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An unknown curse has stricken Twilight, and nothing can get her to rise from her bed. As her friends wonder what to do, Princess Luna offers one possible solution: to send another into her mind. Down the rabbit hole into the mindscape they go, to learn more about their friend than many would have guessed.
Special thanks to SoothingCoffee, Jake The Army Guy, and PegasusMesa
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7.8/10 not enough darling
But seriously, I've always been fond of the dreamscape adventure genre, and this is definitely a good start.
5914035
True story: while editing this, I was three seconds from launching an epic tirade about how he was overusing the "Darling" trope... until I remembered it was a dream. I felt very silly...
I really love this story and the concept is really awesome! ^_^
My biggest problem with this though is Pinkie is out of character most of the time.
You have her acting too serious here; Pinkie Pie is a pony who knows how to be serious, but she doesn't like to show it, rather she tries to make light of things because it's better to find the humour and fun in something than worry about the dangers of something.
She isn't stupid, but she can seem oblivious because it looks like she is that way with the way she deals with things.
I do agree with the way you portrayed her and her fears though. But for most of it I didn't feel like it was Pinkie Pie I was reading about.
Also, it's a bit rushed.
But other than that it's really good!
5914064
Yeah. The darling thing was fully intentionally in this case due to it being Twilight's mental version of her rather than the real one. I even considered having Pinkie point out that she doesn't actually say it that often after leaving, but didn't want to make the joke too obvious.
Also *she.
5914069
Yeah, I was a bit worried about Pinkie's characterization. I was trying to make her kinda like she was in the season premier.
5914076
Is the story ever going to explain why Rainbow is a cat pony in the dream?
5914086 Ah well in the season 5 premiere she wasn't the focus character, which makes her not as deep of a character as in her focus episodes. Now that's obviously not an excuse, but her 'seriousness' came from the problem basically being against her specialty (y'know, happiness, smiling, that stuff).
Plus, she gets suspicious somewhat easily. (MMMystery on the Friendship Express, Party of One, ect.).
I think it'd be best to tone down her seriousness a bit and tone up her cheerful and wacky behavior. It can be a difficult balance because if you go too far into the wacky side it's flanderization, but if she doesn't have quite a bit of that, she's not Pinkie Pie.
At a few moments you did do that with her, like the funny moments where she was rambling, but at other times she wasn't really herself.
So yeah just trying to give advice ^^ (Pinkie Pie is my fave, so I write her often X3)
5914118
Probably.
5914076
Pfft. Yeah, right. This is the internet, where all females are men, and all children are FBI agents.
You probably want to split this up into a number of shorter paragraphs actually detailing what they say.
Some parts of the story was hilarious!
like this part
I also cant believe somebrony would dislike this story. Its a really great story, also keep up the great work!
Your supporter,
~ Midnight Shine
I always seem to like these Pinkie in a dream sort of stories. The others were PinkieDash stories so it is a change of pace to see one where that is not a focus and this is a good start and I would love to see more.
I think you chose wisely on picking Pinkie's first fear. In the show Pinkie does seem especially attached to Dash and seems to be extra afraid of losing her so that was a good choice.
I am also interested in knowing why Twilight thinks Dash is a cat. Is it perhaps that she thinks of cats as self centered creatures and sees Dash that way too?
Cant wait to see more.
I must...have...MOOOOORE!!!
Trixie is best Pokémon. Except when Twilight becomes a Rapidash.
I feel some Silent Ponyville reference here... I dunno if it's true though.
5914161 Is it cause she naps like a cat?
5915982 5914800 5914118
I don't know exactly what the author's intention was here, but I rather like the decision to have Twi's mental image of Rainbow be like that. If you think about it, she does have the personality. And she's nimble.
Excellent story, and I hope every pony can keep their shipping goggles set to 'low' until any form of relationship is explicitly confirmed.
Nightmare Chrysalis?!?!
LunapullmebackLunapullmebackLunapullmeback!
I can't wait to see what she thinks of the biggest figures in her life.
Celestia, pouring love over Twilight as she balances on a tightrope, the slightest mistake casting her into hellfire; puppet strings make Twilight dance from childhood to the present day
Shining Armor, a paragon of what a pony should be with a cutie mark shaped like Twilight
Luna, who awkwardly shouts every sentence and with a shadow that falls over Twilight; every sixth word from her mouth is "replacement"
Spike, a puppy who thinks he's her brother
Twilight Sparkle, whose every limb is distorted as though through a funhouse mirror and who can't stop spewing useless words that other ponies lick off the ground; an unseemly unicorn with cardboard wings taped onto her back; an idiot wearing a book as a hat; a princess standing on top of a mound of fallen, rotten logs that by sheer chance have formed the outline of a crown; a shriveled shadow wearing the face of the perfect Princess Twilight Sparkle as a mask
Or perhaps we'll see something Superman-esque, showing everypony as glass figures Twilight has to handle so, so delicately lest she break them.
I don't usually like sad stories, but your description is intriguing. Now tracking, and I will read it later this week when I have the time.
/)
Hue.
I think of all the minds in the main cast, Twilight's would be the most disturbing to see. She has paranoia beyond measure sometimes. She also has a lot of knowledge about various topics.
From experience I can say the more you know, the more there is to fear.
Great job so far. I look forward to more.
5928633
I'm of the opposite opinion. Knowledge shines a light on the darkness, revealing there's no monster at all. Fear is about uncertainty.
5951633 My fear stems form human nature.
The amount of corruption and the lengths people go through for personal greed. As a scientist, nature and animals can be understood and somewhat predictable. Snakes don't eat rats just to be cruel. They need to live. People kill people for all sorts of reasons beyond self preservation.
I'm afraid of the degeneration of critical thinking skills, compassion, and the lack of respect people have for one and other. The more I learn about these things the more I fear what we are coming to. Not necessarily on a climactic scale (sometimes), but from a social evolutionary perspective.
If I didn't know the oceans were becoming more acidic and the world's climate was changing, then I would be less fearful. If I had no idea about kidnappers and muggers I would be more at ease.
I am of course great full for this knowledge and always hope to keep learning, but it opens the mind to larger issues and existential questions as well.
"The more you know, the more you know you don't know."
Said by somebody...
That meme reference tho.
You know, the "Pinkie mustered her best pokerface and said, "You don't say."
Memes, memes everywhere.
5951633 Ah, but an open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unlocked. After all, there is no innocence, only varying degrees of guilt.
Is this dead?
Hmm, will this story be continued?
7193972
Yes. I know it's been a long time, but the story will eventually be continued and finished. I got kinda stagnant and stopped writing for a long while, but now I'm back at it again and I will get back to this story.
Wait...world of cardboard?
Like...
Aw...this one doesn't show Darkseid kicking Superman's backside~!