This Chapter Is Just as Equal as All the Other Chapters despite Being the First and Only One
Together We Can Name This Town
-oooo-
Starlight Glimmer smiled as the ponies of the town filled the large auditorium, which was the one and only room of the town’s City Hall. City Hall was a building much larger than the uniform homes of the town. Though it was still a plain building, its larger size, much larger windows designed to let in light, and the fact that it was made completely out of wood rather than mostly adobe made it stand out.
Starlight returned the rather manic-looking smiles with her own, slightly more earnest one. Still, seeing the people of the town always made her feel a sense of fulfilment. Each pony wearing the same cutie mark, putting on the same smile, even all sporting similar hair styles amongst the mares and stallions.
She stood on top of a small stage behind a podium as ponies of all race and age took nearly identical seats in front of her. What occupied City Hall wasn’t just the town’s entire population, but also the city council. Electing or designating a group of ponies to represent the town was deemed giving some ponies power over others, so it was abandoned in favor of letting every pony have an equal say in how the town is run.
True, some ponies tried to establish some “enforced inequality” regarding town council members being of a ‘certain age’, or ‘literate’, or even ‘able to speak in coherent sentences’, and even ‘potty trained’. But some feared that even such ‘reasonable’-sounding limitations were a slippery slope that could result in a privileged few with all the power down the line. Still, the issue persisted…
… and was solved when Starlight Glimmer had the dissenters, about a quarter of the town, placed under house arrest for a couple days.
A stallion with a pure white coat and equally as white mane trotted up to Starlight Glimmer with the same manic smile as every other pony in town.
“Everyone here?” Starlight asked the pony.
The pony nodded. “Yes! Everyone from the foals to the elderly to the terminally ill have been brought into City Hall for this important decision!”
Starlight Glimmer smiled. “Perfect! Sounds like we’re ready to get started then.”
The white pony’s smile turned ever so slightly unsure. “There’s just one thing that I’m not sure about.”
“Yes, Double Diamond?”
“If you’re leading this City Hall session, doesn’t that imply you’re of a higher stature than—”
“OKAY!” Starlight said quickly. “Let’s get started!” she said with a smile.
The townsponies all went silent and smiled up expectantly at Starlight Glimmer. Double Diamond, smile still on his face, went out to take his seat in the front row.
“Now,” Starlight began, “you know we’re all here to pick a name for our town!” Starlight chuckled. “We’ve all just been calling this place ‘Our Town’, or ‘This Town’, or even just ‘the Village.’ I think it’s time we find a suitable name that everypony can agree on! But remember, every pony’s opinion is just as valid as the next!” Starlight motioned to herself. “Because of this fact, I will refrain from suggesting any names myself and humbly accept my role as keeping us organized for this meeting.”
A round of applause rang out from the crowd as ponies cheered and clapped their hooves together.
Starlight Glimmer frowned. “Alright, that’s simply too much.”
The crowd ceased their cheering and settled for gently tapping their hooves against the wooden floor.
Starlight smiled. “Much better!” She looked over the crowd. “Who would like to suggest the first, but not more or less important than any of the other, names?”
Double Diamond rose his forehoof in the air. “How about, ‘Glimmerville’? Starlight Glimmer did found the town and the ideals it’s built on, after all.”
The other ponies, at least those old enough to understand what was going on, nodded their heads up and down in agreement.
Starlight fought back the urge to smile proudly, instead maintaining her even smile. “Now, now, I’m just as equal as any pony here. We don’t want the town’s name to promote inequality.”
The other ponies of the town murmured in agreement.
Another hoof shot up. “How about something simple like ‘Rock Town?’ Our town does have a lot of rocks!”
A gray earth pony mare with a straight purple mane in a simple, grayish-blue dress raised her forehoof. “Second,” she said simply.
A pink unicorn mare with a purple mane frowned. “But doesn’t that name unfairly elevate rocks above other inanimate objects?”
The townspeople murmured and nodded in agreement once more.
