• Member Since 21st Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Helljumper206


I read what I want and wright what I want, you read me?!?!

Sequels1

T
Source

Going through a re-edit faze


Shoot, move, communicate & kill grubs

Four things you need to know in life after fourteen years of fighting monsters.

Now at the near end of her ropes, Sargent Abigail Terrell, is one of the few gears in the COG's Special Forces and a former member of the Onyx guard still fighting on the front.

On another regular patrol mission she finds out what happens when you fall into a pond of hot Imulsion during which a light mass bomb go's off followed by some timely other dimension magic popping up.

Nothing is ever going to be the same.


Gears of War/MLP crossover.

Gears of war is owned by Epic Games
MLP:FIM is owned by Hasbro

Takes place in the end of Gears of War one ending
During the season 6 final (spoiler)

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 96 )

This is good so far, but would benefit from an editor. A few punctuation errors, some run on sentences, quite a few places where it either shifts tenses for a few sentences, or shifts from 3rd person PoV to first person PoV momentarily. As a rabid fan of the gears series I'm not noticing too much off about the Gears side of things. Really the only thing is tickers and grinders didn't show up till gears 2, but it could easily be argued that Marcus and co just didn't see them, so I'll let it slide ;P

7814280 I wrote all this down in one sitting at three at the morning. I really didn't had a plan so I'm just going with it. I'll edit it later with more stuff. And I was using more GOW Judgment gameplay then the then the first one, but based the lightmass bomb off of the first games ending.

7820134 mmk, judgement is the only one I didn't really play, so i didn't remember if tickers and grinders were in them

I think this story sound very professing to me, all do I think you could go though more editing before publishing because of the occasional spelling mistakes here and there, but the way you write at least sound solid to me. I will be looking froward to see more of this story.

I'm glad to see an update for this, and I can't complain too much storywise, however, it would benefit you greatly to have someone look over and edit your chapter before you release it. I noticed quite a few small grammar issues, some small spelling errors, and once again you seem to have a few awkward PoV and tense shifts.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way and get discouraged, I love gears, and I love the fact that someone's doing a crossover like this. I'm only pointing this stuff out to try and benefit you. If you want the help but don't know where to look for it, I'll gladly offer my services to help you clean this up. It's a good idea with a lot of potential, it just needs a bit of polishing to shine.

7814280

Basically, nearly all of the different Locust existed throughout all of the games. The gang just got lucky and never saw a kantus or fought a reaver up close and personal in the first game.

There were a few though that were claimed dead throughout the games. Judgement had the rager, this berserker clone that was weaker and carried a terrible gun. The excuse for them was that they all died out before the first Gears of War. I bet you know that nearly all of the kryll died after the first game too.

7832153 yup, they were super sensitive to certain types of light and energy (UV rays burned them, that's why they were only out at night) and since most all of the, were in the caves when the light as bomb went off, it ended up cooking them.

nice to see an other chapter

Before I read the story, what is the Gore tag for ?

7835679 For when the Changlings show up later in the story

7835815 Heads will roll with fountains of blood.

I am deeply Disturbed at this terrible grammar the story is okay but the grammar is just atrocious this needs to be fixed

So was this the girl from judgement so are u going to give her a stallion to shag with:ajsmug:

7857883 No this is a different girl, as for romance. that's a secret that comes out after in a few chapters

7899678 Its the nickname the Gears give to the Locust

Well all know what going to happen when they leave to the village what would happen if she didn't go with starlight instead she stay here wood she stop twilight and her friend from being kidnapped

Comment posted by Dinokid11 deleted Jan 29th, 2017

7906460 You know, your comment isn't very helpful. What is bad about it? Why do you think it is bad? If you're going to comment on the quality of someones writing, you should give reasons why you dislike something, that way the author can see their mistakes and attempt to improve. Otherwise you just look like an ass hole.

7906580 Thank you.
If anyone has a suggestion on what should be better that's there opinion. Thou saying something is just bad. Not a great way to make anything better.

Sorry I didn't mean the story I mean what happened to twilight and her friends And will the cog know that they are not who they are

"All hale Queen Chrysalis!"

They just screwed themselves.

Rule #1:
Never turn your back on a Gear.
Rule #2:
Never attempt to attack a Gear without an ungodly number of reinforcements.

When will she killed the changlee twilight

I only have one question can I please please please get in on this

i'm a HUGE Gears fan, i'll be interested in reading this soon

Yes death I like keeping up the good work and can I ask some things will abby be with starlight glimmer

Time to kick butt, Gears of War style.

7940426 It took me a bit to figure out what would Abby say to the Changelings but I'm satisfied with this.


7940413 Abby and Starlight's relationship is mainly just playful at the moment.


7933384 Thank you hope you enjoy :twilightsmile:

Good short chapter can't wait for more

Shoot, move, communicate & kill grubs
Four things you need to know in life after fourteen years of fighting monsters.
Now at the nearing end of her ropes, Sargent Abigail (Red),Terrell, is one of the few gears in the COG's Special Forces and a former member of the Onyx guard.
On regular patrol mission she finds out what happens when you fall into a pond of hot Imulsion during which a light mass bom go's off fallow by some timely other dimension magic popping up.
Nothing is ever going to be the same.

many errors in the description already and a few sentence structure errors as well...:applejackunsure:

seems you need a little help with the grammar me thinks:trixieshiftright:

just saying:twilightsheepish:

7915885 are you boarding the Stargail ship

Started out good but quickly fell apart with how often you used the wrong words. I would recommend you reread your work before uploading and maybe get an editor.

This seriously needs a lot of work with all the wrong spellings and missed words I came across.

You really need to fix the errors if misspellings and wrong words.

Seriously dude, reread before upload to correct mistakes. Constant you get this wrong, "mite" when it should be "might" amoung other things.

Hey um nice job butt WHEN R WE GOING TO SEE ABBY AND STARLIGHT KISS

I'm sorry for thorax for losing his mate I hope chryles pays by death

It's a great start I liked it. I personally would go out with a Yang instead of a bang

Loved the chapter. It still needs more editing.

It would be epic I'd Abby tamed a Fuck'n Reaver. Just saying.

7857930 Not related, but this needs some work, maybe after your done with the current chapter, you can go back and edit the previous chapters? maybe get an editor, there are a few people who would help you out.

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