True Beauty

by Bookish Delight

2: Fitting In

Rarity and Spike rushed over to Starlight, who was leaning, gasping, and trembling against the wall with one hoof.

"Dear, what's wrong?" Rarity asked. "It looked like we'd hit a breakthrough!"

Spike nodded. "You looked like you were loving it."

Starlight tried to answer rationally. To explain it all away. To get back to the fitting, and walk out a new mare, as Rarity had promised.

But when she opened her mouth, she instead realized that she didn't have the energy to push the fear down any more.

The dam burst.

"I do, Spike. I love this dress so much. But now that we've seen it, don't you think it makes me look somewhat... " Starlight poked her head close to the mirror, and gingerly walked back in front of it. Her voice slipped back down to a whisper. "...villainous?"

"Rarity walked next to her. "Honestly? The word I would have used is debutante. A mare who would put Canterlot to shame, given the honor she radiates with her very presence."

Starlight blushed, then sighed. Her trembles slowly ebbed, but her mind was still a murky haze. It was still impossible to focus, much less figure out her next course of action.

Fortunately, once more, Rarity provided ample distraction, and a smile at no extra charge. "Firstly: black is beautiful. It's basic, it's slimming, it's the blank slate of the color spectrum. You are blessed to have been born with a coat that complements it better than most ponies. If I'm being completely honest, I'm rather jealous. The mime look doesn't quite work for me. You understand."

Starlight barely suppressed a giggle.

"Secondly," Rarity continued. "You chose the fabric and design. We spent two hours here, and there are a literal rainbow of discarded dresses around my boutique, in all colors and shapes. You could have gone with literally anything else. But you didn't."

"I..." Starlight nodded. "I know I didn't. But even then, I wasn't sure if I was making the right choice."

Rarity tilted her head. "The right choice for who?"

A knot formed in Starlight's stomach. She swallowed. "I... for..."

"You spoke from the heart, did you not?" Rarity pressed.

The trembles returned, with double intensity. "I-I did, but..."

"Just like you did when you told me you wanted to still be an influencer, even after running an entire town where you did just that?"

The replacement dam that Starlight's heart had been busy hastily constructing didn't stand a chance.

The tsunami hit.

"What I want doesn't matter!" Starlight exploded, her voice cracking. She threw off the dress. "Not anymore! Don't you think I might not want to let anypony else think I'm going back to to that?"

Rarity didn't answer.

"I spent my entire life being wrong and awful," Starlight sobbed, "and I hate who I was! I hate it so much! I barely like who I am right now! And I don't know what to do about it! But moving forwards instead of backwards... isn't that just logical?"

Starlight gasped for breath. "Isn't it the right thing to to do?" The knot in her chest dissolved, replaced by sticky, viscous guilt in the pit of her stomach. "I-I'm sorry, Rarity, I'm so sorry, I—"

Rarity shook her head.

"Don't be. My questions are never idle, Starlight, nor are they ever inconsequential. From the very first question I posed to you when you walked into my boutique, to my last question from a minute ago, I did whatever I could to get you to confront this exactly." Rarity placed a caressing hoof on Starlight's shoulder.

"But... but why?" Starlight choked.

"Because, thirdly: Carousel Boutique is about bringing out inner beauty. Naturally you have what it takes on the outside. Your coat, your mane, your voice—oh your voice is simply divine," Rarity chanted. But those things only take you so far. When push comes to shove, it is the inside of anypony that will validate what is outside."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Starlight said. "Really, really afraid of."

Rarity sighed, and squeezed Starlight's shoulder. "Starlight. it is absolutely okay to be all right with who you are inside, and what ideas speak to you."

"No it's not," Starlight said in a meek voice. "Rarity, not everything I might like, or everything I am inside, is..."

"Accepted? Appreciated? Safe?"

Starlight nodded.

"Excellent!" Rarity crowed. "Let it be, I say. I've served countless ponies who thought they were the absolute worst Equestria had to offer. Who thought they had no inner glow to be brought to the surface. Every single one of them has been proven wrong." Rarity winked. "And that's why I have the fashion empire."

Rarity gently tugged Starlight's hoof. Starlight followed, and Rarity led her to a nearby window. A light spring rain could be seen falling outside, with the sun still out. Rarity gestured outwards and upwards.

Starlight followed Rarity's gesture, and gaped as she saw a multicolored arc across the horizon, spreading beauty all across the town of Ponyville.

"Nopony is pure sweetness, or pure malice," Rarity said. "Nopony is completely 'normal', or completely off of the beaten path. Nopony is a saint, nor is anypony beyond redemption. Just like the rainbow that shines after every storm, we all occupy a spectrum of personalities, wishes, fantasies, ideals, vices. All have their uses to help others... and yourself."

