"Bye mommy!" cried the grey filly with the most beautiful golden mane. "Say hi to aunt Derpy for me."
"Absolutely princess Muffin Head." said Ditzy waving lovingly to her daughter.
"Mom, not in public. You're embarrassing me." Complained the daughter.
"But that's a mother's job." smiled the doting mother.
Dinky slammed her hoof down, "Then you need a new job bubble butt because I'm starting junior high in a few months, and I will not be ostracized for having an overly loving mother."
Ditzy sniffed playfully, "Would you rather be ostracized for breaking your poor mothers heart, cause that's what you're doing. Oh woe is me, cast aside by my own..."
"Okay okay, I get it. You can still dote on me just, I don't know; keep it to a dull roar."
Ditzy smiled as she pulled her daughter into a hug. "I know you're growing up muffin head. Just remember that if you ever need to talk to someone, I will always be here for you."
"Thanks mom. You should get to work."
"Yep, see ya muffin head."
"Bye bubble butt."
"Bubble Butt!" cried Pinkie Pie jumping out from behind a cart. "Oh good, I got you before you left. Hey I got this letter I need you to send to Rainbow Dash right away. It's super top secret and important, so if you could go deliver this to Rainbow over inside of Applejack's barn, I would really appreciate it."
Ditzy looked at the letter Pinkie had pulled out seemingly from nowhere. "I'd love to but it needs a stamp..." said the mail mare, trailing off as the party pony tossed the letter into the air, reached into her mane, pulled out a stamp, licked it, and slapped it onto the letter with perfect placement. "I guess that works. So you say Rainbow is at Applejack's, cause I have been trying to find her for days. She has a small backlog."
"Yuppers, she's been hiding there, but she can't hide from me."
"Fair enough, see ya Pinkie."
"Bye Derpy."
"It's Ditzy, Derpy is my sister."
"Oh yeah, sorry."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ditzy decided that the apple farm was as good a place as any to start her day. She usually hit up the farm before lunch anyway because they often had an apple or two to send to her for coming so far out of Ponyville. She always insisted it was not really that far for a pegasus, but they insisted.
As the mail mare landed in front of the barn, she swore she had heard giggling from inside. Sticking her head against the door she confirmed that yes, it was in fact giggling. Giggling from a familiar, but unrecognizable, male voice
"Twilight, that tickles."
Ditzy stuck here ear up to the door to hear the muffled female voice, presumably Twilight's, responded curtly. "Dash, I need to do this. Hold still or I'll make you hold still."
"But Twilight," complained the male voice. "It tickles! A lot! And it's making me feel funny."
"Trust me Dash, I noticed. But giggling is only going to make this take longer."
"Can you just stop for a second and let me catch my breath?" said the male voice, which did sound surprisingly close to Dash.
Didn't Derpy say something about Rainbow wearing a suit that made her look like 'quite a handsome stallion?'
The creaking of the recently repaired barn door opening cut into the conversation like a lightning bolt through paper. Realizing she had been caught, Ditzy sheepishly poked her head inside. With her left eye, Ditzy saw a blushing Applejack hiding behind a nearby hay pile. With her right eye she saw what appeared to be a male Rainbow Dash standing next to a frustrated Twilight Sparkle. As Ditzy looked, her right eye slowly rolled to Twilight's glowing horn which was pointed directly at a rather unexpected inflamed and glowing part of Rainbow's anatomy.
"It's not what it looks like!" exclaimed Applejack from here hidey-hay.
"I think this is exactly what it looks like." Replied Ditzy with an overly friendly smile. "Rainbow Dash somehow got turned into a stallion which is why she has been hiding in AJ's barn where I can't find her. Twilight is trying to figure out how to reverse the process. Applejack, you still haven't gotten over those two incidents in school which is why you are so embarrassed and find this whole situation awkward. Rarity probably made the suit that my sister saw Dash in the other day."
Silence, and the blissful smile of a grey mail mare, filled the room for several seconds before Twilight broke her trance. "Well, that's, um, a rather astute observation. I think you hit everything but Dash's complete lack of knowledge on the matter of gender differences."
Ditzy's jaw fell momentarily before she began giggling excessively. "You, you mean, you never knew we were joking? We always thought you were, I don't know, playing along?"
"What joke?" asked a confused Rainbow.
"Wow! Sorry um, do you remember that class back in junior high where we all had to get approval from our parents to go to?"
Dash sighed, "Yeah, everyone made fun of me for weeks after that."
"Actually," said Ditzy sheepishly, "We made fun of you for years. We originally started doing it to get back at you for all the pranks you pulled on us. That was a sex-ed class, Rainbow. You see, we knew how stuffy your parents were and how they probably didn't fill you in on the whole sex thing. Then there was the fact that you were always so masculine and had rainbow hair. We began to have a little bit of fun at your expense. Just a little, at least that's what we told each other, but it kept growing. We treated you like a guy all the time and purposely tried to confuse you by calling each other by the wrong gender. But it didn't work; you just rolled with it. We thought you were cool to do that actually... We didn't hate you or anything; we were just stupid kids making one big stupid joke. You were pretty cool, always standing up to bullies for weaker ponies. Anyway after the rainboom of yours, you became really cool. Everyone wanted to be your friend or be with you."
