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EverfreePony


Life is just a coincidence, that's what Mother Nature and Auntie Evolution taught us.

T
Source

After a surprise attack along her favorite patrol route, Princess Luna crashlands into the Everfree Forest, battered and broken. Outside the walls of the sanctuary of the strange pony that rescued her, the dangerous denizens of the Everfree lurk. Forced to remain in hiding while her sister secretly investigates, how will her life under the mysterious canopy of the Everfree be, without the luxury of her castle?

There is a thin line between a princess and a wild forest pony, thinner than a zap apple stem. Now it's up to Luna not to cross it.


Respective editors and pre-readers tagged under every chapter, the largest portion of the job was done by MV. Furthermore, you can thank him for this great synopsis!

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 118 )

It's going to be hard to write Hedvika without her being a Mary Sue, and your username doesn't exactly help with that.

Also, what's with the italics? It's rather unusual, and kind of distracting.

But all in all, this seems off to a good start. I really liked the notebook story you made about the everfree, and this is definitely a rather interesting beginning.

7674315 Thanks for the compliments and critique.

The italics are used for Luna's dialogue and they are here to help distinguish who is talking at the moment. I've used this in a story on devianart before and people liked it...

The truth is, I haven't though about connection between her and my name... but I believe I'll manage to not to make Mary Sue out of her. You mean like she is OP because she has dragon magic? The opposite is the truth as you'll learn in the next chapter.
Also, if you liked "the notebook story", it was written by her.

THAT WAS (pardon the word) F^^KING AMAZING!... YOU'RE CHAPTER 1: NIGHT WATCH, THE FOREST PONY........BRILLIANT!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I LOVE it :heart: so freaking much!... It's so good!... it' the type of story that makes the reader want to read it AGAIN!, the kind that won't make the reader bored after reading it again and again :pinkiehappy:

The comical parts were nice, good opening, but what KILLED it was the chase scene!... Beautiful flows, wonderful descriptions, AMAZING cliff hanger!

I was like "I gotta read this again!... I GOTTA READ THIS AGAIN!" It's so good! I'm awestruck!, really I am! :pinkiegasp:
:rainbowwild::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Beautiful, simply beautiful! :twilightsmile:
-Psycho :rainbowwild:

It's so good, not to mention NO errors whatsoever... Bravo! Bravo! absolutely spectacular and phenomenal :pinkiehappy: :heart::pinkiehappy:

The story was so good... I find no story far better than this one, it even dwarfs mine! :pinkiehappy: Hedvika's past had very good detail, so much thought, it was very realistic and often would make the readers feel the same, especially those who felt that kind of treatment too, like me. Her encounter with Sev, who's name was also spectacular, was outstanding, it had good flow and wonderful relations that make it one of the best parts of the story, :twilightsmile:

As for comical scenes, no problem in that department, so many laughs :rainbowlaugh: and what struck me the most was your explanation on magic, it had good depth and good examples, making it very realistic and unquestionable, it shared my same background on Chaos in Chaotic Odds, it made me smile the whole story :rainbowwild: :pinkiehappy:

Keep writing your stories Ever, people need to see this and this is by far my favorite, rivaling the Rainbow Factory by AuroraDawn and it's not even finished yet! This story has style! :rainbowwild:

-Psycho :trollestia:

7740627 Let me assure you, no matter what, this story will get finished! :raritywink:
Thank you so much! I hope you'll continue to enjoy this story :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Azure Drache deleted Jul 24th, 2017

Review for chapter 2

Pros: Good scene description again
Belivable atmosphere at the beginning
The author is still able to suprise with how the scenes going on, impressiv.

stayed intact," the unicorn chuckled.

Me too
Another dragon, awesome someone not using Spike again it is a nice refreshing suprise.
So many 'aww cute' moments if you like dragons and stuff.

a scroll slid onto her horn

Awesome, moments like this are very entertaining during the chapter.

Cons:

No. Drinking. My. Blood. Get. AWAY!

formating and punctationare not so well here and of course Luna could yell in her Canterlot voice at this spot
The working of the healing spell is a bit confusing for nnes (not native english speakers)

P.S. Just for Luna: Does this mean I can sleep in your bed again? You know how much softer it is...

simple hilarious and funny but so out of place in this situation.

Comment section: Intresting plot and awesome atmosphere in the place Luna is now. The amount of possible outcomes are amasing and arouse interest in reading on. On the downside is again the logic in my opinion, Celestia didn´t react realistic but her reaction made me smile and thats the important part. So because this is a comedy story, it reaches the goal to made me laugh and that several times also give the warm feeling like you get when watching the show sometimes.

