• Member Since 16th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

EverfreePony


Life is just a coincidence, that's what Mother Nature and Auntie Evolution taught us.

E

Dash. Rainbow Dash.
A mare oscillating between extreme obsession and dislike of books, both having their roots deep down in her youth. Coupled with a name with such... literary meaning, the young sporty filly surely has a lot to deal with both at home and at school.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 43 )

So if Dash has two meanings and she can sorta use both, that means Auntie Colon might have a side job as a butt doctor. :twilightoops:

Also now have a headcanon that some of the less grammatically focused family members nicknamed Rainbow as Hyphen when she was little.

8132498 Auntie Colon, by full name Scribble Colon is a secretary totally-side-character in one of my other stories, but who knows. Maybe she's a secret surgeon! :pinkiehappy: Great idea!

Okay this is awesome, no question there, just Awesome :rainbowkiss: the irony, the feels and the idea just gets me so well that it did tug the heart strings a bit :twilightblush:

Bravo just bravo, well done :twilightsmile: it rivals the Forest Pony as one of my favorites :rainbowwild:

8132724 Aww, thank you so much! :pinkiehappy:

it rivals the Forest Pony as one of my favorites

Wha-? No, nothing can't exceed TFP! *deletes Dash* :raritywink: Seriously, I'm not surprised. Stories including OCs are great, you have almost free hand writing them. But writing something a canon character that is widely known for certain traits opens up an entirely different space for humour :rainbowwild:

Interesting read, Dash was really adorable and it is an interesting interpretation of why she developed disdain for reading. And of course you didn't spare any chance for having as many references as you could fit.

I am a bit skeptical about having a tag for Derpy/Ditzy/Muffins/Dark Queen of Bubbles. Did you perhaps plan for her to have a bigger role?

8133283 Thank you for the kind words! Indeed, playing with references is the biggest plus of fanfiction I see.

As for that tag... my friend said it would be great to have it there because she still gets some 'screen time' to herself. Honestly, I'm much more used to having far bigger plots, so judging the character time in a one-shot is quite hard for me. What do you think? Keep it or remove it? :applejackunsure:

8133331 Honestly I do not really understand if Tags should represent characters with significant role or if they serve to just tell that character is present at all. I mean Derpy is definitely present and interacts with Dash so I guess it won't hurt let it stay.

8133350 Okay then. Honestly, me neither. The rules either don't say anything about certain tags or when they do, it's some vague stuff like "Something you could actually see in the show's episode" (Everyone tag) Now, compare some episodes of season one and for example season four finale. That's quite a gaping difference in content and one should judge their story by that :derpytongue2:

Lol, I loved it.
And, I also feel bad for Auntie Colon. Her name is worse than Dashie's.

~Melly~

8132730 :pinkiegasp: NOOOOOOOO!!! don't delete TFP :fluttercry: but on another hoof it's still better for me but these one just got me good :rainbowlaugh: and I see your point, the humor here was actually quite alluring to be precise :derpytongue2:

Funny story, liked it a lot!:rainbowlaugh:

My grand grandfather worked as an editor for a national newspaper called Globo, I think I can relate :twilightsheepish:

8133412 Thank you so much Melly!
Well, being named 'Scribble Colon' is still better to me than 'Spoiled Milk' for example (Spoiled Rich before she married :scootangel:)

8133947 I meant 'deleting' this story. But you know me long enough to be sure I'd never do that to any of my stories :rainbowwild:

8134019 Thank you so much! Seems like foxes can get anywhere :raritywink:
En dash, I guess too :rainbowlaugh:

Which of those have you read? (I doubt it was Inner Fish, it's a book about evolution, but from the rest, anything is possible...) :scootangel:

8134291 Heh, Thank you so much!

8134866 So, same like me it seems. Plus Jekyll and Hyde on my side.
Honestly, I've tried reading The Old Man and the Sea, but it's a book about what? Man reminiscing about strange things while sitting in a boat and then catching a fish, all described in crazily constructed sentences. Nothing more happens! :raritydespair:

Very nice, I do love me some references.

8135407 Thank you so much, Crono!

I wonder how Dash's parents reacted when she got her cutie mark. :pinkiecrazy:

8135544 "That means you will be a really swift writer, Dashie." :scootangel:

8135569 I meant the thunderbolt one. XD

8135602 Exactly, this is not an AU. She received her CM for being fast, so why couldn't she be fast in other aspects too, like fast writing? :rainbowwild:

8144211 Uh, thanks, I guess? :twilightsheepish:

8144238 I mean I'm sold on the idea. I like this fic.

8144276 Ah I see now. Thank you :twilightsmile:

Over all this time I never once thought of "Dash" being correlated with the punctuation. Very, very clver.

What made this story fun is seeing an alternate version of RD's parents. One's that were all about keeping a degree of prestige while Rainbow had many other plans that had nothing to do with books.

You also did well in setting up why she would come to dislike reading along with the start of the nickname, "Rainbow Crash". Derpy had a great cameo, too.

Nice touch with hinting that Fluttershy was in the classroom, too. :)

8401634
Thank you for all the kind words, I'm glad you enjoyed this story to the tiniest of details! :twilightsmile:

However, I can't honestly claim that the idea of young Dashie and punctuation was solely mine. My friend,Boulder started making jokes about that, putting that idea in my head.

Hello, there! I'm from the A for Effort group.

