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Tree Hugger comes to help the Pies with a tree that sprouted on their rock farm. It's in the way! Her attempt to move it peacefully propels her and Maud Pie into the Ponyfinder world of Everglow, where they will have to learn to fight together.
Surely nothing can go wrong when the emotionally neutral stone warden combines forces with the mellow and 'far out' personality of Tree Hugger? Will Everglow devour them before they destroy each other? Let's watch, or read, and find out!
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Tree Hugger trotted towards a farm house across the desolate-seeming land surrounding it.
Subject changes from Tree Hugger to Maud, so it should be a new paragraph.
"Hey!" a slender grey mare with a coarse voice shouted from the house.
WTF!? Pardon my French.
If Tree Hugger is so knowledgeable about trees, it should have immediately caught her attention that Maud said the tree appeared overnight, when it normally takes oaks the better part of a hundred years to get large.
New paragraph and "Oh, bummer," Tree Hugger had no...
The next one had a longsword in its clenched jaw and shoved past the first in an attempt to carve Maud in half, only to get a hoof to the center of its ribs.
until she almost tripped
close enough or her to crush to dust on the ground
Hugger kicked something loose on the floor and leaned down to feel around for it. There it was! She pulled it up and Maud leaned in.
"It's a lantern." She had more experience with lanterns than her tree-loving ally, so she took the lantern when offered and soon had it lit.
Suddenly they could see they stood in what appeared to be a throne room. Besides the skeletons that had attacked them, a larger corpse of a pony was slung over the throne. When the light touched it, it stirred slowly and locked its gaze on the two silently.
and
The flaming monster struck at her with a lightning-fast scimitar. She tried to dodge to little avail; her frock gained a new gash, crisped at the edges, with a matching cut in her own flesh. She winced faintly even as her enemy kicked out a leg, thumping a skeletal hoof solidly into her side. She brought down one of her hooves powerfully on its extended limb before it could retract it, catching it in the knee, and snapping the leg like a brittle match.
and it compensated
The scimitar came down with frightful speed. Maud reared onto her hindlegs and brought her forehooves together with a snap, trapping the flaming blade between them. The smell of burning flesh began to tickle at their noses. "Ow."
(Maud is such a badass)
I hate to be a party-pooper, but I don't think this combo is anatomically feasible for a pony. If Maud is still holding the sword between her forehooves, she wouldn't be able to reach the skeleton's face with her hindlegs, especially the knees, since her hind knees are very close to her body. She could possibly reach with her front elbows, since Equestrian ponies' front legs bend both ways, or she could pivot on one back leg to let her kick back with the other back leg.
Orphaned quotation mark.
The first large is unneeded.
looked at her bandaged side and burnt frogs.
The dialogue so far has made it clear that they are speaking a different language. You could cut this phrase without losing any meaning, and I think it would flow better.
find, it
Maud typically doesn't use rhetorical questions. She would probably start with "He has a lot of rocks ground into..."
Maud slid down to Tree Hugger and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck with her teeth, tossing her companion onto her own back.
Who
Three periods in an ellipsis (...)
preventing
hollow
In the middle of the night, in a rock, with the entrance blocked off, there should be no light to see by, even for a creature with low-light vision.
even though
he
your
There isn't a kind way. As such, I doubt the MLP ponies would even have a word for it.
6592464 So many adjustments, made.
The story of the tree springing up from nowhere would be odd, if Tree Hugger didn't assume they were exaggerating. Trees don't literally spring up overnight, right?
I assume that she is to trees as Fluttershy is to animals, both deeply rooted in nature ponies, with a specific call that drives them, and a general appreciation for the natural order.
6592503 Fixed! You are wrong in one thing though.
Quote from the show directly: Isn't it obvious? There are specks of extrusive andesite on your hoof. It's a mountain rock.
6592515 Fixes made.
Evidence the first: mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2985511-1-Braeburn_ID_S1E21.png
6593052 If that picture is a response to my remark about leather, I will counter by pointing out that all the clothes are shaded the same way in MLP. The only thing you can tell from that picture is that the stitching is really coarse. Besides that, Braeburn is a farmer, not a rancher; they don't wear leather anyway. (I'm not just saying that; I know several farmers.)
So glad to be able to start reading one of your stories again! I just get so far behind so quickly that I sorta gave up on your on-going series, but with this one starting in a brand new spot/not in the same universe per-se, it will be easier for me to keep up! Going to guess that Maud is going to be a Brawler, and Tree Hugger a Druid?
6594417 That would be so telling! Welcome aboard!
Can't wait for them to explore the magical place that is Everglow and see who they may run into. Will we see old face or new once, only time will tell
6594513 Time... and new chapters! I have a few new ones waiting, and may post them early.
Where will they come out only time will tell
6594570 Well you got me on the edge of my sit waiting to see what happens, lets hope I can keep up with your writing speed
6594661 Glad to have you on board, and to have you engaged. Writing fight scenes is a special challenge.
The night is dark and full of typos.
6595239 It's true! How are you liking the story so far?
Is there anything more true neutral than these two together?
