Two Former Flies Meet a Wanton Boy
In a paradox befitting the unruler of the world, Discord's court was in constant flux, yet never really changed. Chaos was countless patterns laid over one another, and what seemed to be continual, crazed change was all in the eye of the beholder, different aspects of the overwhelming environment moving in and out of focus like an elder god's kaleidoscope.
Discord himself reclined across the arms of his throne—crafted more for lumbar support than as a symbol of sovereignty—enjoying the protean panoply as it unfolded, for he had designed it such that even his eyes could not quite grasp all of it at once.
A clangorous din made him look up appreciatively, for the unexpected was always a welcome guest. The sources of the clanking did not disappoint, every bit as delightfully intriguing as they sounded. Both were enormous, metallic, vaguely quadrupedal lumps, so bulky that Discord could not tell whether the creatures within were wearing them or riding them. One was a reddish gold, done up in starbursts and other distasteful examples of radial symmetry. The other was almost mercurial; enormous, yes, but somehow elegant in its enormity, the smoothness of line and flow of motion somewhat belying its sheer size. Both practically thrummed with their contained power; the bulk of the material wasn't metal but solidified magic.
“Well now,” said Discord. He slithered into a somewhat more dignified pose, sitting somewhat properly, the better to meet guests. Still, he had a paisley-patterned mushroom sprout so he could put his feet up. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"It is anything but pleasure that brings us here!" the silver titan cried in a voice so full of righteousness it made Discord want to either pinch the speaker's cheeks or gag. Possibly both at once.
The golden figure's tone was, if anything, even more hilariously self-important. "We have come to end your tyranny once and for all, monster!"
Discord flinched back. "Tyranny? Moi? Are you mad?" He grinned. "Always good to see my influence in the youth of today."
"Enough!" shouted the golden one. "We shall end you here and now!" They charged the throne.
Discord couldn’t help but laugh and applaud at the show. He put a bit more force into the last clap, and the two hulks came to a halt a moment before they could touch him. "Well done, ladies, well done. Why, I almost had to put real effort into the spell at the end." A stray thought wrenched the helmets—which, like the rest of the armor, were now peanut brittle—off of the two figures, revealing two furious faces, one light, one dark. Another whim gleaned their names from their unshielded thoughts. "Celestia and Luna, is it? Wonderful to meet you. I've been hoping for a moment like this."
"You mock us at your peril, Discord!” Luna spat. She then literally spat at him, the globule pausing just before hitting him and shooting off into space instead.
"We will defeat you!" added Celestia.
"Yes, yes, eternal vengeance, for great justice, et cetera, et cetera." Discord yawned. "Honestly, girls, do you really want to play this game?"
"Game?" said Luna, gawping for a moment before she put her war face back on. "You think we do this to entertain ourselves?"
"We do it for the sake of our ponies, you fiend!"
Discord blinked and straightened up, lowering the glasses he hadn’t been wearing a moment before. "I’m sorry, could you repeat that?" He gave a chuckle. "Oh, listen to me. Asking, as if I can’t just make you." He twirled a digit widdershins.
As he did so, Celestia’s movements reversed, and she emanated distorted sounds. Discord let go of the bit of spooled time, and she again said, "We do it for the sake of our ponies, you fiend!" Then she blinked and scowled all the harder.
Discord shook his head. "Incredible. And you call me mad. Which I am, which makes me rather qualified to recognize it in others, wouldn’t you say? In any case, firstly, they’re my ponies. Get your own; then I can have more. Secondly…" Discord hummed to himself. "With the obvious ownership issue out of the way, I’m really not sure which part of this is the most absurd. What do you think you’re getting out of this?"
"Freedom for those who have known only strife and suffering! Freedom from one who—" Luna’s tirade ended abruptly as she found a wadded ball of cloth stuffed in her mouth.
"Fascinating," said Discord, stroking his goatee. "You really believe that, don't you? I wonder, is it post hoc rationalization, or do you really just not know the difference?"