Story title: Dash – Like, the Punctuation?
Portion read: Everything

Grammar: 7.25/10
Grammar-wise, your story is good. There were a few consistent mistakes, but not enough to earn an automatic fail. Most of the errors are lapses of tense consistency (whether throughout the whole story or in a specific sentence); words missing "a," "an," and "the"; and words that need to be capitalized but aren't. Your best bet is to get an editor to iron out these errors.

Originality: 9/10
Canon aside, the idea of Rainbow Dash coming from a line of bookish ponies isn't one I've seen in most fan works (or pretty much anywhere). Heck, you even managed to link her canon disdain for reading to the fanfic's main premise. Nice work. Honestly, the only reason I can't give a perfect 10 is that the idea of children not wanting to continue a family's legacy isn't particularly original in terms of fiction in general (even though it is original in terms of Rainbow Dash fanfics).

Characters: 9/10
Again, I liked the way you characterized everypony here. Already you can see portions of Rainbow Dash's life journey being paved, even if they're just small portions. The story gives Rainbow's childish dislike of books in "Read It and Weep" in a more sobering light and sort of explains why she feels a need to show off how badass she is in the TV series.

Pacing and Storytelling: 4/10
Despite the grammar being serviceable, there are many pieces of prose in your story that are awkwardly worded. They're not grammatically incorrect, but they sound…unnatural. Sometimes, the issue is with choice of words; other times, it's with the way the sentences are structured.

For example, there are several paragraphs where the sentences are a consecutive string of "She did X. She did Y. She did Z." Try to vary the sentence structure more. Tip: instead of focusing on the characters' actions all the time, focus on the environment ("She galloped down the hall. The floorboards creaked and thumped with every step."), the characters' body parts, ("She did X. Her legs trembled.") or the characters' psychological state ("She did X. The buzz of adrenaline coursed through her legs and shook her brain.").

There are other ways the sentences feel a little clumsy, but it's nothing a good editor can't fix. And if the prose were less awkward, then other things considered, your story would excel in the pacing and storytelling category. Its pacing and progression are well-done.

OCs: 8/10
Not much to complain about when it comes to the OCs. Rainbow Dash's family serve their purpose quite well. Sure, their pushing of the family legacy onto Rainbow Dash seemed overbearing at first, but their subsequent lenience and their attempts to tailor the notion of reading to Rainbow Dash's interests shows that they come from a good place.

Summary: Dash – like the punctuation? is an unique, interesting take on Rainbow Dash's parentage, childhood, and name. Its writing and grammar are a little rough around the edges, but it's not to the point of being absolute garbage. I would really love to see a sequel to this where an adult Rainbow Dash has to come to terms with her parents. EverfreePony, make it happen!

Score: 7.45/10 – Good Read

8573206
Oh, thank you very much for your critique! I believe you were more than generous with the score :twilightsmile: I’ll try to run this by my main editor someday as I don’t want to bother him all that much with extra work. The fact English is not my mother tongue clearly shows through now :facehoof:

Anyway, what caught my eye was the OCs section. I have nothing against the content of it. More like, I haven’t thought about the parents as OCs up to this moment. Sure, the mother was made up and all, but the father was based on “Rainbow Blaze”, a season three ‘precursor’ of Bow Hothoof from Parental Glideance. Are background ponies considered as an OC when you give them personality and background? :derpyderp2: I need to do some research on that. I didn’t really think about that before, thank you for that!

I wasn’t planning a sequel, but your prompt sounds like it could be fun. Well, maybe one day... :raritywink:

8573246
Well, think of it this way. You wrote this story back in May. You started commenting on my own story at September. When you first commented on my story, I didn't pick up on the fact that English wasn't your native language until I read your bio a few days later and found out you're Czech. It goes to show how much your English has improved from the time you wrote this story.

Also, I'm Filipino, so technically, English isn't my native language either :twilightsmile:

As for the father, he was not called "Rainbow Blaze" anywhere in the fanfic, so I assumed he was an OC. Also, back in 2016, it was announced that Rainbow Blaze was not, in fact, Rainbow Dash's father.

But if you consider Rainbow Blaze to be the father in this particular story, don't make me stop you. :twilightsheepish:

Glad you liked the review! And I hope you get around to making that sequel! :pinkiehappy:

8573306
Oh, I actually thought English was your native language, both your grammar and spelling are very good :pinkiesmile:

Actually, this story is even older than this May, I started writing it back in November 2016. And just to make sure, I simply rolled with a “purple pegasus stallion with rainbow mane”. I’m aware that it was stated Rainbow Blaze isn’t her father, but only a few years back, some merchandise deemed him as such. It’s an utter mess :derpytongue2: So, no problem :twilightsmile:

An excellent read.
Just letting you know that I am adding this to the "Hidden Depth Rainbow Dash" group's "Top Stories" folder, where hopefully more people will be aware of this excellent interpretation of our favourite flier.

9021193
Alright, thank you very much, both for your kind words and sharing it. It is greatly appreciated! :pinkiesmile:

Cute, but relegated to "AU" in my head.

9329854
Thanks :pinkiesmile:
Didn’t want to add that tag as it was written before “Parental Glideance” and thus it could have been a real backstory of RD at that time.

9329895
I joined the show pre-PG and even before that ep, I'd still mark this in my head as AU. Just something about it makes me think that.

9329916
Alright, no problem with that :)

I very much enjoyed this! In all my years on this site, I don't think I've ever read a story going into detail as to why Dash thought reading was uncool in the first place. This story presents a very probable reason for it.

9451773
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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