Princess Twilight vs. the Ponyville Zoning Board
“There, everything is back to normal.” Twilight wiped her brow and leaned on a shovel. Fully repairing Ponyville had been a week long, and the entire town had to pitch in, but it was finally finished. She visited the smoldering husk of Golden Oaks Library as she had done every day since the defeat of Tirek, paying her respects as if the great tree were a lost loved one. At least now she no longer cried as she looked solemnly at the blackened trunk. She hung her head in a moment of silence before moving on and walking back to the castle. Her new home. Twilight climbed the lofted steps up to her royal bedroom and flopped down on her bed.
Spike was already fast asleep in the new bed next to Twilight’s. He had worked just as hard as anypony else in the repairs of the town - often doting behind Rarity as usual - and Twilight had decided that Spike earned a new bed. Instead of a basket to curl up in, the purple dragon now slept in a proper miniature bed. Twilight had even gotten Rarity to sew him a blanket with a gemstone pattern on it. Twilight sleepily gazed over at Spike as she lay on her side. Spike was fast asleep, snoring lightly with a grin on his face. Twilight smiled warmly to see her assistant so content.
Twilight rolled over onto her other side and closed her eyes. “Good night Spike,” she whispered. It was good to have a new home.
The next week went by without much excitement. With the rebuilding of Ponyville complete, Twilight began her quest to replace her library. This meant gathering as many books as she possibly could. She had already salvaged what few books were intact from Golden Oaks and had Celestia send over hundreds of volumes of literature from the Canterlot Library system and copies of documents from the Royal Archives. The shelves in her room in the castle were already full from floor to ceiling and she had to begin adding new shelves to some of the thus far unused rooms. Twilight guessed that with time she could amass an ever larger library than before. She already had plans for the space, including restoring the function of the public library in the castle.
Twilight hovered at the top shelf of one of the new library rooms on the second floor of the castle. “Let’s see,” she looked intently at the line of books on the shelf, “looks like all of Decline and Fall of the Crystal Empire is here.” She tapped at a thick book, bound in maroon leather with a gold embossed roman numeral III on it. “I should pick that up again. It’s such a fascinating read and there aren’t too many other sources on the history of the Crystal Empire before we restored it.”
Twilight looked down at the floor. Spike was sitting cross legged and reading a comic book. She glided down and landed next to him. “Spike, can you get the stack in the other room for me?”
“Waugh!” Spike said startled as he looked up to see Twilight so close to him. He frowned, closing the comic book. “Sure, I can get them for you.”
As he got up, however, they heard a loud knock on the castle doors. “Now who could that be?” Twilight turned toward the stairway and walked briskly to the door. Spike hurried to follow her.
---
Twilight grabbed the parchment out of the other pony’s hand with a huff and scanned through it. “What is the meaning of this?” she shouted. “What do you mean it’s against regulation?”
The earth pony staring at Twilight through the small spectacles perched on her muzzle had a very judgemental air about her. “Well, Princess Sparkle, your castle is in violation of ordinance 290.7(c) regarding the Maintenance of Ponyville’s Cultural Heritage. Firstly, the castle is frankly an eyesore towering over the rest of the city and obstructing the view of Canterlot and Canterlot Falls. That’s disturbing the image of Ponyville as a quaint hamlet. Secondly, the Crystal Empire art deco facade of the castle severely clashes with the more traditional mix of Classical earth pony and Renaissance Celestial architecture here. The Ponyville Zoning Board has determined that as the residents of the castle, you and Spike are responsible for its upkeep and should be reprimanded accordingly.”
Twilight grew more frustrated with the pony’s every word. She glared at the pony until the tirade was finished and forced herself to take breaths to calm down before she replied. Twilight grumbled angrily through her teeth, “To start, the crystalline castle’s treelike structure and flowing curvature was obviously more reminiscent of the great Goati’s Crystal Modernisme than the later art deco architecture.” And then she could not hold in her anger any longer. “And more importantly, how do you expect me to take responsibility for a house that literally sprouted up out of the ground! I had nothing to do with it!”
The earth pony was entirely unfazed. She adjusted her spectacles and blinked. “I’m sorry Princess Sparkle but you are the declared resident and so you take full responsibility for the maintenance of the castle and keeping it up to city code. And right now, it’s not,” she said flatly. The pony turned back to another form in her hoof and read in a monotone only capable of being brought forth by an accomplished bureaucrat. “If you do not endeavor to rectify the code violations of your property within two weeks, it by city law shall be confiscated and you shall be evicted. If the problem proves too difficult to fix through repair, the property shall be demolished. In this case, the owner of said property may choose to keep the land the offending building is on after it is demolished, or they may sell it to the City of Ponyville for proper compensation.”
“WHAT?!” Twilight screamed. “How can you even think of evicting me! I said, I. Have. Nothing. To. Do. With. The. Castle’s. Construction. Can you not get that through your head?” Twilight seethed, taking deep heaving breaths as she controlled her desire to levitate or just blast the bureaucrat with her magic
The bureaucrat shrugged. “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. If you have an issue with these charges or feel that you have been unduly charged with violations of city ordinances you may take it up with the Ponyville Zoning Board in the town hall and appeal your case to them.”
Twilight blinked and sat down, stymied by the bureaucrat’s indifference. She levitated the message of the violations and read them through again. “You just said I can appeal this, right?”
The bureaucrat nodded. “Yes, within the time allotted prior to eviction you may file an appeal. It might at least postpone the start of the time you have to rectify the standards of your dwelling.” She cast a disapproving glance at Twilight’s castle and grimaced.
The scroll floated down from between Twilight and the bureaucrat. Twilight suddenly had an unsettlingly wide grin on her face and a crazed look in her eye. “Then that’s what I’ll do. Anything to get this mess sorted out.” If she were any less experienced at dealing with the public, the bureaucrat would have dropped her mask of apathy and made a hasty retreat.
“Good. I’m sorry it had to be like this,” the bureaucrat said, trying to muster up empathy that years of working in the civil service had worn down. “I think we’re done here, so I’ll just be on my way.”
