• Member Since 16th Jul, 2016
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Life is just a coincidence, that's what Mother Nature and Auntie Evolution taught us.


Teachers. Mystical creatures that seem to have only one purpose in life; torturing students by trying to cram some information into their little heads. Many many myths and legends surround their lair. Is it true that they really change into normal ponies in there? Intern Cheerilee can now find out.

So... welcome to Tartarus, little pony. Or as they say, welcome in the staffroom.

EDIT: 12/3/2016 Changed from E to T as I felt that it has started to incline more to that side.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 46 )

Teacher staffroom, where in the last year of our primary school we each got a turn for a week of washing their coffee cups.:rainbowwild:
Was happy to get the job of sounding the school horn for start & end of recess and lunch and start of and finish of the school day for the year. made me feel special.:twilightsmile:

7684326 That's slavery :rainbowlaugh:
Though I think I know how you feel. Not everybody can enter those places :raritywink:

Also, can I ask? Was amount of coffee in this chapter sufficient?

Haven't read it yet, getting through my ever increasing nightmare night list, I 'll prioritise this one for next. Comment was for story blurb and how it tweaked some memories. Although I think 'I' need more coffee?

7685731 Ah, I see. I hope you'll enjoy this little 'nightmare' then :twilightsmile:

Needs bigger cups...900ml like this at least!
Need this on stand by
If it had been Celestia's S.f.G.U. then...

"I... T- They... they choose Pin the tail on the pony as 'get to know your classmates' game." Another tear.
"Aaand?" Another sugarcube.
Without a word, Fluffy Cotton stood up, turning around to reveal her backside. Her flanks were adorned by at least a dozen of colorful tails, all seemingly growing from the right spot.

"Ouch. Did they use-" Gauge craned his neck and brought forth his muzzle for closer inspection.

"Pins? No, if you wanted to ask that, they used... Superglue,"

Hope they didn't use 401 industrial grade for difficult materials?

7686067 That reminds me of my friend. He was supposed to make a ceramic mug. In the end it was more like a bucket :pinkiehappy:

Also, it might seem funny, but... what are the rules for this version of dodge ball (if that's how you call the game with the red balls ^^)? I'm not American, so I have no idea :twilightblush:

7686908 Aussie myself and my memory of school years fades a bit in ancient history on that game.:facehoof: Sorry. Just remember the movie but I don't think teachers are included targets.:twilightoops:

7686952 Ah, okay then. Nevermind ^^
Who knows? Maybe they can seek refuge in the staffroom :trixieshiftleft: Looks like I have one more prompt for a chapter...

And yeah, NCmares has a lot of coffee themed pictures.


Looks like I have one more prompt for a chapter...


Cheerilee will be running the place sooner than later.:twilightsmile:
With a name like Globetrotter I'm guessing Phys Ed teacher would be likely, like Harlem Globetrotter? Or he could be a Geography teacher with a penchant for archeology Phileas Globetrotter (Around the World in Eighty Days origin) :pinkiehappy:

7697774 We will see, one of your guesses is half-correct :raritywink:

Report Card
Lack of typos.........................................A+
Good Grammar.....................................A+
Was a little out of place at the start, wasn't sure what was going on. But I gather the classes are all off to perform in a public theatre performance. Nice fluffy bit of down time for the remaining teachers to un-frazzle their nerves, a real slice of life...tedious existence!?! :rainbowlaugh:
Now for the serious bit! Is Scribble's niece Rainbow Dash, Is Dash really a family name reflecting punctuation '-' and not a speed reference? Is Scribble a surname or given name? Former might mean surname is Pad, Note or A-lot. Or the latter and given name Messy, Tidy or Hasty.

Thanks for another fun chapter.:pinkiehappy:

7731038 Thank you for such good grades! :pinkiehappy:
Well, they are actually going to see a play, not to perform. School trips to theatre are common in my home country (Czech Republic), and I kinda didn't think about others... I'll make sure to include a few more sentences to clarify what's going on :raritywink:
And oh, I didn't even think about the '-', I just wanted to have another pony delivering the coffee and Dashie somehow found her way there... But from now is that my headcanon! :trollestia:
Hm, haven't though about her name yet, but I guess I'll go with Scribble Colon.
It might seem insane, but I'm usually making their names on the fly. This whole story is sort of surprise from me, because it started just like a mere experiment and now it seems to have its own plot.
Thanks once more!

7731094 Scribble Colon, I like it, keeps the punctuation tradition together in the family.:pinkiehappy:

7731124 Yep! I need to draw or write something about Rainbow Dash and punctuation :rainbowlaugh:

"I'd rather look for a needle in a hay stack than janitor on this school...