Luna managed to dislodge the socks with her tongue in time to say, "What are you blathering about, monster?"
Discord pouted as he stood and began climbing the air as though ascending an invisible staircase. “Really now, we’re having such a delightful conversation. Must you ruin it with name-calling?”
Celestia turned up her nose. "If you would demand respect, you must first give it."
"And by that logic, pardon my language, no one could ever give respect at all. We'd all be waiting on the other fellow." A few steps up and at the sisters' eye level, Discord began to pace on nothing. "But I digress from a most intriguing topic. Tell me, what do you remember of your mortal lives?"
Luna narrowed her eyes. "Why should we tell you?"
"Because I asked politely. Or, if there's no room for that sort of thing in the villain archetype you've mentally stuffed me in, because I might end you with a thought if you don't deign to indulge my curiosity. Fun as you are, I really don't want to, but if you refuse to play along, well..." Discord trailed off. His head sliding off of his body said all he needed to.
The sisters shared a long look, speaking volumes with tiny twitches of eye and ear. Finally, they faced him again.
"Foalhood," said Celestia.
"Learning of the horror that held all of equinity in its twisted grasp," Luna added.
"Adolescence."
"Where we were urged to find suitable mates soon, so that some day, a pony might live to see your downfall."
"Finally finding our marks."
"And with them the knowledge that that blessed time had come at last."
Discord smirked, having grown a new head during their response. "I'm noticing a theme here. Aside from belaboring the whole 'You don't like me' point, you appear to be laboring under a fascinating misconception. Really, the idea that ponies somehow... matter. That they're any more aware than the average social insect." He chuckled. "It's delightfully absurd."
"How dare you!?" Celestia shouted, straining against her delicious prison.
"I wouldn't call it daring; that implies an element of risk, something embarrassingly difficult for me given my portfolio."
Luna scoffed. Discord had to admit, it was a decent scoff. Good balance of condescension and spittle, seven out of ten. "As if a creature like you could feel shame."
"Remember the whole 'could destroy you with a thought' thing? Again, not something I want to do, but keep insulting me and we'll see how that changes." Discord sighed. "Still, I should make allowances for your prior circumstances. Now, how to explain this to the newly sapient..." He crossed his forelimbs. "I must say, you two are putting me into a bind."
"Yes," Luna said with a flat look. "Clearly you are the one being bound."
Discord laughed. "Fair point, yes." A flash of light, and he too was encased in nut-studded sugar. "Any better?"
Both sisters still looked distinctly unamused.
"Honestly, the lengths I go to for you two." Discord opened the hatch in his peanut brittle and climbed out, savoring the ponies' attempts at subtly checking for any such escape routes in their own. "Now, I'm far from the best immortal to explain the ins and outs of reality to you, but I'm all you have. Horror of horrors, I need to be the mature one here." He shuddered. "Pardon me if I retch at some point."
Discord cleared his throat, adjusted his professorial robes, extended a pointer, and called up a spinning illusion of a pony, horn and wings flickering on and off of it at random, though never at the same time. "Consider the pony, available with a variety of anatomical accessories. A creature of order and harmony, guided by a thread of destiny and designed to come together with its peers to form a whole greater than the sum of its parts." A moment's exertion dispelled the image and the matching outfit, leaving only a disgusted draconequus. "In other words, a cog in a greater machine. One might argue that a herd of ponies constitutes a sort of simple memetic sapience, but an individual pony has about as much agency and significance as an individual ant." Discord quirked an eyebrow "Any questions?"
"Base lies!" cried Luna
"You understand nothing of equinity!" said Celestia.
Discord shook his head. "Ah, the arrogance of youth. I have seen eons pass, my dears. I have some idea of what I'm talking about. Given that brain using that magic over that lifespan, you expect anything beyond the barest rudiments of individuality or emotional development? I'm the physical incarnation of insanity, and even I think that sounds crazy."
Celestia sneered. "You may pretend to wisdom, but you have never known a pony, save to watch one grovel before you or caper for your amusement."
