Epilogue: Dear Princess Luna
Despite all the paperwork and additional responsibility, Luna still managed to write back to many of her changeling friends. On one wall of her study, she and Eclipse had placed several framed photographs sent to her by changelings all over Equestria. Each one was a memory of a unique individual who held a place in the lunar princess’s heart.
A pale-winged changeling in the uniform of the Night Guard, surrounded by her comrades in arms:
Dear Princess Luna,
Today I am proud to let you know that our troop has come in first in the annual Grand Guard Rendezvous obstacle course! It may not look like it, but Commander Star Skimmer is absolutely thrilled. He claims that all our mountain training is paying off (though I suspect more of it comes from the recent influx of experimental auxiliary changelings who joined us in the spring). I hope to hear more from you about the planned updates to the pranking training system, as Commander Skimmer is starting to run short of ideas on how to keep morale up. Some of these new pony and changeling recruits have absolutely no sense of humor! This shall not stand!
Yours in silver uniform, Rough Diamond of the Night Frontier Guard
A large male changeling and a pretty mare, each holding blanket wrapped foals and surrounded by a bewildering variety of cookies and a couple pots of steaming coffee:
Dear Godmother Luna,
Thank you for the wonderful Hearth’s Warming gifts for the little pony lings. Both were very appreciative of their new toys and have decided that this is their favorite holiday (of course, they have yet to experience a complete Nightmare Night yet!). Both of the little ones have started shifter training under the authority of one of Cookie’s friends from the university. Both seem to be doing well; the other day, little Starburst managed to do a full transformation completely on her own! Let me tell you, Princess, it was one of the cutest and most surprising things when I walked in to check on the little mites and found instead of a half changeling pony a little blue unicorn foal. But wait, that was not the best part; Star walked right up to me and yelled (in what I can only assume is her version of the Royal Canterlot Voice) “I am Pwincess Woonaa. Da pwincess demands dat you make her woyal bweakfast!” It was all I could do not to burst out laughing on the spot. It took some persuasion from her father to shift back into her natural form, but all is well now.
Meanwhile, Rocket seems to have taken after his other godmother, Pinkie Pie. The other day, we were cleaning up after the lunch rush when he walked right up to the president of the university and his secretary, changed form into one that looked like a smaller version of Professor Bugsy, and gave his best impression of the dear professor, complete with randomly spouting Changeish words. It was not long before our little joker had both the university president and his crusty old secretary nearly in tears. Cookie says he also has winning impressions of the university president as well as numerous other professors. Apparently my dear husband has been taking him along on deliveries; he uses the former change when they deliver to university staff and the latter changes for students. Of course, both Starburst and Rocket spend most of the time in their natural forms, as they are not yet old enough to create their own pony forms. Their instructor tells us that that will come within a year or two. So there you have it; we are now raising a little princess and a future stage comedian.
With love and coffee, Chai Spice
PS: I am sending you another case of my Hearth’s Warmers cookies. I recommend that you warm them up a bit before eating to bring out the flavor (the twins like them hot with ice cream) ~ Cookie N Cream
PPS: Dear Pwincess, I would really like to see you again. Your sky is so pwetty at night with lots and lots of stars. If you come for my birfday, Daddy says he will make your favorite cake! Love Starburst
PPPS: Why did the changeling cross the road? He wanted to be something different. Love, Rocket
Another photo showed a changeling mare standing next to an elderly plum purple mare with silver mane and tail. The changeling was leaping in the air with joy, as she was attired in a black graduate’s robe and cap with a colorful tassel. A note at the bottom read “Miss Pine Climber, graduation from Masters program at Trottingham University for the Arts, in the field of linguistics. Mentor and adviser Professor Dr. Buzz ‘Bugsy’ Words”. Professor Buzz Words looked exhausted, but proud of her prize pupil. The latest letter from the pair sat on Luna’s desk:
To Princess Luna,
I wish to thank you again for your help in securing the grant that would allow us to visit and conduct studies of Marelantic Sea Pony languages this summer. This study, as you know, will be a sort of final hurrah for the professor, as she intends to retire once I finish my phD (she has been pulling the university president’s wing for several months hinting that I would make a “tolerable” replacement. I already know how to teach her classes!)
Thanks to your support, we have begun to attract a wider variety of students to campus. We can not have sea ponies or mer ponies or plesio ponies yet, as we do not have appropriate aquatic facilities, but getting Professor Bugsy’s name into the spotlight has attracted numerous exchange students. For example, this morning my “Equish as a Second Language” class consisted of a small flock of griffons, two elks, a tapir, a pair of llamas and my newest students, three young stallions from Pferdreich (it should come as no surprise that one of the first Equish words they knew was “beer”, after all, it is both a cognate and an important part of college life. “Coffee” was their second word, acquired just before the first exam!) The president is proud of our fame (or perhaps Professor Bugsy’s notoriety).
