- Member Since 31st May, 2012
- offline last seen 18 hours ago
WishyWish
Bringing personal and commission horse words to you over a cup of steaming Earl Gray! I write in many genres, for all audiences. Check my library bookshelves for convenient sorting of my stories.
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Love it keep up the good work.
7978056
No problem. It's your story, enjoy!
Wow. That was . . . Painful
. I really felt Celestia's resignation to the situation. I am tempted to say this is your most powerful piece so far. While I kept thinking, 'Come on, it may be sheathed, but you still have a horn! Gore the S.O.B.,' I could feel the weight upon her shoulders. The knowledge that while a single fight might be won, in doing so she might damn the lives of countless Ponies, because the war was already lost.
A very dark beginning. I am interested to learn how it plays out.
Sex slave for life as an immortal, talk about your falls from grace. I want to know how the sun and moon are being handled though.
7978129
Emporer Kessen is a cold, yet calculating conqueror. That was the idea behind him anyway. Slaughter does not benefit him, but neither does it benefit Celestia.
Well, it doesn't benefit him when it's the enemy, anyway. Strange how that works.
7978129 To be fair as the guy seems to be the unifying force for the 3 non pony races here, with his fall the rest would eventually fall as well. Even if it would take maybe years of bloody war. Its better to die for your freedom then what awaits the ponies.
I can relate to that as i come what was once a country with different ethnicity's under one nation, with the death of the charismatic leader that united the country, it had another decade of existance before falling apart .
Wish Griffons or heck even diamond dogs were picked for being the leading race in this to be honest, rather then a un-unified race that has no lands of its own. But even then at least the griffons made their own lives miserable from what we know (and thats coming from their own tale of history). So i imagine that sooner or later they will all turn Equestria to what they did to their own as no matter how prosperous a land is if the ones ruling it are not capable of ruling then the prosperity of the land wont mean much sadly.
That said, wonder when the next chapter will be commissioned if ever. Certainly will track it.
7978263 the story will be finished as long as the author is willing to write it. Just waiting for him/ her to be able to write the next chapter.
7978284
Ah your the commissioner then? nice, good luck then and glad to hear this will be finished.
EDIT: yeah says at the end of the description, derp on my part.
7978263
The point to me was that, at least to Celestia's viewpoint, there would be no way for the Ponies to win. At this point, their entire offensive capability had been expended, and since the invaders were entrenched already, there was no defensive position.
While the Minotaur Emperor did seem to be in charge, a well oiled, multi prong alliance would certainly have made contingency plans in case he was assassinated. Of course, again, the important thing is that this is what Celestia believes, not what is fact. Her actions are based upon what she feels will be best for her former subjects, and so far, the implication is that it will basically be business as usual, except for the nobility and military.
As far as whether the general will be as good as an 'Emperor' is yet to be seen. Military competence does sometimes translate to good peacetime skill. Not ofton, but sometimes.
P.S. Your real-world experience sounds harsh, and I hope that you and your' s made out play. My political knowledge is mostly theoretical, or based on 500+ year old information. As they say, history is written by the victors.
7978284
7978291
Yeah, I'll get to the next chapter as soon as I can. I'm rather sick right now though, to the point that just prepping the art and shortdescs for this today made me woozy, so I'll have to play it by ear for the next few days. Sorry about that.
7978300
You are right in that her views are based on her perception of things, but its hardly business as usual if they have no say in their own lives and wont for a undetermined amount of time that will be up to the 1st class citizens to determine when it will be. Certainly would not be within a generation or two as ponies in position of power would be too much of a danger to this new forged empire. They will first have to indoctrinate them to make them believe they are lesser being, then if they are broken down enough, pick some of the more skilled ones to serve roles appropriate for them. Hence the whole breaking of the "pony" identity they are doing.
Celestia as a immortal might fail to see that and the suffering this "peace" will probably bring to her ponies. As you say, all she wants is peace and for her subjects to not die through fighting, but doesnt see the death of their very own identity they will suffer.
