• Member Since 31st Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen January 31st

Piquo Pie


I love psychology and writing. I tend to write origional/experimental stories. I am the head of the School for New Writers and the EFNW writing track. My new favorite quote is "Why so ˈsir-ē-əs?"

Sequels1

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Insert title. Add a dash of timing and miscommunication, maybe a sparkle of innuendo. Oops, almost forgot the kitchen sink. Seriously though, the mane 6 help Dash deal with, and find a cure for, her sudden um... change.

Also a rare non shipping rule 63 (gender-bending)
Disclaimer : The story stays technically clean though the topic is adult. It's easiest to explain as better than some prime-time sitcoms, worse than others.

Story based off of this this post.

Also big thanks to my co-author alt-tap. (Who has an awesome stories Sky Pirate Pip and the Dreaded Dreadnaught Die großartige und mächtige Trixieburg

Thanks to Meeester AND timaeusTestified for doing some amazing edits.

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 301 )

What are the 10 other stories? :rainbowhuh:

Edit: Is this going to be a series of different stories or will there be 10 different stories contained in this one?

Well, this can only end awkwardly.

I too, am curious. Are you starting a series of 10 awkward stories, or are you just going to end the Dash-turning-into-a-colt story here? (I hope not). Nevertheless, I think this story shows promise.

WTF!?:rainbowhuh:
I have to know how this goes. Tracking.

I'm sorry, but Dash is too dumb to be believed.

I was about to skip over this until I read that you are going to keep it clean (relatively). Its pretty funny so far, awaiting next update.

Meanwhile, in the land of my brain...

...

...

...

*atomic bomb*

Successful fanfic is successful.
Rainbow is a bit dumb though, and why is Applejack so terrified of colts? You'll explain later right? Jesus, I hope :flutterrage:

800410

Yes, I made Dash a little dumb, though it will mostly stay on the topic of gender differences. But even if you don't read farther know that she will get better. Also this is a random comedy so the characters will not quite be cannon. Of course if they were cannon it wouldn't be awkward.

Still enjoy many of the other fantastic stories on FimFiction. I recommend looking up totallynotabrony.

Thanks for he feedback.

The awkward tension was soooo tight, you could fuck it.

800792 It makes sense, but...

Okay, I'll watch it to see where it goes. I'm not promising anything else, however.

Can't wait for other stories. I have to say this story was impressive but Rainbow Dash was dumb:rainbowhuh:

800822

More than fair, I hope you enjoy it. I look to add the next chapter tomorrow.

"Panting Applejack looked down at Dash from the top of a nearby tree."

I thought RD was the one who got kicked into a tree. Applejack is in a tree. Why is she in the tree? :rainbowhuh:

That was an interesting start, but I think you made RD a little too dumb. :rainbowderp:

Edit: It would work better with her having some ideas of the differences but not being quite sure on details.

Dash as the element of Honesty I'm calling bull

Best line ever

800954

To answer the question why is Applejack in the tree there are 2 things to keep in mind.

1) That part of the story is from RD's perspective. RD was not paying attention and did not see Applejack get into the tree.

2) The reason Applejack went into the tree was a instinctual reaction to interacting with a non Apple related stallion (all the characters are going to have little non cannon flaws as it helps make the story more interesting if done right.

In short I thought it was a amusing reaction. It also somewhat mirrors Twilight's reaction in the show during Winter Rap Up when they finish waking up the animals and the snakes scare twilight into a tree, the audience does not see how she ends up there, if I recall, she just does. The metaphor here is that AJ reacts the same way to a penis, which is sometimes called a snake or one eyed snake.

As to Rainbow Dash being to dumb, well that is her flaw in this fic. I have all the chapters planned out for this fic including much of this execution. It makes some of the things that are going to happen later a lot easier to pull off. I will also tell you know that she won't be played completely dumb, just ignorant of the gender differences.

I also agree that having RD know some of the differences but not the specifics would be a better way to go in many ways. I tried writing some parts in chapter 1, 2, and 3 that way and honestly it took away some of the cheep but amusing comedy. That being said she won't stay completely ignorant as I plan for Dash to learn throughout this story. Additionally as the story progresses I will be writing more complex comedy that builds on itself, which will allow me to avoid the cheaper dumb dash jokes.

I hope this addressed your points. While long winded I hope it shows that I appreciate your criticism. Answering these concerns is helping me become a better writer and I would like to thank you.

Thank you.
:trollestia:

800804

Not the intent of the story...

