//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: And Then Stallionosity was Mandatory. // Story: "And Then Rainbow Dash Was a Colt," and Ten Other Really Awkward Stories // by Piquo Pie //------------------------------// “Rainbow?” called Applejack, “Rainbow where did you go?” Applejack was getting frustrated. Dash was nowhere to be found; Applejack hoped she was not off getting in more trouble. “Consaurn it!” exclaimed Applejack, catching her hat just in time to keep it from running away again. “Darned wind, stealin’ my hat, making me out like an idjiot,” chuckled Applejack to her own bad joke. Still wish the darn pegusi would stick to their schedule. Maybe when RD gets back in charge they’ll get it into…" “MY HAT!” yelled Applejack as she leaped into the air after her father’s prized possession, catching nothing but air. Turning around Applejack spotted Rainbow hovering overhead just below some apple branches. My eyes. Thought Applejack turning away. “RAINBOW, YOU GIVE ME BACK MY DADDY’S HAT RIGHT NOW!” yelled Applejack. “Or what, you’ll miss me again?” teased Dash as she landed gave Applejack several raspberries. “Thanks for the rubus." said Applejack turning back toward her friend. "But seriously give me my hat back or you can go and help yourself.” “What?” asked a confused Rainbow. Applejack sighed, “Raspberries are a member of the rubus family, and I am grateful for your berries since I have been galloping myself ragged trying to help you. You ungrateful pigeon-hawk.” “Hey, peregrine falcons are awesome, thank you! And I knew raspberries were a fruit from the rubus family thank you very much!” exclaimed Dash. “They ain’t fruit, they’re berries,” corrected Applejack. “And I was talking about what you meant by saying I can go help myself,’” explained Rainbow ignoring Applejack. “Oh…" Applejack blinked, "I want my hat back. I have been helpin’ ya’ and you took my hat. I want it back, so I threatened to not help you if you don’t give it back.” “Relax filly, it was just a prank,” said Dash as she tossed the hat back to Applejack. “I’ve actually been following you for a good ten minutes trying to knock your hat off with wind and not getting you to notice, but I got bored so I just took it, sorry if it bothered you.” Applejack deadpanned, “You mean to tell me that I have been out here for the past half an hour looking for you when you were right behind me?” “Well duh,” replied Rainbow. “You… I… never mind just come with me to the barn,” conceded Applejack. “Deal!” said Dash. “By the way how long did Twilight think it would be before she could use her magic to, uh, unmagic me?” “I don't think she knows sugar cube,” conceded Applejack. “It might take a couple of weeks ta’ be honest. In the mean time you can use my barn ta’ lay low.” “A COUPLE OF WEEKS?” said Rainbow throwing her hooves in the air, “I can’t wait that long! I have bills to pay, and the metabolism of a pegasus is not cheap to feed.” “Well what do you suggest?” asked Applejack. “I don’t know, maybe I could switch to night duty. No, that won’t work; we still receive our orders in a room beforehoof. Maybe Rarity could make an outfit that could hide my square head?” “Besides needin' to hide more substantial problems than your face, that’s actually a pretty good idea,” though Applejack out loud. “It is? I mean, yeah it totally is.” said Dash. “We could pass it off as a training suit. So when do you think you can go get Rarity to help out?" Applejack sighed “I don’t rightly know dash, I got ta’ make some more headway bucking the apples in the south field and cleaning out the barn. It might take a couple of days.” “Or," suggested Rainbow in a inappropriately normal voice, "you could send Applebloom to go get Rarity and invite her to dinner as an excuse for Rarity to help me,” suggested Dash. “It would be worth it for me to pay for Applebloom to pick something up in town for everypony. You know as a thank you and for imposing. I could also help with the apples, even if I am slower at it than you." “That would be mighty nice of you dash, but I don’t want Applebloom ta’ get involved in this at all. We haven’t even had the birds and the bee’s talk yet and I don’t want to have to explain this mess as well.” "What does the birds and the bees talk have to do with, what was it, gender swapping whoesawhatsit." asked Rainbow Dash innocently. "'What does the birds and bees talk have ta do with it!' Rainbow, that's the whole thing. The birds and the bees talk is all about gender differences while mucking around." said Applejack, pointing a hoof accusingly at Dash. "I think you must be talking about a different bird and bees talk." said Rainbow passively. "Well, what talk are you thinking of?" asked Applejack curious. Dash took a moment to compose her thoughts. "The bird and the bees talk my parents gave me was about advantages and disadvantages to flight styles. Most birds have fixed wing flight. This allows them strong even strokes and gives them the ability to glide. This allows birds to fly long distances and sore higher than bees. Bees wings move horizontally and can rotate which allows them to push down on the air when moving both directions. Their strokes are jerky and short. They can maneuver better but they can't fly long, or high. Since bees get thrust on both strokes