• Member Since 20th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen April 4th

GearMane


Hey everypony! New to the whole 'open' scene of ponies, as I have been lurking since mid season 2.

Sequels1

Comments ( 146 )

Very good story I quite enjoyed it though I only have one problem,spacing.Other then that a good read and I hope to see more Faved,liked and followed.

Normally I'm not a fan of Brony in Equestria stories. At all. Or tragedies. At all. But this has definite promise to it, and I hope that in spite of that orange tag hanging over his head like an executioner's blade, our protagonist will be able to explain his case and that cooler heads will prevail.

ETA on next chapter?

aCB

A HiE with a plot?! :pinkiegasp: They say these only exist in the realm of darkest fantasy!

This has gotten my attention. Please continue asap! BTW, I really am liking this characters introduction into Equestria.

EDIT:

Liked and faved.

Thos is going to be good

It could use a bit more spacing in between the paragraphs as it looks more like a wall of text than anything else. But aside from that, you keep up the good work.

4462056
Working on chapter 2 right now.... I had no idea this story would explode...

4466105
I have been told this a few times... and it also seems that such a format is what everypony else on here uploads with as well...

4466143 Yeah. That way, it makes the story easier to read.

4466193

Ah, now this is better. Have a like, fav, and follow.

Keep writing!

"I hope you can understand. I look at you and all I can see is pain, all I can think about is revenge. For me to question who you are now, if that is true, I can't. You, Ember, whatever you are now, I can't put this behind me. Something like this cannot be forgiven... You need to die, hopefully this feeling for revenge will with die with you." Twilight sobbed.

"I have good evidence you may not actually be guilty, but I'm going to sacrifice you so I feel better."

Bull-f*cking-shit.

First you spelled Chrysalis wrong. Second, you have a slight problem with ending quotations. Rule 1 for them: When you go to say how it's said, use a comma and lowercase the next word. Like so:

"Hello there," he whispered.

Rule 2: When you go right to something else, use a period and capitalize:

"Pull that lever." With that said, he jumped on the button.

And Rule 3: Exclamation, ellipses, and question marks override the comma/period rule, and proper nouns override the capital/lowercase rule:

"Run, run!" Alex shouted.

Oh wow, Ember. You really messed up. And poor not-Ember. Twilight hates her so much that she's not even willing to try and save an innocent. Here's hoping that Luna's dreamwalking can do something. There's no way they'd just ignore the possibility she's innocent and go ahead; they'd at least put off the execution so they can look into it.

Also, there's a bit of confusion. Is not-Ember being executed in a day, or in months? Earlier you had Twilight say she'd wish that the execution was tomorrow, implying it wasn't. Then you later had her say that not-Ember's light would go out tomorrow evening. And last chapter you had her say not-Ember would rot in the dungeons for months. Don't elaborate in the comments; elaborate in the next chapter.

Great so far. The only problem being we probably know how it's going to end. :fluttershysad:

4467465
Oh, English, how I have loathed thee. For the hours toiling, sweat expelled and blood lost is for naught, as your rule is that of a woman menstruating. Should my spirit never flee from this mortal coil, the infinite shan't be time enough to reveal the cloak of your secret. Alas I weep tears enough for seas, forever shadowed in the cold darkness of the grammar Nazis.
I hate English... spent two hours diagramming a single sentence in primary school once, suicide and the eternal fires of hell seemed a better reprieve than finishing the other five.
I think it is the grammar and plethora of labels that seems to have rules, but then juxtapose each other when the Fourth Moon of Galeron Five is in equatorial alignment with Beetlejuice, within a one degree variance...

Also, Everything will be clear, when the rain is gone...

I want to thank everypony that is following this story. It really means alot to me.

My pleasure, good sir:moustache:

4467665

I think it is the grammar and plethora of labels that seems to have rules, but then juxtapose each other when the Fourth Moon of Galeron Five is in equatorial alignment with Beetlejuice, within a one degree variance...

Isn't every natural language like that? Makes one wonder why Esperanto is so unpopular with its compact set of strict rules, all of which can easily fit on one or two A4 sheets. And BTW, English isn't even the worst example of gramattical idiocy, Russian easily takes the crown in that, IMHO.