... but whatever floats your goat. :derpytongue2:

801450 I can buy that explanation. Except, it wasn't in RD's perspective. At least, not enough. The story was mostly from a third person view describing the view of the ponies. If it was more clearly written from her perspective, in the first person, then your explanation would be standing on firmer ground, which is to say that it's not entirely without merit. For instance, focusing more on RD's perspective, for the entire chapter up to that point or at least for a good chunk of that scene, would be acceptable out of first person. But you started by focusing on AJ, so it seems logical to follow her actions and "see" her jump into the tree. That's my take anyway. I could probably write another paragraph on this, but I think that's enough points and I want to get back to a cool fic I just started. Link dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png Sorry.

As for the "dumb RD" issue, your explanation is valid and accepted. I believe every story is entitled to its own interpretation and bending of the cannon universe, as long as it's based on a logical (or intentionally illogical for some random stories) framework. :twilightsmile:

I do look forward to seeing where this goes.
Cheers. :ajsmug:

801508

The story being from Aj's perspective is only viable while AJ is able to have a coherent thought. Otherwise I probably would have used Pinky from the beginning. :rainbowwild:


Also I am glad you want to see where this goes. Feel free to keep the criticisms out in the open.

...

P.S. Naruto... I may have to investigate your link :yay:

801529

Let me know if you write anything and I'll take a look.

For those of you who are curious a Durian is a type of fruit known as the king of fruit. IT is sulfur rich and smells terrible and is banned from many places of public transportation. It has a strong taste that is not really like the smell. Having had durian I can say I liked it but it is weird.

Basically this reference is AJ making a smell joke, as if that part of the anatomy was dirty.
Also this is as dirty as I plan on getting in the fic. In fact the next chapter, which is already written and just needs to be edited, is fairly clean and is my favorite chapter so far... Poor Poor AJ :pinkiehappy:

801072

You say that now, but what I plan on challenging this claim soon. Yes I did just challenge myself cause this S just got real. :duck:

Uhh. Making it more dirty ( I dont mean clopfic level of dirtyness) would make it funnier. Still, I loved the awkwardness.

802874

The humor depends on the writer. I seem to do better if I try to not make it dirty but allow the readers mind to make it dirty. That being said the dirtiness varies with each chapter. I am trying to keep it clean enough for EQD should I ever get it to a level appropriate for submission.

:rainbowhuh:

What did I just read?

Also no matter how you slice it Rainbow is not that dumb. She's too lazy to crack open a book and learn stuff that way, sure, but she wouldn't go asking AJ what that thing is... she's probably prod it and twist it until soemthing new happened :derpytongue2:

803010

No no the prodding and twisting is later :raritywink:. Remember she noticed the square face first and that, along with the effect it had on her flying, is what freaked her out and made her approach AJ.

And I agree as a real character Rainbow is not that dumb. Random tag was not Randomly tagged. Please don't take my portrayal of Rainbow Dash as thinking that is how I see her. I do like her character a lot and think she brings a lot to the show and many fan fics but this is a silly not serious fic.

That said Applejack is best mane 6. :scootangel:

803128

Hey, enjoy it. And the best part, it only gets better :scootangel:

I wish they had a goat face emote maybe someone should make one and submit it.

:twilightoops: this is so messed up.... :yay: *thumbs up*
silly dashie
Now I can't help but envision a picture of "her" standing on her back legs from the back while she is facing a river whistling softly with rainbow arching ever so gracefully from a certain area into the river.

803010>>803048 not to mention that she's stuck in the barn, for more then three minutes!
:rainbowhuh:??:applejackunsure:...:rainbowderp:!!!

803827:rainbowhuh:??[A Rainbow is confuse.]:ajbemused:...[Applexplanation.]:rainbowderp:!!![ANOMALY DETECTED!]
(Its chapter one in emote!:pinkiehappy:)

803910

Ahhh. alt-tap you are so random. also you forgot :applejackconfused: [confused apple] after "[A Rainbow is confuse.]

803934IT HAS GREEN EYES!! :raritycry: ITS A CHANGLING, KILL IT!!!:flutterrage:

Wow, over 500 views in 24 hours, and a short stink in the featured section. I guess you guys really like your awkward.

As a big thank you I'll post the third chapter tomorrow... today... you know what I mean :yay:

807111 Some of us bronies feed on awkwardness. :twilightsmile: Well, the kooky ones... like me. :rainbowkiss:

Awesome story. But you said that there would be 10 other stories. It looks like from this point of view there will only be 10 chapters. :applejackunsure:

Oh man I cracked out loud when Applejack was listing names for a man's private parts :rainbowlaugh: Funny story so far.

807930

That is correct. It is a bit of a joke title in and of itself. Each chapter has it's own awkwardness, focus, and title.

Sorry. :fluttershbad:

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