they also use less energy to hover but more to fly. Pegasi can train to ether be more maneuverable or have longer stronger flight but the muscles for either control or strength interfere with each other a bit. The aerodynamics of a colt make it a little harder to maneuver so most of them focus on strength and endurance. Mares tend to focus on maneuverability. I focus on speed and maneuverability, but I can't maintain a high speed as long as other fliers." "And you say you're not a' egg head." Applejack teased. "No, I use to say I was not an egg head. But that was before I found the Daring Do books." corrected Rainbow defensively. "I'm just teasing ya Dash. Anyway we're here. You clean out the barn so you can stay all comfortable like. Then head to the south field and start collectin' apples. I'll put out a' cart and some baskets. If ya see or hear anything, hide. I'll go get Rarity and see if she has time." Applejack said confidently. "Yeah, Yeah. I'll get it done in no time." said Dash dismissively. "I'll be back in two bits of an apple bite, shug." said Applejack as she turned away. Rainbow Dash smiled as the Applejack sauntered away. Huh, wonder why I suddenly like the look of Applejack's.... "What is wrong with my fifth leg!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hi! Applejack are you looking for my sister cause I think she's in the dungeon?" greeted Sweetie Bell with excessive enthusiasm. "Yes... I was," Applejack frowned., "did you say," Applejack gulped, "dungeon?" "Yup!" Sweetie Bell smiled excessively brightly. "Hey Applejack, what's a dungeon?" Applejack twitched. "Do you think you could, uhhh, tell her to come to the farm later for a measuring? Please?" asked Applejack timidly. "Oh we could go get her right now." said Sweetie Bell with excessive exuberance, "She doesn't mind when Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy go down for her. Sometimes I even get to help them." the filly stood beaming, displaying a very fine looking rainbow tinted clear gem on a necklace with a inscription, FOR MY LSBFF. Applejack felt unsure of her situation and pondered the frailness of her remaining psyche. "It's safe so long as we don't enter the blast chamber." Sweetie said as she walked into a bush, near the front door. "Umm why are you in your sister's bush?... Blast chamber?" "Cause that's where her secret door is, duh!" Sweetie Bell rolled her eyes and threw open a inconspicuous door. "And blast chambers are never safe, rule number 3!" Applejack sighed. "I guess I should get this trauma over with so I can deal with Rainbow Dash." Sweetie Bell's ears perked up with sudden worry. "Whu… what happened to Rainbow Dash?" "OHHHHH No! I am not scaring you or any other filly. What happened to her is just plain wrong. 'Plain wrong?' 'OHHHHH No' something bad must happened. I got to go tell the girls. "That's terrible." said Sweetie Bell with honest worry. "Listen I need to go do some, crusading with the girls, so I'll leave you to Rarity's experiments. See ya!" Applejack stared off after the speeding filly. Wonder what kind of hay is in her bonnet? I never even got to compliment her on her necklace. Rarity mustu’ made it for her. I should remember to compliment her on it, Rarity as well. I am glad they’re doin’ better. Oh well, might as well get this over with. Applejack thought, gulping before descending into Rarity's secret door. Applejack descended the stuffy stairway nearly straight down. Soon after the beginning of the decent, she came to one of the weirdest rooms she ever saw. The room was small and included a simple bench, small refrigerator, a carton of bottled "Pure Fortified Mountain Spring Water. Bottled by Unicorns, for Unicorns because you deserve the best." Applejack would have missed the shower if she had not run into it. The shower was impressively hidden despite the green shower head and handles. Next to the shower hung three coat hangers on a handle. The first was empty; the second sported a hideously thick orange rubber full-body suit with industrial grey and black joints for easier bending. The head portion was a large round cylinder and was connected to a small air tank. The suit confused Applejack to no end. It was obviously too small for an Alicorn, yet it had space for both wings and a horn. It also looked like nothing Rarity would ever let near her, much less a place she would frequent. The third suit was a matching small, filly-sized suit that only had room for a horn. It was probably baggy enough for most young pegusi though. Next to the suits was a three part industrial washer, a large medical Cabinet, and what seemed to Applejack like a laundry chute that was bolted closed. A red banana looking contraption hung on an equally red looking hanger with small gems and a connecting equally red wire. A locked cellar stood unused in the back corner next to a well-used "tools" closet, and a desk. The opposite wall was bare. Too bad I don't know what this stuff is for. Thought Applejack as she left the room othrough a large, thick metal door on the other side of the room. "Now that's just silly, why would Rarity need two doors in a row just to go between two different rooms? And why does this one also have a washer n' three more showers? What in the hay is wrong with that silly mare, this just