'a janitor in this school' or 'a janitor on this school's grounds' authors choice?:pinkiehappy:

Chart mussed, exiting the room.

"You know, the one saying 'This guy didn't wipe the blackboard'," Heron mussed from the door.

Wish I'd thought of that last one back in my high school days.:rainbowlaugh:

"I have to look for my pet, he's surely wondering where I am now,"

I'm right here, Maud!

The door nearly flew of their hinges this time,

I guess Muck's English is a little off as some of it is grammar thwarted but it adds to the humour?:twilightsmile:

There was a knock on the door, followed by the door leaves flying to both sides.

maybe 'double doors', door leaves isn't a very common term of reference.:twilightsmile:

7753454 Many thanks!
I was thinking, do you want to be an editor or proofreader of this story?
You can see yourself that I have some wording problems and spell check just can't fix everything... :twilightsheepish:

Muck was supposed to speak in such weird way.
Also, I and my friend did that with the skeleton :rainbowwild:

7752988 I wish you iron nerves then :ajsmug:

7754646 I can but time of day could be a problem, as I type now it's 5:24AM.:twilightsmile:here in Australia.
Prague time would make that 7:54PM if I got it right?

7752988 Your avatar pic isn't working, if you sourced from imgur that may be why, their site is blocked here on Fimfiction.

7755122 Correct :ajsmug:
Though, I don't mind waiting a few days. To be honest, the edits of my other story - The Forest Pony - usually take about a month.
Though I reckon you mean more like the ability to respond immediately... Well, if your corrections were just like these above, that wouldn't be such an obstackle. But it's up to you :twilightsmile:

7755209 Yeah OK, I'd just added Forest Pony to my tracking list yesterday as it is to read shortly.:pinkiehappy:

7755219 Thanks! Though be prepared that it's kind of different than the Staffroom. Though I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless :twilightsmile:

7792362 Thanks! You deserve the praise too!
If you haven't looked over it, it would be one big grammatical mess :raritywink:

Okay this is getting juicy and it's speaks for itself :pinkiehappy: I LOVE this chapter and it's top notch!

Apparently Dashie made the effort to "disable" Mrs. Harshwhinny which was what KILLED this chapter :rainbowlaugh:

And her overall reactions were good, very good. I expected that kind of attitude and it nailed it. Cheerilee's reaction was also top notch, personally... I'd react the same way :rainbowwild: And the entire staff's reaction. Very very accurate, Overall, exciting chapter, perfect follow up where it left off :raritywink:
-Psycho :rainbowwild:

7811649 Aww, such kind words. Many thanks!
Well, we'll see what Dashie did in the next chapter :pinkiecrazy:

7811652 My pleasure after such entertaining chapter :raritywink: And regarding the Alcohol humor... MORE!!!! :rainbowlaugh:

7811656 Okay :raritywink: There will be one follow up chapter to this inspection arc - which means a little more cider and then we will move forward. After all, it's still a long way till the school year ends and coffee can't fix everything :rainbowwild:

7811658 PERFECT!!!! :pinkiecrazy: I honestly can't wait! :pinkiecrazy:

I never knew old and stale apple juice can be used as a sleeping potion mixed with coffee... Note taken :pinkiecrazy:

I can totally understand the... desperate measures that are taken. I like this plan that the Headmaster cooked up. GENIUS (well it's your story so YOU're the Genius :rainbowwild: )

And Aww that was cute, proves that even ponies like that have feelings. I like how he embraced the unconscious Harshwhinny :pinkiesad2:

Over all, amazing and really good chapter, my personal favorite right now :raritywink:

7923634 Actually, mixing alcohol ("stale apple juice") with other drugs such as caffeine or nicotine can cause quite a harm... please don't use it when you are feeling sleepless.

Thank you for all the kind words, I'm glad you enjoyed this crazy creation :twilightsmile:

Interesting story so far. I do feel that mix of fast pace and so many OCs is a bit too much for a reader unless he gets used to it. I feel that this would work better as tv series, like say Spin City, than as written story. Characters are likable though I am still unsure if Spark Gauge or Cheerilee are primary protagonist or more likely that story simply focuses on whole staff and few students. At least I assume that Octavia and Maud will get more attention since they are tagged.

Regarding apple cider I will forever be confused why is it non-alcholoc in USA and yet almost everywhere is else it is alcoholic drink. Of course show version is non alcoholic so here it is also. Still it is just one of many things Americans insist to do differently than rest of the world.

Oh and didn't want to post multiple times across several chapters but I am curious why did you pick violin for Octavia. Wouldn't viola be bigger and easier to use as Contrabass/Double-bass. And yeah I stopped wondering why Octavia in show plays Cello as a Contrabass standing up when normally (but not always!) you would play Cello sitting.