"You do not know the struggle that is simply trying to survive in this world!" added Luna.
Discord held up his hands. "Ladies, ladies, please. I never meant to imply that that applied to you. Well, not anymore, anyway. You see, you two have made a quantum leap on the magical, physical, and psychological levels. You're not playthings anymore; you're players." He beamed. "I finally have someone with whom I can share this sandbox! You just need to accept that what you do to the grains of sand you used to know doesn't matter beyond how much it amuses you. It's only immoral if the victim's immortal, and even then it's still fun." He put an arm around each sister, curlers in his mane and cucumbers over his eyes. "So, what do you want to do first?"
"Free our people."
"Prove you wrong."
"End your tyranny once and for all."
Discord sighed and removed his fluffy bathrobe. "You said that already." He shook his head. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. You're still thinking like mortals, if you'll pardon the oxymoron. My chaos, you're even still thinking like earth ponies, and that's really using the term loosely. All this power, all these new abilities, and what do you do? Make enormous suits of physical armor, as though that's going to help, completely ignoring your wings and barely using your horns." He tut-tutted. "You're going to need to do a lot better than that.
"It does nothing but prove my point. Until recently, you two were walking in your little preordained rut, same as anypony. You were fortunate enough to stumble up a ramp, but you're still moving in the same direction out of force of habit. You don't need to anymore. You can really think and feel now, not just get your primitive cortices tickled by some harmonious feedback mechanism that keeps your kind from recognizing the futility of their existence long enough to reproduce. Your lives really do have a purpose now, and that purpose is whatever you want it to be. Are you really going to waste such an incredible opportunity by throwing yourselves at one of the few things on this planet that can still kill you?"
"Yes," both sisters said, without a moment of hesitation.
Discord shrugged, floating on his back. "Then have fun."
The ponies both looked stunned. They turned to one another, then back to Discord. "What?" said Celestia
"As I said, your lives' purpose is whatever you choose, and if you really want to play Clash of the Titans, who am I to say no?" Discord smirked as he settled back across the arms of his throne. "The answer, of course, is 'Your better in every conceivable way,' but among those ways is my superior capacity to respect your choices." He snapped his claws, and the peanut brittle vanished. He made a shooing motion. "Go on, then. You can have take two of your little fight scene whenever you want. I'm sure you know where to find me."
The sisters said nothing more, turning and galloping away before spreading their wings and taking clumsy flight.
"You know something?" Discord said to no one in particular. "I actually sort of hope they do beat me. It would be so deliciously novel."
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Yes, this Discord did act remarkably like Q. They've really dumbed it down in the show, so you normally don't get this sort of thing, but I for one really like it!
Pretty awesome. I wish you look in the contest
Horror of horros <-- you lost an "r", I lose letters too
I have some idea of what I'm talking. <-- was "about" meant to be there at the end?
Anywho this was great. Loved Discord in this. So much more entertaining.
Ah, it's refreshing to see this. One you understand the idiosyncratic ways of eternity Shits and Giggles becomes is the only way for anything.
Ah yes, the Horror of Horros. I remember that beastie well.
A solid yarn. On the rare occasions when I do treat the alicorns as immortal, I will definitely use this interpretation as the format.
You sure this shouldn't be marked comedy? Celestia, Luna, and Discord are all hilariously dumb in this.
7482896
I highly recommend you look at Alara J. Rogers's work. Her "Next of Kin to Chaos" setting is built around the idea that Discord is Q. Her other work is also incredibly thoughtful about the nature of an avatar of chaos. Basically, if you want well-done, intellectually deep Discord stories, she's got you covered.
7482957
Well, not the only way. After all, there's a reason Discord doesn't have any other immortals to hang out with.
7482975
Thanks to the efforts of you and 7482938, the foul fiend has been banished back to dread Horros.
Also, glad you liked it that much.