don't make any since at all." Applejack had to close the door she came from before she was allowed to open the second door to continue down a well-lit winding staircase. She noticed how there was just enough room, above and to each side, to avoid brushing against the surprisingly powder covered walls. Applejack took a moment to stare at the rainbow of powder that permeated the walls. The dust glimmered less strongly in the air but was still there. In the light from small, powerful gems the dust caught, and reflected a living kaleidoscope that tickled Applejack's nose, making her want to sneeze. A good five minutes of walking down the steep stairs brought Applejack to another set of large metal doors. She could hear what she could only describe as a magic sound. With a gulp Applejack opened the door. On the other side stood a metal bunker with a crystal viewing plate at eye level. Below was a metal bench just the right height so a filly could see through the viewing plate. Off to one side was another metal door. The sound in the room was much louder and seemed to be coming from the floor. Looking through the viewing plate Applejack saw a medium sized room. One wall was metal, with a door leading from an invisible room that connected to the door Applejack was standing in. In the corner of the room between the metal wall and the wall Applejack was behind stood Rarity behind a metal barrier. Rarity was encased in one of the orange suits and was concentrating heavily. She was projecting a very bright, almost solid, line of sharp, red-tinted white light from her horn. Applejack shielded her eyes from the stream of light with a hoof in order to see. The light headed directly at a large red ruby, suspended by the sealing by glass rods. Applejack waited to knock on the glass to get Rarity's attention. It took Rarity about fifteen seconds before she stopped the magic, panting heavily. "Howdy Rare!" said Applejack, waving at her friend. Rarity did not respond, instead trotting over to view the gemstone that now had a turquoise spider web pattern around it. "RARITY!" Applejack yelled, pounding on the glass. Rarity still did not respond as she picked up the Ruby with her magic to get a closer inspection. Applejack stomped in frustration as she put her hoofs down from the crystal viewing port. At this Rarity paused and looked back, seeing Applejack in the window. Rarity's pupils shrunk. She bolted for the door, pushing a large, unusually pure, deep blue Celesite crystal. A strong hissing sound could be hear from the room. After a few seconds the Crystal was left pale grey. Rarity hurriedly threw open the door with her magic before rushing in to the unseen room, closing the door behind her. A few seconds later Rarity threw open the door to Applejack's viewing location. Rarity began pulling Applejack with her magic as she rushed up the stairs. "Quickly!" Rarity shouted, muffled by the suit she was in, "We've got to get you decontaminated darling, hurry!" Applejack knew the word decontaminated was never a good thing and jogged to keep up with Rarity's awkward running. By the time they reached the top, Rarity was obviously winded by the heavy suit. Applejack was was even beginning to feel a burn in her lungs. Rarity threw open the door, pulled Applejack in, closed the door, shoved Applejack roughly into the shower and hosed her down hard. "Ga, hhcah chock. Ra-III-deeuhh. SPO-pp!" gargled Applejack, nearly drowning. Rarity remover her suit, wriggling while she pulled with magic, while simultaneously keeping the shower on Applejack. Rarity held her suit under the second shower while she washed it down quickly, before throwing it into the wash along with Applejack's hat. "My hat!" yelled Applejack as her mane covered her face. "I'm cleaning it dear don't worry. I am terribly sorry about all this Applejack. Normally I wouldn't be so rough with you on your first time, but I am in a bit of a hurry. Now please tell me, in all seriousness I do need to know this dear, is there any chance you're pregnant?" Rarity rattles off casually, while dumping copious amounts of a white, sticky shampoo, onto Applejack's tail and mane. "No I'm not pregnant. Why would I be pregnant? There aren't any stallions in my life!" blurted out Applejack with a single breath. "Why would it matter anyway? And what's with this white stuff your spreading all over my mane and tail? "I was working with magical radiation to change the properties of a ruby darling." explained Rarity, gently messaging the shampoo into Applejack's scalp and coat, "Exposure to enough radiation can have side effects. Since you decided to join me without protection, which is rule number one, I had to rush you up here and clean you of any lingering radiation. I simply couldn't live with myself if you lost your mane or tail..." "I COULD LOSE MY MANE AND TAIL? WHAT THE HAY RARITY! WHAT THE HAY WOULD BE WORTH YOU, OF ALL PONIES, RISKING YOUR MANE?" yelled Applejack before taking the shampoo tube and shooting more onto her back. "Well that's certainly one way to get the job done I suppose." Rarity said before taking some shampoo for herself. "Anyway, my cutie mark is three diamonds. As such, I am exceptionally skilled when it comes to gems, particularly rare gems, as well as discoveries related to gems... It's why