• Member Since 5th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 29th, 2019

Strawberry Jelly


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My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, although most ponies just call me Pinkie!
Or if you're my sister, Maud, you may also know me as Pinkamena, Surprise, D, or Inkril.

Life's been going good for me, except for one little snag. Twilight's starting to ask questions and I really don't want to tell her the answers. There's nothing wrong with me; I'm a perfectly healthy mare that just happens to have some friends in weird places.

Luckily Maud is coming to visit Ponyville for spring break though; she'll know exactly what to do about Twilight.


Due to the sensitive subject of Dissociative Identity Disorder that this story covers, it may have triggers to some individuals, but I will do my best to try and mark chapters with such content.
This story also covers what it's like to have DiD, how it can affect your daily life, and how it can affect your relationships with those around you.

Cover art is by joyfulinsanity and is used without permission, but upon his/her request, I shall gladly take it down.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 204 )

I gotta ask, do you know what the cause of DID is? If not, it's basically the childhood form of PTSD. An extreme response to an extreme situation, basically I don't want to be here take me away and let somebody else deal with the pain. I'm wondering because you put the trigger warning in the description and I'm curious know how dark this is going to get. Right now it's very light and fanciful but I suspect that's going to change.

I did some research in my textbooks after finishing the story to see how accurately you understood the disorder. So far it's mostly complete, except in most situations the original personality (who I'm assuming is Pinkie though it would make sense if she's not) is unaware of the other alters. In fact, they're usually not even the ones that get treatment, it's the host personality. Though I gotta give bonus points for the accurate switch and not making it a long and drawn out thing.

I want to know where you learned about how the altars interact with each other? All my research turned up nothing but very misleading and most likely wrong information.

4141975 What I remember from some psychology classes I took (granted, like five years ago, so I might misremember or be wrong entirely) is that the alters are usually unaware of each other in the sense that they can communicate directly.But they can be mentally aware of each other if they're told they exist by someone else, say, Maud. That's why Pinkie writes the journal to herself, because she can't directly talk to the others. If that's the case then the interaction between Surprise and D shouldn't really happen at all. However, this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about, and I have two theories about her based on this chapter.

Either A: The original personality is unable to communicate with the others directly, and that's why she writes herself a note. Then the original is Pinkie. She's aware of what her other personalities are based on because of ponies like Maud who are aware of the situation, reactions from other ponies after they interact with an alter, and from having all of them keep a journal.
Or.
B: The original personality is the ONLY one able to communicate directly with any of the others. In that case, D would be the original, and Pinkie is just another alter, and the host personality. Although come to think of it, Pinkamena knew Surprise was out, so would that make Surprise the original? And she just feels like she should have been born a pegasus? hmmm.

And as to how she got it, she was raised on a rock farm where "there was no talking, there was no smiling, there were only rocks." Pinkie (or whichever is the original) might have wanted a way to escape from that, a way out of a dreary existence sought by a child who was unable to take care of herself enough to leave, and that's where personality one was born. Otherwise, maybe Pinkie was fine with life on the rock farm, until the Sonic Rainboom. The sheer joy she felt from it was irreconcilable to her life up to that point, and trying to fit it in was impossible so her personality split and Pinkie was born.

So we've got: Pinkie, who loves parties, her friends, and baking.Surprise, a pegasus in an earth pony body who loves pranks. D, a filly version who is also good at baking. Inkie, an unknown right now, but if I had to guess, the original personality who grew up on the rock farm. And Pinkamena, the angry personality who deals with stress in Pinkie's life.

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Alrighty, so DiD isn't necessarily caused by severe trauma; correlation doesn't always imply one always causes the other. That being said, this story is going to get particularly dark at some points, which is why the trigger warning is in place.