7483044
I considered it, but I wasn't sure if the story was sufficiently humorous to qualify. It's mostly the sort of shenanigans that come prepackaged with Discord. Really, this one is not at all easy to genre-tag. To the sisters, it's a dramatic adventure. To Discord, it's a tragicomic slice of life.
7483089 All right, good point. But I can make the insane act as long as it gets a reaction.
This was very well written, but for some reason it rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not entirely sure what I didn't like, but it bothered all the same. Sorry, I know that's not helpful criticism, but I felt I needed to explain my thumbs down.
7483089 I've read a few of her stories, but I haven't read any of the Next of Kin to Chaos series. I'll take a look at that, thanks!
Alondro just walks in and shoots Discord in the face.
"OWWW!! What was that for?!" grumbled Dick-cord.
"Because you're a dick. Which is where I need to strike, by the way," Alondro smirks, then kicked Discord in the nuts and walked out.
Discord groaned and writhed on the ground, "I... didn't... see that... coming... hurk... how... chaotic!"
And THAT'S how you deal with douche bag gods who think they're all that!
Of course, it does all stem from completely misconstruing the nature of consciousness, in that it's highly debatable if emotions are required for self-awareness. Indeed, one can find pure sociopaths who display very little emotional attachment whatsoever, and yet they are quite clearly fully cognizant.
7483261
I liked FoME's version more. Sorry.
7483261 Doesn't this site have a rule against roleplay?
7483476 Well, it's a simple matter of disproving Discord's point. Cancer cells are 'immortal', yet no one would classify them as conscious in any way. Bacteria can divide seemingly forever, making them also functionally immortal. Are they more self-aware than ponies?
Seems to me Celestia and Luna couldn't respond to Discord's short-sighted argument because NOTHING in that world is anywhere near as intelligent... as me.
*Alondro achieves ultimate victory again!*
7483674
I feel like the only way to achieve ultimate victory is to be Alondro's parents when you finally move out.
7483165
Hey, it's a lot more explanation than I get for most downvotes. Thank you for taking the time to leave the comment. Sorry the story wasn't to your taste.
7483674
You're missing the point. It's not just a matter of immortality implying full consciousness, or that emotions and self-awareness are necessarily intertwined. Based on Discord's understanding of the terms, standard pony thaumobiology and sapience are mutually exclusive. It's certainly possible to have an emotionless awareness or a mortal sapience, but neither of those is going to be equine.
This sort of reasoning has made him about as popular with other immortals as it has with Celestia and Luna.
Also, your attempts at counterarguments would not go over well, not least because your gun would probably end up giving him a soothing scalp massage before turning around and criticizing your aim.
7483689 Ooh, burn!
7483674 You're gonna need some aloe vera for that one.
As for the story itself, it is an interesting concept. I can definitely see Discord thinking like that. Although I'm not quite sure I understand the Adventure tag. It's not much of an adventure, is it? That said, I can't really think of any better tags...so....carry on, I guess. I do feel like the actual point of the story took its dear sweet time showing up, and it didn't stay very long when it did. But the story has a lot of charm, enough to earn an upvote from me.
Are you sure about that? Are there any correlation between those 2 things? On which empirical evidence or logical conlcusion or statement do you build your theory? Can you also explain how you define order and chaos?
It is contradictary to chaos to have a purpose, a meaning or a reason, at best he can stay agnostics and talk about probability and causality.
Even our logicians disproved that the world can be explained in any sense because the mathematics is a language, a complex structure of symbols created by history and society, rather than being a seperate reality. Since science depends on math, it is impossible to define the world in an ordered sense since the math is flawed. That is not counting the problem of induction and gödel's theorem of uncertainty which further supports the statement that world cannot be completely explained in an orderly sense even in an infinite future with infinite computing power.
So how can a creature who calls himself embodiment of chaos dares to make such a statement that a semblence of order can exist. And why does he care? He is another slave in the sea of uncertainty, how can he call himself a player as he is a nothing to in the cosmos like everyone else. If his understandment of enjoyment is torturing others then that is really sad, he is just trying to distract himself from the fact that even with all his power he is a useless ant like everyone else .