I hope you will be able to attend the ceremony for my doctorate in two years; it meant a lot to me to see you in the crowd for my masters’ degree. Professor Buzz Words sends her regards.
Best wishes, Pine Climber, assistant professor
PS: Do not get excited about taking my place yet, little whipper snapper! I am not that old yet! ~Bugsy
There was also a wedding photo; at first glance, it was not obvious that the mare was a changeling, but the composition of the crowd on the bride’s side of the aisle and the mare’s unusual dragonfly-like wings told the viewer otherwise. Both mare and groom were smiling brightly at the camera, and there seemed to be an unusual glow between them.
Dear Princess Luna,
I am writing to say thank you for the lovely wedding gift. We shall be making great use of it once the theater season closes. An all expenses paid honeymoon to the beach at Horseshoe Bay is a dream come true for us! We will, of course be sending you pictures and a postcard. I am very happy we are going there; despite all my past travels, I have never seen the ocean before and neither has Spotter.
I have heard from Zinnia that she is enjoying her time among the elites of Canterlot society. While she is not able to tell me details, I assume she is acting as your eyes and ears among the nobles and high society ponies. There is no need to worry; she only tells me the funny stories about the nose in the air kind of ponies getting their comeuppance. I assume you get more details than I do.
Oh, and one other thing, Spotter Light and I are expecting a pair of little sparks of our own in a little less than a year. (The theater staff are taking bets on gender already!) I have heard from Cookie that you accepted his request that you be a godmother to his little nymphs. Would you think it a terrible imposition if I made a similar request? After all, if it had not been for you and Zinnia, I would have never met Spotter Light. Please write back to me!
Your little light, Glow Wings
There is a large group shot on the wall, consisting of around two dozen changelings and a similar number of ponies and a few other species. A large decorated sign in the center of the photo reads “Canterlot Mountain Artists’ Collective: Dedicated to a more accepting and colorful world”. Below the picture, the artists signed their names in styles ranging from elegant flowing calligraphy to a shaky print made by “Trak”. Few of the collective’s inhabitants send Princess Luna letters, but the princess of the night receives beautiful art pieces on a regular basis, as well as poems, stories, and invitations to various exhibitions and gallery openings. Luna attends as many of the last as she can. She often sends commissions the collective’s way, and the royal artists spend a great deal of time at the colony to “recharge” their creativity. One of the most frequent visitors is a stallion who calls himself Summit Streak. Next to the photograph is a framed watercolor painting of a changeling watching the night sky from the peak of Canterlot mountain; the city of Canterlot appears lit up in all its glory below. The painting is accompanied by a poem:
Over stone and under sky
We dream and see the world together
Though summer’s sun has its hue and cry
Tis winter’s moon’s glow that wishes better.
For while life is spent in daylight’s glow
The night’s moon makes the spirit giving
For without dreaming what we know
The real world is not worth living.
There is one other large group represented on Princess Luna’s Wall of Changeling Fame: this one was taken at the front entrance of the Royal Theater. Clustered around a statue of a changeling and a pony dancing is a herd of ponies and a hive of changelings. No one in the crowd is wearing costumes, but it is obvious all the same that the group is all together as the combined talents of Spear Shaker’s (no longer travelling) Players and the hard working staff of the Royal Theater. Luna had been surprised that it had taken so little time for the Royal Theater manager to come to terms with Spear Shaker’s production manager Quick Chance with regards to who would run the whole shebang. From the sound of it, the theater manager had been convinced by the Hearth’s Warming pageant and Spear Shaker’s gregarious persuasion that having a resident set of players would be good for the theater. Plus, as Quick Change had pointed out, he could still book other groups to perform when the theater troupe was in rehearsals for a different show. Luna attended as many shows as she could. Under the guiding hoof of Spear Shaker, the princess found herself alternately laughing, crying, and clinging to the edge of her seat as the players gave the audience their show and received the fulfillment and nourishment they desired. With every new production, Quick Chance and Spear Shaker sent Princess Luna an illustrated program for the show, complete with autographs from every pony or changeling to set hoof on stage. It always included tickets. Luna has a growing stack of them on her bookshelf:
A Nightmare Night’s Dream
The Griffon King
Much Ado About Changelings
Droolius Caesar (starring guests from the Cheroonear diamond dog pack)
Death of a Sales Pony
The Sound of Moo-Sic (starring the great bovine opera singer Moolie Andrews)
Pie Pie Pony (guest star Pinkie Pie)
How Discord Stole Hearth’s Warming
Mane Spray
Ponyo and Muleiet
The Little Mer Mare
The Shadow of the Catacombs
The Unsinkable Marely Brown
The Queen and I (with Queen Maricopa as herself in the title role)
And dozens of others make up a growing collection. None of the cast and crew write the princess, of course, but she sees many of them at social functions and at the shows. The sole exception is Queen Maricopa Elytra, who, when not performing on stage, acts as an adviser on changeling politics. When Queen Chrysalis and part of her swarm were sighted on Equestria’s southern border, Princess Luna and Princess Celestia spoke to Queen Maricopa.