the outfits I make with gems are so exceptional. Anyway, I was talking with Twilight a few months ago, and we got on the little topic." Rarity began explaining as she turned off the showers before toweling Applejack, then herself, off." "I mentioned how it was unicorn alchemists who first discovered they could change the magical properties of gems. They would enchant the gems and sell them to nobles who had them put into their Cheongsams and changshans. Those were trendy clothing for a time just after they were brought back from..." "Just get to the point Rares." interrupted Applejack. "Ahheeemm, right." coughed Rarity before leading Applejack to the first room underground. "Unfortunately science was all but non-existent during that part of history. Both the alchemists who made the enchanted gemstones, and some of the nobles, became sick from radiation poisoning and died. The poor budding industry crumbled like one of Pinkie's 120% sugar cookies and all but a few tricks of that trade were lost to history. The gold silk that I make from time to time is one such example." "Fortunately for me, Twilight had access to some old books the princess had. They gave me a starting point. Science also provided a much needed insight into safety, purity, and scientific procedures." Rarity beamed opening the medical cabinet. "I am literally reinventing a lost art." "Well that's swell Rarity, but why would it matter if I was pregnant?" asked Applejack now mostly calm. "Ohh, um, I don't think you have to worry about that ever again." said Rarity smiling and shoving a few pills into Applejack's mouth. "Just swallow and don't go traipsing around any scientific laboratories for a while and you'll be fine." "But what woulda' happened?" persisted Applejack. "Oh well, historically radiation exposure would cause miscarriages or birth defects, but you probably would have been fine since you were behind a lead and jet barrier." explained Rarity with dismissive shake of her hoof. "That's terrible! How do you stay safe if that chamber?" asked Applejack worriedly. "Oh these suits are made of lead and jet to block radiation and magical energies. The enchanted rubber prevents any caustic chemicals I work with from dissolving the barrier. I used ultra-purified phenacite for the faceplate as well as the viewing port in the barrier. I also don't use Ionizing radiation which is more likely to cause a pony problems. Now," said Rarity as she pulled out a smooth glass tube from the medical cabinet with her mouth and set it down. "I am going to check to make sure you don't have any lingering traces of radiation." Applejack gave Rarity a worried look and began to back away. "Now now," said Rarity pouting, "I am doing this for your own good. That's no way to treat a friend." "I think I'm fine Rares. Yup fit as a fiddle." Applejack said, overenthusiastically stretching. "Nonsense this won't hurt a bit." Rarity smiled happily. "Um, you sure?" asked Applejack passively. "As your brother would say, Eyyup." Rarity imitated Big Mac perfectly. That seemed to calm Applejack down. I'll remember that. Thought Rarity as Applejack acquiesced. Rarity had Applejack stand as if she were posing for a medical photograph. Legs wide apart, and sticking out from her body a little. Tail held slightly out from her body, head high but not with her snout in the air. When Rarity deemed the stance acceptable she began running the rod across Applejack's body. Beginning with the neck and back. Rarity rubbed the rod on the outside of Applejack's body, noticing that she was very uncomfortable with the situation. She also seemed to tense every time the rod neared her rear end or face. Rarity put the rod down. "Now Applejack, I can see that this is making you very uncomfortable, so I will avoid more sensitive areas as you do appear to be clean. That being said, I need to check your face, so please close your eyes." Applejack tensed but complied, scrunching her eyes closed as if they would pop out otherwise. After a moment of checking Rarity put the glass rod down. "Looks like you are clean dear. Now if you could please tell me why you felt you had to enter my laboratoire," Rarity enunciated with a french accent, "without proper protection?" "Well, I didn't know I needed any protection. Also Sweetie Bell said it was safe as long as I didn't enter your blast chamber." "Ahhh yes, well Sweetie Bell should have helped make sure you were protected. For that matter, where is the little dear." Rarity asked with mock concern. "I think she went crusading. It was right after... AHHHHUUUU rotten corn cobs." swore Applejack. "Excuse me but there are ladies present." said Rarity backing up. "Sorry. But I just realized, Sweetie ran off right after I mentioned something was wrong with Rainbow Dash." "Something is wrong with Rainbow Dash. Why did you not say that first?" "Cause you was busy rubbing me down." said Applejack with a blush. "Why Applejack, are, are you a lover of fine mares?" Rarity grinned. "I am a lover of a good rub down, but that's beside the point. We gotta hurry and go to my barn right now!" Rarity blushed and hid behind her hoof. "Why Applejack, I think you're being a bit forward. I may be a young, beautiful mare close to heat, but I have a standard I need to live up to. Perhaps you should ask