Review for Chapter 3

Pros:
"as the unicorn's gaze shifted" was woundefull to read that
Well written scool trip
The filly and the dragon-hatchling scene was awesome
Good-Cutie-mark appear moment.
Dragon hatch exam... Brilliant xD
Luna´s reaction to the story was funny

Cons:
Dragon-Taxi didn´t sound like something he could do so easy
Very unrealistic fight scene
The Scene with Hadvika nearly froze after the visit at the mines is not so well, not from atmosphere nor from flow.
Less humor than usuall
General not so, how to say in english?, you feel not so close to the events like before you are not carried with them while reading, you are more distand and left out the atmosphere of it.

Comment section: This chapter was more serious like the others yet, it gave a well explained backround and show good ideas and something to think of. Problem is for me that this chapter let slip so many moments were a heartwarming moment should have been or a joke would have fit. It was far longer then the others but didn´t entertain as much, the author was still able to show writing skill with some scenes and used fresh ideas or unusual scene description technices.

7755196 Thanks!
Truth is, I wanted this part to be more serious. But I think I can promise that the next chapter will be more lighthearted. Also, I find the different opinions really amusing. About six people told me how they enjoyed the whole flashback of Hedvika's past, notably for its flow. Seven people, many tastes apparently...
Also "Dragon-Taxi" :rainbowlaugh:

Comment posted by Boulder deleted Nov 29th, 2016

7755822 Thank you. I'll correct them asap.
Though can you please sent me in a PM next time? Because such a comments stood then as remainders of once mistaken words...
Also, typos aside, did you enjoy the chapter?

7749870

No. Drinking. My. Blood. Get. AWAY!

Just pointing out she may not be strong enough at this point to use Canterlot voice and is probably struggling with one accentuated word at a time.:twilightsmile: I was content with that idea at least.

7758576
I am not saying she react wrong, just mean the formating and punctationare is not the best. Yes mabe she is to weak or so for use it but it is up for discussion so I commented on this for the review:raritywink:

7758576
7759099

Actually, it was a parody of Rarity's sentence

This is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!

from Lesson Zero :raritywink:

7759854
Ok , wasn´t aware of it and even after you told us I don´t see the connection :rainbowlaugh: So good Idea, but not so well written;-)

7760295 Nevermind :twilightsmile: Many authors tend to write "drama queen" speech like that.

7760295 Commonly done here all the time.:pinkiehappy: It's like one word sentences to emphasise a point to someone distinctly with slight pauses between.

Before I read the story, what is the Dark tag for ?

7765474 Mostly for mordant humour, some more intense scenes and because of the villain. Nothing too grim, don't worry.

7766645 *thinks about it* it is jest rated E

7767117 Well, cynical humour if you want. Really nothing to make children sleepless.

Ok, you got me laugh some times with the crusaders and the parody of the fun have been dobled and stuff^^

Nice you have a new chapter puplished , was enjoyable to read :twilightsmile: Just it was not as good as the previous for my personal taste but still good.

I had to told MV about your use of Foxes, he will love it :rainbowlaugh:

7838382 Thanks! Is there any particular part that really didn't suit your taste?

Well, I love foxes and owls and I hope to have them as running gag thorough the whole story :raritywink:

7839982 Oh yes owl's are awesome , would be nice to see them as a running gag.

Well, you left the built up part of the story with this chapter, the previous ones showed new characters, gave backround story and such stuff every story need and it was intresting and entertaining to see your build up. Also get to know Sev and the surroundings and behaviour of Hedvika was nice to read. In this chapter however your main plot should have start to grap (didn't know if this phrase is correct in english) and it more or less go along, the jokes and gags are good, like I said made me laugh but at some spots I really thought the actings and behaviour of your characters didn't fit.

Compared I would try to say it so that you had a bit trouble, in my small opinion, to make the transition from the build up phase to the main story part.

7840888 Well, this chapter is the transition.
Can you be a little bit more specific about where the characters didn't fit? If you have quite annoyed Hedvika in mind, that's intentional. She likes her own peace and looking after some lost mare that can get herself easily killed by not paying attention isn't a thing she'd enjoy.

7841755

Well, this chapter is the transition.

Please keep in mind I said this chapter is good just not as good as the previous ones, it is my small opinion that this chapter missed it's purpose a bit.

more specific about where the characters didn't fit?