"Yeah," said Rainbow egotistically, "I was pretty popular; it comes with being the best."
Ditzy rolled her eyes and smiled, "Right, you were pretty cool. You also flew yourself so ragged with practice that you never had time to socialize, otherwise we probably would have realized you didn't know and would have filled you in. Anyway, after the sonic rainboom we all wanted your approval. We also wanted to get closer to such an awesome flyer. Some of the guys went out with you to say they made out with the great Rainbow Dash. A bunch of fillies did as well. Since we were always treating you like a guy, I guess a lot of the girls just, well, rolled with it. It's still a joke amongst us pegasus ponies. I think the weather team still calls each other by the wrong gender from time to time. I think they call it Blitzing."
"Is that why they call me Rainbow Blitz sometimes?!" yelled Dash. "Thank Celestia, I thought I was just going crazy!"
Applejack finally butted in, "Keep the chickens in the hen house here RD. Now Derpy,"
"Ditzy." said Ditzy.
"Not important right now. Are you saying the reason Dash is clueless is because of a practical joke?"
"Um, yes."
Twilight and Applejack looked at each other before raging at Ditzy simultaneously.
"That has to be one of the meanest things I have ever heard of doing to somepony!"
"What is wrong with you, you, you, floozy!"
"Do you understand the repercussions of such ethically absent actions?"
"You're the dirtiest, filthiest kind of liar! How could you do that to a friend?!"
"I should write to the princess about-"
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa, calm down there everypony." Said the rainbow mare. "There is no reason for you to go off on her like that. Sure it was kind of a jerk thing to do, but I'll admit I played some mean pranks back in my day. Heck I remember putting itching powder in the cloud mixture." Rainbow began to laugh. " Then, I replaced all the doctors' examination clouds with the stuff. Oh, man, everyone who went in came out itching like a mad mare."
"That was you?!" Exclaimed Ditzy. "But you had one of the worse cases!"
"Well duh, I knew I would have it the worst going in. I moved like, a Cloudsdale Colosseum's worth of itchy clouds. Even with a lab coat and goggles on it was bad. Still worth it though."
Twilight and Applejack looked at each other, then at Dash, with complete disbelief.
"What? Like she said, we were stupid kids."
Rainbow sighed, "Anyway you have to admit they got me good. Anyway I know you didn't mean for it to be so bad. I can tell by how you talked about it, and by the fact that we had some good make-out sessions behind the bleachers."
Twilight and Applejack looked at each other, then at a blushing Ditzy, with complete disbelief.
"Um, I think that was my sister, Derpy. Cause I never made out with you, Dash. Not that I would object by the way, you always were kinda cute."
Twilight and Applejack looked at each other and then at Rainbow.
"No, I am sure it was you. Same cutie mark and everything."
Twilight and Applejack looked at each other and then at Ditzy
"Actualy me and Derpy come from seven identical sisters. We're septuplets. Our cutie marks are all pretty much the same too; it's because they signify that we are all meant to be close sisters. The only difference among the cutie marks is the sizes of the bubbles."
"Um, excuse me." said Twilight, "How does something like that even happen?"
Ditzy sighed before giving the rather mundane explanation. "It happened one night when we pledged to always be the best sisters ever. Then the room was filled with a blinding flash and we noticed we each had seven bubbles for cutie marks. One for each sister."
"Who are the other five sisters then?" Asked Applejack.
"Well, you know me and Derpy. Then there's Dazzlie, Danny, Deli, Daisy, and Delay."
"I'm sorry," interrupted Applejack, "but can we get back on topic? "I find that whole scenario extremely unlikely."
"I agree," piped Twilight, "I mean I know Rainbow might not be the most intelligent pony, but she is not that dumb. I mean sure she doesn't know the word tenacity-"
"Gesundheit."
Twilight turned to stare at Rainbow.
"What word don't I know Twilight?"
"You know what," said Twilight turning toward Ditzy, "never mind. If everypony was in on it, it probably could have happened. It's the best possible explanation I've heard so far."
Ditzy put her hoof to her chin in thought. "Well, not everypony was in on it. Fluttershy, some of the other students, and most of the teachers were really confused and never figured it out."
"Wait a second, Ditzy." said Twilight. "Why are you here anyway?"
"Right. Pinkie wanted me to give Dash this letter. I also have a half dozen other letters since she has been hiding in AJ's barn. I have some stuff for AJ and Big Mac as well. Oh and you got a book from Canterlot, Twilight."
"Oh good Translating, Tempering, and Turning-Over Truly Terrifying Transformative Transfigurations, Transmogrification, Transmutation, Transubstantiation and Transgender Transgressions will really help.