one of our other friends to..." "RARITY I NEED YOUR HELP WITH DASH!" "A menage a trois was not what I had in mind AJ. Moreover congratulations on you and Rainbow Dash. I always thought you would be so cu..." The sound of two hoofs stomping echoed in the chamber. "I SWEAR THE NEXT PONY THAT THINKS I AM SLEEPING WITH RAINBOW IS GOING TO GET A FACE FULL OF HOOF!" "I'm teasing darling, teasing, no need to get your nethers in a weave. Now what is wrong with our beloved Rainbow Dash?" Applejack took a moment to calm down. Realizing she that she would have to explain the situation, Applejack began to blush. Rarity prodded, "Well, out with it dear. It must be something big and juicy to make an experienced farmhand like you blush." "I am not experienced. I didn't even really like it!" snapped Applejack. "Dear I was not referring to your troubled past. I know you don't want to talk about it, nor do I think it reflects poorly on you. Every pony makes bad choices." Applejack huffed. "I am truly sorry love; now please let us move on. What seems to be the problem with Rainbow?" Applejack sighed. "She turned into a stallion and needs your help to hide it." "Excuse me AJ, but I thought we were moving on from the lude humor." said Rarity poignantly "Eeyup." "Then, you’re serious?" Rarity said as she sat down, confused. "Eeyup." "But, like, I mean such as, well, fully?" "Eeyup." "Like, everything, um, south of the boarder?" "Noope," "Noope?" "Eeyup." "So not down below?" "Noope, I mean, eeyup down below as well." "As well?" "Eeyup." "So, everything?" "Why chromosome and all." "Huh." "Eeyup." "Is her..." "Yes, her face is square." "Square or a rectangle?" asked Rarity. "Well, more of a rhombus really." answered Applejack grudgingly. "Why does it matter?" "I presume you want me to make some sort of outfit to hide this. Why else would you come to me for help? I need to know in order to help me plan her outfit." "Well when you put it that way, I guess it was kind of obvious." said Applejack embarrassed. "I, just don't know what I could really do. I mean the, mhmmm, nether region is one thing, but Rainbow's face will be a problem." Rarity scratched her chin with a well-manicured hoof. "I thought of that on the way here Marshmallow." "You did? I mean, how so?" "Weights." stated Applejack. "Rainbow said you can make it a training outfit to hide the changes. By adding weights she could also train in the suit to help her become stronger." "You know, that could work." thought Rarity out loud. "She could claim to be learning about gender differences in flight. "Well, that right there makes sense I guess." "Hmmm," mussed Rarity, "I guess I should visit the library first and pick up something on flight suits. I really am not that knowledgeable about sports uniforms. "Sounds like a plan." said Applejack "How bout you do that and I'll head off our lil' sis's plans, make sure their not aiming for RD or nothin'?" "Sounds like a plan dear. I'll be sure to bring your hat when it's decontaminated. I have to make sure everything here is good before I head out, I'll see you in... how about an hour?" "Sounds good to me. See ya Rares." Applejack gave Rarity a hug before heading out of the underground lair. Rarity stood waving until she could no longer see Applejack. "Finally." Rarity said, bolting for a hidden panel in the wall. With a magical push, to a gem behind the wall and out of sight, Rarity smiled. In seconds a seam formed along a large portion of the ceiling. Rarity began to giggle as a large rainbow quarts tiled screen descended. Each screen displayed a different image. Many were of the large underground facility. One consisted of an image, bouncing along the road to Sweat Apple Acres in a little red wagon being pulled by a purple manned orange filly. The final few images showed the blast room. A red rainbow ruby glowed like a disco ball, slowly turning in its glass holder. “Excellent.” Rarity whispered, standing on her hind legs as she began rubbing her hoofs maniacally. “Soon my experiments will bear the fruit I need to humiliate those who would stand in my way.” as Rarity began cackling her left eye began to twitch and rotate, almost as if it was looking for itself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack kept a solid eye trained to the sky. She didn’t want Rainbow to pull anymore pranks. She just wanted to get this over with and have a nice long bath, lazily sitting in a steaming tub. The only movement, her mane and tail in the warm water, slowly wafting back and forth as she breathed the steam in slowly. That is what Applejack longed for. She needed an escape from all her worries; an escape from the rhombus Rainbow, the studious student of scientific study, the fascistnista of fabulous fashion, the big brother of brilliant betting, even the her alluring apples of amazement. A blue hoof began poking Applejack in the side, waking her from future reverie. “Hey Applejack, you mind moving so I can clear this tree?” Dash asked politely. “Well of course Dash.” said Applejack with a smile. “That was right polite of ya.” “Yeah, I’ve been feeling kinda’ different since my face became square.” said Rainbow as she bent her legs and gave one nelly of a buck. “Nice bucking there, partner. Been working hard I see.” Applejack said, smiling as the apples fell