The gray mare wordlessly got out of her seat and trotted out of City Hall.
Starlight Glimmer watched her go with a slightly confused look on her face. “Wait… Who was that? I didn’t recognize her.”
“I think was a geologist researching rocks in the area,” a light blue unicorn stallion answered, “She just sort of wandered in.”
Starlight frowned slightly. “Wait. We had a new arrival to town and nopony told me?”
A mare answered from the crowd. “Well, we don’t have an official town greeter, as such a position could be considered unfairly granting another pony power.”
Starlight sighed then quickly regained her composure, putting her smile back on her face. “How about every pony is allowed to greet new arrivals and inform everypony else?”
The other ponies all smiled wide and murmured in agreement as they nodded to one another.
One pony raised a forehoof. “I saw this geologist pony that wandered into town!”
Another hoof went up. “Me too!”
“Hey! So did I!”
“Alright!” Starlight said forcefully as she strained to keep smiling. “We all saw the geologist! But right now we need to come up with a name for our town!” Starlight’s smile became earnest once more. “Remember! All suggestions are of equal importance!”
Another hoof shot up. “How about just, ‘Our Town’?” a mare’s voice suggested.
“I like it!” another mare agreed. “It’s simple and communicates that this town is ours!”
A light tan, concerned-looking earth pony stallion spoke up. “I think ‘Our Town’ suggests the unfortunate connotation that this town is inherently better than other town by virtue of being ours.”
Another stallion gasped. “And that would suggest we’re above other ponies!”
“Exactly!” the light tan stallion said.
Starlight frowned ever so slightly. Maybe this will take longer than I thought…
“Okay… How about just ‘Town’,” the mare who had suggested ‘Our Town’ said. “Like that’s the name of our village. ‘Town’.”
Several ponies put on locks of confusion as they dug at the ground with hooves and rubbed their chins. “Is the name ‘Town’ or ‘Village’?” an aged stallion enquired.
“‘Town’ would be the name of the village.”
“… Can we name our village ‘Village’?”
“But if we grow larger than a village?!” a pony called out in concern.
Another concerned voice joined in. “I think the name ‘Town’ shows undue favoritism to towns over villages, cities, and even metropolises!”
The other ponies in the room gasped.
Starlight began to grind her teeth. “Okaaaaaay… Other suggestions!”
Hours passed as ideas were suggested and just as quickly shot down. The slightly empty smiles the townspeople almost always seemed to wear became emptier, and eventually disappeared altogether as nopony could suggest even the most basic idea that didn’t encourage some form of inequality.
Celestia had already removed the sun from the sky and Luna had started the moon on its nightly round. Gas lamps had been lit and distributed around the building, adding light and heat that the chilly desert night had stolen.
Yet, the meeting continued.
The light blue stallion stood up. The large, empty smile on his face has been restored! “Let’s just call our town ‘Nothing!’”
“You mean give up?” a dark blue pegasus mare with a white and grey mane asked.
“No! I mean, we literally call it ‘Nothing!’”
There was a pause.
…
Followed by a response.
“But that unfairly puts focus on the number zero!” a mare called out. “And perhaps other numbers that contain the number zero!”
The loud frightened murmurs increased. There was the sound of a pony hyperventilating before the ‘Thud!’ of them losing consciousness and collapsing to the floor was heard.
Her ears already flopped down around her head and her hair now slightly disheveled and parted unevenly, Starlight puffed out her lower lip slightly as she lowered her head and stared out of the increasingly distraught townspeople.
“WAIT!” A mare cried out. “I just thought of something! Are numbers inherently unequal?! Should we even be using them?!”
The room went dead quiet for a moment, only interrupted by the sound of a small foal crying.
“Explain!” another mare demanded.
“Well, some numbers are larger or greater than others! Some numbers aren’t worth anything! And some are—”
“NO! DON’T SAY IT!” a panicked stallion voice called out.
The pony swallowed and continued. “Some numbers are less than nothing!”
