Nekon
Joined 1st May, 2016 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Little_Draco · 5.2k words · 63 18 · 4.2k views
- Inked Moongleam · 4k words · 150 47 · 3.7k views
- Withania · 6.4k words · 36 25 · 1.4k views
- ScarletRibbon · 12k words · 154 11 · 3.1k views
- StuffGuy123 · 12k words · 44 15 · 1.3k views
- StormLuna · 3.1k words · 32 27 · 1.7k views
- Homestuck-is-Dead · 1.2k words · 16 8 · 861 views
Featured In26
Clopfics11,545 stories ·15,811 members
- Shining Armor832 stories ·446 members
Transformations5,227 stories ·5,793 members
- Shining Armor: Nobel Captian, Loving Husband & Devoted Brother128 stories ·101 members
- All Mature2,242 stories ·649 members
NSFW3,903 stories ·1,370 members
My Little Fetish16,593 stories ·8,567 members
Incest is Wincest4,020 stories ·5,195 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.171 seconds
Total duration
1,007 users online
2,011,758 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Cadence has a point Shining...if you try to make her into the perfect daughter, how is she supposed to grow and become better
?
As an Alicorn, being in heat must suck twice as much
!!! Or maybe three times
.
Man the body swap porn is really weird and the part with gay sex is really not my cup of tea. But hey at least its the Shiny Flurry pairing so its cool. Why so much weird porn this year. Cant it be just some father-daughter bonding?
9716009
Perhaps it's fun to read but it's not so fun to write
9716014
Well can undersatd that logic but hey if its what keeps people writing yhen I am not the one to complain. The writing was really good. Sadly skipped large chunks because of the stuff. But dont let taht discourage you. Thats some potent stuff.
Coverart sauce: Derpibooru
ID:2067262(NSFW)9716014
Sequel?
9716216
I have a few ideas but it's very unlikely I'll actually write a sequel. I already have a large project on the side and I don't have time/inclination to explore the same themes here any deeper.
I pictured cadance saying "I told you to bond with your daughter not screw her." Shinings response "well technically she screwed me .. So there's that atleast." Cadance gets a thoughtful look keeps shining in flurry body then her and flurry proceed to screw shining. Hahaha.
I'ld love a sequel one that locks shining in flurry's body for a year because he got pregnant due to their tryst at the end of this story. Making it so he learns what it truly is like to be a mare more fully. And have flurry learn what it means to truly rule the empire
So... What's the baby going to look like?
Could have enjoy it if it wasn't thay fu***** gay part.
9718464
I feel you bro. Not fan of gay clop either but I could not have the guards and Flurry have their revenge.
Sometimes instead of doing what feels good you have to do what feels right.
This was weird, gross, and fucked up.
I loved it. Such a unique premise. I wish more time was spent on the incest, but this was overall a really cool idea and you executed it pretty alright. Your writing style is a little bit bland, but I was okay with that here - this was an unusual premise and it needed to make sense more than it needed to push boundaries with the English language.
On premise alone, this is already a strong contender. Keep at it. Try to take more risks with your writing style in the future. A very strong showing.
9724657
thx for the critique. Could you please provide 1-2 examples as to how my writing style is bland?
isn't it like not a bad thing?
9724809
It’s something to be thinking about and improving upon. I’m on mobile so I can’t share specific examples, but basically a lot of how you describe action is fairly basic and mechanical. It’s like making spaghetti or some other kind of pasta and not putting anything on it - it’s absolutely edible and it works, but it could use a bit more flavor and maybe some kind of protein portion.
Right now it’s not super bad - you’ve got word spaghetti and premise meatballs but no real sauce. Similes, metaphors, reincorporation of important words or phrases, stuff like that. Also, when it came to the sex stuff things were pretty much “he sucked dick and moaned and it was good and stuff”. You can go wild there. People have five senses that you can subconsciously activate just with a turn of phrase - that whole spaghetti metaphor up there with taste, with sound, with touch (lots of touch, and touch can be more that “they felt”), with audio, and with sight.
I think the challenge you and a lot of inexperienced writers face is describing things in any detail other than visual. Visual details are absolutely important, yes, but what I think this and many entries in this contest could have used was a little bit more attention to the other senses and a greater willingness to go out there and describe things in perhaps exhaustive detail.
Your editors and prereaders will let you known if it’s too much and you need to pare it down. You’ve got nothing to lose - afford yourself the ability of coming off as “overly flowery” and you’ll find something really visceral and interesting to read in there.
9724979
I see what you're saying. I actually tried experimenting with flourish before and I would say I ended up not liking it. Again, it's just my opinion and I'm not trying to defend myself here, merely expressing my thought process. I think that a simple noun+verb action structure is the way to go. It helps to keep the reader in the 'now' without distracting him with abstract sentences his brain would struggle to imagine and sour his 'mood'(I'm talking about clop here, not general writing.) Again, I do not claim myself to be a guru because I'm not but I've read enough to form an opinion. dirty little secret uses this simple structure "action1, action2, action3" and in my opinion he has the best technical writing with regard to clop on this site.
9716046
You, sir, are a hero.
9715958
As one country music song goes:
9744419
Damn...
.
Does this music play in the background?
If yes, RUN!
Um, is any of those on birth control or something like that?
If none of them is, the situation will become even more awkward soon...
Anyway, good story!
Good to see they forgave each other in the end.
I would kind of have expected Shining would demand she takes her potion before fucking anypony. After all she can't have a pregnancy now.
Honestly? The story is well written, but the clop feels a bit ehh.
Ooh, very clever using her wing to mimic the middle finger/claw
Had Flurry Heart been*
the sparkles*
teeth grated*
9718464
You could have worded this better. I'm not a fan of gay porn either but saying it so aggressively makes you sound homophobic.