I don't have problems with Hedvika's behaviour, spots like this :

Respect. My. Personal. SPACE!"

are more my problem, so my opinion is that this spot is technical correct, use of the royal voice and it is a buiit up for the later timberwulf scene makes sense if this scene had to happen but I would say she wouldn't do this in any case. Hedvika saved Luna's life, additional got wounded badly during it, Luna also is not so snobbi at all- So what you imply is that Luna as thanks for saving her life and care for her protect her and stuff yelled at her and thats in my opinion ooc a lot. I am aware under what cicrumstances she did it at this spot but still I would say nope to this spot.

7842257 Okay, I won't torture you with my questions anymore :scootangel:

I'm really glad that you pointed out that about Luna :twilightsmile:
My general idea was that she had an outburst and immediately started regretting it. I'll add one or two sentences to put emphasis on that!

Let me elaborate a little on what I consider Luna's mental state. Though be prepared that it will probably end in a MV's style block of text.
You'd be surprised how small issues can make a normally calm person irritated at the slightest silly thing. When I broke my elbow a year ago, I wasn't even in pain, just uncomfortable with the gypsum and slightly stressed. I'm normally a patient person, but that day I nearly killed my little brother for creaking with the door.
Now let's get to Luna. From her affairs with Nightmare Moon, we know she isn't one of the most mentally stable ponies. She is also quite awkward when it comes to socializing. Despite this, she is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Equestria, used to ponies paying respect and keeping their distance from her.
Suddenly, she gets assasinated by those that swore to protect her with their lives, is sore all over, her magic temporarily retreated, her head is spinning from falling down a tree and she got some nasty bug in her mane.Hedvika's unscrupulous behaviour was just the last drop. The fact she saved her life pressed to the back of her mind.

7842895 I don't mind your questions, I know from my own story how much I like to discuss with people who comment and how curious I am myself about their opinions and thoughts.:twilightsmile:

I am glad to see how much thoughts you made about the reasons for your characters acting, sure a normal person would be a bit more unstable after all this events. But let us examine Luna's behaviour a little bit closer: Yes she was nightmare moon once but now she tries her best to be more friendly and likely to other ponys, exspecial after nightmare night at ponyville. She has become far less social arkward and get used to normal modern behaviour of Ponys, as example I would bring up her hugging of Fluttershy or her dive in the apple Barrel.

For the point that she is old, I agree with that but have an other result in mind about that, I would say it makes here more calm in general and even the events of your story shatter her she only would get more shy or agressiv not both. So either she would wake up and kick the fox and be agressiv or are far to shy and shattered so she would never be snappy at Hedvika.

However I can accept your point of view about this still I have my own who is different, other readers may agree with you mre though.

7843014 This is getting ridiculously long :rainbowlaugh:
You have been working with Midnight Ice Cream so long. Don't tell me you still haven't noticed the pink-tinted glasses the show gives us. Do you really believe that after thousand years of complete isolation and then mostly days filled with paperwork, official meetings and ponies accepting you nearly as another goddess will one night in a small town completely change Luna's mental state? I don't know the definite answer, no one probably does... just up for you to decide.

Also, are there only "aggresive" or "shy" reactions to being scared in half-asleep state? What about "confused that she can't believe her eyes"? :raritywink:

If you don't mind, I'd cut it here or after your response. We both simply have different points of view and a load of arguments at hand.

Regaining her composure, she opened the window, immediately getting hit with something soft in her face.

The soft thing appeared to be a barn owl that didn't lose any time after finding itself again

My thoughts went to this scene at :44 seconds. (sorry for poor quality)

Also, still bugged about Luna seeming too delicate for what I prefer an Alicorn to be,..

Also:

"Your Highness?" a certain Solar guard pegasus coughed up.

Two things: 'coughed up' was a strange use there, couldn't figure out if you wanted a different word, or if he was puking. Later reflection finally made it make sense. The second thing: 'your highness?' What the what?! Hmmmmm... :trixieshiftright:

8186490 Thank you for the feedback! :twilightsmile: Indeed, I do not really consider alicorns OP... in case of Luna (not including Nightmare Moon), we have seen her only fighting off some monsters in dreams. So, add in the moment of surprise and one proper hit to her horn and she is down :trollestia:
Also, I was re-editing and importing this chapter here a few times, so it is more than possible that it left some artefacts. Could you please point them out in a PM so I can fix them? If not, that is fine :scootangel:

8186687 Believe it or not, but Harry Potter was the one book that ignited my immense love for owls. All children in school had dogs or cats as their favourite animals, I had snowy owls... :twilightoops:

I see now... those little details I cannot simply feel... Would "he bent over in a fit of cough" sound better to you? :twilightsheepish: And do you have any issues with her highness? :trollestia:

Also, I think I can assure you that if you prefer more "wild" version of Luna, one is on the way.