Ponies screamed. Some began galloping about back and forth within the room. Other ponies hid under chairs. Some even prayed to… well not Celestia, because that would be recognizing the princess as being in a position higher than other ponies, but they still prayed.
“EVERPONY!” Starlight Glimmer shouted. “We’re getting off topic!”
“JUST TODAY, I COUNTED HOW MANY HOMES THERE ARE IN…TOWN! I MUST BE PUNISHED!”
Starlight gritted her teeth. “EVERYPONY SHUT UP! WE CAN’T JUST ABOLISH NUMBERS!”
The room went silent once more.
“But it’s a system that promotes inequality!” the dark blue pegasus mare cried.
Starlight sighed heavily and raised a forehoof to her forehead. “Only in regards to the concept of other numbers! It’s an esoteric form of inequality!”
The room went quiet again.
“… NUMBERS ENCOURAGE ESOTERIC INEQUALITY!”
“THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT!” Starlight cried. “We still need a name for the town!”
“I have an idea!” Double Diamond exclaimed.
Starlight took a calming breath and smiled at the pure white pony. “Go ahead, Double Diamond.”
Double Diamond smiled. “Equalityville! Where everypony is equal!”
Starlight’s smile fell slightly. “Well, it’s a bit on the muzzle, but I think at this point—“
“THAT SUGGESTS WE VALUE EQUALITY OVER ANYTHING ELSE, AND ARE THEREFORE NOT PRACTICING EQUALITY AT ALL! IT’S THE HEIGHT OF HYPOCRISY!”
The screams inside City Hall became deafening. Any pony still praying stopped, knowing that the… well, not gods, since the idea of a ‘god’ would mean beings greater than other beings, but they knew now that whatever nebulous concept of equality they were praying to could not help them. Some ponies even jumped out of still-closed windows and ran off screaming into the night, blood, broken glass, and broken dreams behind them.
“EVERYPONY CALM DOWN!” Starlight shouted over the calamity. “THIS ISN’T HELPING! HEY! WATCH THE LAMPS!”
Starlight watched as one of the lamps flew through the wooden structure amidst the panic. She narrowed her eyes in focus as her horn began to glow with the same color of a cloudless sky. Soon, the same glow surrounded the lamp.
Starlight gave out a brief. “Phew…” as she gently levitated the lamp towards her.
‘CRIIEEESSSH! CRIIEEESSSH! CRIIEEESSSSH!’
‘PWOOOOSH! PWOOOOSH! PWOOOOSH!
Starlight cringed as she heard the sound of grass breaking and felt her veins tighten in anger as flames suddenly erupted in three different areas within the building.
“OH, COME ON!” Starlight cried.
“WHO’S THE FIRE CHIEF?!” A pony called out.
The call was answered. “‘CHIEF’ IS A POSITION OF AUTHORITY THAT IS DISALLOWED UNDER TOWN BYLAWS!”
“WELL, WHO IS THE CURRENTLY SELECTED FIRE PONY?!”
“OH! … HE JUMPED OUT OF THE WINDOW JUST NOW!”
Starlight felt her eyes begin to twitch. “EVERYPONY JUST GET OUT OF CITY HALL!”
“… SHOULD WE QUICKLY ELECT AN EVACUATION ORGANIZER?!”
“I SECOND THE MOTION FOR AN ELECTION! ALSO MY MANE IS ON FIRE!”
“JUST SHUT UP AND GO OUTSIDE ALREADY!” Starlight said in a demanding tone as a flaming support beam fell behind her.
Soon the entire town had shifted from being inside the burning building, to being outside in the street staring at the burning building.
Starlight grimaced as City Hall collapsed in on itself. “Well… there goes City Hall.”
Double Diamond shrugged. “It’s just as well… I always felt City Hall had a status that elevated it in importance over the homes and outhouses of… town.” He turned to Starlight.
Starlight merely growled in response.