Hm. Yes, I can definitely see how, from the perspective of an immortal, aeon-old being, ponies might (maybe depending on the exact mechanism of 'destiny') appear as nothing more than non-sapient agents of a greater super-organism, exchangeable pieces playing their preordained part, with their so-called individuality being nothing more than baseline noise.
Being who he is, Discord has of course incorporated a baseless leap of logic into his presentation; namely the notion that immortality would change anything of Celestia's or Luna's status. Immortality doesn't change any of their cognitive capabilities, and while the experience of centuries eventually might make otherwise obscure patterns obvious to them, their mortal talent in ignoring what they don't want to see should be undamaged.
Another interesting bit I got from this is the rationalization that victimizing mortals is justifiable because no lasting harm is created—while not stated explicitly, it did seem to implicitly be Discord's view on things. Now there's something to think about.
Altogether, I quite liked the blue-orange morality going on as well as Discord being Discord. I must admit I'm somewhat of a fan of the "Those are my ponies—Get your own."-line, and while I don't think Discord would actually hold (assuming Discord's state of mind to be at least continuous, if not smooth on any interval of time) those beliefs (he'd get bored of tormenting them pretty quickly if he thought ponies were barely more than automatons, don't you think?), I really did enjoy the read.
7483689 *sigh* The basement name-calling nonsense again? is that the best you've got?
I've traded better insults with Vladimir Putin.
7484158
Deliberately misapplied logic. When emulating Discord's thought process, the goal is to see how many fallacies you can cram together in a single idea.
As for an avatar of chaos acknowledging a semblance of order, he kind of needs one to be even remotely coherent. You know what you get with a chaos avatar that brooks no order whatsoever? You get Azathoth. Far less fun to write.
I won't touch the philosophy beyond noting that regardless of the ultimate explicability of the universe, science clearly has something to it. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation by way of artificially generated lightning channeled through warped sand etched with light itself.
7483842 And you actually think repeating the vastly over-used 'parents' basement' trope is a proper insult more than 20 years after it was first used and repeated ad nauseum by adolescents who believe themselves clever for regurgitating stale comments they saw on 4chan.
Also, I own my parents. So much so that I can now legally use them for my experiments. A deep comprehension of bureaucracy allows one to do many fascinating things.
7484198 Those advancements are product of approximations, not a certainity.
I have issues with discord approachs to chaos, it is a very long story but the writers should have written a more proper backstory and motivations for him like gravity falls did for bill chiper rather than butchering many concepts.
7484191 Silly Alondro. Everyone knows Putin's Twitter is managed by a committee. Your little spat with him was probably just an intern's hazing ritual.
7484172
Discord's leap in logic reminds me of scientist who believe in evolution, but then turn around and insist animals can't have emotions, as if the emotional system suddenly leaped into existence, fully formed upon the salience of man, despite every other part of us needing millions of years of iteration to develop.
7484209 Basements never came into the equation. That's some suspiciously specific denial right there.
Quality story.
7484172
The thing about Discord that he won't admit, even to himself, is that he's horribly lonely. Chaos and disharmony without anything to contrast them are just noise, with minimal entertainment value. Whatever happened between him and the other immortals has left him with nothing but ponies, so he treasures them in his own idiosyncratic way.
7484795
You didn't expect Discord to be completely rational, did you?
7485095
Forget it, Jake; it's
ChinatownAlondro.7485459
No, but it does annoy me when he's emulating wrongheaded arguments from people who should know better.
7485459
7485095
fyi, Alondro actually does hold a doctorate, is middle aged, and does work in a lab relevant to what he studied. Can't remember what, though, some facet of biology i think?
7484198
Love you for putting this into words!
7485708 That's not an excuse for obnoxious roleplaying that has very little to do with the story.
7485732
Just throwing it out there.
7483089
One of my favourite scenes in Next of Kin to Chaos is Discord explaining to Twilight the differences between Chaos and Entropy.