Rarity took Starlight's hooves. "But the pony who denies who they are, is the pony who denies all they can be—meaning that they will never be at their best. Or their most beautiful."

Starlight turned Rarity's words over in her mind. They... were new. Comfortingly so.

She decided she wanted to believe in them.

A third dam could wait. At least for the moment.

"So what you're trying to tell me is that... it's really all okay?" Starlight whispered. "All of myself is okay?"

Rarity nodded and smiled. "So long as nopony gets hurt, of course." Her eyes twinkled. "But it looks like you're past that phase."

Starlight could feel the weights lifting off of her chest, one by one. She giggled. "I... I wish I had you to tell me this years ago. Instead I forced conformity and sameness on so many ponies. I forced them to push in their inner beauty. And I feel absolutely terrible about it."

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Honestly? You're hardly the first in Equestria to employ the methods you did. But fear not, Starlight. I refuse to pass judgment on the current you based on what I saw or experienced the very first time we ever met. Quite honestly, it sounds like you're pretty good at doing that to yourself.

"But I can give you one piece of advice: love yourself, as you wish for others to love you. Genuinely, and without force. And don't worry, that's never something that comes easily or instantly. It takes hard work and a huge heart to not compare yourself to others, or to forgive yourself for past mistakes."

Rarity kissed Starlight on the cheek. "But all of Eqeustria, including you, me, and Spike here... we are all works in progress, every day of our lives. And even when we pass away, those works are never 'finished' or 'perfect'—merely the best they can be at that point in time."

Starlight sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, Rarity. I'll... I'll do my best to remember that."

"Wonderful. I'll be back in a few minutes--I need to put away the dresses and supplies we didn't use." Rarity went to the back room, several dresses magically floating behind her.

---

Starlight watched Rarity disappear behind the back door. She put her hoof to the cheek Rarity had kissed. "She certainly is... passionate... about her work."

"Heh, yeah," Spike replied. "Passion's her middle name. Especially when it comes to favored clients."

Starlight failed to avoid blushing for the third time that hour. "Of which I am one?"

Spike shrugged. "Looks like." He paced around Starlight, claw to his chin, and letting out several "hmm"s. After a minute of this, Starlight couldn't take it anymore.

"Something the matter?" she asked. "Is there something on my face?"

Spike shrugged again. "Nah, nothing like that. I was just thinking: this is the first time we've ever really been... just in once place for any length of time. And just... talking normally."

Starlight picked up Spike's ball, and sighed. "Right. Because..."

"...yeah."

Both fell silent, their gazes apart.

"So yeah," Spike said again after a short while. "I wasn't sure what to think when you got here. Especially given our, uh, 'adventures'."

Starlight nodded. "I understand completely."

Spike walked in front of Starlight, into her field of vision. "But Rarity's right. You don't have to be sorry about everything twenty-four-seven. They already know you are. They've been in that same place. I've been in that same place."

Spike gestured out of the window. "I almost destroyed this whole town once because I was totally fixated on one thing. And unlike you, I wasn't in enough of my right mind to know that what I was doing. To be able to be talked out of it like you were. I give you credit for trusting in Twilight, and in friendship. Celestia knows I've had to.

"So yeah. Where I'm standing? At least, now that you're not trying to unmake the universe?" Spike shrugged. "You seem fine to me. No crazier than any of us, anyway."

Starlight's limbs moved on their own, and in moments, she found herself hugging Spike. "I really appreciate it, Spike. Thank you so much."

"Not a problem," Spike said, hugging back. "Besides, Twilight can tell you the stories a lot better than I could, but you're also not the first girl we've met who was totally nasty one time but then managed to turn herself around and become one of our best friends." Spike pulled back. "And knowing Twilight's luck, you probably won't be the last, either."

"Well," Starlight said, "if that happens in the future, maybe I can turn whoever it might be around. Pay it forward."

Spike grinned. "Heh. You'd be our best bet."

Hoof met claw in a jubilant collision.

Rarity emerged out of the back room. "Did I interrupt something?" she said, looking at the scene before her.

"Not at all, Rarity," Starlight said, beaming and walking over to her. "Thank you both so much. I've... made a decision."

"Splendid!" Rarity said. "By all means, let us hear it."

I've decided..." Starlight took a deep breath. "...that I love the dress. I love that it makes me feel powerful just by putting it on. And I do like the attention. But at the same time... I'll also work on myself. So that I'll be able to use both of those things wisely. If I'm going to wear my heart's desire?"