6595913 We, the neutrals, find this... tolerable.
6595273 So far I am enjoying this story.
I haven't read it yet, but I hope Maud is an Earth Kineticist. Underpowered I know, but I just love that class
6596817 I was tempted, but literally being an earth bender didn't quite seem her.
path
You need a new paragraph here, unless Flint is still talking at the end, in which case you need to change "Maud nodded." to something like "when Maud nodded, he continued,"
finger against
6596817 It doesn't have to be underpowered. If you stat for it, it can get crazy. Fire gets cooler stuff than earth though.
6596949 Typos defeated. How many xp do I get?
6596957 They're only CR 1/4 typos, so you get 300 xp for the whole encounter.
(Now I wonder, what would a dire typo look like?
)
6596969 It'll have to do. I'll get to the next level of writer eventually.
So does this story happen shortly after humans arrive in Everglow? Hopefully the girls can influence some positive change for the ponies.
6596998 The time or place is off. They clearly did not land near where Twilight, Applejack, or Diamond Tiara landed.
Let hope cleaning out that abode got rid of the typos too.
6597014 Oh man, is that what I'm missing? I need some helpful ponies to help clean my room.
The Apples might take offense at that.
to
Hugger
legs
So they're still in cartoon mode, then?
Everything so far has made these two out to be serfs. Historically, these types of people could never afford to buy meat; they either hunted it themselves, killed one of their own animals, or went without. Paul would probably be spending all the money he could earn in several months on a single meal. Obviously, you make the rules in Everglow, but serfs are several steps below even the worst adventurer.
bread, in
thought of
Maud has been going along with this fight plan from the start, even though she has nothing to gain and everything to lose. She has apparently decided to help these losers for completely altruistic reasons. I wonder what her hidden motivation is. Is she always a champion of the underdog, or do they remind her of Pinkie Pie?
6597018 Here these ponies can help
orig01.deviantart.net/7963/f/2015/307/0/b/cmccdc_by_lordburnsxp-d9fe4rt.png
6597062 My flaming burst mace of typo slaying made quick work of them!
I worked to expand my hippie vocabulary, did you notice?
As for food, I worked pretty hard to at least offer authentic kinds of food from the time slice, but the cost of meals in Pathfinder is... well, not exactly accurate.
I blame part of it on the foolish assumption that Paul is certain they'll win and all his problems will go away forever!
6597084
I did notice. Tree Hugger is eloquently obtuse.
Or maybe he's just genre savvy and knows that Maud has plot armor.
Well lets see how things play out for them as they get mixed up with the Humans, have a feeling the fights are not going to be the best thing for Maud and hope she does ok.
Glad to have caught up. As always, I am curious what classes the protagonists will take. Tree Hugger is pretty obvious, though their are a lot of different druid archetypes, so who knows? Maybe Initiate of the Green Faith? I hope she eventually gets an animal companion.
Maud could almost be a druid or shaman herself, they have cave druids and stone shamans, after all. That said, she does seem like a melee brawler, so could be a brawler or monk. There are some barriers to her being a paladin, but if she could qualify, I could see her becoming a Stonelord, even though they are normally only dwarves. (Ohh, I really want to see Maud meet some dwarves!)
One big mystery though: Why are the humans so surprised to meet talking ponies? I thought in Everglow ponies were the dominant species, it seems hard to believe that even these isolated loggers have never heard of them. Maybe this isn't Everglow after all, or they went back in time or something?
6597830 You are the second to guess they with back in time.
6597830 oops forgot to mention that I will post there seats soon.
6597864 Awesome! I love me some good character sheets. Are you going to be doing the alternative leveling system like you did with the adorabullies?
6597872 Always tempting...
Any suggestions?
6597878 Eh, I like the regular leveling, but feel free to give them some of those sweet sweet skill unlocks, those are awesome!
6597922 you have to be a rouge, or take feats to have skill unlocks.
6597942 That's the standard way, letting all classes with the appropriate ranks gain skill unlocks is a variant rule, but so is dual class abilities. It's pretty out there, just something I wanted to see applied sometime.
extra space
This will quickly become a problem. Everglow probably kills most drug users in short order.
The cows and horses were so much (it starts as a question and ends as a statement)
horses were
"head to it" or "head towards it"
I don't think you need these words
Yeah, stunning fist is pretty unreliable. It's usually easier to stun them by beating the stuffing out of them.
I wonder if Maud was under the impression that the upcoming arena fight would be boxing or something, and what she thinks now.
6600470 She'd make for a skilled boxing match, to be sure. Why, just look at all those pummeled typos!
I should post these character sheets.
Oh! A place to hop in if I haven't read the CMC one yet? Don't mind if I do!
... Wow this is just... story of the people with unusual speech patterns, isn't it?
But it interests me, yes.
6601692 A lot of funny talking is going to happen in this story. Welcome aboard, I'm glad to have you here.
Yeah, I am. Dunno why you're calling me a tree spirit, though.
I'm not really... able to interact with the story. Sorry ma'am.
'Cmon... don't be down on humans, ponies. Don't do it!
But... wait. If the humans don't know about er... ponies... does that mean they're not in Everglow? Or are these humans just not that worldly? The Equestrians didn't make any deal about being a different shape this time, so maybe not...
6601797 You're sniffing in the right direction, but will you discover it before the story reveals?!
What's that about unbalanced chakras and such?
Is Tree Hugger a secret hypocrite?
Also... they are "convinced" by Paul and Flint very easily. They basically let themselves get strongarmed into it.