I honestly cannot see it here, as then with the power and abilities (if they translate to more then just military ones, and even here its shown that it was more the sheer number and some still unknown abilities that did it) needed to bring down equestria they then could have simply made their own lands (griffon lands at least as they are the ones with a kingdom of their own) a better place instead of invading a island nation.
Griffonstone is but one city in the Griffon kingdom and even that being their capital they turned it into nothing from its past glory with the way they handle politics. Diamond dogs, the ones we saw were just greedy self serving oafs. Then again i imagine they did or plan to fully abandon their old kingdom in favor of this new one if they actually rule as equals with the Minotaur Emperor. Although they are still kings and he the emperor, plus they are his vassals so under him rather then equals as was stated in the story. So i imagine the three sides would fight among themselves for who would take the rule over the others.
The minotaurs had no land of their own, but they could have made their land somewhere if the one who unified them (and the griffons and the diamond dogs) has such abilities, or used diplomacy first maybe instead of directly going to invading a prospering island nation. There is the rest of the world but as princess celestia also said, its probably envy of the prosperity of equestria that drove them to instead of better their own take from others.
As i said before, if you lack the abilities needed no amount of prosperity will do it for you. Would take years or decades but it will fall to ruins regardless.
I dont find my history and my families history that harsh. I can speak for myself only but i have and had a good life with no real trouble that isnt something everyone or most face. Others had it way worse and we did what we had to do when we had to to make due. My grandfather fought against the fascists and helped form the nation that then my father had to fight against for our own nations independence decades later.
>> Fallen Knight
To be clear, I make no guesses as to the reality of Equestria's occupation, or the true nature of how the ponies are/will be treated. We, the readers, do not as yet have adequate information to extrapolate.
You make several salient points about it being *better* to build your own infrastructure, than to expend resources to invade. Judging from human society, the only real example we have, it is easier to convince the populace to give their taxes and energy towards invasion due to ease of scapegoating. As opposed to telling them that problems are their own fault, and they need to work hard to fix things. It is obviously difficult to predict the psychology of nonhuman sapients.
7978402
Btw, thank you for the interesting discussion.
7978467 your welcome, and for me at least thas why i have such discussions in the first place. I like this idea so i like to overthink it, i dont point at potential flaws to drag it down or anything, i do it to offer a different perspective. I would hate to see a good premise ruined with major flaws that could happen easily since all our experiences differ and one sees no issue in something someone else does. Then again if the main focus of this will be just fetish clop then i can accept that and story
, world building and such will have a secondary role and be less important then having a convenient excuse for clop to happen.
Well they are portrayed the same as any human, meaning any and all kinds of behaviour exists. And yeah it is easier to stoke the fires of war, but dealing with the aftermath can be just as troublesome and force one to accept ones own faults. Even if one is the victor, a victory at all costs is usually not a good one if you had other actions you could take besides war.
7978325 hope you get better soon!
I can wait however long it takes, im a patient man.
Im just always saddened when i find a good story and it never gets finished, but with a promise of a finish i can easily wait.
Op will deliver, right? *insert pic of skeleton leaning on a computer*
7978532
Well, the patron did request a certain number of chapters, so as long as they keep getting commissioned, I'll do 'em
Clearly the people that downvoted haven't tried those fetishes. They're fun
7978934
I've noticed that there's a certain level of ire concerning dubious or nonconsentual activity on fimfiction, so I was expecting that. When it's a commission however, my job is to please the patron, and I'm kind of a sucker for a new challenge. So it is what it is
7978978 I've got a reputation for writing rapey fics of my own
7979010
I'm sorta a writer of everything. I like playing around with many different genre. This is probably going to be the most nonconsentual thing I have on here so far. But I've got everything from grimdark to bittersweet, rated everyone holiday stories
So basically its Fall of Equestria with the caribou being replaced by minotaurs, griffons, and diamond dogs. This whole scenario got old pretty quick no matter what the enemy ends up being. I give it credit for being well written but that's it. For plot line, you can polish a turd but it's still a turd.