When BFZ rolled around, it made me think/realize that Ulamog (at least) is a metaintelligent manifestation of Entropy. Kozilek has facets of Entropic leanings, but is really more like extreme Order, to the point of looking like Chaos, and Emrakul's mutations are just full of Chaos.
Now I actually want to see a one-shot where some of your Planeswalker Ponies are part of the Gatewatch, or what might happen if the Elements are used on the Eldrazi.
7485708 I'm looking for the part of that statement where it implies we should respect him or treat him like anything more than the colossal pain in the ass we all know him as.
He holds a doctorate? Good for him, he understands numbers on a sheet and diagrams. Fun fact, biology and chemistry don't matter in the field of magical horses, and they matter even less in the field of just being a nice person to talk to.
He's middle-aged? So what? Age is not an indicator of intelligence. If it was, we wouldn't all be afraid of a Trump presidency.
He does work in a laboratory relevant to his studies? How is that relevant to ANY PART OF THIS? A chemistry teacher working in a meth lab is technically working in a laboratory relevant to their studies. A laboratory is literally defined as 'a room or building equipped for scientific experiments, research, or teaching, or for the manufacture of drugs or chemicals'. Alondro's parents' basement could be outfitted as a laboratory and your statement would still hold exactly as much water.
No part of your statement is at all relevant to the discussion, and does nothing to defend Alondro's incessant, irrelevant, site-rules-violating behavior. If anything, your statements only give his detractors more fodder to mock him.
7484791 It doesn't change the fact that his committee constructs better insults. I'd expect as much with what they're paid.
7486166
Just throwing it out there.
Nice entry, and good luck!
But, I have to admit, this is not what I was expecting Discord's whole angle. I was thinking he was being quite a bit more meta for the story, practically leaning on the fourth wall-he's acknowledging himself, Celestia, and Luna as main characters, while everyone else is, generally, a background character who only gain any sort of depth through interaction with the main characters-but even then, they're fitting into their role, without any sort of awareness behind it. His talk about pony society as a whole seemed to reinforce this-from a reader's view, ponies often get an Pony society can almost appear as its own character based on the actions of its own populace, with only certain individuals going against the flow to truly realize themselves as separate entities-the mane 6, the villains who oppose Equestria, and so on.
Anyway, just what I was thinking of this. Still enjoyed the story thoroughly.
7487241 Slavery makes all things possible!
This was amazing. Need more discord from you.
Thing is, I can see Discord's point here. From his perspective ponies are NOT sentient enough to matter. With the fact that everything about them seems to be completely controlled by 'Destiny' it certainly looks like they're nothing more than cogs in a great machine. Combined this with the fact that they seem to be completely unaware that 'Destiny' controls them like pawns, or even worse simply accepting of it/uncaring about it, it WOULD give the impression that they aren't self-aware at all.
Of course the problem with this viewpoint is that Discord is effectively looking at the 'cover of the book' and making a snap judgement based on that barest of glances. Sunbutt and Best Princess, having grown up as mortal ponies, understand this. But once more, this also makes sense for Discord not to understand, because the implication is that he was NEVER mortal himself, or at least never remembers being one. Spending eons with unchallengeable omnipotence would taint anyone's perspective. Nothing less than a fellow godling matters to Discord because nothing less than that can do ANYTHING to him. There is a reason that one of the more common tropes with immortals/deities is they can't understand mortals in the slightest. (Though strangely I can't recall the name of that trope...)
Of it at once
I think there's enough distance from it's release now for me to say that Discord REALLY reminded me of Flowey from Undertale here.
This is a good thing.
7815968
Huh. Yeah, I can see that. He's finally found someone—two someones, even!—who operates on the same level he does, and now he wants to play.
To say nothing of the implied estrangement from whatever family he might have had.
Interesting take on Discord and the royal sisters. But your logic here
is invalid. It does, however imply that un-emotional ponies are mortal. But I suppose it'd be silly to expect Discord to obey Aristrotelian logic, anyway.
"Human music"fun interaction... I like it.