Personalities can talk to each other though; this is usually due to "co-consciousness", which is usually what causes psychotic symptoms in DiD patients. Namely hearing voices and occasionally having visual hallucinations. While it's not common for patients to realize that they have alters, they can sometimes; after all, they aren't necessarily stupid and can put two and two together. Although, they usually don't realize how many alters there just might be and may only believe there is one or two alters lingering.

Co-Consciousness also has the benefits of helping with the whole amnesia problems; although it's hard for a patient to actually get that down. The levels of co-consciousness tend to fluctuate rather wildly depending on the moods of the members of the system. There are days where they can literally all see what a personality is doing and communicate with them, and there are days where they remember absolutely nothing about what the others may have done. Usually it's the latter; it takes years of therapy to truly get co-consciousness to work more often than just an occasional fluke.

Normally I wouldn't say this, but the anonymity that the internet gives me let's me say this without fear of rebuttal. I personally have been diagnosed with DiD a little over a year ago, and before then I had been treated for Borderline Personality Disorder by a few therapists over the years before someone finally decided what was going on in my head.

That being said, I'm purposely avoiding writing down my own triggers in this story (well, what I know are triggers). To be honest, I am drawing a little on experience with how the alters interact with one another; namely the note writing to keep tabs on what each other has been doing. I only know of four total personalities, including the host; which before therapy, I believed it was only two. I'd explain a little more about each personality, but I don't want to upset anyone in case they'd prefer not to mentioned.

Also, the original personality in DiD tends to be non-existent anymore; or rather, doesn't exist in the same way. Most people see DiD as a room of mirrors, with each mirror representing an alter. More realistically, it's like a single mirror that you punch and it cracks. Alters, including the host, are all parts of the big picture. It's honestly an idea that has kept me awake at night; knowing that I might not be who I'm supposed to be. Each alter and the host all have independent memories; some may be true, while others may be false.

The alters don't even necessarily have to be human; they can see themselves as an animal or even some kind of extraterrestrial or humanoid creature (not that I'm saying that's my case, but it's a thing apparently). They also have their own gender, age, race, and ideals; for all intents and purposes, they've had their own lives in their memory and have had their own problems in life.

I'll admit that I don't know everything about the condition, but I am trying to write the story partially as a vent (not that any of the characters resemble me or my alters), and partially just to show a more accurate depiction of the disorder. Although, I may dramatize is a little, but believe me when I say only a little.

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4141975 OK look, you gentlemen obviously have an above average knowledge/experience with mental disorders and i personally find most mental disorders fascinating but have very little knowledge of them.

Now i can completely understand if anyone does not wish to divulge any information on the topic as it is understandably a very sensitive subject but if one or all of you are willing i was hoping to get some questions answered if it's not to much trouble.

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If you'd like, you can PM me and I'll answer what all I'm comfortable with. I'm not sure how much help I'd be though ><;

4143862 I think pinkie has multiply personality disorder.

4144809 she's has to have multiple personality disorder, there's no other reasonable answer, well, I guess she could have been possessed. But who would want to share a mind with Pinkie, she's cool and all, but sharing the same crazy thoughts with her would just be too much for me.

BTW, I'm thinking about writing a story were Pinkie hits her head and forgets she a crazy party pony, got any tips?

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Dissociative Identity Disorder is multiple personalities :twilightsheepish: Just that DiD is the official medical name.

Also, the best tip I would suggest is study amnesia either in text books or reliable online sources. Learn what the side effects are; also, make sure to think about what you want Pinkie to act like without her memory; will it be how she was on the rock farm? Will it be a completely different style of thinking?
Make sure to include plenty of character interaction; like how all of her friends would be worried, but they would react in different ways to it. Twilight might try to find out a way to fix it through psychology or magic; Rainbow Dash would probably make her do things that they've done in the past (like pranking; although the altered Pinkie may not even enjoy peanking)... Basically, just write it with how amnesia really would effect both Pinkie and those around her. Would she forget how to bake? Would she have that same amazing memory and be able to remember names?
I personally am not able to give any facts about blunt force trauma-induced amnesia would be, but I would definitely suggest doing your research before even starting on the story. :twilightsmile:

I don't have DiD or anything like that, but sometimes I like to practice having multiple "channels" or streams of thought at the same time. I often converse with myself in my mind, sometimes with two others (for a total of 3) if I want a more complex conversation to breakdown an idea. I've discovered that I can have three voices and a music track all going at the same time, but it is difficult to maintain as it's taxing on the mind. :ajbemused:

The music stream is special. It's like it's own medium, separate from voices, and is sometimes difficult to turn off. I can turn off all the voices just fine, but music not so much. And I can have two songs playing at once, but that precludes other voices. It's like there just isn't enough bandwidth.

In addition to all that, there's also at least two layers of subconsciousness which I've been able to access. They're the "quiet voices" I'll call them, because it's not so much voices as pure thought - Ideas, emotions, feelings, concepts, all expressed as they just are. Pure existence of thought which words fail to describe. I find that concept particularly intriguing. :twilightsmile:

You talked in a comment above about how memories can be fractured independent among personalities. I sort of know what that's like. As much as anyone without the condition can, I suppose. :applejackunsure: As a mental exercise (when I was really bored), I played a game of chess with myself by splitting my consciousness in two and switching each turn. I'd stratgize and plan my moves for one side, make a move, then switch to the other and completely block out the memory of all that and repeat the process. Before I started, to make it all more interesting I picked a side to win. That was "my" side, as it were. Funny thing is, I lost. :facehoof: Oh well! :pinkiehappy:

:twistnerd: Because I find this all so interesting, I will now read this story. Hoping that it's good! :trollestia:

Ohhhh my. I like this. I like this a LOT.

Can't really say more than that, because there's too much that could happen with this. I hope you have something good planned ;)

Interesting....when I think "dissociative", I immediately think about dissociative hallucinogens like ketamine or phencyclidine. You a psyche major, aintcha', man?

I like it. :pinkiehappy:

It's well written, grammatically, so far. Good premise and execution. As long as the plot and characterization holds up in chapters to come, you've got yourself a winner. Feature box material. :raritywink:

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I admit that I was worried that the cover art would put that idea in people's heads at first glance. Honestly though, I'm actually thinking of commissioning someone to make a proper cover art. This story is one that actually feels strangely important to me.
But no, I'm not planning on making another psycho Pinkie story; gods know that there's enough of those littering this sight.
I personally try to avoid those stories though; they kind of can be a little offensive if they try to pull the whole 'split personalities' card. :twilightblush:

This story rules. Can't wait for the next chapter.

4146541
Although it doesn't particularly bug me for it to be called an affliction, I do thank you for being considerate about it.
I'll admit that I'm not the best writer, but I certainly want to try and improve. After all, practice makes perfect.

The whole DiD thing does interfere with my writing quite often though; especially where one of my alters fancies herself a writer as well, so we tend to clash when it comes to stories. Eventually we decided that we'd just write our own things until we can come to some kind of agreement on a collab.
Thus why there's this story, as well as Hearts, Hooves, and Balloons. :twilightsheepish:

FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT D.I.D. IS!

Oh....My.....Celestia.... its the next chapter!'im gonna read it right now. :pinkiegasp:

Twilight is such an egghead. :rainbowkiss:

I like this story... but leaving a like is too anonymous. Hi, I am still going to thumbs it up though; don't worry.

"What does the D stand for?"

4148335
I'll admit that was clever.
You got a pretty big laugh out of me.

Thank you for writing this. Feeling normal is nice sometimes.

Likefaved, let's see where this goes.

4149111 Its from none piece. What does the D stand for though?

Alrighty guys, sorry for not releasing another chapter tonight, but certain things came up. I was wanting to try and release a chapter per day, but silly things like 'real life' can be an issue sometimes.
I'm about halfway done with the chapter for now, but I need to go over it and double check for grammar/spelling errors as well. It should be out tomorrow though. :twilightsheepish:
I also don't know if you guys noticed, but I almost have 100 favorites on this story and only in two days. Honestly, thank you guys for your support.