“Let them be,” the changeling queen had advised. “They will probably move on on their own; defend your ponies in border towns as needed, but I suspect that the swarm has a destination elsewhere in mind.”
That prediction had proved correct, as the princesses soon received word that a changeling hive had settled around an oasis near the border of Naqua, land of the camels. From the sound of it, the changelings were conducting peaceful trade agreements with the humped nomads, with the camels offering goods and emotional interaction in exchange for water and hive wax and other changeling produced goods. The threat had vanished on the wind for the most part, though Celestia had insisted on keeping a regiment of Frontier Guards based in the closest pony town. Soon enough, Princess Luna received a message from the border:
To Princess Luna,
I am writing to seek official sanction for the present location of my hive in the north east part of the Great Ungulate Desert. You see, we are on the border between Equestria and the Naqua Caliphate and wish to come under the aegis of Equestrian law rather than that of the camels (due to trade). As I have been informed that you have been in charge of handling pony to other species interactions, I am writing to you to request amnesty for me and mine as well as permission to remain here.
Following the events of my attempted invasion, the remnants of my swarm and I were scattered; I lost hive mind contact with all but a fragment of my underlings. I have since repented of my foolish quest for power, as I have encountered and learned from a Naquan mystic. This camel is known as the Great Teacher and has made it his purpose in life to teach others about contentment and desire’s role in disrupting it. As a result, I have realized that the reason I was always unhappy is because I was too obsessed with gaining more: more changelings, more posessions, more power, and more land stripped for our well being without consequences. My hive and I seek your forgiveness, as well as that of your sister and the princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
Your humbled queen, Chrysalis
Ps: I will be sending a gift of a hoof woven tapestry as a gift to the newly weds. If they choose not to accept it along with my apology, please feel free to keep it for your own collection.
After reading the letter from Queen Chrysalis, Luna reached for a piece of paper and a quill to write to her sister. However, she stopped the motion mid reach. Why should she seek Princess Celestia’s permission to grant Queen Chrysalis’s request for amnesty? After all, as the queen had written, Luna herself had taken over control of the changeling petitions that had begun this sequence of letters. Why would the princess of the sun take any trouble to deal with them? As far as Luna was concerned, as long as the changelings treated all those they contacted with equal respect to their own kind, she did not much care if they were on Equestrian soil. A glance at a map of the Great Ungulate Desert showed that the oasis and caverns claimed by Queen Chrysalis’s hive were for all intents and purposes in the middle of nowhere. Few camels came this far into the desert and even fewer ponies. The nearest pony settlement was a Frontier Guard outpost in constant contact with the Frontier Guard communication network headquartered in Canterlot. Any trouble could be dealt with in a moment’s notice. And so Princess Luna, protector of the night sky, raiser of the moon, and keeper of dreams instead wrote a letter in reply to the changeling queen:
To Chrysalis, queen of the Great Ungulate Desert changeling hive:
I, Princess Luna Equestris, diarch of the Royal Nation of Equestria, hereby grant thee and thine permission to inhabit the Scorpion Rock Oasis and Arachna Caves as well as to open and maintain trading and commercial relations with the camel caravans of Naqua. If she should desire further assistance for her people from the twin crowns, she may contact us either via letter or through contacting the Frontier Guard Outpost at Turquoise Cliffs. The latter have been informed of this.
Should you and your followers wish to pursue citizenship, you will need to wait at least six months from receipt of this missive before contacting myself, Princess Luna Equestris.
Congratulations.
Princess Luna Equestris, princess of the night
PS: If your Great Teacher would care to write to us about his lessons, please extend my invitation for him to do so.
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WONDERFUL ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL
Overall, a decently written story. Sure the first few chapters are a little short, but it is the sum of its parts that makes it worth the read. People could argue, saying that the story was too perfect, but for the content and for what the author wanted write about, a positive story, it is good.
