Nekon
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Twilight has Anon boxed in. Due to how she (he?) acted at the hospital no one would believe her if she said Twilight had molested her. and since Twilight is a princess and a hero. She would be more believable than a filly who can't control her own hooves or even eat right. this is quite the hard place.
Anon hopefully you won't get broken in like a fresh boot.
7752950
You stopped reading after you took a look at the title?)
I know that this kind of stuff is not for everyone.
7752975 No it was after the 'my name is Anon' part. It's not a reflection on your part. My complaint is that so many people are using this when clearly they do give 'Anon' character traits but don't want to give him a name.
7752992
The only reason the main character doesn't have a name is because it's a 2nd person story. Anon is an avatar of yours, not your actual "name".
ugh! tag your story with foalcon or non con creep twilight at least in the description! that was a creepy thing honestly and i had no clue till i started reading gag!
7753067
ok. I thought that the "Anon filly" title and sex&dark tags would be enough.
P.S:
It's not actual foalcon, the main character is above 20)
You need a editor is what you need. Please consider having a friend look over this, or look around the site for volunteer editors. As it stands, your story is borderline unreadable.
7753082
it would be nice. Do you happen to know where I can find one?
7753118 I'm on mobile, so it's a little harder for me to navigate the site other than just reading stories. Try browsing through the "groups" screens. I want to say there's one with a name along the lines of "new author support group" or something like that. When I get to a desktop I'll see if I can find something. Might be a while though.
"If you look very closely now, you can pinpoint the exact second it turned into a clopfic."
I normally don't read Anon fics,, but....
this one has me hooked
Something's wrong, why does the chapter word count say +7k words but the Total Word counter says over +3k?
Not bad writing not really great story. Sorry not my type.
There are only few stories with human as a foal most of them unfinished for years. This story could have a great potential but the whole raping from the get go really doesn't fit. (it would look better if that happened later and by someone else than an actually good pony.) Still doesn't mean that the whole foalcon's unacceptable, or even romance with Twilight.
While the writing quality is great, I do not like the plot.
You managed to hit most of the things I dislike. Foalcon, the main character have a relationship with Twilight, and Celestia having male genitalia. While the character is 20 years old, his body is still a foal and that still counts as foalcon in my books. Main character X Twilight isn't something I ever liked, nor was Celestia having male genitalia (No offense to people who like these things, just not my preference).
While I am going to put down this Fan Fiction, I hope you have a great time on the journey as a Fan Fiction Writer.
I can't wait to see more of this story again.
7756313 Kids, take notes cause this is how you express your oppinion. Mister i hope people will learn from you.
I enjoy the concept from endless threads based on anonfilly/greenhornet. I wouldn't mind if you continued this. Please grab an editor and continue this.
I find it rather interesting. So I'm quite excited to see where you will go with this.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/517/131/ff7.jpg
It's like I'm seeing everything wrong with this fandom, in text format.
7759820
It's just an innocent walk around the city in comparison with what I have in the draft
7759846 this was a really strange and fast paced story but nonetheless I liked it
My advice? An editor. This fic desperately needs one of those.
Anyway, I love the concept, and I'll be keeping an eye on this in the future.
A pedophile Twilight holing our protagonist hostage because he has nowhere else to go, in a world that seems to only tolerate pedophilia among the super powerful. Nefarious. While there are a few too many typos for my liking, the pacing and tone are great. Spike seems to accept whatever Twilight does with a quiet envy, but it'll be interesting to see how her friends react. Will they approve, ask to share, will Rarity and Applejack gently remind Twilight that their own sisters are off limits? So many interesting possibilities.
7849612
He did say there are few orphan fillies, and most are kept by Celesta, so I would guess AB and SB are 'off limits'
I hope you will continue this despite the current like-dislike ratio. It's a rather interesting topic you picture here and I would like to see more of how this world works!
Not to mention how Twilight will slowly break her little filly into her new role and adjust her to her own personal needs!
7899000
yeah, I kinda finished chapter2(Yes, I'm not dead) and now struggling with polishing it.
7899063
That's neat!
Also from Author to Author. This site:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
helps you find an Editor licketysplit! And also a tip about editing work. Google Docs is really helpful not only to provide a way for your Editor to work, but also for you to see his changes for example!
I really like the setting, the whole "either you get raped by me or someone else will rape you, your choice"
on a side note, you wrote:
"unless you obey me,"
don't you mean "disobey"? what you wrote makes it sound like Twi will punish her if she obeys her, which makes very little sense xD
I can go to sleep now.
more
My, my. I honestly hope she misbehaves so Spike can take her sweet little muzzle for a ride!
Celestia hordes the nubile kiddie concubines AND the futa magic? The tyranny of it all!
7849612
I got an editor, so all typos are fixed I hope
Oh it's going to be such a darling ending when Twilight begins to appreciate Anon as a person and not just an outlet for her horribly perverted urges. Or maybe Anon will make one too many mistake and the chains will come out.
> This is what people actually think feminists beleive
The needless sexism was a major point against this story. Much more of that and I don't think I'll stick around. That's in addition to all the typos.
That said, I like the idea of Spike being a familiar who has unquestioning loyalty to Twilight, no matter what terrible things she does. I also like the psychological element of how Twilight's mood keeps shifting between scary aggressive, to gentle authoritative, to almost sweet. It's very realistic and clearly being done to deliberately warp Anon's perception into becoming a loyal pet.