rhythmically into the barrels. How much have ya got done?” “Oh, about 200 trees." Dash circled. "I tell ya, this is a workout. I knew you worked hard, but gosh, your legs must be built like iron AJ." Applejack blushed. "Awww... go on I'm still listening." Rainbow grinned and lifted one of Applejack's front hooves. "I mean look at these things, they certainty aren't just for show. Not that you couldn't model them in a magazine." Applejack pulled her hoof slowly out of dashes. "Ok there partner, I think that's enough." Dash lost her grin but left the Twinkle in her eyes. She didn't freak out that time, why does that make me so happy? And why in the hay is my fifth leg actin up again? "Anyway 200 is a decent number for three hours. If you help me tomorrow, I should be caught up." Applejack said walking toward the barn. "Rarity is on her way and should be here in," Applejack looked quickly toward the sun, "about two shellackings of a rowdy rodeo clown." "Uhhh, how long is that in, um, numbers?" "About 10-15 minutes." "That's not too bad." said Rainbow "She'll meet us at the barn." Applejack smiled. Then I can take that bath. The two trotted tranquilly through the trees. Neither really felt like talking, joking, or challenging the other, a rare occurence for the two friends. It was rare enough that they began to question their situation. Dash didn't feel like talking; there was nothing for him to talk about. Applejack still felt nervous around her friend. But it felt a little bit different now. Actually, now that she though about it, she wasn't comfortable, but there was also a bit of a butterfly feeling. It reminded her of something she did notwant to remember. “So, how’ve ya’ been?” Applejack suddenly asked. Rainbow looked over, curiously with a dash of surprise. “Hmm, about 200 bucked apple trees since you saw me earlier today. Why’d ya ask?” “Well, you’re going through a lot of changes, and I know things could be a bit scary, and no one has really gone though what you’re going through. But I guess I want you to know that you can talk to me if ya’ need to talk to someone.” Applejrack confessed. “You’re probably my best friend, and I care about you.” “Thanks AJ, that really helps.” Dash said looking away with a blush. “Absolutely, now is there anything bothering you?” Applejack prodded. “Yes.” Rainbow confessed with confidence. “Well, what is it?” Confronted Applejack “I don’t think you want to hear it.” Dash attempted to stare down Applejack. “Rainbow, I just spilled my heart out to make sure you could trust me, and NOW you're holding back?” “Yes.” “Why, or would the answer be best kept to yourself!” Applejack asked rhetorically. “Probably but I’ll tell you why I won’t tell you about what’s on my mind.” “WELL,” Applejack yelled “WHAT IS IT?” “It’s about this fifth leg.” Rainbow deadpanned. “I know you’re not comfortable around it or talking about it, and I can tell when you think about it too much cause your eye gets all twitchy.” Applejack kept her right eye from twitching only by sheer will. She did note that it still quivered, and how Dash smirked as her eye was drawn to Applejack’s own. The smirk on Rainbow’s only helped Applejack to think about that which shall not be contemplated. “Hey Rarity,” Dash smiled while Rarity caught up, saddle bags stuffed with any number of implements . “Ohhh myyyy!” Rarity exclaimed. “Applejack didn’t tell me, though I guess I should have guessed, but you make a dashing stallion.” “THANK YOU!” Rainbow yelled flying up into the air. “I have been waiting for someone to say that, like, forever. But Applejack,” Rainbow turned and motioned to Applejack, now turned away from the revealing pegasuseye, “freaks out every time she sees my…” Dash stopped, realizing she was, again, revealing herself. Rainbow landed, blushing at Rarities slack jawed shock. “Yeah that.” Rainbow stood, looking down, pawing at the ground. After a moment Applejack turned around, walked over to Rarity, and closed her mouth. Seeing Rarity was still in shock, Applejack put her left hoof on Rarity's shoulder, stood on her hind legs, and cuffed Rarity across the face. “Better.” “Y… Yes, thank you Applejack. That was, unexpected.” Rarity tore her eyes away from Rainbow to look at Applejack. “Are, are you smiling?” “Could be, might be I wanted to cuff you fer a while now. For a friendly reason mind you.” Applejack blushed. “Ohhh, you cad you.” Rarity smiled. “Anyway, come darling,” Rarity gestured to Dash, “we must get you seized out of the public eye. “Why's that?” rasped Rainbow with barely restrained giggles. “Let’s just say that some, specific, measurements have to be exact lest, chaffing will be but one of your worries.” “What?” Dash asked confused. “Applejack what… ohhh…” Rainbow looked at Applejack, seeing the telltale twitching eye. “OHHH I get it, cause it changes sizes when…” “NO!” interrupted Applejack. “Have some decency and wait till we get to the barn before you start talking about your oven lighter! Dash turned to Rarity mouthing ‘oven lighter’? Rarity looked at Rainbow. “She means your harry darling.” “Mu harry what.” “Guh, your harry. As in Harry and the Henderson’s.” Dash shook his head. “No?” Rainbow shook his head. Rarity took in an exasperated breath. “Your, mhhhmmmhhmm, bistouquette? Service trios