Politics By Other Means
Shining Armor walked into the pub, eyes scanning the room. It was full of military ponies of all types, mostly Royal Guard. A few Night Guards were around, but more of them would show up as the evening went on.
He spotted Spitfire at the bar. She raised a glass to him and Shining made his way over, nodding to a few other ponies he knew.
The bartender was there as soon as Shining approached. “Prince Armor, it’s been a while. I think the last time I saw you, you were still Captain of the Guard.”
“You know what they say about promotions.” Shining shrugged. “More money to burn, less opportunity to do so.”
They shared a laugh and the bartender put down Shining’s personal tankard in front of him, filled with his standard.
“Thanks,” said Shining. “Do you mind if I could get a quiet corner tonight?”
“No problem. Take the booth in the back. I’ll make sure the boys keep to themselves.”
Shining nodded to him and headed for the back, Spitfire with him. They slid into the booth on the same side, leaving the seat across the table open.
“I’m still not sure this is the proper thing to do,” Spitfire commented.
“I mentioned it to Celestia.” Shining shrugged. “She said she trusted me.”
“Good enough for me,” Spitfire said. “What about your sister?”
“I know she doesn’t need a big brother to stand up for her.” Shining chuckled. “It’s sometimes hard to remind myself she’s a grown mare and a princess. I try not to force advice on anypony, but I wanted to tell her what I think.”
As they talked about her, Twilight came in, pausing at the door to look around. Shining waved.
She came over to the table, wading through the crowd and drawing only a few stares. Of all the ponies in Equestria, the Guards would be the most likely to recognize a princess on sight. Then again, they were also the most likely to mind their own business.
Shining got up as Twilight approached and they traded a quick hug. “Thanks for coming,” he said.
“Good to see you.” Twilight smiled and sat, glancing across the table. “Spitfire? I didn’t know you would be here.”
“Your brother asked me, Princess.”
“You don’t have to call me that.” Twilight looked a little flustered, but glanced at Shining for an explanation. He wondered how long she would continue to be embarrassed about the title, or when she would start to embrace it.
“In my message, I mentioned the disagreement with Prince Rutherford,” said Shining. “I wanted to talk to you about that and thought Spitfire had something to add.”
A barmaid came over, curtsied in a quick bow, and asked for drink orders. Twilight placed hers after a moment of hesitation and then swung her attention back to Shining.
“Thanks for copying Cadance and I on the message you sent to Celestia,” said Shining. “I read it with some concern. Did Prince Rutherford really declare war between Yakyakistan and Equestria?”
“It was such a crisis! After Spike accidentally revealed he’d been pantomiming with a player piano, the yak delegation threatened to not be friends if they didn’t get a party. We didn’t have an event ready quite yet, and Prince Rutherford declared war.” Twilight’s cheeks flushed pink. “Not my proudest moment, but we eventually did get them that party.”
“He actually said war?”
Twilight’s drink was delivered. She took a sip and frowned in memory. “‘No more longer! We leave now! Yak go to train, return with more yaks! We declare war!’ Those were his exact words. But fortunately, we didn’t fight or anything.”
Shining’s brow furrowed. “Twilight, I'm glad that you handled Prince Rutherford's declaration of war without violence, but he should have never been given the chance to make that threat.”
Twilight put her glass down. “Well, it wasn’t an ideal situation, but we took care of it.”
“I don’t believe that throwing him a party was the correct response to a declaration of war,” Shining said. “He demanded a party, declared war, and got it. Maybe now he thinks ponies are pushovers and will declare war the next time he wants something.”
“Was I not supposed to throw the party we promised?” Twilight asked. “My friends and I enjoyed it too.”
“My point is that war is not something to be taken lightly. As a former military pony, and Spitfire here as a current one, fighting is our job but we’d hate for a war to be declared over a party.”
“I have to agree with Shining,” Spitfire contributed. “All countries should understand and respect that war is an absolute last resort.”
“But we didn’t even fight,” Twilight pointed out. “There was no violence.”
“Not counting the barn, boutique, piano, and everything else they wrecked leading up to it?” Shining asked.
“Well, in a manner of speaking,” Twilight allowed. “I’ve been in fights before, like at your wedding, and the yaks never attacked anypony while they were destroying things.”
“I joined the military to help ponies,” said Shining, “to keep them out of positions like that. But while serving I realized that the military’s primary purpose, the reason it exists, is for violence.”
Twilight waved a hoof. “Then who does all the formal events at the castle or the flyovers and aerial performances?”
“Sure, the military is used for other things,” Spitfire agreed, “we help clear bad weather and clean up after disasters. But Shining is right about the military’s purpose. Sometimes we provide shelter from the storm; sometimes we are the storm.”
“The military hasn’t fought a war in hundreds of years,” Twilight pointed out.
“Which is why Prince Rutherford has me so concerned,” Shining countered. “If he’s so nefarious to casually declare war, or even if he’s just ignorant and reckless, Yakyakistan is going to cause huge political problems.”
Twilight cocked her head. “I thought we were talking about the military.”
“It’s the same thing,” said Shining. “Politics is the practice and theory of influencing other countries. War is politics by other means, an act or threat of force to influence other countries.”
“I know you studied some political theory and ethics while you were at the Guard academy,” said Twilight. “I’ve been reading up on the same, as well as some historical examples since I became a princess.”
“So you understand that wars are declared over things for which ponies would fight and die.”
“I do. A party hardly qualifies,” Twilight acknowledged. “And yes, our foreign policy should probably be firmed up a little to make sure nothing like this happens again. But I still don’t understand why you’re so adamant that war should include violence. I resolved the issue without it.”
“I didn’t say that we had to have violence,” Shining argued. “I said that war should not be declared lightly, and when it is we should meet threats of violence with equal measure to ensure that Equestria is not extorted. Nopony wants to die, but I think it’s good that war is so terrible, so we don’t come to enjoy it. That’s a lesson Prince Rutherford could learn.”
Twilight shrugged. “I like my method better. I made sure he learned his lesson.”
“At the party?” Spitfire asked. “I’ve heard Pinkie Pie throws some crazy ones.”
“No, when I cast a mind control spell on Prince Rutherford and his advisors shortly after he declared war.”
Shining blinked. “What?”
“Well yes, he declared war, and so I defended Equestria. There aren’t any laws against mind spells.” Twilight blushed. “Lucky for me. I’ve had a few accidents since moving to Ponyville and would have been in trouble if there were.”
“You personally fought and ended the war?” said Spitfire. “Princess, respectfully, the military exists to keep civilians out of the fighting. Technically, you aren’t even a legal combatant.”
“Had I waited for a contingent of Guards to form and be dispatched to Ponyville, the yaks would have been long gone and shoring up their own military. If the two armies had met, lives on both sides could have been lost. Given that, I think my actions to end the conflict almost instantly were more than justified.”
“So you got him to give up the war?” Shining asked.
“That’s right. Not to toot my own horn, but he did declare war to an alicorn’s face. If it had been Celestia or Luna, he might not have gotten off so easy.” Twilight leaned forward across the table. “I’m having the press conference next week. I’ll be heading to Yakyakistan to start the annexation process. I even managed to convince Prince Rutherford it was all his idea as part of a friendship plan.”
Twilight sat back and picked up her glass. Shining and Spitfire traded glances.
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Chapter 2 is entirely about how this blows up in her face, right?
...Whut.
And thus another Noodle Incident was born!
Don't mess with a geek. It's not a level playing field!
Get got
TNaB, still taking things to weird, extreme conclusions. Technically psychological warfare. Got it.
6253379 I suppose you must have missed the "Complete".
reading clauswitz huh?
This reminds me of a funny comic I saw on deviantart. I'd post a link to it, but they are down for maintenance. The comic was Twilight pointing out they have four alicorns, two of which controlled celestial bodies, and a god of chaos.
Nicely done.
"He wanted to start a war, but I changed his mind."
"You talked him out of it?"
"No... I changed his mind."
"You can be scary, little sister."
"Thanks, so can you."
"Thanks..."
6254011 You know it.
I like this idea.
Not a super gripping presentation of it, no, but I love the idea, and shall add it to my nice collection of headcanon.
Thanks!
That poor snow...
Did not see that ending coming. Bravo!
Not a fan. Besides disliking the ending, I also cannot discern the point Shining and Spitfire were trying to make. If they were talking to Prince Rutherford, yes their conversation would make sense. But talking about wars being declared lightly, to someone who had war declared on them, doesn't make much sense
6255713 think about their point this way someone breaks into your house threatens to rape and kill your family your response is okay do you want to have a piece of cake before you kill us. That's what their trying to tell her.
6255949 negotiations don't end until the first shots are fired.
Yeah, because the Oryal Guard and Wonderbolts have been soooooooo effective.
Wonderbolts: taken out by Spike weilding a water tower, like a bunch of noobs.
Royal Guard: flanks handed to them by changelings INSTANTLY by NMM and Chrysalis. They couldn't even stop low-level changelings which the Mane 6 took on by the HUNDREDS and held their own for a time.
Frankly, the ponies of FiM aren't fighters. Had thy been, weaponized magic would have fried the changlings like magic bug zappers.
Also... this story makes a very poor assumption: Twilight could not use a mind-control spell on the yaks. They'd need to possess minds first.
Yes, I'm racist against yaks. Screw you too.
I wrote a review of this story!
It can be found here.
I like this.
What's that? you're declaring war?
I'MMA POKE YOU IN THE BRAIN WITH MAH MIND BULLETS!
Aaaaaand now we're friends. Isn't that great?
This is a WAY better continued ending to that episode?
6257742 Thanks. After thinking about it, I agree with your review.
6257827
You're welcome! I really enjoyed The Treaty, and I hadn't read any other story from you in a while, so I figured I might as well check this one out.
looked up a couple definitions (cause I'm stupid) and I have concluded that this is fucked up.
6254016
I liked this response in the comments even more:
Isn't it weird that Griffons are always made out to be this incredible threat, but the huge and powerful Yaks are always pushovers?
This fic in summary:
Shining: Averting a war without violence is nice in theory, but all you taught Prince Rutherford – and the international community at large – is that he can get what he wants by frivolously declaring war on us.
Twilight: Don't worry, Shiny. After he declared war, I ignored the principle of diplomatic immunity and basic ethics by psychically assaulting the foreign ruler and his attendant diplomats, and I brainwashed them into taking it back and handing over their country to us. That definitely won't set any terrifying political precedents that could ever come back to bite us, so everything is fine now. *sqeesmile*
And this is why I dislike Twilight, there's always a version of her out there with no sense of morality or common decency. Yes they declared war, but to avert it by raping their minds...jesus.
That's as nice an argument for regicide as I've ever seen.
Absolutely loved the end to this fic, don't mess with the princess twilight.
When did war get so dark? I though ponies just threw pies and cakes at whoever they were fighting.
Shining Armor & Spitfire (beginning of story): Twilight isn't taking this seriously enough. We need to point out how important something that endangers the lives of ponies like war is, and that it should be met with appropriate force.
Shining Armor & Spitfire (end of story): My/Your sister is terrifying.
6259349
I kind of see Ponies as peaceful people who love peace. Those who make war are weeds in the garden of harmony. You don't talk about ethical treatment of weeds; you rip them up, you toss them in a pile, and you burn them.
6254097 "I changed his mind."
Ohhh... I like this way to say it, it's beautifully ambiguous - it can be read either way and therefore is a perfectly save thing to say to the press without lying. Don't mess with a bookworm. The power of magic alone isn't nearly as great as when it's combined with the wording skills of a professional librarian to make people like what's being done with it.
6262387 this. so much. Equestria is practically a utopia. But every utopia follows a golden rule: What to one man is a Utopia, to another it is a Dystopia.
6255987
As has been mentioned elsewhere, those bullets flying around are simply another stage of negotiations.
Personally, I don't think the Yak civilization could exist as described in the episode. They'd reduce themselves to nomadic family herds in a few week's time, and the families wouldn't hold together long after any member decided the others weren't perfect.
6264203
it was a royal who was being so touchy in that situation.
also, once the bullets start flying in a war, it seems to me there's generally a period where negotiations are stopped, before they start up again
6263793
Oh, definitely. And the reverse is often true as well. And, yet, for all that I made the ponies sound monstrous and inhumane in their quest for peace, whole cities really have been turned to ash in our own world by those we deem heroes once it was determined that the lives of those inhabiting them were a hindrance to the war effort. A crime against peace is a real thing that people have been hanged for.
But I was getting towards the idea of an alternative Morality Event Horizon. If a guy drags a dog into a room, hacks it apart, and eats it, he's a monster and we're all on board for him suffering massively for this act of barbarity. If he drags a pig into a room to do the same, he's making breakfast and such outrage would be wildly inappropriate.
6256084
Best comment in the thread. On the other hand, we never really saw any guards fighting changelings. They may have held their own too, but were simply overwhelmed by numbers, like the Mane Six were.
6265243 Weaponized magic war-mongering ponies would be a terrifying thing to behold... just think of the horrific things you can do just with basic telekinesis and teleportation. To say nothing of Twilight turning soldiers into half oranges to squirt burning citric acid juice into the eyes of the enemy! The horror! The carnage! The vitamin C!
6265272
The massive carnage via Party Cannons...
6264288
It was indeed only one royal, but he said Yaks get angry if a thing isn't perfect. Whether he was speaking truthfully is unknown.
The title of the story, "Politics by other means" is derived from a comment by Carl Von Clausewitz: "War is the continuation of politics by other means." Implying that the transition from words to bloodshed is not the ending of one thing and the beginning of another, but merely a change in the method of communication. If the Yak's basic message is, "Give us what we want or we will destroy you." then their discovering through battle that the destruction in question is impossible is a step forward in communication.
There were several ways the situation in the episode could have been handled short of actual bloodshed. It would have been quite reasonable for Twilight to have levitated the three yaks just a little bit off the ground and let them flail and scream impotently until they agreed to stop trashing the place... But that wouldn't have taught the lesson in entertaining guests we viewers were to receive. It would have taught, "Be polite to your hosts when visiting." instead.
How is this dark? I love me some badass Twilight.
I have had too much politics and not enough sleep in my life. Twilights little explanation sounded like this to me:
"I insulted the next in line for the throne of my neighbors, so to avoid repercussions I controlled his, and his advisors minds. I sincerely hope no one has any ability to test if this has happened, or might suspect it has happened, like a spy or one of the many countless ponies who were around in the public spaces in which we held most out meetings. Maybe someone who might not be happy they are being annexed into a culture they know nothing about. If they did not only would this result in a coalition formed against Equestria, but it would create a racial divide among all the creatures of the world, inside and outside of Equestria's boarders. Not only would this destroy my credibility, but the credibility of Celestia, Luna, Cadance, All my friends as well as the unicorn race. So long as I live ponies will be considered no more trustworthy then changelings."
"Should the rest of the world take action for my act of stripping a sovereign of sovereignty, then a coalition of Equestria's neighbors will no doubt work out a way to move the sun and moon on their own, using more powerful and advanced magics, or die trying. The war resulting from my actions a will be long, as any surrender to Equestrians will not be seen as an act of comprise, but the stripping of freedom and individuals will. Any peace will be oppression. Any compromise, control. The war will last until all are slaves at least in their own minds or dead."
"We could win. Four Alicorns and Discord would be hard to beat. That is of course, if Celestia, Luna and Cadance don't work on damage control. Taking over someones mind is a serious crime. Making a town fall in love with a doll warrants the ruler of the kingdom to come and solve the situation herself. So long as I live the nations of the world would never trust me, and by extension Equestria. She could let me go, send me to an island somewhere or banish me to the moon until everyone in the world forgot and I become the next nightmare moon. This would be best as, yay for me, I get to live. Unfortunately that means all my crimes simply pass over to Celestia, as she is responsible for a criminals escape. Unlike Luna being sent to the moon, sending me away wouldn't be an act of saving the world, it would be an act of saving me."
"Unfortunately Celestia has her sibling back, and I doubt Luna would be willing to let Celestia carry any stigma the rest of the world could give me. She, already with her martyr complex, bad reputation and old fashion way of doing things would be the death of me. In a way it might be called a mercy. To die as a warning to all who want to strip the will from others, then to live as the reason harmony can never exist."
"Gee, I sure hope no one in the world can detect mind control."
I hate mind control. I hate Celestia threatening to blow people up with the sun, and I hate this belief that no one can think things through. I think I need more sleep. Sorry about the rant.
So Twilight mentally brainwashed someone and we're okay with that? She tried the same thing with Discord. Twilight's fucked up.
Also... Equestrian military...HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAhAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
If you want to say overrated gendarmes or militarized police sure. But in no way are they military. At least not by modern definition. The best they are is some sort of advanced militia or gendarmes or however it's spelled.
They couldn't handle the changelings, a rampaging dragon, Tirek, Nightmare Moon or anything else. If they are military I'm General Zod.
Guess I must be doing something right. The comments keep getting longer and longer.
6267047
Tirek and Nightmare Moon were ultra-powerful beings with godlike powers; a military being unable to handle them doesn't necessarily speak poorly of them. Chrysalis also had incredible power at the time of the invasion (as showing by her handily defeating Celestia), and the changelings had the advantage of a surprise attack. If by the dragon you mean the dragon in Dragonshy, it's not clear if the guard/military couldn't have gotten rid of it, just that they sent the Mane 6 in first, possibly to try to get the dragon to leave peacefully before actually mobilizing some kind of attack.
The basic problem with the world of MLP in regards to militaries is that you have beings so freakishly powerful that they make any military force seem irrelevant against them.
6267339 Truth be told the way she said it I was tottaly waiting for that. I didn't buy into it.
6267726 If the wonderbolts are regarded as military ((as they were in history)) then yes it is.
Which in any case basically means that the military is woefully unprepared about whatever threat that comes its way.
And here's the thing about changelings.
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/81175__UNOPT__safe_animated_changeling_a-canterlot-wedding.gif
They were OUTSIDE. OF. A. SHIELD. The Canterlot guards were WARNED about a "threat" that would come to Canterlot. There's no excuse about their performance even with the shield sabotaged.
Equestrian "military" has experienced an era of peace for the most part. Which means they are inexperienced as fuck.
Is it odd that I find mind alteration spells like this pretty high up there on the scale of 'things that cross the moral event horizon'? Maybe because there is such a strong implication of casual oppression? I always kinda thought that Celestia would be the more 'conventional' of tyrants. Sure she can melt your face off with a solar flare theoretically, but that has more or less the same end result as a particularly flashy execution. The other Alicorns have much more subtle ways to mess with you and bend you to their will. Even more interesting is the idea that there are no laws against this sort of thing.
6268718 That's a nice username. I'm glad we're in the same...orbit.