• Member Since 20th Dec, 2013
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David Silver


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Comments ( 401 )

Tracking, let's see where this goes. :rainbowdetermined2:

Pretty interesting........but not for me. You get a like and a spike stash :moustache:

5902473 Can't please everyone, thanks!!

Brad seems to be taking her new body really well Lol

5902553 I based Brad off someone I know RL. I may or may not run Ponyfinder for them.

5902472 Is there a place you'd like it to go? I love feedback!

Well, this is certainly a novel vector for humans in Equestria. It should be interesting to see what happens from here.

Also, I don't what Paul's complaining about. Being a discarnate, quasi-omnipotent narrator sounds like a fairly sweet gig. Especially if it comes with NPC control and/or omniscience. Granted, those dramatic instincts seem like they're going to be a bear...

Also, typo in the short description: "Friday" should be capitalized.

5902620 Tweaked! Paul is sad because he... doesn't entirely exist? He can see everything but himself. He knows everything... but himself? It's really confusing being what he is. Maybe he'd rather be a pony?

Welcome to the story though! Glad to have you on board.

Sadly for Paul, he sees nothing but typos. It's like those green letter on black scenes from the Matrix, but consisting entirely of typos. It's like being in the mind of cThuulu.

Also,
decent intro. Interested in seeing where it goes from here. I'll forgive the protagonists realizing what is going on so quickly and easily since it lets us get to the meat of the story sooner without some very obvious flailing.

5902702 I like to think them being gamers caught in the middle of gaming makes a difference. The situation isn't entirely alien. They know who they are, just not... why, or what to do exactly. Well, most of them. Brad seems to want to get busy with some of the locals.

5902713
Yeah, I get that too. I have a fair bit of D&D experience, and while it would freak me out quite a lot to suddenly become my char mid-session, I too would at least recognize it for what it is. And that's part of why I'm so ready to forgive it.
It seems like it's happening just after char creation, which feels like a simplification but also a bit of a lost opportunity. If this happened to me just after making a new char I'd probably more or less just be myself in an unfamiliar body, but after playing a character much longer, where I've gotten a feel for who they are and how they think.. seems like it could make for added layers to a story.

Of course, as the author that's that much harder because you're trying to write them dealing with that duality when you don't know the characters yourself, and introducing them to the readers that also aren't familiar with them.. yeah.

So, simplicity! It has some things going for it, y'know? :)

5902740 They were clearly mid-combat in a dungeon. That's not exactly just after character creation.

5902770 Oops, you're right. I think I got some wires crossed with a different fic with a comparable premise I just started reading. Doh!

Also, I think the random roll for gender comment threw me a bit. I rescind my erroneous comment then. :)

Though.. they still don't act like they're particular in sync with their characters. I'm willing to accept the fact they just suddenly became them as plenty of excuse for now, though it seems like it be harder to introduce the character's characters after this without being awkward. Especially since they already introduced themselves by their human names to at least one pony.

5902632 Paul could always try to make himself a GMPC. It might not work, but it's at least worth a shot.
5902796 I suppose it depends on how important a role the characters themselves will play in the story verses their players.

It looked like it will be a fun ride here. Though, did they just move from Everglow to Equestria?

5902874 Yes. They were playing Ponyfinder, in Everglow, and Ian, rightly, identified that Everglow is dangerous, yo. It's not as much fun when you're elevated from moving a piece on the map to being that piece!

Equestria seems safer.

5902889 After thumbing through just the main book I decided it was a very unfriendly place. You are a mean person to pcs.

5902915 Have you read my self-insert fic? I am brutal to myself.

5902923 o.O? I think that's a common compulsion around authors. -shrugs- Anyways, thanks for Ponyfinder, but story isn't twigging with me. See ya 'round

Well, Brad's going to prison, but that's okay, he deserves it. Considering that Vinyl's supposed alignment is based entirely on a single fanfic that connects two mares that are never actually shown in the same scene, he may also be in for a surprise before that.

Joe seems like the most promising character. Non-bronies always have more potential in a HiE fic because they get to learn stuff. Add to that the fact that he did not start out by objecting to everything that didn't match his picture of the world. There's a saying, "familiarity breeds contempt." A lot (I almost want to say 'all') of HiE stories have protagonists that are desensitized to the circumstances in Equestria. They talk to the mane 6 and the princesses like they're old buddies, or worse, pets. They don't show them proper respect because they think of them as "Flutters" or "Woona" and they are sure Celestia just wants a good laugh, etc. Joe, on the other hand, doesn't know all this stuff, so he'll probably treat the ponies like people while he finds out what's acceptable and what isn't.

I feel sorry for Paul; he gets all the responsibility and none of the reward. I can just see the former PCs getting mad at him if something bad happens, even if he had nothing to do with it.

5903371 Brad is asking for it. What about Ian, the PoV of the story?

5903464 Ian has yet to distinguish himself, either good or bad. He sounds cautious and his limited interaction with the native pegasus suggested he chooses his words carefully. As a first-person protagonist, I suppose he is destined to become either the leader of the group, or a camera with a name. Either of those options would be fine, since there are other characters to drive the story, but I expect you intend to make him the leader. If I got a good read of the characters' personalities, Joe and Paul seem like the types to put the welfare of the group first. Brad, on the other hand, will probably only follow Ian if he can solve a problem that Brad couldn't. Since Brad is physically powerful, that means Ian will have to be a thinker/strategist to get Brad to follow him.

OMFG Dis is awesome!!! Can't wait for more!! :flutterrage:

"Looking around for shelter, you find your eyes drawn to a small purple-roofed house that seemed to draw you towards it with promises of sanctuary and a warm meal."

Joe looked around slowly. "What? I don-- Oh There it is."