piéces? Verge? Bander? Sexe? Popaul? Zizi? Beroute? Vit? Tuff snuff? Loo shooter? spanner her? Penis? Bosser? Duff bluff? John Thomas? Knob? Docker? Bells and whistle?” Rainbow continued to shake her head. “Bite?” “Bite what?” “Le sigh!” Rarity exaggerated dramatically turning to Applejack. “Is this what you’ve had to deal with?” Applejack fruitlessly tried to hide her ever reddening cheeks. “Um, worse.” “Worse? How could he be worse than that?” Dash stomped in front of the two mares. “I am right here! Rude much?” “Ohhh, sorry Dashie darling.” Rarity pathetically placated. “But, you just don’t know anything about stallions do you?” “Hey, I know some things… just, not, the words you're using.” Rainbow defended poignantly. “Dash she said P… P… PEEE… PENIS!” Applejack yelled, blushing furiously, momentarily covering her mouth, “Um, if you don’t know that word, then you don’t know. Rarity giggled. Hey," Applejack turned, pointing a hoof at Rarity, "you know what happened, you see if that happens to you and see if you end up normal!” “Applejack, you're flustered, please let us leave this topic of conversation.” “Suits me. Sides we're here.” Applejack said rounding the bend ahead of her Friends before stopping suddenly. “HEY MAC, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE.” Applejack called, way too loud, and way too obviously. Just in case, she shoved Dash away with her tail. “Look’n fer you.” “Good day to you BIG Macintosh.” Said Rarity with her winning-est smile. “I am afraid I will have to put off our fitting till next week, but I already have a spa treatment paid for with Aloe and Lotus.” “We could all go.” Mac said simply. “HAHAHA, surly, mhmm, you must be joking." Rarity giggled, "I’ve been trying to get Applejack in for years, but she is as stubborn as one of her trees.” Rarity barely managed to contain her giggling. “Actually Rares,” said Applejack pained, “I lost a bet and am going to treat you to a spa treatment, AFTER this stress with Dash is done and over with.” Rarities jaw hung open. Big Macintosh closed it. “Speaking of, I assume Dash is behind that tree.” Applejack sighed, sticking a rear hoof over Rainbow’s mouth to keep her quite. “Yes.” Bic Macintosh looked flatly at his sister. “Mmmmkay then. I’ll let Applejack arrange the spa day with you Rarity, pleasure as always.” “Good day Macintosh, see you soon hun.” Rarity waved the red stallion off. “Gosh AJ, you didn’t need to be so forceful keeping Big Mac away from me.” said Rainbow after wiping the dirt off her mouth. “Look, my brother is interested in ya’ Dash, and I DON’T want to see him hurt by this.” Applejack explained, knowing Dash likely didn’t have a clue about what was going on. "I’m sorry if I overreacted, but ya’ need ta’stay away from my family, you got that?" Dash rolled her eyes, “Yeah yeah, look I just want to get this weight suit, so I can get back to training and go back home.” Rarity looked aghast. “Rainbow, Applejack just informed you that Big Macintosh, one of the most attractive stallions in town, has taken a romantic interest in you, nd all you can say is you want to get back to training?” Rainbow sighed. “Look, I’ve never been interested in mushy kissy stuff. It just is not as much of a thrill as flying through Ghastly Gorge, diving for a thousand feet, or even taking off. Rarity and Applejack exchanged a quick look before replying in tandem. “Wait, you’ve kissed before?” Dash nodded. “Yeah, back in flight school a bunch of ponies tried to get all romantic with me after my Sonic Rainboom. I liked the attention, but none of them could keep up with me and kissing, while fun, just wasn’t really satisfying. More frustrating actually. I think we were too young and probably doing it wrong because It just felt like it was building up to something that would never come.” Rarity and Applejack stood slack jawed. Rarity was the first one to come to become lucid enough to ask a question. “Tell me darling, did you make out with mares or stallions or both.” “Hmm.” Rainbow thought back. which confused Rarity. Tt was, after all, a simple question. Rarity was about to follow up on the awkward silence when Applejack spoke up. “What do you mean kissing mares? I though only stallions and mares could kiss and, romantic stuff? Isn't the same gender stuff just a joke ponies say to each other? Rarity sighed. “It’s called lesbianism darling. It’s not very common or accepted amongst ponies, at least not public displays. But some creatures, ponies included, develop an attraction to their own genders.” Applejack, emotionally exhausted, couldn’t help but ask, “How, um, how can a pony tell if they are a lesbian?” “Well,” Rarity said intrigued, “Females are referred to as lesbians, males are gay. Both are a type of, ohh what was that word, homosexuality. In either case, the difference is a natural attraction to the same gender as opposed to the opposite gender. The way I had heard it, the easiest way to tell is if you kiss someone of the opposite gender, and like it, you are a heterosexual, which means attracted to the opposite gender. If you dislike it you might be a homosexual or, more often amongst ponies at least, just aren’t attracted to that particular pony. But if you kiss somepony of the same gender and like it, you are most likely a homosexual. Of course this only