7979183
Not...the same thing at all, no. Well, not beyond the conquering thing, at least.
I take no responsibility for content on a commish, just writing quality. Thanks for checking it out though
7979303
It runs along the same scheme, too close for my own liking. I will give you credit that it's not exactly the same in terms of the debauchery that seem to accompany the caribou as the antagonists. However there are main characters being put in similar situations to a point like Celestia's fate for example. I have seen similar scenarios with her in Fall of Equestria. Again the writing is well done but I have no respect for the overall plot. I will be sure to check out other works of yours but this story will not be followed. I give it a down vote and bid it farewell.
7979403
I never have a problem with a negative opinion of a story so long as the opinion is valid - in other words, the reader can demonstrate what exactly it is they did not like (I am believer in the idea that if you cannot do this, neither an upvote nor a downvote is of any value, since it makes it harder for readers looking for a story to get an informed opinion). I'm still not seeing much relationship between this tale and what I know of FoE beyond the fact that Equestria was conquered by an enemy that expects some form of tribute (I've never read it, but I spoke to the guy that created it once and he gave me an overview), but you clearly have an informed opinion to go with your vote, so I'm all for sharing it.
Again, thanks for checking it out either way
So this is basically Fall of Equestria that makes sense.
7980258
Well, that comparison has been made more than once now, so I don't know?
As I say I've never read that so perhaps I'm misunderstanding where the similarities lie, but the way Fall of Equestria was described to me is that a race of caribou, created for that story, conquered Equestria by taking over the minds of the male pony population and turning them all into depraved sexual objectifiers of the female population, and thus they, plus the caribou, essentially enslaved the female population, removed all their rights, and reduced them to the level of abused sex toys. The males, remaining under the influence of this magic from the caribou, remained satisfied with placing them at the top of society and continuing extreme, mass sexism and sexual repression.
This story does indeed feature an outside force conquering Equestria, and there's sexual content, but I'm not sure where the similarities lie beyond that. A bloody conflict that doesn't actually appear in the story is referenced, but these invaders haven't taken over anybody's minds, nor do they desire to torture/enslave the population. On the contrary, much like the Manchurian dynasties that ruled over China (that's actually where I took my cues for this), these conquerors covet Equestria's lifestyle and resources, and don't want any of that to change - they just want to install themselves at the top and reap the benefits of a system they believe works fine the way it is. In the story, the conquered population is told that their lives will essentially not change, except that their military will be disbanded, their top political positions will be held by members of the conquering force, and any patrotic symbols, such as banners depicting an Equestria for ponies only, will be removed, with the intent to lull them into acceptance and integration of new races into their society.
In effect, while the invaders "conquered" Equestria militarily, it can be said that Equestrian culture "conquered" them before the battle even started, and they are simply looking to be like the ponies who live more prosperous lives than they do. The sexual portion of the story is limited to domination and control of the royal house and key powerful political figures, not because they are ponies to exploit, but because they are living embodiments of the patriotism that the conquerers are looking to phase out of society. Kessen as much says that he does not want to kill the princesses or give the population any excuse to see them as martyrs. He wants them to submit to him and his cabinet, thus validating his powerbase, and he is hoping that he can ease the grip his own military has on Canterlot by successfully lulling the population into capitulence.
The plot idea was the patron's, but the above, at least, was my intent for how to go about depicting it. I'm told that in Fall of Equestria, there is a reward system for females who choose to integrate and submit to the new regime. Is that where the comparions are being drawn from, perhaps?
7980385 Honestly I think the comparisons come about just because its about the princesses being enslaved and Fall of Equestria is simply the most infamous example of that in a story. My comment about it being more sensible was because this seems to actually be taking the issue with a degree of seriousness. The strong male figure appearing from out of nowhere as the most powerful person on the planet is very fall-y and doesn't make a lot of sense (likewise Luna being the one who resists whilst the other princesses cooperate for better treatment) but the rest of the story goes to much greater lengths to show the impact it has on the characters and to try and explain how it is actually practical. Like you said the slavery is limited to a few key figures for propaganda purposes while the rest of the world carries on as normal rather than the entire mare population stopping all types of productive activity to be constantly raped which somehow sends Equestria into a new golden age.
TL;DR: That comment was meant to be complimentary for doing it better than them but you are doing a lot of the same stuff as them, at least in this chapter.
7980450
Ah, okay. Interesting points then. I'm not certain that I have the best perspective on how this story may or may not relate to Fall of Equestria, because I'm sure I'm missing some of the nuances of that story, since I haven't read it. All I know of it is from the overview I was given by the creator and one fan of it, alongside what story elements I was able to piece together from images on Derpibooru. There will be no horn or wing removal in this story however, I can say that much.
Oh, don't worry, not at all upset or anything, and I got that the initial comment was meant to be complimentary. I appreciate good commentary, whether somebody liked a story or not. Thus I thank you for taking the time to go into it like that.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?
7982200
I dunno, read it and decide for yourself
I'm thinking it's the noncon elements. That tends to be a very touchy topic on fimfiction, from what I've seen prior.
7982200 the impression I get is that some people downvote just due to the subject mater, rather than the quality of the actual writing.
7982604
Don't be too surprised. Most of the Fall of Equestria stories that aren't about the caribou getting absolutely reamed get downvoted to hell despite some of them being half decent. Mind you, some of them are probably downvoting because the whole concept itself is rather silly, but I'm pretty sure a good portion just hate the entire non-con, ponies as slaves thing.
Side note, I'm genuinely surprised to find how good this first chapter is! I personally would've liked to see a little more sadness or accidental resistance shown my Celestia when she met Emperor Kessen—not so much her besting disgusted or repulsed by him as just natural negative reactions to his wandering hands—but you take what you can get. I'm definitely keeping this story on my radar to see where it goes, so don't let the downvotes bring you down!
Also, quiet little hurrah for Minotaurs getting the spotlight in a story for one, seeing as I'm modeled after one. Hurrah!
EDIT: Also, I do hope you try and add just a little bit of stuff that's going on among common ponies of Equestria. Yeah, only the people holding political or military positions are being kicked from their jobs and possibly 'dealt with', but even the common pony on the street is going to feel the effects of what's happened on a MASSIVE scale.
Maybe just have Emperor Kessen mention something about new diamond dog and gryphon citizens abusing and attacking ponies despite what was signed in the treaties and peace documents, and so he needs to take counsel with each respective races' rulers to put a stop to it.
Dunno. Just a suggestion.
7986074
Oh, don't worry, I'm not overly concerned about the voting status of this particular story. This is a commission, and I operate on an entirely different scale when it comes to writing something for somebody else, rather than my own ideas. As far as I'm concerned the only person I need to please with a commission is the person who commissioned it, and he seems happy, so I'm good. I actually appreciate the challenge of trying to create something a patron will really enjoy, whether it's a topic I would normally write about or not. Plus, it seems most of the downvoting has more to do with the subject matter than the writing quality - I make no excuses nor accept any responsibilty for the subject matter of a commission (I actually have that written in my comission guidelines, under the 'indemnity' section). My primary concern is whether or not it was written to my own quality standards.
As for whether or not there will be more, there will be, since the patron intends to commission more. I can't promise just how much worldbuilding there will be beyond what was necessary to establish the backdrop in chapter one, given what was requested was princess domination clop, but I'm sure there will be at least some more, to get the subsequent chapters moving along.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed
8049370
The draft is almost complete. Then it will require proofreading, and approval by the patron. Then it'll be up!
This was awesome.
I'm interested to see what happens to Luna when the Gryphon's inevitably catch her.
I wish we knew what was happening with the rest of the mane 6 though. Plus Cadance and Shining Armour too
8076528
That's a bit farther then the patron requested, but it's still interesting to speculate.
Glad you're enjoying the read!