Holy fuck.
Well, this is a thing that is happening. Strangely enough, I'm alright with it. Usually I avoid rapey stuff like a world in the path of a Tyranid hive fleet, but it comes off as more of reluctant consent than straight non-consensual.
I have one tiny niggling issue: Twilight's cover story for Anonymous. While a shock induced coma can happen, it is usually incredibly rare, and from my understanding, there are usually underlying medical issues that contribute to them slipping into a coma. It just feels incredibly contrived at this point to just go 'because shock' and be done with it. Granted, if you wanted to have Twilight conciece some sort of medical issue to attribute the coma to, you could feasibly have her have a means to effectively limit Anon's freedoms. For example, if Twilight makes Anonymous go to school, she could inform Cheerilee that Anon suffers a circulatory issue of some that limits her ability to distribute enough oxygen through her body, and not to let her get too active, less she 'faint' and slip into a coma. This could be used to keep Anon from running, which might clue others into the sexual abuse if she's running funny.
Another choice is rather than use coma, a quick revision could leave Anon 'suffering' Dissociative Amnesia caused by 'the trauma of losing her parents', which would just as easily reflect some of Anon's memory gaps, and make ponies sceptical of what she says without going too into medicine.
7977897
thanks for comment and advice. I implied some sort of amnesia when I was writing it. but I'm not that good at medicine as well at writing to describe it all correctly))
I... kind of... feel sorry for Twilight.
No I mean
She was born into this. It's all she's ever known. Her mentor, probably her parents, her brother? Her friends? How many times was she raped by some jerk stallion in Canterlot? I feel sorry for her because it seems like Twilight's genuinely trying to help "me," but the princess is just so well trained by this twisted version of Equestria, that she thinks she's supposed to say "I'm dying of thirst and the only thing in this castle that can quench it is the nectar from your filly pussy." If that really were true, Twilight wouldn't be able to say that, since she'd be diving in headfirst, so it's like she's repeating what others have told her when she was a filly. It made Twilight feel good to hear that, so it must make "me" feel good to hear that, and any protests "I" make are just like the ones Twilight made as a filly... to be ignored.
This story is actually really sad.
Lost me after the intro to the bedroom.
I hope this will get continued soon!
Out of all stories to die I’m sad it was this one. I was really enjoying it from start to finish and was waiting for Twilight to get more and more harsh until Anon broke.
It's sad that this story is dead but I have an urge to write my own continuation.
8499905
8631739
I didn't want to write this post because I can't give any promises but the story is not utterly dead unless I am dead myself. I have some of it written but I cant bring myself to finish it because of reasons. It may be that one day I'll wake up and spew out a whole bunch of new chapters or never finish anything coherent.
8643479
That just gives me even more hope and raises my expectations further.
8643479
as the saying goes the proof is in the pudding when I see a update then I'll believe you
8643479
I can only see this story going one of two ways....
Maybe three.
Possibly four.
Even five?
Assuming this is ever continued, and, from the talent and poise of the writing, I should certainly hope so, I would make a suggestion to perhaps seed a pearl of inspiration.
This story could be a pit, a dark road that takes a deeper step each chapter untill finally bottoming out and the horror of Twilight's ministrations either ending in salvation, or death. Mostly focused on Twilight's plunge from sanity. (The Molestia course)
Perhaps a conversion story? One where the character succumbs to the world and becomes submissive to perhaps, a benign or at least acceptable authority of the world. Eventually attaining a peace of mind with their new reality, then ending focused on Anon's change regardless of Twilight's character. (The porn flick course)
Or you could have it be more truly storylike and have anon slowly weasel out of Twilight's control as time passes, building tension with an envitable betrayal and consequental freedom for anon.
(The plot thickens course)
This one comes with a special feature, the variable ending. Of which there are three common variations.
Anon uses the betrayal to take righteous vengeance and become a force for good in equestrian society. (The karma ending)
Anon escapes her and either starts a new life or escapes equestria, *Twist ending still a filly on returning, sequel?* (The survivor ending)
Anon eventually leaves Twilight, but in the end becomes a filly fiddler too.
(The legacy ending)
So did predicting potentially appeasing plotlines invigorate or extinguish that pointedly poetic passion?
Also don't discredit doing some story completely off the beaten track here, i haven't predicted them all by a longshot.
Even though, I do fully expect you to do the ending behind door number two judging by the pacing and style at this point.
Let me know your thoughts. You know, whenever and if ever you should so feel.
790827
Heh. I don't know whether it's funnier that obvious contextual social commentary rubs you the wrong way or that I can't tell whether you actually think the tone of the writer is implicitly sexist, when it's pretty apparent, though forgive me if I'm actually incorrect? That the author is a guy.
Or maybe the funniest thing is that there is some seriously fucked up, dark truth to that commentary that doesn't necessarily apply strictly within our conceptual Twilight's inherent bias?
Or, or.
It could be that, having known all that, you still thought it appropriate to label our fine author here with having tried to ACTUALLY address this topic,
in a porn fic....
Who... Who makes pointed socially anthropological innuendos in a porn fic..
That's pretty ballsy.
No. Dude. It's social world building strictly for this narrative to shed some light on why twilight is actually raping fillys.
I mean wtf dude this story is literally about gender bender filly rape and blackmail... And you get triggered by rather vanilla sexist character traits....
Like you know people in reality that probably think what Twilight said, and that gets you, but not the child rape?
Mk.