Celestia is uncertain about one of her previous students: Marjoram. The unicorn is highly intelligent, incredibly powerful in magic, and yet he has no friends. He works as one of the few morticians in Canterlot, dabbles with herbalism, and is more than okay with performing autopsies on all sorts of creatures if it means furthering his research.
On the other hoof, Celestia has Twilight Sparkle, new to being a student. Young Twilight is skilled for her age, and recently discovered her special talent in magic. She has no friends outside of her family, and this worries Celestia; for she's seen what can happen to good ponies who feel isolated from everyone else.
So, Celestia decides to meddle in fate, and tasks Marjoram to give Twilight at least one lesson per week. Chaos, of course, can only ensue.
Edit. Nov 29th/2020: As some of you might have been able to realize, I haven't updated this story in a long time. I wrote myself into a whole and couldn't dig myself out of it. However, over the course of quarantine, I've been rewriting the story with the intent of completing it, even if it takes me a few years. As it stands, I'm a little over 16k words into the rewrite, and once I hit 20k, I'm going to publish and start posting semi-regularly.
In celebration of hitting 100k words, I comissioned the talented Pridark for a commission of Marjoram.Pridark
Interesting idea. I hope you keep the story updated and can't wait to read more.
Not familiar with the character (beyond looking over the Wikipedia page, voiced by Kiefer Sutherland evidently), so much of his history is new to me. Lets see where your going with this now that the Twi-Marjoram relationship has been established, retelling of the first episode? All in time I suppose.
I'm just amazed that you haven't gotten 10 votes on this yet. how does that even HAPPEN?
6678265 Thank you so much! I'm glad you think so!
6682612 You're welcome, but I wasn't kidding. How the crap are your likes/dislikes still hidden?
6682612 Also, Somehow I never added this to my favorites.... wtf.
6682625 Haha. Just posted a new chapter, enjoy!
So, is Kafir Marjoram brother? I'm going to assume but I didn't see it stated, though I am pretty sleep deprived at this point.
Liked the flow of Marjorams dreams. Though yeah, this was a pretty big exposition dump. But it fits pretty well. Wonder why these letters didn't get delivered.
6683041 Reasons why Kafir never got them will be explained next chapter. Celestia doesn't want to know the 'why', because she knows going back in time and screwing with the past could seriously mess up the future, even though it would potentially save Marjoram a lot of pain. Marjoram is the type to know 'why'. Part of what makes him such a good mortician.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed!
How is this still so unknown?
6699229 I'm really flattered you seem to think that this story is good enough to get popular! Thank you!
I was a bit nervous when it looked like you were going to redo the first episode. It's such familiar ground that even good revisions of it are tough to read because the reader knows it so well. You need to establish the characters and how they meet in your story and just saying rewatch the first episode isn't going to cut it, so a retelling is needed. So far it's well written, but pretty much following the script, plus Marjoram. I'm going to trust you have a hard deviation coming up soon. You haven't spent too long rehashing so I'd say it's going along well. Good luck.
That was a bit abrupt of a jump, I thought it was all Marjorams dream at first until he woke up again.
He's being a bit petty against Celestia, yes she got her sister back. But from the sound of it you never asked her to explain what happened, when she lost her. For a thousand years, compared to your short lifespan of maybe 70. Getting a Discord vibe from him in Make frieds but keep Discord with how he's seeing Twilight.
Also, I have the feeling that Luna is going to have some explaining to do with what she did to him. Those little whispers in his head seem new and bode very ill.
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I know it was a bit abrupt, and I'm sorry about that. But I was sick and tired of the pilot episodes, and I wanted to get done it as quick as possible.
Twilight is one of three friends Marjoram has: Celestia, Spike, and Twilight. That's it. Unlike Twilight, who has family and some school-mates who tried to be her friend, that's it. He had no one for ten years other than those three. He sees Twilight as a sister, and something so sudden is going to be a shock. Especially since he didn't see how each of the girls helped Twilight out. He was unconscious for that bit. So yeah, Jealousy is going to be a problem.
Luna doesn't remember what Nightmare did. She knows it's bad, but that's it. Marjoram has no idea either, as he lost consciousness before the spell was cast. You'll find out what happened, don't worry. And no, the whispers have nothing to do with it, sadly. That's just the nasty voice in the back of everyone's head talking, that was all. Probably should have made that clearer.
I think adding a little peice where Marjoram wakes up late and gets to the town hall just in time to meet with Twilight before the Nightmare appeared would smooth things considerably. The point of view is Marjoram and he wasn't there. So the rest makes sense in story.