Twilight nodded, lost in thought and staring at the notice. The bureaucrat walked away and Twilight went back into the castle.
“What was that about?” Spike asked. “I heard yelling.”
Twilight turned the notice in the air so Spike could read it. “We’re being evicted,” she said glumly.
“What?” Spike grabbed the scroll out of the air and scanned through it. “But they can’t do that!” His voice went soft with fear as Twilight slowly nodded her head.
“Yes they can, Spike. The castle is clearly in violation of several sections of Ponyville’s municipal code. I can fight it but I don’t know if that will help.” Twilight hung her head.
Spike took Twilight’s head in his hands. “You have to, Twilight.” The firm conviction in Spike’s voice lifted Twilight’s confidence. “If anyone can win a legal fight, it’s you.”
Twilight smiled. “Thank you Spike.” She gave him a hug and they walked into the center of the castle atrium. The afternoon sunlight cast a flurry of different colors through the multicolored windows onto the floor. Twilight watched the reds, blues, and purples dance on the compass rose pattern on the floor and sighed wistfully. The castle still felt cold and lonely, but it had grown on her. And after the battle with Tirek, it was home for her and Spike now. Twilight could not bear to see them lose their home again.
The next morning, Twilight was busy. She went to the town hall and gathered as many documents on the Ponyville municipal code and zoning laws as she could. While she was out, she had Spike search through the new library she had acquired in the castle for anything that might help. When they were done, Twilight had gathered hundreds of books on all sorts of subjects piled on the floor of the castle atrium. Twilight had the complete volume of the municipal code, including the full compendium of Ponyville Zoning Regulations and Ordinances and the Equestrian National Guide to Celestia’s Legal Decrees for the Second Millennium. She even had all thirty books of the Equestrian Tax Code just in case there was a tax regulation or loophole she could take advantage of.
The next three days, Twilight almost never left the castle and pored over the books and regulations, memorizing as much of the Equestrian national, regional, and municipal legal system as she could. For Twilight, she successfully remembered a lot more than was expected of most ponies. Spike was instructed to only let visitors in if it was an emergency and to inform her friends that she would be busy for the next week until the meetings with the Zoning Board were over.
“Twilight?” Spike said one morning. He stood over Twilight, trying to be serious and not laugh. Twilight was fast asleep on the castle floor with her head rested on the pages of an open book. A small damp spot smudged the ink on the part of the page directly under Twilight’s open mouth.
“Twilight, wake up!” He raised his voice and put a hand on her shoulder. He shook her gently, sighing with relief as Twilight’s eyes slowly opened. She moaned. Half her vision was obscured by paper and a paragraph with large front about the minimum required distance any magical flowering plant had to be planted from the designated edge of the Everfree Forest in order to avoid wild magic contamination.
“Ungh,” Twilight mumbled as she lifted her head. “What time is it?”
Spike tugged at Twilight’s front leg. “It’s already eight o’clock. You have to hurry.” Spike pulled harder as Twilight slowly lifted herself from the pile of cushions and reference books that had been her impromptu bed the previous night.
Twilight’s eyes shot wide open with realization. “Omigosh! The hearing!” She rushed down the hall with Spike chasing after her. Running into her and Spike’s bedroom, Twilight attempted to stop herself at the mirror. However, she skidded across the slick floor and crashed into a closet.
“Oh, sorry,” Spike blushed as he poked his head into the room. “I was nervous about the hearing so I waxed the floor.”
Twilight grumbled. She wanted to be angry at Spike, but she was almost as anxious as he was. “It’s alright.” Twilight got up and removed a blue and white striped scarf from her back. She walked slowly back over to the mirror. “Can you go get the stack of notes I was preparing for the hearing? They should be on the desk in the other room.” Twilight magically ran a comb through her mane.
“Right away,” Spike said and dutifully disappeared from the doorway. Twilight looked at herself in the mirror. Her bangs were still out of place and there was a small splotch of quill ink on her left cheek. Twilight wiped the ink off her face with a washcloth and continued to work on her mane. By the time Spike returned, she had straightened them to her satisfaction.
She turned when she heard Spike come back into the room. Instead of Spike, a three foot tall stack of parchment with purple legs hobbled shakily through the door. “Here, they, are,” Spike said from behind the stack.
The stack wobbled as Spike set it on the floor, but it remained upright. “Thank you.” Twilight trotted to the stack and sifted through the papers, skimming them to ensure they were in the right order. Everything looked to be in place. Twilight let out a confident sigh. Her meeting with the zoning control board was in two hours. She was as ready as she would ever be.
---
The town hall was nearly empty as Twilight walked in. The few ponies running around the wood paneled halls barely gave Princess Twilight a glance as they rushed about doing their usual work. Twilight easily found the room for the board and walked in.
The room was mostly empty, with a long table at the opposite end of the room as the door TWilight entered through. Twilight seated herself in a chair at the center facing the table. It was wide enough to fit nine ponies, but only five ponies were seated there.
“Is this everyone on the board?” Twilight only had a quick glance at the board before she began taking the stacks of notes from her saddlebags.
“Yes, dear. This is all of us on the board.” A familiar voice came from the chair left of center that made Twilight pause in her careful levitation of the papers.
She turned to look at the board, and the familiar voice was confirmed by the familiar purple swirling mane and white coat.
“Rarity?” Twilight said in bemusement.
“Hello, Twilight.” Rarity sat calmly at the table flanked by an old cobalt colored mare at the center of the table and a young forest green stallion on the other side.
The cobalt mare shot a disapproving glare at Rairty through a thick-rimmed pair of spectacles. She turned back to Twilight. “Princess Twilight,” she spoke Twilight’s title with a measured disdain, “let me introduce you to the Ponyville Zoning Board. I am Nimby.” Nimby spoke with a cultured accent that reminded Twilight of the stuffy ponies she had to deal with so often in Canterlot. “I see you already know Miss Rarity.” Nimby raised an eyebrow and glanced pointedly at Rarity. “I hope that your acquaintance will not cause any conflict of interest in these proceedings?”
Rarity smiled nervously and shook her head. “Oh no, of course not. It shan’t be a problem.”
“Good,” Nimby replied. Twilight gulped. “On Rarity’s left is Greenbelt,” the young stallion beamed. He was obviously new to the whole business of municipal government and had his optimism still intact.
.”On my left,” Nimby gestured with her hoof, “are my brother Yimby and Cobblestone.” Twilight wondered why Nimby felt the need to point out her kinship with Yimby. It was obvious at first glance. They both were old, had identical features, and Twilight could see almost no difference between the perpetual frowns on either of their faces. The two were almost certainly transplants from Canterlot for whatever reason, Twilight thought. She looked to the far end of the table and recognized Cobblestone with a smile. He was the chair of the Ponyville Historical Works Committee, and had helped her immensely with research when Twilight had sudden urges to investigate parts of the town’s history.
Nimby recited the usual city authorizations, and the hearing began.
“Twilight Sparkle, the first violation brought to our attention is that the castle does not meld with the rustic nature of the surrounding buildings in Ponyville. We strive to keep the town’s architecture within the realm of the rustic earth pony styles of its founders.” Nimby droned as she and Yimby frowned disapprovingly at Twilight. “And your castle’s geometric Crystal Modernisme design is, to put it bluntly, an eyesore that horridly contrasts with every other building in Ponyville. Don’t you agree Yimby?”
Yimby nodded politely and gave a brief “Oh, of course,” in agreement with his sister.
“And you, Cobblestone?” Nimby leaned forward and turned so she could see the diminutive stallion at the end of the committee table.
“What? Oh, yes, the castle does stand out against the rest of the town,” Cobblestone nodded weakly, “but-”
“There, you see, Princess Sparkle? The majority of the board agrees. I’m sorry Twilight, but that’s just how it is.”
Nimby sure didn’t sound sorry, Twilight thought. She wracked her brain trying to think of any exceptions that had been made over the decades. While she thought, she looked pleadingly to Rarity for help. “Rarity, you don’t think it clashes with the rest of the town, do you?”
A painful expression washed over Rarity for a moment, and then started to speak. “Well,” she said noncommittally, drawing out the word as if something would swoop in and save her from having to continue. “It is a tad garish really.” Twilight was furious at Rarity’s answer and glared at her. Nimby looked smug.
“But,” Rarity continued, trying to defuse Twilight’s anger, “it isn’t so out of place. I mean, it does fit with the aesthetic of the Tree of Harmony that birthed it after all.”
Greenbelt quickly joined Rarity in agreement. “And we have made exceptions in the past on the grounds of structural necessity.” Nimby nearly hissed at Greenbelt as he mentioned exceptions.
“Oh yes!” Rarity chimed in as inspiration struck. “I had forgotten about the special permit we had made in order for Rainbow Dash to have her cloudhome built.”
“And the castle’s structural integrity is maintained by the outer crystal tree structure!” Twilight catapulted from Rarity’s point. “So there should be an exception made.”
Nimby frowned. “Well it’s still three to two, and that structural integrity won’t matter if you can’t address these offences. I should not have to remind you that we can force the demolition of the offending building?” Nimby said calmly and raised an eyebrow.
Rarity and Greenbelt began their uproar in argument with Nimby until she banged the gavel on the table. “Quiet! As the chair of this board, I order you to be quiet so we can move on with the proceedings!”
Cobblestone slowly tapped a wrinkled foreleg on the table.
“What is it, Cobblestone?” Nimby said, visibly aggravated from the uproar. Nimby wanted so much to end the discussion and move onward.
Twilight watched the proceedings with a morbid fascination that turned into slight amusement. She wondered if the Zoning Control Board’s meetings were always this chaotic. Even as the fate of her home hung on the ruling of the board, she could not help but laugh internally at how disorganized the hearing had become. While one part of her mind was laughing, another part of her was already churning out ways that the hearing, and the ordinances that she had committed to memory in preparation for the hearing, could be streamlined and organized. First, she thought casually, would be booting Nimby and Yimby from the board.
Cobblestone spoke slowly and quietly so everypony had to strain to hear him. “After further consideration,” he smiled at Twilight, “I am reversing my position on the castle’s stylistic conflict with its surroundings. If we have exceptions for a cloudhome, that lends precedent to making an exception for Twilight’s castle.” Nimby’s face contorted and her right eye twitched nervously as she went into a state of shock. “Additionally, as the castle was brought forth by the Tree of Harmony, it is obviously a building of great historical value to the town and the Everfree region and should be treated as such.”
Twilight and Cobblestone exchanged warm smiles. Nimby was silent for a moment, her mouth agape at the sudden turn against her by the rest of the board. Nevertheless, she sighed and accepted the verdict. “Very well Cobblestone, can we have the official vote on the first count then?”
The other four members of the board nodded. A simple up or down vote led to the castle’s first violation being dropped from the list of ordinance violations. Nimby stared angrily at Twilight. There were still several violations to get through, and Nimby knew some of them had to stick. Her brother was in her pocket for all of them, so she only had to convince just one of the other board members on each of the other violations.
“The next topic of this hearing,” Nimby said firmly, “is the castle’s violation of Ponyville’s ordinance restricting building height. As I hope you are aware, Miss Sparkle, the ordinance states that-”
Twilight cut Nimby off. “No building shall be more than forty meters in height from the structural ground base to the roof height, and no more than forty-five meters to the architectural heights, so as a) to maintain the integrity of the town hall as the center of the town, and b) to avoid the obstruction of the view of the Canterlot Castle and the Canterlot Mountains from the roof of every structure in the Ponyville city limits for the benefit of the town’s citizens.”
Twilight opened her eyes after having them closed throughout her recitation of the ordinance and smiled happily. Her grin was met with scorn from Nimby and a stifled giggle from Rarity.
Nimby gave an audible “hmph!” as she adjusted the papers in front of her. “I am glad you know the ordinance so well.” That was an obvious lie to every other pony in the room. The other members of the council knew Nimby hated being upstaged on her knowledge of Ponyville’s municipal code. “Then you should also know that there shall be no exceptions to this height restriction, and your castle is approximately triple the maximum height.”
Twilight opened her mouth to start her argument against Nimby but was interrupted. “But Nimby, the obstruction really isn’t that bad. I’ve spent a lot of time in that castle and it doesn’t block the view of Canterlot at all from large parts of Ponyville.” It was Rarity coming to Twilight’s defense. Twilight cast a worried but thankful glance at Rarity who simply smiled and winked at Twilight as she caught her eye.
“Are you kidding?” Nimby turned to Rarity. “That monstrosity casts a shadow that reaches all the way to the central square in the mornings. The walls are barely translucent despite being crystal and what light does filter through only disorients everypony! I don’t want to think I have head trauma and am seeing colors every time I walk by the castle!”
Rarity and Twilight frowned. The more Twilight dwelled on that, the more she realized that for the first time today Nimby had a point. Twilight had taken morning walks and noticed how the edges of the castle played with the sunlight on the streets below. It wasn’t nearly as pretty as when the sun shone in the atrium or through the stained glass windows in the rooms on the upper floors, Twilight had to admit.
“Well, Miss Sparkle, do you have anything to add?” Nimby grumbled.
Twilight looked around at the council. Nimby and Yimby still scowled. Cobblestone had fallen asleep and was barely holding his head up on the table with his forehooves. Rarity was giving Twilight a consoling look. Greenbelt’s grin had faded somewhat. Twilight was sad to see the young stallion’s political idealism being shattered so quickly as she fought for her home. But such was the way of the world and Greenbelt would learn that eventually.
Twilight sighed. She had one chance left. Well, two chances. But the second was only a last resort. The first last chance was the emotional appeal. She stood up slowly from her chair to address the board.
“Nimby, Yimby, Rarit,y Greenbalt, Cobblestone,” Twilight recited the name of every member of the Ponyville Zoning Control Board to get their full attention. Cobblestone woke with a start and adjusted his thick glasses to avoid suspicion. “The crystal castle that I now call home does violate the height restriction, that much is obvious. And I am not willing to cut off over half of the castle that the Tree of Harmony so graciously gifted me in order to bring it under compliance. No, I will stand firm, because this is my home.” Twilight stamped a hoof on the tile floor and raised her voice with conviction.
“After the Golden Oaks library was destroyed, I could have left. Even after Tirek was destroyed and the Tree gave me my castle, I could have said no and returned to Canterlot. I had and still have a welcoming home there with Celestia and my family. But I didn’t. I accepted the castle that the Tree bestowed upon me, and do you know why?”
The board was rapt with attention now as Twilight’s speech rang through the room and into the hallway.
“I stayed here and moved into the castle not because of some attachment to the building itself. I stayed because I feel a connection to Ponyville, to my friends,” Twilight stared fondly at Rarity, who was tearing up, “and I don’t just mean my personal friends. When I came to Ponyville four years ago, I didn’t have anyone except Spike and my brother. Now, I am proud to call every single pony in Ponyville my friend. I sacrificed a lot to save this town multiple times and never asked for any special treatment. Until now. I ask this one thing - let my home stand as it is - that is all I ask of you. This one small gesture to reaffirm that I am welcome in this town. Please, let me make my home in Ponyville again.”
Twilight looked at the ponies across from her. Greenbelt, Rarity, and Cobblestone were sobbing. Even Yimby had broken down and was crying softly. Only Nimby remained staring defiantly at Twilight.
Nimby put her hooves together on the table and looked down at Twilight. “Miss Sparkle, I don’t know how many sob story pleas you think I’ve heard over my decades as a municipal administrator. But let me tell you, yours is not the first and it certainly was not the best. I’m sorry Miss Sparkle, but there shall be no exceptions, period. And since you admit you will not rectify the ordinance violation in question, I am required as chair of the Ponyville Zoning Board to order the castle condemned pending demolition.”
Rarity leapt over the table to comfort Twilight sat hard on the floor defeated. Nimby quietly ushered the other members of the board out of the room to adjourn the hearing.
“Oh darling, I am so sorry.” Rarity said hugging Twilight. Twilight’s softened at Rarity’s embrace, but her despair was overshadowed by her hatred of Nimby. As Nimby looked back at Twilight and Rarity as she left the room, a fire lit in Twilight’s eyes that she had not felt in years. Twilight silently swore to Nimby that she would get the exemption for the castle no matter what it took.
Twilight left the room and walked slowly to the atrium of the town hall where Spike was waiting for her. Rarity followed her to console her, but Twilight brushed her off with a brief “Everything will be fine.”
Twilight gathered Spike and they left the town hall to go back to the castle. “So how did the hearing go?” Spike was apprehensive in his question. He knew how Twilight could be when there was a major disruption in their lives, and he didn’t want to make anything worse by prodding too much.
“Oh, they didn’t accept my appeal.”
“Oh,” Spike said sadly. He noticed Twilight was not nearly as glum as she should have been. He started wondering why when Twilight continued speaking.
“But I have a plan that I know will fix our problems.” Twilight sounded almost chipper. They reached the castle and stepped inside.
“Really? How?” Spike leaned forward.
Twilight turned to Spike with a wide grin on her face. Spike stepped back. He hadn’t seen Twilight give him that look since the incident with the missing friendship report. “Well it’s like this. I tried logos, that didn’t work. I tried pathos and that didn’t work. So now I have to try ethos.”
Spike thought for a moment. “Appeal to authority?”
“Precisely!” Twilight praised her assistant for remembering the definition and trotted off. Spike chased after her.
---
Celestia was laying next to the window of the throne room admiring the view from Canterlot Castle as she sipped a small cup of tea. She smiled warmly as she looked out at her realm. The Princess’s smile faded a touch as her gaze turned to Ponyville. The crystal castle now dominated the Ponyville skyline, and it blocked her view of much of the small town.
Suddenly, a scroll magically popped into existence next to Celestia’s head. She caught it with her magic and unrolled it. It was from Twilight.
“Dear Princess Celestia,” it began.
“There’s a terrible force threatening Ponyville that I need your help to eradicate. I humbly request that you grant me absolute legal and governmental authority over the City of Ponyville so that I may defeat this most heinous of foes. I promise to respect the laws of Equestria in my governance and defer to your and Luna’s authority as national sovereigns whenever conflicting legal status may arise. However, for the time being, I require legal authority over Ponyville in order to destroy a grave threat to the town, and if is not stopped, to all of Equestria.
“Your fellow Princess, Twilight Sparkle”
Celestia reread the letter and looked out the window. Ponyville certainly didn’t look like there was any grave threat to it. But, as Celestia well knew, threats could be invisible and the Everfree Forest was still an untamed wilderness that could endanger Ponyville at any moment. Celestia also surmised that Twilight was ready for this responsibility. She had shown her quickness to action when Celestia and Luna were trapped by Discord’s vines, and had proved herself with that much power during the fight against Tirek. Yes, Celestia thought, Twilight was ready for the responsibility of power.
Celestia sent a letter to Twilight, officially granting her absolute governing authority over the City of Ponyville. Happy to see the success of her years of teaching, Celestia left the window to attend to the other points on her schedule for today.
Spike expectorated the return letter promptly as soon as it was sent. Twilight skipped with glee as she read the letter, granting her unbridled authority over the town. “Come on Spike,” she said once she finished celebrating, “let’s go see the mayor.”
Spike hopped on Twilight’s back and she ran to the center of town. Mayor Mare was sitting in her office flanked by two large piles of paperwork. She was maneuvering a pen in her mouth to sign an ordinance prohibiting consumption of the grass in designated public parks by any pony unless strictly hire by the city for such purpose. Too many ponies were chowing down on park grass and it was causing havoc with the official mowers trying to keep the lawn heights even, not to mention undercutting the mowers’ union and that it had become a public nuisance.
“Mayor Mare!” Twilight burst through the doors as Spike dismounted. The mayor’s secretary followed timidly behind. “I told her you were busy but she insisted.” Mayor Mare looked up, pen sticking at an odd angle out of her mouth.
“Unh mhmrhnt plhs,” Mayor Mare said through a mouthful of ballpoint. She finished the signature and spit the pen out. “Yes, Princess Twilight, what can I do for you?”
Twilight stepped toward the mayor’s desk and unrolled the scroll. “I have a message from Celestia that you need to see right away.”
Mayor Mare looked over the scroll and her jaw dropped. She suddenly became very despondent. “I had a feeling this day would come ever since Celestia gave you those wings. Are you here to relieve me of my duties?”
Twilight stared at Mayor Mare, blinking with shock and bemusement. “Oh no, of course not.”
Mayor Mare looked up at Twilight hopefully.
“I’ll still need somepony to be the public face while I make my changes around here.” Twilight grinned and her eye twitched.
“Of- of course, Your Majesty.” Twilight stopped the mayor before she could bow. “No need for that. I always hated the formalities of rulership. I just want to manage the town’s day to day affairs without any fuss.”
Mayor Mare straightened herself. “Very well then. Do whatever you like and I’ll support you in my capacity.” Mayor Mare was just glad she still had job security for now.
“Wonderful!” Twilight clapped her hooves. “First, I need a blanket exemption from all city ordinances and laws for the crystal castle, which shall be treated as my personal demesne.”
“Done.” Mayor Mare scrawled the exemption on a scroll and signed it, shoving all the other paperwork to the side.
“Next,” Twilight gave it some thought before continuing. “Can you get Nimby and Yimby to meet me outside town hall in fifteen minutes?” Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow but complied. Her secretary ran off to summon the two ponies. “Good. Now I just need one more thing… ultimate control over any town planning.”
“Umm, okay?” Mayor Mare was concerned, but given Twilight’s new authority, she had little choice but to comply.
“Excellent! I think that’s it.” Twilight turned to leave, but turned back to the Mayor at the office door. “Oh, and you will be only answerable to me from now on. And my friends once I get the Friendship Council up and running.” Twilight winked at the MAyor but it didn’t seem friendly at all.
Minutes later, Twilight and Spike stood on the steps of the town hall facing the square. Twilight rose to her fullest extent and spread her wings so she towered above Nimby and Yimby, who sat at the bottom of the steps. “Hello, nice to see you so soon.” Spike glanced at Twilight. A tinge of malevolence crept into her voice as she addressed the two Zoning Control Board members.
“You tried to take away my castle, my home. But with that, you have revealed your true selves. I now know what you are.”
She turned to Spike. “Hey Spike, remember that fruit changing spell I was practicing a while ago. I finally perfected it. Watch!”
A flash of Twilight’s horn obscured the two ponies. When the light faded, what were once two ponies had become pony-sized bananas with legs, eyes, and ears the same color as the ponies were before.
“Bananas?” Spike said just as confused as he was horrified.
:”Yep! BANANAs. Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything.” Twilight was very pleased with herself at her discovery of the acronym.
The Nimby and Yimby bananas spoke but the only noise that came out was the usual noise a banana makes.
“Now that I have you villains in your true forms,” Twilight said forcefully, “I will send you where you belong!” The two sentient pony-size bananas before her protested, but Twilight’s horn lit up and they disappeared.
“Where did you send them to?” Spike asked frantically as Nimby and Yimby disappeared.
“I sent them to Canterlot so that Celestia can bring them to justice.” A thought seemed to suddenly occur to her. “Oh! I should probably send Celestia a letter explaining that. Spike, take a note!” Spike retrieved a quill and parchment and began dutifully writing more than just what Twilight dictated. Hopefully Celestia would know what to do about this, he thought. Turning ponies into bananas was one thing, but you needed context if they suddenly appeared in a room next to you.
Twilight unrolled the checklist she had made in the mayor’s office of things to do now that she had absolute power and ticked off the box labelled “Exact revenge against my mortal enemies.” She glanced at the next item on the list and nodded. Spike ran up to Twilight as she put the checklist underneath a wing. Satisfied, she teleported herself and Spike to one of the balconies on the castle.
“Spike, can you get a few books for me?” Spike hesitated. Twilight stepped to the edge of the balcony that overlooked Ponyville and gazed out on the town.
“I think we need to have a talk, Twilight.” Spike said with a mix of concern and resolve. “You’re getting way out of hand with your power.”
“Is that so, Spike?” Twilight’s voice was just a few notes deeper now, barely enough for Spike to notice.
Spike gulped. “Yeah. You’re going overboard with this.”
Twilight turned to him. A thin wispy trail of smoke just a few hairs thick wavered anchored to the outer corners of Twilight’s eyes. Twilight softened, consoling her loyal assistant. “Thanks Spike, I can always count on you to keep me in check.” Spike sighed with relief. “I just have one more change to make and then I’ll relinquish my power, I promise.” Twilight crossed a hoof in front of her chest and mock poked her eye with it.
Spike smiled. “Okay, what do you need me to do?”
Twilight gazed out at Ponyville. The vantage point this high in the castle provided an excellent view of the spatial layout of the small town. “There’s one thing that’s always annoyed me about Ponyville, Spike. Even after living here for years, it still bugs me. Do you know what that is?” Spike shook his head. Twilight pointed down at the rest of the town with a foreleg. “It’s the streets. They’re so…” a sinister note hung on Twilight’s next word, “disorganized. The streets just wind about with no thought put into them, and they’re often so narrow that two ponies can barely pass each other. It’s as if there was no effort put into planning them at all!”
Spike raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
“I just need to make a few adjustments. Don’t worry, nothing drastic, just fixing Ponyville’s planning and putting everything in its place.”
“But how-” Spike began to object.
Twilight waved away his objection matter-of-factly. “I’ve already done all the calculations for optimum efficiency based on everypony’s traffic patterns and I have a perfectly rendered vision for how the town should look in my head as we speak.” Twilight’s eyes darted from building to building as she mentally rearranged Ponyville to fit her plans. “Oh, that reminds me,” she focused on the town hall. “Can you get me a few books? I need to make a couple minor adjustments to my plan.”
“O-okay. What do you need?”
Twilight thought for a moment, not taking her steady gaze off of town hall. Her magical aura began to materialize around her horn and as she concentrated, it snaked around the ground floor of the town hall, seeping deep into the ground to reach the building’s foundation. “Get me any books by Baron von Horsemann and Le Coltbusier.”
Spike looked at Twilight as her concentration intensified. He looked out over Ponyville. The sun hung low in the sky as the tendrils of magic snaked upward to encompass more and more of the town hall. Deep within him, Spike didn’t really want to watch what Twilight was doing, so he ran off into the castle’s new library to fetch the books.
They were easy enough to find. Spike picked up the stack of four books. They were all very thick, and Spike looked at the cover of the one on top as he walked back to the balcony. It was labelled “Plan Voisin, by Le Coltbusier”. For some reason unknown to the dragon, he shuddered with an overwhelming sense of dread.
---
Celestia walked up the tower at the top of Canterlot Castle calmly levitating another cup of tea. She had finally finished her royal duties for the day and it was time for her to lower the sun. The Princess was very pleased with how the day had gone. The cabinet didn’t put up much of their usual fuss making for an almost enjoyable afternoon gathering of the court. The ribbon cutting at the new filly school in Upper Canterlot was most delightful as she met some of her newest subjects. The two pony-size bananas that had appeared a couple hours ago were a strange sight, but Twilight’s letter had cleared everything up and Celestia had them detained while she figured out what to do with them. She chuckled at the thought of evil bananas attacking Ponyville and had briefly wondered if Discord was involved, but you never really knew what might wander out of the Everfree next.
At last, Celestia reached the top of the tower. Luna was waiting for her. “Sister,” Luna asked, “has anything strange been going on in Ponyville today?”
Celestia lifted the teacup daintily to her lips and shrugged. “There was something from the Everfree today, but Twilight took care of it. Other than that, no. Why?”
Luna pointed to the telescope she had been peering through. “Then can you explain this?”
Celestia put an eye to the telescope and immediately spit out her tea. Entire buildings were hovering almost sixty feet in the air above Ponyville and large square concrete behemoths rose from the ground that dwarfed even Twilight’s castle. Celestia shouted without taking her eye from the telescope. “What in Tartarus is Twilight doing?”
Luna raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Wait, Twilight is doing this?”
Celestia saw the purple aura surrounding the floating buildings. It was definitely Twilight. Celestia would know that aura shade anywhere. “Yes, it looks like it. I gave her absolute power over Ponyville this afternoon and-” Celestia stopped mid-sentence. Luna smacked her face with a hoof. “Oh,” was all that Celestia could muster as the realization hit her. She sighed and the two Princesses took flight toward Ponyville. The sunset would have to wait.
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I believe there may be a typo here.
Anyway, I think that you have a great concept here. "Twilight dealing with bureacracy" fics always have the potential to be great. That being said, I see a few problems.
1. Unnecessary scenes
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received on writing was this: start your scene as close to the action as possible, and end it as soon as the action is over. You have a lot of scenes in here where nothing really important occurs--the first scene describing them rebuilding Ponyville and going to sleep comes to mind. You could mention how the aftermath of Tirek's reign in less than a paragraph. The scene with Mayor Mare probably isn't necessary--Celestia's approval is more than enough for me.
2. Show v. Tell
In future drafts/works, try to cut down on telling us how every character is exactly feeling. Instead, use action; at a few points, you tell us that Twilight is angry. How do the other characters know this? Does her face go red? Does she grit her teeth? Show us! In addition, try to cut down on the use of adverbs, such as "nervously" or "warmly." Instead, find verbs that carry those connotations innately. For example: instead of "Rarity said nervously," try "Rarity stammered."
3. Uh... Twilight?
This is less a technical thing and more a problem I had with the story at large. For the entire penultimate scene (which can probably be broken up into a few parts), Twilight felt very out of character. I understand that Twilight can get crazy, but turning ponies into bananas? Ripping buildings off of the ground? It's a bit extreme. I can't help but feel that everything after Twilight leaves the Zoning Board meeting is unnecessary. Twilight giving this great, dramatic speech, only to still be shot down is a great, comedic ending.
I think that more can be done with Rarity being a member of the board. You're on the right path, with Rarity still not siding with Twilight despite their friendship, but there's more there to be done.
This is all in addition to some grammar and spelling issues. I would suggest that you look for a pre-reader/editor for your next story.
Oh horse pucky !
th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/343/c/e/cutie_mark_crusaders_demolition_team_by_hillbe-d89add8.jpg
I think we need to add the comedy tag for Twilight's little.. break down.
You know, part way through this story my comment was going to be this.
But then she went and actually turned two of the board members in bananas. The gist of my comment still stands though. I would have just told that first pony to get lost.
Technically, as a princess, who has been given a keep within a township by the monarch of the land, Twilight already owns the Ponyville fiefdom and could just tell the town council to faf off. Celestia's reply should have been, "Dearest Twilight... I gave you that fiefdom last week. Was I not clear enough?"
From the start, I thought this was pretty good. Twilight dealing with bureaucracy is always pretty funny.
And then bananas. And then town rearranging. That's where this got... less interesting. Too random for my tastes. Too 'out of left field'. It was like the fic's entire tone changed, and that bothered me.
I'm under the impression that this fic might end up having issues finding a target audience. Those who come for subtle comedy will be disappointed by the sudden change in tone. Those who came for random humor won't expect to find it here.
Okay that was funny but I have to side with Dubs Rewatcher on this. While she does tend to go plum loco, even as a princess, I don't see her going to that extreme. I had the feeling that you were going to do this kind of thing from the start if she didn't get her way the first time and quit frankly it's cliche.
If I were Twilight, I'd have settled this with a quick "I'm a me-dammned princess. Deal with it."
ye gods, she's power hungry AND tasteless.
Funny, but shouldn't it have a Random tag, with the bananas, Twilight reshaping the town, etc...?
5643424
They're probably the only ones who could do it.
5643685
Yeah, I get this was meant to be a comedy and all, but the premise kinda falls flat on its own face. And the ending was a bit too random for me, wasn't all that funny. I mean this could have worked if Twilight was just playing nice with the board to be nice and diplomatic at first, then told them to go buck it in the end when she got too frustrated and that being that as she is kinda the ultimate authority there but her going mad and turning ponies in to fruit and reshaping ponyville ... ehhhh, didn't really work for me.
We really need a Lyra emoticon.
*Twilight
Periods don't belong at the beginning of a sentence.
I'd like to know more about these ponies named Rarit and y Greenbalt.
*hired
... Nothing wrong with this sentence, just wanted to point out that I find it hilarious.
*mayor
Colons don't belong at the beginning of a sentence either.
5643713
Which makes it only all the more random.
5644551
... please tell me you're not serious.
Those who are looking for Random comedy won't read this, because it's not presented as a Random comedy.
You say "Then this is more random, which is good." No. That's not right.
Just because you're more of one thing doesn't mean you're good.
If a screaming monstrosity suddenly pops out and gorishly kills the leading lady of what was, up to now, a lighthearted romantic comedy, it'll also be scarier than a regular horror film. The amount of people watching who will consider this a good development will be rather slim.
There is a failure at setting up audience expectation.
This is presented as a Slice of Life fic based on Twilight dealing with bureaucracy. To suddenly veer completely into Random is to alienate a significant portion of readers who, believe it or not, read a Slice of Life fic because they feel like reading Slice of Life.
Sure, an argument can be made that people who enjoy random humor will like this, but think about it: Would someone in the mood for random humor read a fic marked as Slice of Life, or would they seek out a fic that directly advertises itself as Random?
I think I don't need to answer that one.
And, I suppose, that is what you get for being an arse to a super-magical princess with a direct line to your ultimate boss with a known penchant to be unstable at times shortly after she saves the entire world at the cost of her home and you try (for no readily apparent reason that spite) to take new new one away.
They're lucky it was just being turned into a banana. If I was in Twilight's position, I'd have done rather worse. (Though maybe not quite so out of the left field, since I would have STARTED with that, rather than play their game.)
If I were in Twilight's position, I'd have gone to Princess Celestia in pony and discussed the matter of the hearing and gotten advice from her on what to do rather than ask her for sovereignty over Ponyville and then take the course of action that she had taken. The only thing that that would do is hurt her relationships with her friends and the rest of the residents of Ponyville, making them think that she's becoming a tyrant, which doing what she did was a bit tyrannical.I'm sure that Twilight would never commit such illogical actions as that, on top of knowing not to abuse her magic like that. Although, attempting to pull rank as a princess beforehand probably wouldn't hurt either though, but she wouldn't nor shouldn't take things to such extremes. Also, turning a couple of ponies into bananas and the other abuses of power she committed would only destroy the confidence Celestia placed in her.
And it would've been so simple just to rezone Ponyville's borders. She could even have helped Pinkie realize her dream of ruling over Pie Town with an iron hoof and rubber chicken.
5644367 I could see her doing some urban planning though. At least enough to rezone the land where her library used to be.
Well, that took a shift. Bananas? I guess I should have seen that coming after the several things on the list Twilight was going to fight ended on the second ordinance Twilight foalishly fell towards the emotional plea bit.
I was at least expecting something fun with the new get out of jail free card Celestia gave her, but overall I feel a bit bummed about the story, made only worst by ending it at the Princesses learning Twilight's doing things she shouldn't be doing. I at least thought we'd get to see them confront Twilight or get more Rarity trying to talk Twilight out of her power trip.
Fun story. Darn if it didn't take a sharp turn to Crazyville though after cutting things short at the appeal.
The ending with the floating buildings reminded me of the old TV shoee Eureka. And Twilight is a bloody Princess, the proper response to the troublemakers should have been to just start mumblings things like "Banishment" and "I have a dragon and I am not afraid to use it..."
That was insane. Really, though? Bananas? Just kidding, this is me right now:
I'm confused. Why is this story not marked with the Anthro tag?
I loved it!!! Especially the bananas!!!
5644641 Erm... I was joking? Which is why I put that Trollestia smiley at the end there?
What exactly did Twilight do at the end that needed such large slabs?
Isn't there a story with pretty much the same idea?
5646646
Well something kind of similar was done in chapters 6 and 7 of Discord's Parting Gift to the CMC with Mayor Mare and her board vs Apple Bloom. Good minds think alike.
5646804 Nah, it wasn't that. I think it was a one shot, although I could be wrong. All I know is that someone wrote something very similar.
5646260
>Twilight's a princess
Except we've seen her get less then zero respect before, on several occasions, so clearly being a princess is worth very little in the grand scheme of Equestrian politics.
5645091
This is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about here. A mare who though the most logical response to not having anything to write to her mentor about was to mind control an entire town. Or that a minor bat infestation was best solved by a poorly defined compulsion spell that had very nasty side effects. Or the parasprites being altered to eat the entire town. Or orange frog. Or murdering a bunch of quite possibly self aware clones because by god, it was too much trouble to actually LIVE with them. Something retarded like this is entirely in character for her.
5646890 That's because she doesn't push herself forward. No regalia, hey! Just call me Twilight attitude. She lived in a library. Kind of hard to be taken seriously when you live in a library. Now she has a castle. She is a power. Course she still isn't rocking the regalia or have any guards and even Celestia is kind of annoyed the castle blocks her once pleasant view of the town. But she should still have some damn respect!
I know exactly what these kinds of meetings are like! I see them all the time with my job. This story was heartfelt and funny all at once. Nicely done!
*Reads story premise*
Immediate Response: Exercise Eminent Domain and Royal Edict.
*Jumps to end of story.*
Immediate Response: Exercised Eminent Domain and Royal Edict. Very good.
Moving on.
Now I know why Twilight's still treated as just a standard pony (besides her humbleness). Celestia never gave her power because she'd ruin everything.
Can I have a moment of your time for a story suggestion?
When I first seen this:
I instantly thought "No, if anyone can win a legal fight, it’s Celestia."
Then I read the rest of the story. I have come to the conclusion that without all the facts, Celestia only makes it worse; but I think we can all agree this was all Twilight's fault, and possibly Spike's because he didn't send a letter to Celestia explaining the situation.
5646890
Okay, no. There was no murdering of Mirror clones. That was entirely an invention of fanon, don't bring it up amidst a slew of canon points.
Gotta agree, this was pretty disappointing. Three days worth of preparation and study, and 0% of it gets used. Instead there's a sudden derail into Do You Like Mmmmmbananas drivel. It looked like such a great setup, too. I guess this is the case of Chekhov's Dud.
5646874 The only one I can think of was the one Bootsy and I worked on because her castle was an eyesore concept was just too good to pass up.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/216201/queen-of-diamonds-bootsy-version
It's the reason I took to this story so quick. I was amazed not many people wrote this premise more, it was certainly something I thought we'd have more of.
5643685
The only problem with that is that from what we've seen so far Equestria clearly isn't a feudal society and most likely is a constitutional monarchy.
But the Zoning Board was right, you know. The castle is ugly as sin. I honestly don't know who thought it was a good idea, but it was probably some Hasbro higher-up who wanted to make a toy to sell or something.
The title of this fic alone shows promise.
GAH!
I've had this idea stuck in my head for the last few months!
5648056 you do realise this is exactly what happened there is so going to be a crystal castle playset
on another note i hope the mlp toys dont represent future seasons becasue if they do well.......... lets just say we are going to have 2 new alicorns that are essentially celestia in different colours with some horrible shitty cutie mark
one is pink
the other is blue
and no they are not rainbow dash and pinkie pie although the toys do come with a to scale pinkie pie
ugh i hope there arnt any more.....god dam it
just remembered princess skyla
5648056 I don't disagree that it has a constitution, however it clearly dose not work like England. We see no prime minister, nor a council of Lords. Therefore we can assume Celestia has absolute fiat until shown otherwise. So my point stands.
But yeah that castle is ugly as sin. I offered to paint it to look like a real tree but that didn't go over well.
Honestly it could have been handled simply.
*at meeting*
Nimby: "A horn , what does this...."
Nimby: "Wings, though i still don't..."
Nimby: " .......Princess...."
Nimby: " You have......"
Granted that would make a rather short story.
Tune in next week when Twilight has to deal with her local Home Owners' Association!
5648773
Well, you've got to make allowances for being in a magical fantasy land where the monarch effectively lives forever, right? Joking aside, the biggest thing that throws your idea is the fact that Ponyville is run by a mayor rather than a Lord or a Duke or something like that. As far as I'm aware mayors are always, always elected.
5649073 The Right Honorable Lord Mayor of London used to be an appointed position.
Twilight is a fan of Brutalism? Why am I not surprised.
This story didn't really fit my fancy. There were also a lot of typos, like chopping Rarity's name apart with a comma.
5648056 I don't know about constitutional, it seems like Celestia and Luna wield near absolute power, but so far we have yet to see Twilight granted a speck of legal authority, outside of the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange. So far the Crystal Tree has given her a castle, but I doubt the Equestrian government recognizes the authority of magic trees. Maybe Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, and she acts like some sort of Dear Abbey, or maybe she will be some kind of goodwill ambassador, but one thing we haven't seen (outside of numerous fanfics) is that Ponyville has been effectively split off from Equestria proper and turned into Twilight's own miniature kingdom.
Frankly, I agree with Nimby that that castle was hideous. I was hoping Twilight's brilliant solution was to lower the castle mostly into the ground so it no longer blocks everyone's view and shines distorting lights about, making everyone happy. Heck, if you look at it, most of the height is just some giant crystal tower at the bottom, presumably with stairs, that Spike has to hike up and down every time he wants to leave/enter the castle, he would love that solution more than anyone else.