She looked at Rarity, Spike, and then the sparkling dark ensemble. "Then I want to be worthy of it. In my heart."

Rarity's grin went from ear to ear. She picked up the dress with her magic, and placed it in Starlight's hoof.

"Now that," Rarity said, "is a statement born of true beauty."

Comments

[Majin Syeekoh]

Man, I’ve been where Starlight is before. I can really relate to her how she’s depicted here.

I feel like I should be expecting a few more stories in this vein over the next few days.

[Skywriter]

It's hard when you have doubts that you're any kind of good person at all. I know a little of what Starlight feels like, and I think we all need a Rarity in our lives to tell us how to move forward.

[superfun]

The feels were strong with this one.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

A good amount of feels were exchanged in this entry. And I get the feeling that since you planted this one just hours after your one with Applejack, you're going to be making this into a series. But who's going to be next: Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, or Fluttershy?

[Starlight Nova]

What episode is the picture from?

[Bookish Delight]

8197703

"The Cutie Re-Mark, Part 2". Season 5 finale.

[Olden Bronie]

Bravo, my friend.....well written and very well told! So very beautiful at every turn!

[Hillbe]

Well done

[Rao the Red Sun]

"But all of Eqeustria,

Boop.

But, otherwise, well played. It's great to see Rarity of all ponies be the one to help polish up someone's insides as well as the exterior. We don't get enough of her selfless side, on the whole, I think.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Keen insight and care, exactly what Starlight jeeded at this juncture. And Spike's scene was fantastic as well. Another great entry in this series. I especially love Rarity's speech patterns captured in the patterns of italicization. Thank you for this.

[EchoWing]

...dang it, this is making me relate to Starlight more than before. That's a good thing by me.

[CobaltLegion]

I'm so glad you wrote this, it was a great read! all the characters were simply on point!

[redmar]

This was a good story.

[Orbiting Kettle]

Oh my, I love this Rarity and this Spike. It is always a delight when we see them in deeper roles.

Thank you for the story.

[OmniFox]

What about the new name style on Starlight?

[Majin Syeekoh]

You know, I saw this story and went to read it because I thought I had missed a Bookish story before it got into the feature box…

then saw I already read it on May 29th when it was released. So, um congrats you got featured?

[the book keeper]

Hi I have read both your stories which I really enjoyed.

I was wondering are you going to write anymore of what the others and Starlight did during the montarge at the end of serise five.

[Gojira007]

One of the most fascinating things about Starlight Glimmer as a character is the precise nature of her redemption.  Because in contrast to, say, Nightmare Moon, who was basically already a good pony who just needed to be rescued and led back to the light, or Discord, whose reform has been…bumpy, to put it mildly*, Starlight started out in a Bad Place, has worked her way to a good place, and even as she’s stumbled along the way, she is still earnestly trying to walk that better path.  Her redemption, in other words, may be a Work In Progress, but it is a Work In Progress she genuinely wants to complete, no matter the struggles and difficulties she runs into along the way.  That creates a fascinating area of moral and character exploration “Friendship is Magic” has never really had before, in addition to creating this really rich, deep internal dynamic for Starlight.  And “True Beauty” navigates both of those elements beautifully and brilliantly, staking out that fascinating space where they intersect, and in so doing delivering a message that is simultaneously completely outside the show’s own particular style…and yet perfectly in keeping with its moral universe.

Ah, but I’m getting a bit ahead of myself, aren’t I?  First thing’s first, we’ve got ourselves a brilliant little premise here.  It’s an idea you’ve played with from other angles, too, the notion of Rarity using her self-expression through fashion as a way of reaching out to someone and making a personal connection that in turn allows her to help them work through their problem.  It’s a tried and true concept, too**, but it never feels tired or familiar here, because, as you always do when playing with recurring concepts and themes in your work, you’ve found a new angle to approach it from.  As with “Same Apples, New Tricks”, you see, this isn’t Rarity stepping up to a challenge at the request of another (like “Special Case”) or Rarity inviting a friend into her world for the sake of bonding with them (as in “Full Self-Service”).  No, as with “Old Apples, New Tricks”, and in keeping with the over-arching theme of this meta-story, this is Rarity taking on the role of Mentor, using her special talents to help a friend recognize something about themselves they may not have realized, and something else they might not care to admit about themselves.  It is, unsurprisingly, a mode you work for Rarity with perfect precision; her language, her eye for detail, the way in which each choice, from the fabrics she picks to the questions she asks…it is compelling equally for the insight it provides us into Rarity the Artist, and the clear point it makes about Rarity The Friend.  Besides which, it is just exceptionally constructed to boot; your attention to detail in general, and with Rarity in particular, has always been quite strong, but here especially you use it to wonderful effect, allowing us not only to understand Rarity’s perspective, but to understand Rarity’s perspective from Starlight’s perspective.  We see her simultaneously as this warm, accommodating, almost-mentor-like figure, but we also see how much her craft and her artistry place her in almost a whole other world from the ponies around her; it never makes her unknowable, but it does grant her the sheen of…I guess Sageness, in a way.  Akin to Applejack in “Same Apples….”, it allows us to recognize, not only the wisdom of her methods and observations, but also the full depth of how much she has learned and integrated them into herself.  In other words, it’s another example of how, as much as this story is about Starlight and her continuing internal struggle, it is also a wonderful celebration of what has made Rarity such an indispensable friend and a valuable companion over the years.