I'm not saying anything against your characterization of him. Those comments were on the character. Not you. He's being a bit petty.
Maybe if you had that voice pop up more often before this scene as something normal it would be more obvious. Oh well, now we get to the meat of this story.
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Oh yeah. I'm so excited for the next few chapters. I'm getting to the meat and potatoes of the AU, and I've planned everything out quite a bit. So excited.
Bunny stampedes, when you know you really messed up. Good job AJ. Failing in amazing ways.
Do all ponies hold both light and dark magic? Or is it related to the Nightmares curse/blessing?
You're making us comfortable in the normalcy of season one. Looking forward for things to go a bit crazy.
6831689 It depends. Every pony has the potential for good or evil, so every unicorn has the same potential for dark magic that they do for light magic. In Marjoram's case, Nightmare Moon forcibly awakened that potential, which is causing quite a bit of chaos on his health, body, and mind. You will see.
Ack, So much Feels.
Dumped a sick stallion on the ground and ran, not cool Trixie, not cool.
Also, Shipping Marjoram and Rarity. Spike you better shape up if you want that marshmallow, she's got her eyes on a silver fox. Even if it's premature silver in Marjoram's case.
I'm seeing a little explanation of how magic works inserted in the beginning, cool to see. But this is a retelling of the episode, which isn't bad if you show it from a different point of view, change the theme somewhat or take the whole scenario in a different direction. However, this is a straight retelling with the addition of a new character, which I'm not sure can carry the story in the long term unless it is done to increase the impact of when it leaves established canon.
Now, these chapters have established Marjoram rather well, I was at first leery of him but I've grown to rather like him as a character. Unfortunately he's trapped in stories we already know pretty well by this point. With luck we'll see him branch off into his own story, maybe a slice of life regarding his job, plenty of interesting stories to tell with him being a mortician. I can't complain since these have really helped find the characters voice, which can be hard to find at first, then you end up unhappy with your first few chapters as your image of them changes as you see how they react to the situations they are put in. Being able to stick a character in a situation and rather than write a story, write what they do in an engaging way is surprisingly challenging.
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The problem with MLP is that most of the early episodes do a lot to introduce characters, dynamics, world building, etc. Thankfully, I'm reaching the point now where I can step away from this stuff myself. Next chapter, for instance, takes place during a specific episode, but we don't follow the plot at all.
I'm going to start stepping away from retelling the episodes very soon, and I'm going to continue inlaying the bits and pieces needed for the character progression arcs I'm planning. I'm super excited, and I have a pretty detailed plan already laid out.
I think Marjoram did what all of us wish Twilight would have done, she had a little to much faith in
peopleponies. Marjoram doesn't have that problem. Short and to the point, nice little deviation from the episode. I'm kinda hoping this is the start of Marjoram's own circle of friends in this little backwater village we've all come to love.Out of curiosity, why do you type LINE BREAK in your stories? I first thought it was part of your drafting that you forgot to replace but you've stuck with it. Something as simple as
* * *
could work, or
-- ---{O}--- --
if you feel fancy.
Using the [center}[/center} command (with correct brackets) wouldn't look too bad.
There's a post here about it: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/222385/preferred-line-break
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Basically I got into the habit of actually typing (LINE BREAK) after several months of ff.net eating my other methods of producing a line break. As of yet I haven't gotten out of the habit, as its quick (to me), and tends to make the reader pay attention to the fact there is a line break.
I do a lot of reading on mobile, so sometimes seeing/noticing a line break if it isn't done like I do can be nigh on impossible.
I'm fully aware that I can make it work in other ways, but I'm lazy as all hell, so y'know. I'm happy you enjoyed this chapter!
Yikes, just when it was looking better for our favorite mortician.
A couple errors in the last dream sequence, capitalization missing in Marjoram's speech and pray instead of prey. Otherwise it looks great, you really feel the fuzzy confusion of a hospital stay, dreams and memories overlaying each other. For a moment I thought he was channeling King Sombra, but looks like that was something else. I suddenly wonder how much interaction he and Luna have had. Next to none I imagine, I'm curious if she'll reach out to him in the future.
At least no one seems to want to charge Dash with reckless endangerment, though I imagine her own morals and conscience will do more punishing than Twi could. Lets see if this drives Marjoram away from Dash and Twi's other friends or closer to them.
Out of curiosity, about how old is he? I figure between 30 and 40 from his history, as he was an adult with his current job when Twilight came along as Celestia's new student 10(?) years ago. Don't mean to pry, I'm just a detail oriented person.