4467420
Exactly my thoughts XD

TGM

4467420

My thoughts exactly. :trixieshiftleft:

4467546 Do we ? We can only guess. Who knows? Because I think we're going to live.



And to the author: Great chapter, in my opinion you've improved since the last one even if its little or small you improved and to me that's all that matters :twilightsmile:

I wonder why the house Ember was found in haven't been thoroughly searched and barred with yellow tape before Twilight had to head there :trixieshiftleft: She could just read the guards' report instead of going there herself :trixieshiftright:

4470721 I doubt it's tagged Tragedy for nothing.

4462056

This said, the protagonist isn´t exactly likable: a brony obsessed stereotype who accepts giving up his humanity, relationships and home without much of a thought (even in a lucid dream, he could have at least weighed his options).
Also, while this Equestria is definitively darker than the canon, I find difficult to believe Celestia gave Twilight the permission and the means to perform cold-blood torture on a prisoner, specially considering her mental state. After the Nighmare Moon incident, she should know better than leaving an alicorn princess walking dow the dark path.

4472259 Tregedy doesn't mean death right?

4473496 Tragedy means the protagonist(s) fail in their tasks. In this case it's pretty damn certain our protagonist's goal is to avoid getting hung.

4467420

:twilightsmile: I feel no guilt over discovering I'd just subjected someone completely innocent to cold-blooded torture and can live just fine with knowingly leaving said someone who's completely innocent to rot in prison, then imply I'll pretend they are totally guilty in a kangaroo trial so I can have them executed for something they didn't do, because my own personal satisfaction is what comes first!

That's not justice, Twilight. That's not even revenge because the one you're throwing under the bus isn't even an accomplice but what is essentially a bystander that got duped into being in the wrong place at the wrong time who has nothing to do with this. This is MURDER. And FIRST-DEGREE MURDER at that, because she's not just knowingly letting someone completely innocent die for the crimes of someone else, but she's implied she's going to make sure it happens(won't be surprised if she disposes of evidence at this rate). In other words, she's knowingly and deliberately arranging for the cruel and undeserved death of someone completely innocent just because she can't get the actual guilty party anymore. From a story perspective, she's now the villain IMO.

4476915

Pretty much any pity towards her is kinda gone at this point.

Gak

Very interesting. I wonder how this will all play out :derpyderp2:

only thing that comes to mind for me is the title name, mostly because of FFXIV:ARR in T5 with phase 2 of the fight with Conflagration and the stupid noobs who didnt understand the simple mechanics.

4480758
I have no idea what any of that means....

Luna: I know that what my sister and Twilight are doing is monstrous, but I am too scared to stand up to them.

4480852
One of which is stronger then her.

And the other has the elements that banished her before.

Considering she mentioned they just want this problem to 'go away' I think she might be fearful that they'll do something anyways to her as well. Considering Celestia just taught Twilight a spell to help her torture, I think it might be a biiiit more justified here.

4480856 Justified or not, I bet she's not even going to try and speak to them.

4480862

Twilight outright said she doesn't care, and wants Ember to die anyways.

Celestia we don't know yet, so maaaybe she might be more up for it? I doubt it though.

4481065 It's a tragedy. I can only see this ending one way.

I'm enjoying this; but it seems inevitable its heading towards a bad ending with a possible post mortem twilight learns that torturing is wrong even if you've got a magic no-consequences spell .

I hope that the real ember is brought back , even if it means the brony has to sacrifice them selves to do it ; even seems like they would agree to it at this point.

I can't wait to see more! :3 Except for the clop scene I cringe at the thought D:

And I have to ask was the main character male before he came to Equestria? Or was she originally female?

He has been in that body for only a day, yet he is begging to be rutted by some stallion guard? Sounds like a bad clop plot.

this is a good story with a bad ending, I presume?

4481261
The main character was written to be nothing in specific, rather placing the reader as the character that turns into a mare. A way of personalizing the story to make the reader the center of the naritive

4481291
It's meant to have subtle undertones of being a trash clop story, because a large portion of what I have read along these genre lines has just the clop aspect going for it, or taking two characters from the show and mashing them together in some way... A satyr on what seems popular throughout the fandom.

Am I the only one who finds the situation oddly hilarious..? Nono, not the one with Not-Ember, that one is horrible, but the idea of Luna lecturing anypony about patience and overreacting—little miss Nightmare Moon...

On the other hand, seeing your own flaws reflected in others and denying them in yourself is fairly normal, especially for insecure egos.

4480806

[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=I2_ONXgvf8I]

TGM

I'm anticipating that the next chapter will be called 'Inferno'

4482426
Good, Now give me Wednesdays lottery numbers....:rainbowwild:

Login or register to comment