The new cover art is much better ;)

8255946
Thank you :ajsmug:
The site's resolution is simply not so supportive towards traditional art.

I agree the new coverart is good :twilightsmile:

So about the content of this chapter, besides a few spots that let my logic sense tingle (:raritywink:What have you expected Ever? :rainbowwild:) your annoyance about Fluttershy is clear to notice still, you never forgive her the latest episode of her, do you? :rainbowlaugh:

Anyway, your chapter let me smile here and there, also Hedvika was, (as far as I can judge) very fitting to the character you gave her earlier. :pinkiehappy:

Luna on the other hoof, well, a bit of 'meh' to be honest. But thats probably just me.:derpytongue2:

The 'Dragon cuddle scene' however was really a disapointment, considering how you descripted it to me earlier. :facehoof: I have to speak with the mighty Fox editor, he didn't cracked the whip right in this case :raritywink:

8257510
Heh, thank you :ajsmug:
Actually, what Hedvika is referring to dates well back to season one... and it will be touched up later :pinkiehappy:

'Meh'?
I told you he'll get tackled by little fillies, no idea what your dirty mind made up of that. However, a second -larger- part of the scene will appear in the next chapter.

Anyway, your chapter let me smile here and there, also Hedvika was, (as far as I can judge) very fitting to the character you gave her earlier.

Anyway, glad it did!

8257524

 what your dirty mind

:fluttershysad: No reason to be rude.

I just imagined he got tackled by a class of foals, nothing dirty or so. Just like kids in real life would tackle a dog or any animal similar, you know stroke his mane, pet it, say stuff like good dog. Stuff kids do, and Sev would have sit there with a sigh and surrender to it.


'Meh' =

An interjection used to imply indifference towards a subject; "a verbal shrug". This particular interjection has somehow become quite popular among teens,  the reason for this popularity is a mystery. Other popular interjections are 'bleh' "dah", and "mih". Usu. pronounced shortly, without eye contact or body movement.

"You wanna go to the mall?"
"Meh, I have nothing to do for the rest of the day..."

8257540
You know how I meant it :rainbowwild: Anyway... especially for you, I'll more of dragon petting into the next chapter :raritywink:

And thanks.. though I was more asking what was meh about her. Though I guess you kind of wanted to say that it was just a general feeling, right?

8257558

You know how I meant it 

You be aware the comments are puplic? It is a difference if we speak that way in our PM's or over here, am I right, you naughty evil genius? :trollestia: Without context, it let people see me in the wrong way:derpytongue2:


Yes it is a feeling about Luna's part of this chapter, I like the backround with the cook and her way of talking, simple her actions felt so unimportant or misplaced, like Hedvika said: use your magic somewhere else. The scene where she got paranoid of the guard however was good again, so it is a up and down with her in this chapter, ends in a 'meh' feeling about her.:pinkiesmile:

8257576

You be aware the comments are puplic? It is a difference if we speak that way in our PM's or over here, am I right, you naughty evil genius? :trollestia: Without context, it let people see me in the wrong way:derpytongue2:

Says a person often posting inside jokes into the comment section of Of Love and Friendship? :trixieshiftright:
Yeah, she seems like a fifth wheel of a cart, doesn't she? I wonder if she'll be frustrated by that later... :twistnerd: However, I'm glad her psychological development (cook and guard parts) is still enjoyable - those are important parts to me.

8257584
:rainbowlaugh: You know MV and I are friends, my comments are tottaly ok with him, but nice try:scootangel: Stil I am glad you readed them, you surely invited to join them. :pinkiehappy:

 those are important parts to me.

Yes they are, good work with them. :twilightsmile:

I like this story very much. Really like the style, lots of comedic moments and dark when it needs to. I want more, pls!

U get a fav!

8299649
Thank you so much, those moments are exactly what I'm aiming for! I'm glad you are enjoying it :pinkiehappy: Chapter 6 is in the final stages of making and soon will get to the hands of the editor. Sure you won't have to wait another few months :raritywink:
Also... um... I feel kind of bad to ask that, but if you like the story, can you also use the upvote button? You know, it helps in ranking and such...

8299716
Nice, lookin forward.

Sure U get an upvote, man!

8299907
Heh, thanks! Also, if I can hold you for a longer while, can I ask you where did you find this story?

8299957
I usually scroll down the feed looking for stories and download any that grabbed my atention so I can read them whenever I have a chance.

I downloaded yours a while ago, so I'm not sure where. I think you posted on a group named I Just Want A Comment... dunno, man. Sorry :twilightsheepish:

8300654
No problem, this is enough info :ajsmug: Thank you for clarifying!

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