I wonder if Twilight will be allowed to see her friends again? If she is smart enough the she should be able to manipulate him into giving her some privileges. What is the response of the crystal empore? There is no way Shining Armor will let his sister be a glorified sextoy.
8078481
I'm afraid we probably won't find that out. I'm working off of patron funds and directives, which at present only account for one more chapter.
Why hold back on nightmare moon? The nation is being destroyed anyway.
8079508
She's afraid of becoming Nightmare Moon again. That she might go haywire and do more harm than good.
8079518
Harm to who? The civilians are being enslaved anyway. Does she think Nightmare Moon will target them for something somehow worse?
8079532
Yes. Yes she does.
Per the story, Kessen has no intention of enslaving the general populace. There's no telling what Nightmare Moon would do, given Luna cannot control her. It could be much worse. She needs a more reliable means of retaliation. It'll be touched on in the epi, coming up next!
This is... Interesting. Intriguing. It's the anti-Fall story I've never read. Antagonists with motive and character beyond expectations. Princesses whom, even in defeat, are not simply relegated to victimhood, nor simply allow themselves to be made as such.
It would be fascinating indeed to see what you might do writing more of this continuity, were we not imminently approaching an epilogue.
Carry on, and know that however odd it may be, of all the stories of yours I've read and even favorited, this is what got me to follow.
8081904
Well, I can tell you that it wasn't intended to be similar to Fall of Equestria, because all I know about that is what I've seen from images on Derpi and some chatting with the author.
As for more stories in this "world", well, this is a commission so I didn't really have plans to continue with it after that, since I've got a lot of other stuff that needs getting back to, but I'm certainly not against anybody wanting to write their own "Deferential Peace: <Title>" thing of their own accord. But that's up to them (and it might be nice to cue in the original patron too, heh).
I'm glad you enjoyed the read!
I find it disappointing as to how well this story is so well written and is yet nothing more than mere garbage. I call this story garbage based on the facts we've come to know so far. First, the diamond dogs have no king or kingdom only a society similar to underground hermits who love gems alone and nothing else, so let's torpedo that part there. Two, the griffons truly have no leader or command of any kind as we have seen and they have no care for lands beyond their own. They are selfish and care only for coin so there is torpedo number two. Third, the only minotaur ever shown was Iron Will, which gives no true insight into their race at all, so that's torpedo number three. The critical lack on how the conflict mentioned at the beginning happened leaves a hole in understanding and I seriously doubt a diverse race of ponies who wield magic and understand nature and not to mention are very tolerant of of other races could be defeated by races who don't wield magic. Overall this is nothing more than a well written piece of erotic trash. That being said I give this story and author my down vote and my wish for the person who commissioned this story to receive several swift kicks to the face with steel-toe boots.
8099899
Most of your plot-related concerns are understandable - they're already addressed in the context of the story however, since it would have been hard to write something like this to begin with, without working through those hurdles in the narrative. I'd suggest a closer read, but I'm thinking perhaps you might be better off skipping this one entirely - the emotional bend to the commentary makes it sounds like this type of story just isn't your thing, and that's cool. I'm sorry you didn't care for it, but I'm glad you appreciated the writing quality. To each!
(You're right though - this is eroticism. The plot is largely a contrivance intended to meet that end, and the 'post-conquest, non-con, inter-species with princesses' stipulations of the commission.)
8118391
This story is complete. The patron requested five chapters.
8136787
I don't have any plans to do so as a personal project, at least at present. Possibly if demand were great enough.
8178744
Glad you enjoyed it
8220542
It’s not even in my wheelhouse right now, sorry. All of my writing energy for the next month or two is going into busting out commissions so I can keep my budget where it needs to be for Bronycon. And since this story is also a commission, I probably would not continue it of my own accord without permission from the patron.
I'm happy about the disclaimer. At least it tells me you're a normal human being. We've all gotta eat. I admire your intestinal fortitude and your willingness to do things that personally horrify you. You're made of sterner stuff than I, pumping out Fash fetish work with speed and skill. I offer you my admiration.