8019102 Thank you for your honest words. Octavia will get more attention in the next chapter which will be hopefully up soon... As for the fast pace, those are nearly stand-alone short random comedy stories, really don't expect anything epic. To be honest, I started writing this to try my hand at different characters and surroundings than just the nature of Everfree.

Actually, I don't really care about the nomenclature of (non)alcoholic drinks.
We've seen the Apples squeeze the juice from apples, put it in a barrel and then serve almost immediately. There was no time for it to ferment. I rolled just with the word 'cider' because the show uses it, but I share my opinion with Gauge. "It's just a fancy name for apple juice."

I picked violin exactly because it is not easier to play it as a contrabass. Again, wanted to be a little bizzare... Also, another subconscious reason was that the recolor of Octavia, I think she's called Fiddly Faddle, plays violin.
As for why is she always standing... maybe we can find the answer in pony anatomy.

Both humans and ponies have (mostly) the same bones, but they vastly differ in length ratios. Let's take a comparative look:

The hoof itself is in fact just a nail of the middle finger. The 'wrist' of the hoof is the joint of this finger. The 'elbow' is wrist and so on. That's the front leg. However, the true troublemakers are hind legs.
Again we have the hoof-nail. Then there is the long part going all the way to the weird curved and indented place. This part is analogous to our instep. The 'weird curved and indented place' on the leg is actually the knee and ankle, being really close to each other. That's the crucial part. From that part up, the thighs and joints are similar to human.
If Octavia sat down on the ground, she'd be below her cello nearly. If she used chair like normal cellists do, I reckon her long 'insteps' would be an obstacle to play comfortably as they'd stick forward to the cello. Or simply the show animators had trouble drawing it.


8020184 Heh well the characters are the strongest point of the story so it makes sense. I know I too enjoy experimenting with wide selection of characters.

And apple cider thing was just me musing out loud. I mean the real thing is only partially apple juice and strong as beer. Of course the show is using literal apple juice because Sweet Apple Acre's apples are magical fruits.

Hehehe funny I would say that Fiddle Faddle/Sticks would be playing a "fiddle", but that would be pretentious nitpicking (like I am doing now... oops?). Actually think Octavia also played violin at least in the Hearthswarming Carrol episode. Ah well still adorable to imagine lil Octavia playing it, I just thought violin would be too small.

Kinda thought a pony would play sitting by placing the instrument besides the chair and not between legs. No, I am actually wondering if cello is that big then how big must be contrabass? What is it about this show that makes me overthink things >>

8020408 Ah, I see.

Nitpicking is completely okay :raritywink: I'm glad to learn something new, especially in those areas I don't really understand (I'm the definition of being musically deaf...).

They used Glue!? Kids can be so brutal.

Are those Mrs. Cheerilees school years?

Well, sort of. Early teaching days as a mere intern :twilightsmile:

Dodgeball is a game devolved under the theory of physical education which says "violence is arobic".

In short, divide into teams and throw the red balls at eachother with intent to injure. If you are struck, you are out -- either until the end of the game or until an Authority Figure calls for an amnesty (usually because they are concerned the game will end too soon).

What about 'red rover' do you have that game? It's even more toxic than dogeball.

flowed out like a tide during a solar eclipse

Can you please explain? Is this an idiom? Since the longest eclipse is only about seven minutes and change, you won't notice much actual change in the tide level in that interval. Naturally, the tide level experienced during eclipse will depend on where you observe from: right underneath it versus towards the terminator; but again whatever level it is you won't see it change much during that time.

Heh, my bad for not specifying the location of the tide and such, I was hoping nobody will dig around in it that much. This story was mostly me messing around with various headcanons and other silly things, this one here refers to the idea that Equestria can only* experience spring tide during (and of course, a while before and after) solar eclipse when Celestia and Luna bring the Sun and Moon into the position for some reason, plus given the two control the celestial bodies, the eclipse can last however long they need it to. I know that a lot of people back in the day liked to include in their works the dark detail of extreme tides destroying coastal cities when the Moon eclipsed the Sun during Luna’s transformation into NMM. This is mostly a nod to that, but I agree it could have been worded better.

*Depending on where the Sun and Moon go when they are not visible overhead. Equestrian astronomy is a mess, we don’t even know if their Earth is a normal round planet (the only indication we have is the presence of a globe in one episode).

Ah, I see. I thought there’s more to it than that, as it always seemed to me just like pure aggressivity-fueled chaos.

Regarding red rover, I’ve never heard of it before and had to look it up. Though according to Wikipedia, it should exist in my country with slightly adjusted rules, but frankly, I have never seen or heard of anyone even knowing this game.

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