It can takes the average newborn foal a day to walk. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes something is wrong. Sometimes a foal bounces back.
Featured by the Seattle's Angels in review #60.
From Corejo:
As a disclaimer, the prose gets a little cluttered toward the middle of the story, when he’s working on his diagnosis. All it takes is a little care in parsing the information, and you’re rewarded with a brilliant origin story that will leaving you smiling and saying, “why didn’t I think of something like that?”
It’s short. It’s sweet. It’s worth your time. And who doesn’t love little snippets of why something is the way it is in the show? I definitely do. Go check it out.
Chapters (1)
I upvoted this to cancel out the downvote, but this was fairly underwhelming. It's not so much as a story as a theory about why Pinkie bounces instead of walking normally, explained through dialogue.
Pretty great.
Really good, but a little rushed.
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Lol. Personally I would say I over expanded. The initial story was only around 500 words. I expanded on it's weaknesses to around 1500. The I came back, literally a few years later, and rewrote a fair amount and continued to expand. The end result was a fair bit of inconsistency in the style. That said my initial writing was of rather poor quality to the half decent ability I managed to scrabble together. And no matter how shinny you make a turd it still stinks. I felt I managed to get it to an acceptable level and appreciate the feedback,
Hopefully my next story is better
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Ironically it started with the idea of... Damn it's been to long. Still I do know I added the bouncing later.
Ah, I remember. I was at work, which meant that I had to stand in an isolated area doing nothing for minimum wage. I decided to write a short story and, because I was in a poor mood, I decided to write something sad. Thus I created a problem. That said I am bad at writing sad, and only half decent at writing anything else. I just don't have it in me and this was the end result.
Still, I do like to think of this as a story. It's short so the ideas are presented in a more straightforward manner but still I am sorry that you did not enjoy it and do not think of it as a story. Perhaps you could tell me how I might improve? (pweeze
)
I like this! I never really thought about Pinkie's unusual way of locomotion before, and to root it back to a medical condition is fascinating, to me. Pinkie really doesn't let anything keep her down.
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Thank you. Defiantly an idea fic more than a masterwork, sad to say.
...Huh.
I like it.
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Hopefully I didn't violate any copyrights.
And yes, I did just make a joke that bad
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*Definitely. That is what you meant, right?
Defiantly is a strong word.
I like it, that was pretty interesting.
I hadn't seen the last round of changes you made, so just read through the finished version now. Looks like most of it got shored up pretty good. A couple new issues got introduced though, including "Foals good" as two words in a place, and a couple of missing commas here and there. Nothing major though.
To repeat the opinion I already said during editing... I love the concept here; that Pinkie's bouncing might have some actual cause. Contrasting that normally happy bouncing with an initially sad situation makes things rather poignant too. I still think there are some confusing bits when it comes to describing the details of her trying to stand and such, but all in all, it's pretty good for a quick one-shot.
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Defiantly so...
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Silly find function, missing things and junk.
Seriously though, thanks man.
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That profile pic.
"That Tie!"
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Thank you. I am flattered!
finaly read this one, i gotta say, interesting story .
have some criticism at you, i think the opening of the story was too dry, im of the opinion that openings should pack a bit more of punch.
i also think the entirety of it could have used a bit more emotiveness. i just couldnt relate to the pie parents heartache.
take all this whit a particle of salt though, im not a writter!
i remenber you said this was your first story polished to the point of "good enough to post" maybe you could completly re-write it at a later date? i think it has potential.
I am always baffled at how someone who writes fics as beautiful as yours can have so few followers. It seems such s shame that more folks are not aware of your works.
I won't deny as soon as I saw the latin I went and googled the translation for it and laughed. I love your description of it as it really helps cement what is happening and how it must seem to poor Pinkie.
Truly incredible stuff. Bravo.
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One of the most heartwarming compliments I have ever gotten. I think I'll try and put in some extra time into writing tonight.
And for the record, I get more views than most unheard of author, and get a high like ratio. (T, the Tiniest Troll with 118 likes and 1 dislike.)
A lot of followers for people followed before realizing that favoriting a story notified you of updates. After that it's people who see frequent stories and updates that they find interesting, which I am poor at, and blogs that they find interesting (which I am rather inconsistent with).
It's more than just writing.
3273231 Speaking of T...the latest chapter is still languishing in my gdoc editing folder
Did you want to work on it again sometime?
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Um, I don't think so. It's next on my list after I finish my current Rainbow Dash project.
3279852 No hurry n_n
Put the review up, thanks for letting me review your story. Was really good and I hope this helps to bring some more attention to it. Here it is!
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It definitely brought me a smile.
HOW DARE YOU BRING LITTLE BITS OF SALINE INTO MY OCUL- hold up. Ah. My roomies have informed me that I was in fact simply teary-eyed. Not under an attack. Well written!
Cute! Very Cute!
This is a lovely story. It's really refreshing to read a new perspective on Pinkie Pie, written in its own style, but still centred on, and true to the spirit of pony.
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Thank you very much.
I really liked this. It could use a little polishing to get rid of little grammatical errors or missing quotation marks and it will be a flawless gem.
I really liked how this takes a creative and unique look to Pinkie's behaviors and gives them deeper roots. She doesn't bounce just because she is a pink ball of boundless energy, but it is a way of her dealing with a handicap that life has dealt her. This is never addressed in the show (of course, because this is 99% not canon), but if it were so, her positivity, love of life, and lack of complaining about her condition or using it as a crutch makes her a much more powerful and admirable character.
You know what? *BING* I just made this story a part of my head-canon.
Pinkie Pie, you are a wonderful mare.
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Ya, being dyslexic and not caring about English as much until I was away from teachers. Still, I had people look over it. If you want to point out any of the errors it would be much appreciated.
I really liked how you read into it, and I am glad I could effect your view of a cannon character so much, honored really.
Then again you've lost your marbles but hey, it's still something.
This is so good! FAVORITE TIME!!!
The Seattle's Angels quote you use in the longdesc pretty much matches my own feelings about this fic: it's a nice, fitting origin story for Pinkie, only slightly let down by the density of some of the prose. Worth a like, though.
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My Google-fu must be very weak if you meant the name of her condition. I tried two different online translators, plus searching it outright and got nothing that seemed useful. Mine sharing in a spoiler?