and childbirth metaphors made real. Is physician-assisted suicide legal for cases of extreme unbleachable brain in your Empire? And if not, how many times would I, uh, er a friend of mind have to sexually harass Shining Armor to be executed?

Just asking,
A Troublesome Beast

Well that was a great barrel of laughs

Okay, that was hilarious!:rainbowlaugh:

7098621 I once heard of someone needing a live snake removed from the rectum.

These are amazing.
They would be more amazing if they were chapters in a story rather than individual stories, so they weren't a complete thrush to track.
Such is life. :twilightsheepish:

Few things in life simultaneously disgust and delight me, but your works always do the trick.:scootangel:

I actually found the old folks to be the most tolerable. They usually get the same thing every time, so there's no mistaking their order for some bullshit and they know our exact terminology. The college kids are irritating, but at least they have better things to do than bother me all day, despite their stupid accidents and their incessant requests for "A pussyburger and an order of titty fries." That was an actual order, I kid you not.

No, the worst are the adults. I actually have this theory. Fast food is turning people into sheep, and it affects adults more because of their schedules. They expect everything to be handed to them, despite them not knowing what they are asking for. The number of people who don't know meals comes with drinks and fries is absolutely astounding, and yet they will ask for it. It's the same thing with kids meals. Parents will ask for them and have absolutely no idea what goes in them. Want to know what item they miss ordering the most? The toy. Every time, they miss he item kids scream at them to get.

It's strange, and when I ask "And what else with that?", I can hear a pin drop because they have no idea what I am talking about. Fast food is conditioning people to expect instant gratification despite them not knowing what they want. They want something, and they don't know what it is, only what it isn't.

This is exactly why I get this massive, shit-eating grin when reading Redheart's dialogue. I know how it feels to expect everyone you meet through the window is an absolute moron. You are either sufficient enough to go about your business, or you really shouldn't be allowed to do a chore as simple as put on pants.

That's why fast food workers smile when you leave, everyone. They're not happy that you came, they're happy that you're either leaving them the hell alone or you're not a complete screw up.

damn I love these stories, they are hilarious :rainbowlaugh:

Unbelievably witty and absolute genius within each installment, I patiently await the next, by then I may have figured out all the hilarious acronyms.

7107596 You are most welcome :pinkiesmile: Keep em coming :pinkiehappy: I need more laughter and snarky humor in my life :pinkiecrazy:

I've worked at a Valero for a while. Actually had a customer try to use picture of their ID taken with their cell phone to buy beer. And some of those people couldn't find the ATM even though we had a sign right above it that said "ATM" in huge-ass letters that you could almost see from space. (Exaggerating slightly...)

I also did tech support for an ISP for a while. I had to wonder if I sounded like a robot on the phone to one particular customer, because when I asked for her phone number (so I could punch it into the system to bring up her account info), she started typing the number in on her phone (I could hear the beeps from her end). I had to say to her (in the politest, most patient tone I could manage), "No, ma'am, I need you to TELL me your phone number."

Almost exactly one month later, the same customer calls in, and we go through the same damn "TELL me your number" song and dance all over again. (And I could tell it was the same customer, because I saw my notes from the previous call in the troubleshooting history.) :facehoof:

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