Look, another poorly written DiD fic with no understanding of what DiD even is.

Don't mind me. I just did a ton of coke so I have like no inhibitions.

I'm the first one to leave a comment on this chapter, yay. But I didn't know Octavia was pinkie's sister, and I didn't know pinkie had a twin sister?

4153641 canonwise they are not sisters but authors/artists write them like that now and again.

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Indeed, Octavia's relation is a headcanon for me; albeit a rather fun headcanon.
As far as Marble being Pinkie's twin; that's also headcanon, but it's not really retconning either. They never really mention anything other than Marble and Limestone being 'younger sisters'. That and Marble looks an awful lot like flat-haired Pinkie.

4153641 Headcannons Blossom, headcanons.

This stories really good. It would have been really good if it was just "Pie sisters make up" But no, you had to throw another plot into it! Fabulous!
Also, do any of her other sisters know about Pinkie's disorder? Or is it just Maud?

Its cool that Pinkie has so many sisters. :yay:

LOVE IT. Congrats on getting 88 straight likes, maybe you'll get to 100!

I don't rightly like making Octavia one of Pinkie's sisters since both the coat and mane colors are different from the pony people usually state her to be (though, it would be amusing if this was presented as fact in show!canon and/or comic!canon).
That said, however, this story does it in a new way by stating that Octavia isn't Marble (or Limestone), but just another sister who, somehow, didn't appear in the family memories/photos. There are many things that could explain this happening, but it just seems too unlikely that she just happened to "not be there". Then again, Pinkie never "imagined" Maud during her flashback in Cutie Mark Chronicles.

This is a really good story, though, so I'll let it slide. Not that it is a mistake per se to begin with.

... now you've got me wishing that the show/comic would explore other ponies' lives as well... again!

For a more personal approach: as a med student with a liking for psychiatry, I have to congratulate you on not botching D.I.D. yet. I don't mean the "yet" as "I'm sure you will, and I will be there to laugh at you once you do", but it's a rather... heterogeneous disorder which is still cause for loads of debate that makes "religion Vs. atheism" look like two shit-faced-drunk best friends switching playful jabs and jests at each other. The fact that psychology is, at best, pseudo-science doesn't help in the least...

Would you like some good bibliographical references, author? Y'know, to better the overall experience?

4153697 Did I miss on any Pony Lore? Where was it stated that Octavia is not a Pie family member?

4152942 Still playing the "I know more than you because I know more than you" card, eh, parasprite?

4153749
Although her sisters don't know for certain, I will say that some of them might be suspicious of Pinkie's condition.


4154059
As far as Octavia goes; I know it's always dangerously close to retconning when you play with lore ambiguity. But yeah, I do have reasons that will be revealed as to why Octavia wasn't in the picture, and even more reason as to why Pinkie doesn't really mention her in the flashbacks/memories.
Although I pull from experience with DiD, I would actually be interested in a few references; I don't really know /everything/ about it, although I probably should learn more than just from what my therapist says (Not that I don't trust the man, but still). Besides, I may yet learn something about myself in the process (which is always nice).

Also, I actually found Parasprite's comment a little amusing. Well, because Parasprite is Parasprite.

4154188 Alrighty, then. I will trust you, author, since you didn't disappoint.

Here are some:
1) For starters, here's a very "general info/curiosity-killer" regarding these (and other psychiatric pathologies) from a real life buddy of mine. We're from Brazil, though, so the English might be a bit atrocious.
2) If you're itching for something more formal and serious, try this e-book of Kaplan and Sadock's Synopsis of Psychiatry
3) If you're in for a more heavy and complete reading, try this pdf of Kaplan and Sadock's Textbook of Psychiatry.
4) If you're chest-deep in knowledge and you want more and more and you just can't fucking get enough, then I present you with PubMed! Be sure to only allow for free full texts, as I doubt you'd like to pay in order to state your curiosity.