"Don't ya ever have any normal books Twi?"
"Trust me Applejack; when you have read as many books as I have, you come to appreciate the ones that stand out."
Ditzy looked at Twilight appraisingly. "Just how many books have you read?"
"3,287, not including rereading 1305, and skimming another 4212."
Applejack, Dash, and Ditzy all stared at Twilight.
"What? Stop looking at me like that. The total number including rereading, rerereading, and rererereading is 4236. Stop looking at me like that! The special library I lived in at Canterlot is actually my private book collection. The actual library had to stop allowing me access because I would check out shelves of books at a time. They said it was a strain on their resources. Why are you still looking at me like that? Is it because Celestia agreed to buy me books so long as I had read what I had? Is it because Celestia got tired of me asking her twice sometimes thrice daily for another book? Is it because one time I contacted her twice when I went through the limit of 7 books in one day?"
"It's cause your left eye is twitching and wandering." Said Ditzy. "Is it that distracting when my eyes do that?" Added the mail mare as her left eye turned to focus on Applejack with her right eye on the pegusus.
"Give or take." Said Applejack.
"Take, Definitely take." Added Rainbow.
Twilight shook her head trying to get her eyes to behave. "Better?"
"Yup." Said Ditzy
"Not perfect." Said Dash before hastily adding "But a lot better."
"Twilight," said Applejack sadly, "I think ya have a problem."
"Problem? I don't have a problem. Reading is good for me." Responded Twilight quickly.
"That's not what we're talking about apricot." said the farmer.
"What we mean is, you need to take it easy." said Ditzy. "Eye twitching can be caused by several things including, but not limited to: stress, tiredness, eyestrain, caffeine, dry eyes, nutritional imbalances, and allergies."
"Wow! That pretty much sums you up right there Twilight." Said Rainbow with a giggle.
"Gee, thanks." Replied the librarian tersely, eye twitching intermittently.
Ditzy looked between Twilight and her friends, at the same time, before coming to a decision.
"Well, as interesting as this has been I really should get back to delivering the mail."
"Okay." said Dash. "Oh hey, could you, um, maybe not mention this to anybody?"
"Huh?"
"The fact that I got turned into a male."
Ditzy nodded in understanding, giving a seductive wink. "Oh, I would never say anything that would harm the male service. Anyway gotta go, bye."
With a small leap, the mail mare ascended to her next exciting delivery.
Applejack was not completely sure about what she had just seen. She wondered if anypony else thought the mail mare was hitting on Rainbow. Turning around she found Twilight again examining the transformation, this time while simultaneously reading out of the book.
"I'll just give you two some privacy." said the ever reddening farmer backing away.
Dash looked toward her best friend before flashing a winning smile. "Your loss."
"Actually, it's everypony's loss." Said Twilight, ignorant of the tension in the room.
"Come again?"
"Say what?"
"This is definitely a magical metamorphosis. I, I think it's a combination of magics actually."
"What kind of magics?" asked the two friends.
"Defiantly unicorn. I'm pretty sure there is zebra magic involved. Some magic from enchanted gemstones which makes it hard to identify. It might be one of Rarity's gems actually. Overall this is an incredibly complex transformation. It might take me weeks to copy it."
"Wait, why would you want to copy this spell?" Ask the confused Apple mare.
"I wouldn't, at least I can't think I would have a reason to. I was simply stating an observation. Anyway, I think I will have to talk to Zecora. I've read very little on zebra magic. Honestly we might have to find the pony responsible for the spell and have them help us develop a reversal spell. I'm not even sure counter-spell would work appropriately."
Rainbow looked confusingly toward her bookish friend. "Are you telling me, somepony went out of their way to turn me into a stallion?"
"Not necessarily. Without knowing more about the components of this spell, I can't even tell you what the original intent was."
"Well that's just great. There's is somepony out there turning mares into stallions for their own sick amusement."
"Applejack are you okay. You're looking a bit green."
Applejack cleared the sweat from her eyes with a shaky hoof. "I'm, fine. I find the whole prospect of a pony, or zebra, goin' around and turning mares inta stallions, disconcertin'. I'm gonna go buck some more trees. Are ya staying here tonight RD or are ya going back home?"
"I got the suit, so I should be fine to go home. Thanks for letting us use your barn again. I don't know where else we could have found a safe place.
"Don't mention it, ever again. I just want to forget about this whole thing." The element of honesty said honestly.
"Fair enough. Oh and tell Scoots I'm fine. Apparently her and Sweetie Belle have been asking around for me."
"I'll mention it to them if I see them."
"Me too." Said the librarian walking out of the barn with her nose in her new treasure. "Have a good one Dash, AJ."
"Bye Twi."
"See ya Twilight."
They all waved before leaving for their own pursuits.
______________________________________________________________________
Next chapter, writing for zecora... Oh boy.