Double Diamond continued, “You know, we never did decide on a name for the village. Now that the meeting has been called to a close because the building it was in caught fire and collapsed, you can suggest a name.”
The other ponies nodded then all turned and gave Starlight Glimmer an expectant look.
Starlight shot the other ponies a look of pure rage and began to force words through tightly clenched teeth.
“I…”
“… DON’T…”
“… CARE!”
The other ponies stood in silence in the middle of the street for a moment.
A purple stallion with a light brown mane raised his hoof. “I think that name unfairly promotes the state of apathy!”
Starlight began to trot off. “I’M GOING TO BED!”
Another pony chimed in. “THAT NAME PROMOTES THE ACT OF SLEEP OVER OTHER ACTIVITIES!”
“RRRRRAAAAAAGRRRRAAAHHHRRRGAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“THAT NAME IS UNFAIR TO THOSE WHO LACK THE VOCAL CAPABILITY TO SCREAM IN ANGER!”
The End
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Furst
And here I never thought I'd see Starlight be the reasonable one... With your trademark sociopathy, of course! Well done.
that's one way to have everything blow up in her face.
*SPITTAKE* WTF is MAUD doing there?!
...she just wandered into a town meeting, just...just like that?
Nice one as usual.
Well played Commissar Glimmer. Time for a nap.
Makes me wonder what Starlight will be like in Pinkie's Dan-verse... or is it Dan's Pinkie-verse? Either way, I would love to see her Make Everything Equal there!
--Spade
For most, that would be the first thing on their mind.
...Also being the only one with a burning mane promotes inequality.
Maud should have destroyed the town completely for that prejudiced comment. And she'd be perfectly in the right to.
I have one thing to say.
The show is now forever known as:
My Little Marxites: Socialism is Communitic Magic!
“A society that puts equality before freedom will get neither. A society that puts freedom before equality will get a high degree of both.”
― Milton Friedman
Add in security and survival to the first part please.
... Starlight Glimmer right this way please.
"DOCTOR"
"Nurse?"
"Yes?"
"Get her out of here."
"Why!?"
"I've already analyzed her as a Marx devoter except she's actually Stalin reincarnated. Get her to the Elements of Harmony with the boosted Rainbow Power for treatment."
"... Aren't you going to add ASAP?"
"She needs to take her time. And also, the Elements of Harmony have to treat the town she brainwashed first."
"..."
Everyman(pony)[[SENTIENT BEING]{************* ANYONE}\ *********************************** ANYTHING OR |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
is born equal. It is what we do with ourselves that makes us great.
That first buildup was so bloody difficult!
I think that ended well,what do you think pinkie?
5846545 Pinkie i her sister, I'm pretty sure Pinks isn't the only Pie mare to have the 'reality warping' traits get passed down to her. Maud is just less obvious with it.
I couldn't help but laugh harder and harder as this story progressed. Using logic though, every single statement said about each suggestion is true and if one uses the logic that nothing is better than another, then the only option would be for the town's residents to move elsewhere. After all, leaving it nameless would be putting things without names ahead of things with names. Great story, I love it! An upvote and a fave!
Justice, you magnificent bastard. Seriously, though, I love comedy that relies on following bad logic to absurd extremes, and this delivered in spades.
5846952
Was booze involved in this idea? I feel it was.
A = A
This is straight up hilarious! How this is not featured yet I will never know! Excellent work Justice!
5846178
The problem lies in agreeing on a definition of "freedom" that everyone can accept. Some want the freedom to abuse others who can't defend themselves, while others see opportunity-equalizing programs supported by income tax as being in the same vein as public policing and public libraries.
5848331 Yeah. Some things have to be moderated. Actually make that everything. Problem is having everyone(pony) agree on a moderator.
5846541 It's ADHD. I don't have to explain crap to you.
Your meme.
All ideas are equal, but some are more equal than others
OH THIS IS TOO FUNNY GREAT JOB MAN HAVE LIKE, AND FAVORITE!