6917421 The non capitalization was purposeful, to signify how weak his voice is. I've used this before in other stories I've done. I've been writing while sleep deprived, so I'm not surprised I'm missing some of the mistakes.
I found I spelled lesion like legion earlier,
and I have this horrible mental image of a legion of tuberculosis bacteria marching on Marjoram's lungs.Marjoram is 28, turning 29 before Hearth's Warming.
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I figured that might be the reason, but since it varied sentence to sentence I wasn't sure. I think a slightly smaller font size might get that across better, without being assumed to be an editing error but that's up to you. This is certainly better than the things I've written while sleepy, I've snapped up to see lines and lines of gibberish.
And thanks for telling me his age, now I feel really old at 29. I'm going to invest in a walker, or buy a convertible. Gotta regain that youth!
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You're not old, dont worry.
Its not a problem, if you (or anyone else, really), has any more questions, just ask. I'll answer to the bestof my ability.
I was highly interested at the beginning but I'm starting to be a little reticent because this looks like it's heading into "the same as the show but with 1 more character that doesn't really change anything" territory. I'll give you more than a few chapters but if I just suddenly disappear never to be heard from again, that's probably why.
I think your being overly critical, nothing big happened but you got more pieces of your story out in a rather natural way without just dropping it all in narrative. In addition you set up the next story line between Marjoram and Dash so we have an idea about how things are going into it.
Zap apple jam has a restorative effects for Marj? Hmmm, maybe the wild magic in zap apples is able to fuel the Nightmares dark magic effect that has become symbiotic to his natural magic balance. I think grad students at Celestia's school for Gifted Unicorns are clutching their horns trying to figure out what that enchantment is doing to him. Now he just needs a comparable light magic effect to keep balance, if they could figure out how to repeat the spell of course.
So what will be in those potions? Are they an expensive concoction or a complete placebo? Reinforce his light or dark magic? Include ground up animals from Fluttershys shed?
Little disappointed we didn't see any intetaction between Marjoram and RD, whether positive or negative. But he is such an introvert I wouldn't be surprised if he refused to interact with her while she was there.
Also not sure if Twilight is hiding something from him or just nervous about him possibly dying this winter. Looking forward to what comes next.
Well looks like things have finally come to a head regarding Marjorams sickness. If he will be learning dark magic to balance his light I wonder what he'll do with it.
Would ponies trust someone who, I don't know, knows necromancy, to prepare the dead? He might be looking at some big changes.
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I'm in the middle of writing the next chapter now, over 1000 words into it. I'm setting a lot of stuff up,and wrapping some other stuff up. At the end of this chapter or the beginning of next chapter Hearth's Warming will begin. I'm excited.
6566842 Wait, Marjoram appeared on the actual show?! When and where? I've seen a lot of episodes and I've never seen him. Uh, you are talking about Marjoram, right?
Marjoram is one of 8 spices I use in making a slow cook French-style beef stew.
That is all.
Can't help but feel that this character is based at least slightly on Raistlin Majere of Dragonlance. Just started reading but looking forward to seeing more.
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If you read the description of the story, I say very clearly that Marjoram is very much based off of Raistlin. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!
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Yes, I've named him after a spice. All of his family were named after plants of some sort. Just google them, it's kinda neat!
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Sorry. Marjoram is very much an OC. He will likely never appear on the show. Though I think it would be an interesting experience.
7265502 Sorry! I missed that part.
7265505 I know all the plants.
My garden is vast and varied...
On that note, my Silene regia were once again chewed down by deer.
I must murder those large antlered rats most brutally.
Honestly, from what I've read so far (chapter 7-ish or so) this could have been better. The idea is nice enough and all, but even if it's been a while since I've read the Dragonlance novels, I'm really not seeing all that much of Raistlin in Marjoram. Also, it's frankly losing points on general for being yet another "retell the first two episodes with the names switched out" rehash, at least so far. Bringing in characters from another setting is all well enough, but it's not enough to just retell a story in a different setting or retell the story of this setting with different faces attached to it. If I wanted to just read either Dragonlance or MLP again, I could do either without needin to read this.
Also, you have a bad habit of switching your tenses. Either stay in the past or the present. You don't get to flip-flop back and forth between the two.
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You cannot deny Raistlin Majere is at least a very heavy influence for Marjoram's character, his background, mannerisms, down to his appearance, and illness.
His family is based off of the books, as are the majority of their fates. Kitiara is Kafir, Carnation is Caramon, and Im pulling a blank on the parent's names but I know I based them off of the book equivalent as well.