(Fair warning: PubMed is a place for scientific papers. You might find some metanalysis reviews for D.I.D. over there, but they are not meant for layman's eyes. They will assume you are already knowledged in the area, so it'd be better for you to read 2 and/or 3 beforehand!)

4152942 Look, another asshole who think he can do better. I like your stories, but really, shut the fuck up if you have nothing interesting to say.

4153944
Nah, someone party pooped it at 94 likes :c
I guess every party needs a pooper.

So, Pinkamena is obviously like this. :pinkiesad2:
And Pinkie is like this. :pinkiehappy:
Surprise is like this. :pinkiegasp:
And D is like this.:pinkiesmile:
Does that make Inkie like this :pinkiecrazy:
or this :pinkiesick:

Sorry, it's late at night, so my post may be a little loopy.

Seriously though, I like this story a lot. I think it's clever, especially since most fics I've read involving multiple personalities for Pinkie include only 2 (Pinkie and either Surprise or Pinkamena) and this seems like a much more interesting setup.

I do wish it would focus back in on Pinkie though. The family dynamic is interesting, but I'm much more interested in the different sides of Pinkie and how they function.

Nice story so far but what's going on with twilight? :twilightsmile:

Well, setting things up is necessary, I don't mind. Especially not when you update about 2500% faster than any other person I'm currently following on this site. Also, D seems absolutely adorable.

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Inkie's actually a little different, but that's for another time to explain :P
The thing with DiD though is that it's actually a little uncommon for someone to only have two personalities (they usually only know of one other though, if they know of any at all).
I do admit that the story does have quite a few plots running though it, but they all are really tied together, I assure you.

That being said though, I think I may need to start making the chapters longer in order to fit in the different parts of the story and show each aspect equal love. :twilightblush:

Even if it is filler, it's okay to not make all the time in a fanfic an exposition. I mean, characters [are supposed to] have lives, so it makes sense that there is some time being spent on something that is slowly forwarding the plot by adding "background detail".

This is why I liked Pulp Fiction. The characters talked.

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I don't have any problem with exposition. I just want more exposition about the alters, and less about the family. At least for the moment.

That's just me though. And Octavia's comment towards the end that "If she had never let him into the house then..." is certainly intriguing.

I really might have to start extending the size of chapters to help out.

I'm 100% okay with this, even if the release rate suffers a bit (say, 6-to-8k-words-long chapters with a 3-4 day interval between them). The longer the better, but that's just my opinion.

It's up to you, though.

As if there wasn't already enough here to make this my current favorite fic, you go and make a Fear and Loathing reference.
makeameme.org/media/created/Hey-You-good.jpg

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I think the verdict from most folks is that I should extend the chapters~ So yeah, my release time may suffer a little for it, but I'll try to release at least 5k word chapters each time. :twilightsmile:
Besides, I think it comes down to quality vs. quantity at this point; I've noticed that my chapters are all lacking and feel a tad rushed at 2500 words, so maybe it'll help with pacing as well.

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I was wondering if anyone was going to pick up on that :twilightsheepish:

4156140
D and Inkie are honestly my favorite two alters personally.
I'll admit though that I based the different alters on different moments that Pinkie has had in the show; particularly ones where she seems 'out of character'.
Well, ones where she seems /in character/ too. Headcanon for this story made me rewatch almost all episodes that have Pinkie in it to pick out different traits to different personalities.

4154188

But yeah, I do have reasons that will be revealed as to why Octavia wasn't in the picture, and even more reason as to why Pinkie doesn't really mention her in the flashbacks/memories.

I don't know what reasons you're going with, but one simple explanation would be that she just was away or kept to herself the day of the flashback and didn't like being in pictures. I have a cousin who used to just bolt out the room any time someone took out a camera, so it's not all that unbelievable to me.

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