applies if you are not interested in the other gender. Truth be told some, like myself, are actually interested in both to an extent, but I prefer stallions over mares. It’s just so much more, um, fulfilling. “I didn’t need that last part, but I guess that makes sense.” Applejack said, wishing Rarity could have left out some of the details.” “OHHHHHH,” exclaimed Dash, “I think I get it now. I would be, what is that word Rarity?” Rarity looked confusedly at Rainbow, shrugging before Dash remembered, “Straight. I would have been straight. I liked kissing the stallions more than the fillies, though I guess I liked that too.” “So then,” Rarity prodded verbally, what do you think of Applejack’s brother?” Rarity grinned at Applejack’s awkward shuffling. “Well. I think I used to be more interested in him.” Rainbow pondered. “But now that I think about it, I’m not really feeling interested in kissing him or being romantic and stuff. I mean, besides kissing being kinda’ boring, I just don’t see myself kissing him or any other square face I can think of right now.” Rarity turned to Applejack mouthing ‘square face?’. Applejack suddenly felt a bolt of fear chill her to the bone. “Uh, Rainbow. At this hear point and time, are there any mares that you can think of that you might want to, um, kiss and stuff with?” Rarity saw where this was going. “Yes, it’s possible that your um, tastes, as it were, may have changed along with your gender.” “Huh,” Dash pondered blankly in thought. “I guess, yeah, YEAH. Now that you mention it I could see myself kissing you two,” Rainbow casually added, “and Spitfire from the Wonderbolts as...” Dash paused suddenly looking between her legs again. “Hey, why does this thing keep one growing and shrink... Hey AJ, where ya’ going?” “Home, you two do your thing… with measurements… for the awww ya’ know what just forget it I don’t want ta’ be a part of this mess no more.” Applejack blushed furiously as she stomped away. “BUT AJ,” Rainbow called, “YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME WITH THIS!” Applejack stopped, head down, turned around and yelled “YES, AND I WILL, BUT YOU DON’T NEED ME HERE RIGHT NOW!” “OHHH, OK.” Yelled Dash. “I’LL BE IN YOUR BARN THEN, ALONE. OHH WAIT, RARITY WILL BE WITH ME, IN YOUR BARN FOR A WHILE THAT IS.” Rarity punched Rainbow in the shoulder. “You don’t have to heckle the poor dear.” “Relax.” Said Rainbow with a cocked head. “It’s just fun, no harm done.” “Rainbow Dash, Applejack is very uncomfortable with Stallions. You shouldn’t bother her like that!” “Why does she have a problem with stallions?” asked Dash. “That,” said Rarity poignantly, “is Applejack’s concern. Now, I feel we should get to the measurements, after you my dear.” “Ladies first.” Said Rainbow opening Applejack’s barn door. “My my, such a gentlecolt.” Said Rarity, obviously impressed. “Ehhh, as long as I’m a stallion I guess I should act like one.” “A very appreciated attitude, given the circumstances.” Rarity affirmed. “It’s also the kind of thing that stallions would do for me when they wanted a Piece of the Dash.” Said Dash, blowing it. Rarity chuckled richly. “A piece of the Dash?” “Yeah,” said a slightly offended Rainbow, “like when they wanted to make out and stuff. “Ohhh my,” said Rarity feigning alarm, “Well I can certainly see why. That being said, I hope you don’t think I would be interested in such amusements. I do have an image to uphold.” “Yeah yeah, but ya’ can’t blame a colt for trying. At least that’s what they would say when I turned them down.” “It’s a good line, saves face.” Rarity added digging into her saddle bag. “Um, you're going to give me a cool outfit right, something like the wonderbolts? OR, OHH yeah, the chargers. They have the best uniforms EVER!” Dash declared, flaring her wings with a wide grin. Rarity finished pulling out a measuring tape from her saddle bags before declaring. “Absolutely darling STALLIONOSITY IS MANDATORY. Now, spread your legs dear… ...OH MY!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- My longest chapter so far. Longer than the first three combined. The chapters from now on will be longer sense the plot, lawl, is becoming more complex. You might be asking how that is possible. The answer is I don’t know. I actually do, it happened when I planned the whole thing out, but I do not know how it got their way back before I started chapter 1. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Random notes pertaining to this chapter. Celestine, and all other mentioned gems, are real. Some people feel celestine belongs to the spiritual groups and feel it is associated with cleansing and air. Radiation is actually used to purify gems, and change there color. It was not stated but hinted that even the hardness of quartz could also be changed. Cheongsams and changshans are Chinese outfits that I used solely because of their name. You can find out more about them here on Wikipedia The lines Dash paused suddenly looking between her legs again. “Hey, why does this thing keep one growing and shrink... Hey AJ, where ya’ going?” Were responsible for two spilled sodas before posting. Pre-readers dirty more keyboards that way. Speaking of pre-readers who spilled their sodas at a dick joke. Meeester provided a lot of great edits. So be sure to thank Mr. Meeester.