Marjoram is more an OC than I had originally intended, but you can't deny the influence is definitely there.
I know I switch tenses. However, I don't have a beta-reader, and I dont have regular computer access so I post as soon as I'm done writing. I'm 19, and have been writing for the majority of my life, but I'm still young, and inexperienced. Thank you for pointing it out, I really appreciate it when someone points out mistakes. Now ai know to go back and edit.
Thank you for the review!
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That's certainly true, but it really is more of an influence on an original character than the other way around. I suppose I would have judged the character a bit differently if not for the preface in the first chapter. It's just that in terms of personality, they're really not all that similar. Raistlin is more bitter, more caustic. He would have never tolerated working under someone like Celestia, never mind studying under her. He just wouldn't have stood for it. She's too much like the White Robes of the towers of high sorcery. Seeing him actually working as a coroner and caring the slightest about the results probably wouldn't even occur to him. I also couldn't see him strike up the kind of relationship Marjoram has with Twilight. The closest thing he ever came to that kind of thing was when he adopted that gully dwarf, and that was really more of a pet. His one real ambition has always been power for its own sake, even before he turned his robes black. I'm just really not seeing all that much of this in Marjoram.
Well, not so far, anyway. I haven't gotten through all of it yet. Then again, Caramon never died, either. That kind of thing can change a man.
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MAJOR DRAGONLANCE SPOILERS. BE WARNED.
In the first author's note for this story, I plainly said that Marjoram was heavily influenced by Raistlin. I never said he was the Raistlin from the novels, nor have I ever said it. Even if he was, things would Raistlin would be very different then what he was from the books.
1. Raistlin had his parents until he was 16, and he had his twin for most of his life. Marjoram lost his parents when he was 6, and Kafir left less than a year later.
2. Kitiara was around a little more in the books, believe it or not.
3. Krynn is a world often torn apart by conflicts, battles, and prejudices that are completely different than those in Equestria. The basics of the world work extremely differently then Equestria does, including the carnal rules of magic.
4. Raistlin was essentially possessed for the majority of his adult life, by a malevolent force. The books are also very vague in who won the battle between the two, to the point where the person who won wasn't sure which person he was. In Summer Flame he admits that the events of the War of the Lance are fuzzy, like they happened to someone else. The events of the Legends trilogy were dictated by fate. Raistlin himself said that he couldn't divert the river of time, that he'd simply gotten out and hopped in at an earlier part of the river. This was why he was having such a hard time of things in War of the Twins. While Raistlin almost succeeded in changing everything, and destroying the world in the process, he realized what he was going to do and sacrificed himself to stop what he'd begun.
5. Raistlin was a complete, and utter asshole. However, he was a complicated person who while ambitious and willing to trample those who got in the way, used people who should have known better. He manipulated Crysania, but she wasn't the priestess she could have been. She allowed her follies to blind her to the truth, and only realized what Paladine had been trying to teach her until it was too late. Caramon couldn't see past the lies he told himself, and saw the truth for a while until he saw something of the brother he remembered. Raistlin did care about Bupu, and the downtrodden, because he viewed himself in that light as well. Raistlin isn't a two-note villain; he's a complex character, just like 90% of the characters in the Dragonlance series.
6. Raistlin grew up as an extremely poor peasant until his 20s. Then, through his power and magic, acquired wealth. Marjoram knew poverty at a very young age, but grew up as a student to Celestia herself, had full access to the castle, and gets paid handsomely for his work.
There are a great many differences between them, but that's also because of the worlds in which the pair are from. If Raistlin's character was born and grew in Equestira, he would be a very different character. I've never claimed Marjoram is Raistlin, I've only ever said there was a definite influence.
And yeah, Carnation dying really screwed poor Marjoram up for a very long time, and her death effects him every day.
And so we have the longest chapter to date, running up to (arguably) the biggest Equestrian holiday. Let's see what's up.
Preach it brother, we make exceptions for individuals, but groups are only as good as their least likable members, who always seem the most vocal.
Wonder who gave what gift?
Stuffed Bacteria - The one given in this. Clever Spike, that does sound like an awesome gift.
Boots - Always functionally minded AJ. Everyone needs some good boots.
Blanket - If it's custom made, Rarity. Surprised she didn't try her horn at a casual suit. Stallions need to suit up!
Fantasy Novels - "Well, it's what I'd like if I wanted books," Dash.
Paint Set - For some reason I think Fluttershy, it's quiet and private thing to do.
Books on Dark magic - Pinkie! Where did you get those books? A princess, probably Luna as Celestia would just assign them.