I like how all of Paul's alternations are retroactively true, as if the house had always been there, but the PCs couldn't see it until he told them about it.

Interesting. The three of them are getting rather acquainted with their bodies, but it seems in return their instincts are being replaced or have already been fully modified. Somewhat. They recognize sexual signals and sights that'd normally interest a pony (I'd accuse them of being cloppers, and certainly Brad is, but Joe is new to ponies so he shouldn't be affected if that was the case, and he is), but don't have the tolerance of being a pony nudist all their lives like everypony in Ponyville is.

How awkward.

I'm a bit concerned about Paul, but maybe having no body anymore means he isn't affected by hormones and thus doesn't miss anything. That's still a sad existence though.

Are we stuck here?

extra space

Paul is really owning his predicament, although the fact that he has to speak will lead to some severe meta-gaming.

And don't take this wrong, but...are all roleplayers so dirty-minded?

5903798 In my limited experience, at least half? Brad is based on a very specific person I know in the real world.

5903784 Joe watched Ian get washed and squirm in an obviously affected fashion. Add some imagination and Joe has enough to at least get the worst of all of nature's inventions, the unwanted erection.

I do hope you're enjoying this crazy story you've spawned!

5903811 I know this story is flagged mature, but I hope you differentiate between people like Brad, that let their exclusive organs do the thinking, and people like (I hope) Joe and Ian, who govern themselves.

5903826 They didn't jump on each other. Ian isn't itching to try things out as a pegasus mare, and Joe's trying to be a good guy, besides, that's Ian! Jumping him would be so very wrong, right?

Brad has his own problems.

5903829

Joe's trying to be a good guy, besides, that's Ian! Jumping him would be so very wrong, right?

Exactly. By the time they get used to that complication, they should also be used to their new bodies enough to take the urges with a grain of salt. It's not unreasonable that they might all eventually find romance/love/whatever Brad wants, but it would be very unlikely for it to be with each other.

"Well, it's kind of wierd. I can control ponies, but I'm not actually them. Watch. Suddenly, the door kicked open!" The door bashed inwards. "It was Daring Do! But she had the wrong room. She looked abashed."

"Oh, sorry." Daring Do quietly closed the door.

weird
Now I wonder who Daring Do was expecting to find. Does Ahuizotl have a room at this inn?

5903849 The powers of the GM are quite frightening. My mind immediately imagined this pitched battle going on two rooms down while they bedded down for the night.

5903851 Having lasting consequences for all of Paul's one-liners would be an interesting twist. If all of the events he causes continue to play out once he abandons them, it would put quite a heavy responsibility on him. If he is remotely ethical, it would also be an excellent way to hobble him so that he can't just Deus-ex-Machina every problem that comes up.

5903861 He did just turn Vinyl Scratch into an ancient vampire, as if she always had been.

5903864 Yes, his powers of backwards continuity are interesting. What I was thinking though, is where things go when he releases them. For example, he summons Daring Do for that door joke and then she leaves and goes to find the correct room. Paul stops controlling her at this point. Now suppose that a rule in this scenario is that everything is continuous (you pretty much need that rule to have anything resembling physics). After Paul stops driving, Daring Do continues her quest to find the right room and has a fight with Ahuizotl or that pony with the 5 o'clock shadow. In the morning, there are police on-scene in response to the innkeeper's call for help and no-one is allowed to leave until they are questioned. Or, Paul brings somepony into a scene to answer a question and they find out later that he was late to work and got fired as a result. If every time he uses someone as an NPC it has permanent consequences on their lives, it should make him feel guilty to use his power that way.

5903885 True, but we also want him to be able to do his job of shaking things up. That seems like a good idea for if he tries to 'soften' things up and helps the 'players' too much.

5903894 You could have him go back and forth looking for balance. He starts off wreaking havoc and just having a good time. Next, he realizes he accidentally hurt an innocent person indirectly and never wants to do anything for fear of making a mistake. Finally, he is forced to take action to save his friends, but uses his powers with a better understanding of the dreadful responsibility.

Equestria should do a decent job of "shaking things up" without any input, considering the first three seasons were one year.

5903921 In "Princess Twilight Sparkle" at the start of season 4, it is stated that the summer sun celebration Twi is practicing for is the first since Luna's return.

5903930 Of course, that means that some of the slice-of-life episodes were out of order, but that's just as well, since you can wiggle out of any character regression that way *cough*Mare-do-Well*cough*

Do all three PCs hear all of Paul's narration, or only what affects them?

5903965 Paul is in one place at a time. If they are near, they can hear.

5903968 So once they all go to sleep, can he skip the boring part of the night just by saying, "the night passed uneventfully" rather than sleeping himself?

5903978 Yus he can! Or you know, something else.

5904007 If he wakes them up in the middle of the night with "roll perception" he is pushing the definition of "friend."

Hmm. Was Vinyl always a vampire, or were those DM instincts making things more interesting?

In any case, the reality of the situation is settling in. This is definitely going to be both awkward and interesting, especially in the absence of the featureless crotch phenomenon.

Typos did, in fact, happen:

I got sweet gig lined up.

There should be an "a" between these two words.

When I stepped off the toilet which doubled as a bidet.

Not a complete sentence. (Nor was that. :derpytongue2:) What happened when s/he stepped off the toilet?

5903907
Good luck figuring out how they fit into that year... :trixieshiftleft:

5904483 All fixed! Once Paul says something it becomes always true. He has the frightful power of retcon.

Best story ever!! Ima go watch yogsquest now!! :pinkiecrazy:
*cough*...........This is a really good story, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I'm so glad I kept this.....'tab' up, I think that's the right word, I'm on my iPod, so yeah. I might've missed the next chapter, and forget about the entire story :/.......:twilightsheepish:

5904536 Why not track the story? What is your fave part?

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