5846710 Well yeah. Didn't she punch through a literal mountain of rubble to save her sister?
5849882 And she can hear the voices of rocks so yeah.
LOOK OUT 4TH WALL, HERE COMES MAUD!
5849895 On a whim, I google searched "Maud riding Tom". I was expecting some epic picture of her riding him into the sunset, but this is all I found:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/3/16/577074__safe_shipping_maud+pie_tom_artist-colon-phathusa_tomaud.png
In regards to the story, well done. I can actually see this happening in the show, minus the flaming ponies.
On another note, what are your thoughts, author? Will Starlight Glimmer show up again in the show, or is she consigned to villain purgatory for the rest of the show's days?
Way to take their philosophy and crank it up to 12. It's a wonder how they get anything done.
That was funny! OOC, but still funny. XD
5845573
But... the word "Furst" promotes favoritism against other numbers, and a butchering of the number "first"!
Sorry, Starlight, you brought this one on yourself. Really, I'm amazed she didn't abandon her own philosophy long before the Mane Six showed up.
Hmm. I wonder if something like this was Twilight's Plan B...
In any case, most amusing. Thank you for it.
I'd like to put this story in my favorites, but that would suggest favoritism.
Oh God, it's like listening to a conversation on tumblr.
Anyway, I call the town Harrison Berg. +1 internets to those who get the reference*
*This statement is in no way intended to imply that those who understand the reference are in any way better than those who do not. People who understood this reference and now own more than the standard number of internets should report to the handicapper general for de-internetification.
5849910
I think there's enough hinted back-story that we haven't seen the last of her, though it might be a while until we see her again. With the possible exception of Discord (who's a special case at this point), the show doesn't tend to do repeat villains too often.
...why not "The City of Townsville?" It promotes equality between cities, towns, AND villages!
5853499 Agreed (setting aside the fact that the powerpuff girls have that name for their city)
5848738
That was rude as hell, and you REALLY need to start making one post. You keep spamming up threads you're just going to wind up getting them all deleted and that doesn't do any favors for the author who you're inconveniencing. If you can't do it right don't friggin' do it at all.
And for the like fifth time, this has nothing to do with ADHD, you are just being lazy. Stop being lazy.
5853499
5855613
Hamlets are inferior now thanks to you. That's not equal at all.
5856220 I'm sorry. I did add in that part with the "Your meme" to explain that I was making a pardoy of his/her/other profile picture which was taht of Twilight Sparkle saying it's Magic I don't have to explain crap.
Also, it's just that I want more people to comment on the comments and it's hard or time consuming to go through every thing Copy and paste it and then comment on the fractional comment of a comment.
5856686
GoP, it takes literally less than five seconds per post you need to move into one. Or just... make them all at once. I promise you, it's not hard. It's not time-consuming. I do it every day. I am ADHD. I'm a high-functioning autistic. I'm bipolar. I've suffered from MPD and PTSD. I have severe memory recall degradation issues and minor cerebral damage from a lifetime of fighting. Over ten years independent research, study, and experimentation in psychology, psychotherapy, and sociology.
When I tell you that you are just being lazy, my credentials speak for themselves. I have experience.
5856984 I've never assumed credentials were credible.
5857323
Or, you can, you know, open Notepad.
5850861 I would read this story, but that would imply bias and discrimination in choosing which to read.
(I kid, of course)
TUMBLR JOKE!
Also, bye Maud! :)
5858332 What's that?
5859663
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Notepad_(software)
Its should be default on every single Windows computer. Search for it. Its literally a text box/bare bones word processor. If the chapter is long, and there's a lot of stuff I want to point out, I pull that out and type in it. Later, I copy it over to fimfic's text box.
wouldn't any name distinguish the town from the otherwise empty landscape, thus promoting a inequality between town and the surrounding land?
5859670 I'll look for it. What happens if your laptop is super old though?
It has been included in all versions of Microsoft Windows since Windows 1.0 in 1985.
So yes, it should have it. Its literally the most basic word processor you can have without using a command line.