Besides just nitpicking, this story is just a nice read for the positivity that I enjoy in the show itself.
I also enjoy changeling/pony shipping, but that is beside the point.
My heart! I love it!
Damn you and I wanted to suggest that end it with letter from chrysalis xd damnit.
it was very positive story, some more dark concepts for good contrast would be good but not overly needed.
only one thing what i can say bad about this its... Already ended D:
LOL. Was about to say, isn't German for 'beer' just 'bier' or something like that?
Anyway, about the story. Twas good. Had some heart to it, some slightly emotional bits. Feel-good moments. But I have to say, it did fall flat in some areas.
For the most part, all of bureaucracy has been omitted from the plot. I suppose this might not be meant to be an exposition on the inner workings of the Equestrian Immigration Office (sounds boring as dirt), but still, there needs to be some trace of red tape to get a reader like me to suspend my disbelief. I mean, for the most part, the immigration process in this story worked like this: 'ok, you seem cool, and that pony says you're cool, so here's your green card, because I'm princess and I say so.' Bit simplistic, don't you think? There's no reason Equestria should be treated like anything less than a fully functioning first-world government. These are real people, who want citizenship, who are considered enemies of the state. National security is a concern. The safety of Equestrian citizens is a concern. The threat of war is possible. If the detainees are to be considered refugees, then what will the government do for them? They'd be homeless and poor.
All that is sort of just flagrantly glossed over. Luna's just like 'ok let's make you an artist colony. You can be a theater group. You can be a spy. No, wait, actually a model.' It's just... too over-simplified. Is there enough money in the coffers to just pay for all this shit? How about for even just housing the detainees? I mean, say they don't need food, but you think it's still free for them to live under the castle's roof? Near the beginning of the story, I kind of thought Eclipse would be the window into the government's bureaucracy. She would tell Luna, yes, we can do that, or no, that's absurd. And provide the details of the red tape to both Luna and the reader. But the character of Eclipse just kind of fell by the wayside. She started off strong and present, and then... no more. Luna just started doing whatever she wanted to.
Further problems along those lines are how the changelings are treated. I mean, I'd be absolutely fine with it, if you wanted to portray Luna as this uncaring, disconnected dictator. But the story goes to great depths to hammer-in Luna's so-called mercy. Fact of the matter is, it took her - how long was it? Weeks? Months? - before even attempting to communicate with the changeling detainees. And even when she did, it was only because it was convenient to her. For the first half of the story, it seems, the detainees are treated like children. Like bastard children, who, though legitimately people in their own right, are too stupid and unimportant to warrant any interaction with them. But instead, only with their keepers. This creates a conflict of story. Where Luna is being portrayed as so nice, humble, and caring, but in reality what she's doing is kind of cruel. So it doesn't match up.
The first thing Luna should have done in this story, is go and talk to the changelings. Whether or not they could communicate, she could've at least tried. Use a pen and paper to talk to them! Or vice versa. Not that complicated. Get their end of the story, see if there's a reason to suspect any of them of being spies or something BEFORE just starting to let them go, random pony vouchers or not. A pony could be a pony and also a conspirator against the crown, for all Luna knows. Doesn't really matter that they are a pure-blooded pony, that alone doesn't make their word carry any weight.
She should have been more concerned about feeding her prisoners. I mean. They could've been starving to death for all she knows. Did she even bother to ask them?
A lot of the plot points were phoned-in. I mean... Let's face it. A cake subplot abruptly called in a new major plot point. I like the cake subplot, btw. But... that whole bit felt REALLY phoned-in. Twilight just up and agreed to go to Trottingham. Why? She was just called for an audience with the princess for a matter of national security... and the secretary's want of a cake recipe just somehow trumps that? How?
The whole thing about changelings living openly in Trottingham beforehand kind of ruins... well, you know, the entire point of the story - to integrate changelings into pony society.
I get that this is supposed to be a positive story. And it does that ok. But really, what is positivity without a little negativity? Yin and yang. If there is a winner, there has to be a loser. Now I'm not saying this would be better as a drama or tragedy, but come on. You need some resistance. Everything just... worked. Fell into place. There weren't really any hiccups, nor problems. Nor conflicts. I mean... not really anyway. The only thing that comes to mind is when Shining Armor bitched a little. I mean, that was about it.
