I'm Zyr1987 (Rhymes with sir) and I'm currently the only person to write stories about Fleur de Lis to any great extent. I also ship extensively and have been taking to combining the two in my stories
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After her former coltfriend, one Prince Blueblood, kicks her out in the rain, Fleur de Lis is taken in by a dapper young stallion for the night. A dapper young stallion that happens to be on the road to being one of the most important members of the Canterlot nobility, and who seems to have taken a liking to her.
A very short tale of how Fancy and Fleur first met, all those years ago.
Now with its own TV Tropes page.
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A short but sweet story.
I must admit, this was a pretty sweet story, and good concept as well. However...
The she thought she heard something.
Perhaps you meant "Then" she thought.
“I learned long ago that when things seem to be too good to be true, they probably are, and I'm worried that you might want take advantage of me,” Fleur bluntly admitted
you might want "to" take advantage of me
Otherwise, all is good.
Sequel?
2589482
Too short in my opinion, so it could use expanding - especially her acceptance of everything that Fancy is doing. There's not really enough time to get in to the action, sympathize with her plight, and then enjoy the outcome since this is pretty much just once scene from a much larger story. One that we aren't seeing here.
Interesting, if somewhat cliche story. Admittedly, it's been awhile since I've seen Sweet and Elite, but I seem to remember Fleur being rather stuck-up, which I wouldn't imagine she would be after having a stuck-up boyfriend, but really that's just a minor complaint. Overall, it was nice, but a little too short to really empathize with the characters, especially Fleur. Sure, you say Bluebood was a jerk (bastard also seems rather strong, given that it's the only explicit word used), but without seeing even the tiniest amount of it, it's hard to just accept it. Same goes for her acceptance of Fancy Pant's offer. I mean, she admits to herself that she's worried he's just trying to get in her pants, but then all he has to say is, "Nah, I'm cool" and she just takes him at facevalue. Again, I would think that someone who had been thrown out by a (presumably) abusive boyfriend wouldn't be so quick to take another man up on his offer to sleep in his house.
Anyway, I think you've got the start of a good idea here, but it really needs to be fleshed out more before it has any weight to it. Right now it's more like you're telling the readers that they should feel sorry for Fleur, and that they should like Fancy Pants, but we don't really have any reason too. You wouldn't need to expand too much, just perhaps show Fleur being kicked out as opposed to starting with her already leaving, and give her a bit more time to warm up to Fancy Pants. Have him do something that shows he's genuine. Actions speak louder than words, or so they say.
I liked it cause it was sweet
2590096
Stuck-up? No no no, if anything she was quite flirtatious- she more or less kept wrapping herself around Fancy Pants!
This story seems much too short to tell a proper story. I would be interested in this concept if it were a little bit longer, but I will stay neutral on it for now. My apologies for the short comment.
My regards,
Pond
2590485
Perhaps stuck-up isn't exactly right. More like, spoiled, let's say.
She wasn't hanging all over Fancy Pants because she was flirting with him. Fleur was doing it because she wanted to show Rarity that he belonged to her. Sort of how you'd wrap your arm around your girlfriend in the presence of another man that you would perceive as a threat. The point being that Fleur was never really portrayed as being all that nice. She came off, to me at least, as that popular girl from high school who tries but never manages to recapture those golden years, always hanging off some guy or another, but never really having a meaningful relationship, he said while talking about ponies in a cartoon for little girls...
So yeah, I may have been reading a bit too much into her character, but whatever. Like I said, that was really a minor complaint in the grand scheme of things. The more pressing concern is the lack of empathy I feel towards Fleur. I can't really bring myself to care because I've been given no reason to.
2590574
That's certainly an explanation! And you're right, 'spoiled' would be a much better description of her then.
I like it. Short and simple, that's just how it is sometimes. You done good.
Not bad for what it is, but it feels like you cut it off at the end without much resolution or climax. There's nothing wrong with writing very short stories, of course, but I still think one should try to mind the structure and make sure it has a beginning, middle and end. If you'd put in just a little more effort, this would be a perfectly decent short story. Oh well.
This is a very good story. It's conveniently short. But there are a few grammatical errors and a few areas where your diction could have been better. But other than that, great job!
sounds like Fancy alright^^
I'd like a sequel^^
This is a great backstory for Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis.
If I may, remove the word bastard, this doesn't really belong in an [everyone] fic.
Added to Twilight's Library on a contributor recommendation.
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Great story.
Close on this one, but you have two errors too many. Here are the five that I found:
Should be moved, not moving.
You need a comma after street.
Should be mover and shaker.
You should have a semicolon after care, not a comma.
Should be coltfriend, not boyfriend.
Short 'n' sweet.
I took the opportunity to re-read this story while organizing my bookshelves. Still as good as the first time.
Blue-maned, perhaps? Or blue-eyed, if Fleur's vision is good. Either way, I'm pretty sure Fancy is quite white.
Not a bad story and a great find, mate.
Cute and short. I enjoyed it immensely.