• Member Since 12th Jun, 2016
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Amethyst_Dawn


A good story displays a moral, the best ones attach you to the characters who display them.

E

This story is a sequel to Friendly Fire


She has waited.

She has waited for years, and now the unlikely individual that captured her affection has returned, but not in the way she had expected. Now, she finds herself in love with a King. Surely, there will be something to separate them again, with his new position...

... won't there be?

(Despite the unfortunate post date, this is a genuine work)

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 66 )

Good, i was expecting a sequel :pinkiesmile:

8066898
I hope I didn't disappoint! :raritywink:

(Despite the unfortunate post date, this is a genuine work)

Is there really a point to saying this when it says that this story was made on April second?

8066953

Mayhaps because the date is still April 1st for the author.

8066953
Like Hash said, over here it still says April 1st. :twilightblush:

Oh sweet Celestia, why didn't I see this earlier? I'll check it out later.

“‘Her’, eh?” She giggled lightly. “Do I detect a note of affection in your tone, or am I mistaken?”

[Royal eyebrow-waggling intensifies] :trollestia:

Don't worry about the date post too much. People will judge by their own eyes when they actually read. On another note I am interested in seeing where this goes so tracking this.

8067615
Probably my favourite side of Celestia to write for. :trollestia:

8067691
True. :twilightsmile:
And Part 2 should be out relatively quick, unless life happens.

8067717 Trust me Life is one of the valid reasons for things getting in the way. Even I have trouble keeping up with both interest and time. Even I'm working on my story as I type this out. I even finished the second story I post elsewhere today. It took a long time to get through that in one piece.

that cliffhanger though... well done. i'll be back. :moustache:

Haha I loved this! I liked seeing you write the calm and comfortable side of Celestia! And also Thorax. I like Thorax too.
XD

Comment posted by Gustav Ferreira deleted Apr 2nd, 2017
Comment posted by Gustav Ferreira deleted Apr 2nd, 2017
Comment posted by Gustav Ferreira deleted Apr 2nd, 2017
Comment posted by Gustav Ferreira deleted Apr 2nd, 2017
Comment posted by Gustav Ferreira deleted Apr 2nd, 2017
Comment posted by Gustav Ferreira deleted Apr 2nd, 2017

Here a few things I think need improving on.

Careless for her prim and proper reputation, she shoved past every pony she ran across in her desperate rush to reach the main street, hoping to catch sight of the Changeling that had saved her those years ago.

There should be an 'all' between 'those years'.

She dared not believe what her ears had told her was said: that Thorax, the lowly soldier that betrayed his people, was now their sovereign ruler.

'was said' should be removed.

“hip-hip-hooray”s. Should be '“hip-hip-hooray's."'

’That voice…’ he thought as his neck slowly swivelled out to the crowd. ‘I… I know that--’

I think you missed a sentence before this one. Shouldn't Fleur's calling to him before this sentence be here. Or was

“THREE CHEERS FOR THE GREAT AND LOVING THORAX!”

what she said?

“I’ll not pretend that I fully support this… romance of yours,” he admitted, “but far be it from me to stop you from doing what you think is right. Aside from now, that is.

I feel like that there should be a sentence of Fleur giving Fancy a look between these two paragraphs.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Fleur: any fool could see that you’re going about this like some pessimistic old mare, and not the exuberant, dreaming youth that I’ve grown accustomed to as my sister. You want to take a step back when the door is wide open for you, like some contrived conflict in one of those high-school Disneigh motion pictures.”

... Unfortunately, the same could not be said of Luna’s face.

I don’t think those three dots are necessary there because the sentence before that one had it.

“An old friend from Canterlot? Aren’t you the stealthful one.

There should be a question mark at the end of that sentence.

8067782
Indeed, :twilightsmile:

8067792
What can I say? I like cliffhangers. :raritywink:

8067894
Hi, Spec! How've you been? :pinkiehappy:
Also, thanks! It's a fun side to write for. :twilightsmile:

8068363

There should be an 'all' between 'those years'.

Actually, there was supposed to be a 'few' there. :twilightblush:

'was said' should be removed.

Noted.

I think you missed a sentence before this one. Shouldn't Fleur's calling to him before this sentence be here. Or was
“THREE CHEERS FOR THE GREAT AND LOVING THORAX!” what she said?

She was the one calling that out. :twilightsmile:

I feel like that there should be a sentence of Fleur giving Fancy a look between these two paragraphs.

I had a similar idea, but whenever I included it, it felt awkward or misplaced. It seemed better to just imply it.

I don’t think those three dots are necessary there because the sentence before that one had it.

I'll correct that, sure.

There should be a question mark at the end of that sentence.

Actually, the second part of that line is more of a statement than a question.

And also, for future reference: there's and 'Edit' button on the top right corner of comments you've left. I recommend you use that instead of deleting past comments, please. :twilightsmile:

8068442 I wanted to put everything I said in one big comment. That's why I deleted the previous ones.

8067717 How quick do you think?

8068988
If all goes according to plan, then within the next couple of weeks. :twilightsmile:

8069047 How many parts do you think it will be? 2 or 3?

I shall be looking forward to the rest of this story indeed.

Good to see this :pinkiehappy:

And may God go with you, too :twilightsmile:

not even noticing the blonde-maned stallion she had accidently thrown into a muddy ditch

I won't be surprised if that was Prince Blueblood.

8076241
I was hoping someone would notice that. :trollestia:

Bonus chapter?! YES! MOAR!!!!!!!!!!

good stuff

This is me right now:

8080493
Glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Celestia quietly stared at the closed door for a few minutes before she took a sip of her tea, and set the saucer back onto the diner table.

You misspelled dinner table.

8080536
Diner, as in restaurant. :twilightsmile:

How did that chapter go? My dear readers…





… that’s an adventure for another day.

So there's going to be more at some point? That's fine. I can wait. (Not really, I can hardly wait!)

“I didn’t see the wedding itself, but I saw the dress…” Luna’s cheeks took on a hue of pink as she looked away from the table. “And as for the rest, let us just say that I have never heard the name ‘Thorax’ screamed so loudly in my life, and leave it at that.”
Celestia’s dish crashed on the table as both her and Cadence turned bright red at the implications, and Twilight looked between the three of them with a confused expression.
“What?” Twilight asked innocently. “What’s got you three so silent?”
Celestia offered a wing to her former student in an embrace, and suddenly found the view outside of the cafe very interesting. “Let me just say that soon, you’ll know whether a mare that marries a Changeling will lay eggs, or give birth normally.”

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :pinkiegasp::derpyderp1::derpyderp2::rainbowderp:

8080601
I was hoping those jokes would work. :rainbowlaugh:

“Let me just say that soon, you’ll know whether a mare that marries a Changeling will lay eggs, or give birth normally.”

I'm curious now, we need closure.

8082063
As long as you're not expecting clop, the answer will come in time. :twilightsmile:

8080586 Maybe? Please don't troll with me like that. :fluttershysad:

to meet those of the Princesses Celestia and Luna

'the' is not necessary there.

It would've been awesome to see this as a long story. It would definitely be sweet.

8120309
8080583
Don't worry, a much longer sequel is in planning. :twilightsmile:

This is a great example of a well put together story, and for that, I applaud you, good Sir!

His complaining was stopped short once he opened the door, and saw a large white stallion with dark blue armor staring down at him from barely an inch above eye level.

Is that Shining Armor?

And what exactly is the Trump reference?

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