After a passionate, year long relationship comes to a rather dispassionate end, Fancypants, and Fleur de Lis each decide that they could use some time away from Canterlot and each other, each independently choose to stay with a friend in Ponyville.
While there, Fancy finds himself falling for a mare he barely knows after her friend accidentally kicks an apple at his horn and sends him to the hospital, while the friend Fleur is staying with, a shy yellow pegasus, finds herself being drawn to her.
My entry for the Unloved Couples' Writing contest. Also an experiment in writing two pairings at once.
Chapters (5)
If Fleur wasn't a blank slate, I would be in so much trouble with the Fancy pairing
Hm.
This is different.
I'm kinda liking it so far.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well... I'll give you points for making it a amicable separation.
Interesting premise...
I think, however, that it would behoove you (I love using that word on this site) to find yourself at least one editor. There are a few typos and grammar goofs that could be easily patched up.
I'm sure there isn't a "t" there.
There are also a few grammar mistakes as well.
Anyway, I'm seeing more Fleur De Shy. Either way, this looks somewhat promising.
I am intrigued and wish to see where this goes.
Honesty....Stubborness.... I wonder who that could be....
Yay, Fancyjack!
Yes, I'll be watching this. *grabs popcorn*
*eat
Missing punctuation
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Aside from the few mistakes I saw here, this was a good chapter. And I can understand how it to write a pairing for two characters who don't really seem... compatible much, if that makes sense.
You're using a lot of telling and very ordinary dialogue (what do you want to eat, what do you have, list off food...) and not much emotion is coming through for them, though. I'm not feeling the breakup, nor the new interests yet.
And It's not hard to do Applepants. You just have to realize their commonalities. I've been working on them for the last year (just gotten bogged down in real life, fic challenges, and other stuff). AJ & Fancy Pants, while dissimilar ponies, have a chance to influence each other's worlds.
"She's a Hard-Working Earth Pony with Powerful Hooves and a Take-Charge Attitude. He's a Stylish Canterlot Unicorn Who knows Fashion Three Days Before It's Popular. They Fight Crime!" (Or just infuriate the locals, like so):
From my upcoming Fic:
Hmmm.
Not much seemed to happen here. In terms of the plot.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Congrats on Winner the "Unloved Couples" group Random Ship contest!
Your story has also earned my Fav! Cant wait to see you continue with this story!
when is next update?
I want more ApplePants romance lol
Get the Fancy X Applejack romance.
Oh but then Applejack can see.
3128221 WAIT THERE'S A MOVIE
So.... I see your having fun with the Ship you got... Sorry it happened to be such a wierd one
I'm not liking this chapter too much. The pacing feels too fast and abrupt. A bit shallow, too.
3076340 Probably exactly and on-purpose-not-on-purposely who she was thinking of.
HAHAHA
that was pretty funny. As a lover of slapstick comedy, I salute you.
"Fleur said, reveling in the wonder of jellied toast, something that, according to her agent, she wasn’t supposed to have due to all the carbs in it. "
Who knew someone could jelly toast so much.
Straight to the point. I like that! It matches their personalities, I think.