Medical Journal - A very Twi choice.
Book he already has - Could be Twilight, but of anypony she'd know what's in his library. Shores or Celestia.
Test tubes - It's like cooking, except you probably don't want to eat it. Unless you make scrumptious drinks! Pinkie.
We seem to be one shy, unless someone went dutch for a gift.
And we end on a little flash into Marjoram's motivations and how he deals with things, though why did shores bring up his dead sister when he woke up? Does he wake up asking about her often?
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I was in the process of making huge lists of who would give what. I realized I didnt want to spend a huge time on the gift giving, so I tried to leave it to the imagination. For those wondering: here are the lists I made while planning out this chapter.
Rarity: Makes Marjoram a new pair of boots, Twilight a stylish cape, Rainbow a sweater, Applejack a coat, Pinkie a hat, Spike a pair of claw-resistant gloves, and Angel a fuzzy blanket for Fluttershy, and offers to make dresses for Shores, Celestia, and Luna.
Applejack: Offers of apple cider for the kitchens and larder for the Princesses and Shores. Marjoram a Blanket, Spike a pie, Twilight a book about apple species, Rarity, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all bottles of the oldest apple wine/cider that she had.
Pinkie Pie: Doesn’t have anything for the Princesses and Shores, but offers to send them cake. Twilight is given a bottle of her favourite punch, Rarity a record of her fav music, Applejack a new recipe book involving apples, Rainbow a pranking kit, Fluttershy a set of special brushes for all kinds of woodland creatures, Spike a ruby-growing kit and Marjoram a whole set of an old fantasy series.
Fluttershy: Spike scale polisher, Marjoram a paint set, Twilight a book about Griffonsword (a city in the ancient Griffon kingdom maybe?) , Rarity some dye made from flowers, Rainbow a new Wonderbolts poster, Applejack some wood from the beavers, Pinkie some preserve from berries from the outskirts of the forest. Didn’t get the Princesses or Shores anything, offers to send the Princesses reports on the creatures that live in the wilds, and Shores to get some recipes.
Rainbow: Got Marjoram a book about the Second Pony War. He already owns it, but he masks his initial reaction.
Spike: Got Marjoram a stuffed bacterium. I based Marjoram's illness off of tuberculosis (a real thing in earth), and a company actually sells plushie versions of the TB bacterium.
Celestia and Luna: The pair weren’t sure what to buy for Twilight’s friends, so they offer to try the products that the business owning/involved with friends (Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack) goods and boost business. For Fluttershy, they give her access to the Canterlot Palace library section about animals. Rainbow gets a free pass to the Wonderbolt museum, Twilight gets few rare books, Shores gets a week off after Hearth’s Warming, Spike gets a book about gem growing, and Marjoram gets a few books about dark magic.
Shores: Didn’t get Twilight’s friends anything, since she felt like it would be awkward if she did. Offers to send them all home with food. Spike gets a subscription to the next series in the Power Ponies, Twilight gets a new lense for her telescope, and Marjoram gets a
Twilight: Got Marjoram a subscription to a medical journal.
Obviously, the list isn't entirely complete, but feel free to fill in the blanks with what you would like.
I tried to focus on what the pony would get someone. Pinkie aims for fun things, Rarity put thought and generosity into the presents she made/bought, etc. Rainbow tried, going off of something she jnew Marjoram liked, but acted rashly and didnt think to double check with anypony to see if he already owned it.
I intentionally left the gifts and stuff pretty vague so everyone coule figure it out themselves. These lists are just what I had in mind while writing.
Sorry for the random info dump.
Marjoram doesn't sleep well usually, mostly from insomnia, chronic illness, and wicked nightmares.
Wow, dick moves from half the mane six. Twilight better give them at least a cold shoulder for a few days for treating someone who's practically her family like that. Meridians have a very negative connotation in Equestria but saying they deserve to get lynched and buildings razed is pretty horrible. Clothshorse, check yourself.
If this is just the beginning I shudder to know what's coming up for Marjoram.
Only 9:30 at night and a building on a major road in Ponyville has already been broken into and trashed, and nopony reports it. I suppose it is winter so less ponies are out, but someone must have seen something, or what's looking likely is no one cared to stop it. You'd think an acquaintance the Princess would get a little more trust.
I'm surprised Marjoram or Twilight didn't try to get a description or cutie mark of the stallion who started giving him trouble. He screams person of interest in the vandalism and seems to be working himself up to something serious.
I'm whistling right now. That's how happy I am about this.
Just going to leave this here: