I can be both a positive sunflower and a cynical f**k. It depends which life I am living. (Formerly known as Riffmaster)
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Rainbow Dash is triumphant. With years of hard work and training, she has finally been inducted into the Wonderbolts. It was everything that she hoped it to be, and more.
But the Wonderbolts hold a secret that nopony knows. When Rainbow Dash finds out what the secret is, she wonders if training all her life for this was worth it.
Cover art by the amazing Nineveh!
Editing by the wonderful rogueunicorn! Check her out!
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Gonna be following this story to the end, I can't wait to see what the dastardly secret is!
This is really well written!
4829024
Really? I figured it wasn't...
4830698 dont beat yourself up, this is a good story. and by the way RAINBOW IS BEST WONDERBOLT!
This is very well written! A few minor typos, but who cares? Definitely liking and favoriting!
4839063
Hey, thanks man!
Do you think you can point out the errors so I can correct them?
4839111 The errors are highlighted in red
Should be shone.
Should be pony. Lots of writers on here make that mistake.
This is not technically incorrect, but the sentence would flow a lot better if you removed this..
Should be given.
5."She haswon many competitions as a flyer in her childhood years, and broke more records in our Wonderbolt academy than anypony else.
Remove has. broke should be has broken
6.
No real error, but I would add just between not and some, change that to who, and just to only.
7.
Perhaps it's just my preference, but I think kind should be changed to type. It sounds better.
Sweat poured down as she felt herself getting hotter by the minute with anxiousness.
Change to anxiety.
See #2
a. Replace with 'had been.' b. Remove these two words.
Revised version: She quickly recognized the voice, and instantly found her words.
Revised version: Rainbow respected his decision, of course, but she was still curious.
Change to given.
Change to 'did.'
Revised version: There were display cases portraying the previous generations of Wonderbolts, wearing the respective uniforms from their era.
Change to 'drunkenly.'
Change to 'as.'
She never thought about it before, but now that the moment has finally came, she realized there would be little for time for the small filly.
Change 'came' to come, remove 'for.'
Revised version: No, she couldn't abandon Scootaloo like that. She would simply have to take days off to make time for her.
Change to 'this.'
Should be who's.
Change to 'skipped a beat.'
I guess found more than 'a few typos' as I said before. I'm sorry if this was really long, but my brain is like.. a scanner, scanning for mistakes. I hope I'm not being too critical, and that this will help you, because it took a long time. I don't know you got my PM, but I saw your post about needing an editor for this story. If you haven't already found someone, I would be honored to do it for you.
4839515
I don't think I received it, but that would be amazing!
Thanks for the analysis, and I would like you as my editor!
4839727 Awesome! PM at your earliest convenience.
Ugnhhdhhxudhd must know what happens jsjdnjxndnh can't wait nuhchdhdh MOAR
4852165
Um...
Thanks?
This is indeed a frustrating cliffhanger
Wow, Thunder's pretty worked up...I wonder what's in the book, Dashie?
There must be a chapter 3 to this
I look at it every single day to find the next chapter
4899155
Sorry for the delay. I have been working on another persons story for a little bit, and he trusts me in editing. The third chapter will come soon, I promise!
REALLY hoping I don't procrastinate.
4899199
(Rainbow dash fangirl squee) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Aw only if there was a rainbow dash x thunder gust shipping.
Maybe thunder was her favorite wonderbolt
4901498
Never had a fangirl before...
4901996
fangirl
Squueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Wonderbolts some kind of secret demon cult perhaps? Hmmm...
Now I'm really curious.
4968575
Not really. Just you wait.
4971107
Sorry for not going through editing.
SOOOOO COOL!!!
Question: is there going to be a SoarinDash in this or no relationships?
4977171
Well, there us Soarin. But not Dash.
4973584
4972468 Oh, quite all right. It turned out wonderfully without my help.
Cancelled? Damn, I really wanted to know the Wonderbolts secret..
5694728
Working on a new project. Don't worry, there will be way more chapters this time around as I am pre-writing them instead of writing a chapter and then immediately releasing it.
5694734 Will keep an eye out for it.
It was a secret we mortals were never meant to know...