On top of all that, you also highlight an aspect of Rarity that all too often goes either unexplored, outright ignored, or worst of all misinterpreted***: her relationship with Spike.  It’s a small thing, in the story’s grand scheme, and yet, it’s also a really important piece, too.  Because the thing that, even today, too few people recognize is that a key pillar of Rarity’s and Spike’s friendship is that they are partners.  They support each other, they understand each other, and each can supplement the other when need be.  So when Spike steps in to give Starlight his own little pep-talk, in the midst of Rarity’s Fashion Tour of Self-Realization, it isn’t just a nice opportunity that allows Starlight to better process the emotions she’s currently experiencing by means of a friend with whom she is, I don’t think it’s unfair to say, more familiar and comfortable with than Rarity.  It is also a key expression of the role Spike plays, and that Rarity understood he would play, in what she was trying to do, a sign of how much he and she both understand each other, and what they both want to do for Starlight.

Which, at last, brings us to the real central point of all this.  Generally speaking, both in the show and in your stories about her thus far, Starlight’s journey has been primarily about the fear that she will never be able to make up for the mistakes she’s made.  That, when all is said and done, she will never be able to truly conquer the parts of herself that led her to make those evil decisions.  But “True Beauty” stakes out a new, fascinating, almost radical position: that she doesn’t need to.  It’s a tough notion to sell, given the nature of Starlight’s transgressions, and the acknowledgement the story makes of that fact via Starlight herself helps us to understand how trying to understand that very fact is a key part of the process Rarity has been subtly guiding Starlight (and by extension us) through the entire story.  It’s a brilliant little turn when it makes itself known, too; again, Rarity’s use of fashion as the lens by which ponies can reveal their best selves is well known, and as the confidence that brings up in Starlight starts to grow, and starts to rub up against the more ambitious parts of herself that led her down the wrong road before, one could be forgiven for thinking they know where this is going…until Rarity herself steps in and points out how unfair Starlight is being to herself.  How her desire not to be seen a certain way is forcing her to tamp down on traits and abilities that are in fact integral to who she is.  And the thing of it is, it’s a thorny thing, those parts of herself.  We’ve seen the harm they can do.  But then, what does Starlight’s redemption mean if it forces her to deny part of who she is?  That’s the key thing, to me.  Again, most of the stories about Starlight tend to focus on how she is not the pony she once was, on how she has grown and changed and evolved.  And those stories are of great value!  But “True Beauty” adds another side to that story, one of equal importance: that for Starlight herself to accept how she has changed requires her to accept all of who she is.  Even the scary parts.  Because those scary parts don’t have to be bad.  Her ambition, her leadership, her influence…these traits, these skills, have value, especially now that Starlight has recognized the harm they can do if applied unfairly.  And she deserves as much chance to explore the good they can do as any other pony with a special talent.

Like I said, that’s very atypical of a “Friendship is Magic” moral.  And yet, at the same time, it doesn’t feel like a refutation of that morality, but rather of a piece with it.  Because in the end, “True Beauty” is about the thing FiM has always valued most: learning to be the best You you can be, even if it isn’t quite in the way you expect it to.  It arrives at that concept in a way and from an angle that the show doesn’t really use, but in terms, and with characters, that we understand very well from the series proper.  It is, in other words, an especially strong example of that unique thing you do so well, synthesizing your own perspective with that of the show to reach a special, powerful conclusion all your own, one that enhances the show’s own themes without trying to undermine them.  It is, forgive me, a thing of beauty.

 *or chrysalis, who has gotten Friendship Blasted in the face twice now XD

** I would still rank “Special Case” as maybe one of the absolute best things you’ve ever done.

*** to put it charitably >w>