And finally, though not necessarily a gripe about the story itself, rather just a gripe about how your version of Luna handles things: That last decision to just OK Chrysalis' hive living in Equestria, without informing her sister, was BAD. I've held a leadership position for many, many years, oftentimes sharing it with someone else, and if there's ONE thing I know, it's that communication is key to dual leadership. The fact that she would make such an important decision on her lonesome without even asking the opinion of her sister, is just a GIANT step in the direction of moon-banishment. Seriously, that was an absolute shit thing to do.
I understand her reasoning, and I myself have made mistakes like that in the past, but I know better now. And I know that a dual dictatorship does not work without two like-minded people that openly discuss damn near everything and come to conclusions together. (Actually in my own experience, I find sole dictatorship to work better. Someone getting banished to the moon is just inevitable with two or more leaders, but I digress.)
All in all, not a bad story. Just... needs some work, as a story. I hope you learned from writing this piece. Wasn't that the whole point?
Um, more? Sequel? Please?
This play needs to be written! As for your story, bravo! A masterpiece.
The ending with Chrysalis managed to change my mind a bit. Though I am still a bit upset you chose to abide by fanon in most your things plus changelings being unable to cry.
5385072 That.
This was definetely One of the best stories.
Your characterization of Luna was nothing short of superb.
Making the changelings so drawn to artistic fields and therefore in some sense close to Luna was very refreshing to read. Never had I thought that Luna of all ponies would become the patron of the changelings. Especially after reading Diary of the Night.
Of course the story had some weaknesses as well but I'm willing to belief that most of them only arise because your story didn't complied with my head cannon for the changelings.
All in all I really enjoyed reading your story, it was exceptionally well written and I have added it to my favorites.
Thank you for this master peace
EDIT: Just to get this clear and not beeing told I would blatantly ommit obvious flaws.
I absolutely agree to 5385058 critique points here, however I also agree with 5384730 that this was supposed to be a light-hearted, positive story; as targeted to such I like my own critique to be understood.
For a NaNo novel, it's pretty awesome. Well done! Definitely on my favs list for a reason, thank you for sharing with us!
5385653
Haven't read yet. But the show doesn't have phones. Just pointing that out. They have Scrolls, Twi does have her dragon flame that so far only works to and from Tia, and mailmares.
this was beautiful
Man, yet another changeling fic where the only point of Cadance and Shining Armor's participation was for them to be thrown under the bus as closed-minded, inflexible antagonists. Between that and Luna's crazy solo decision regarding Chrysalis at the end, I'm much less impressed with this story than I was mid-way through.
Nice story
5386245
I just looked it up. You are right. Wow is there a lot I've been missing in these comics.
5386381 I'm afraid I must agree. Granted, Cadence and Shiny weren't really in the story so much. But I much more agree with your opinion on Luna's Chrysalis decision.
I like the poem. Especially good flow in the first two and last two lines. Also the entire story is wonderful.
Cheers,
CQ
This was simply wonderful, I look forward to seeing what else you write.
A good story indeed, very enjoyable read through and through
Let's see what new you come up with, because I know that I can't wait!
5386381 While I can see where you're coming from, I think this was still an enjoyable fic. I can sort of see where Luna's coming from with regards to deciding on her own. She does really feel that Celestia has simply shoved all the changeling stuff onto her and isn't interested. I do agree, she should've discussed it, but I can see why she didn't.
This was still a very enjoyable fic and while I do agree with djthomp on the fact that Shining and Cadance only had token mentions as antagonistic is annoying, it didn't decrease my enjoyment. I would've liked to see things happen with Flim and Flam rather than it be glossed over as it would've been nice to see another POV of how folks interacted with the changelings. Everything was incredibly positive and it felt a bit one-sided to really never see any hardships.
5389722 Oh don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it overall and have a thumbs up on it, those two details just piled up at the end of the story and left me a bit irked at the conclusion.
My other criticisms would be the overall lack of meaningful conflict that has been mentioned (not only did we never get an actually criminal changeling, even Chrysalis was redeemed in about two paragraphs). The only actual conflict was Celestia's constant yet meaningless doubt (meaningless since she never actual stood in Luna's way) and Shining and Cadance making things more difficult for the poor, universally innocent changelings before getting thrown out of the way out of the city.
Positives, interesting world building. I liked the idea of the acting troop hive quite a bit and the language difficulties were a nice idea too. Again, though, it was another obstacle that was so easily overcome by the happy coincidence of the existing translator professor.
this was fun to read
Very cute!
5385058
Out of all of your criticisms, this one is probably the biggest issue. There's just no conflict whatsoever. Hell, there's not even internal conflict. Aside from a stray comment about the pursuit of mercy, and perhaps something about taking on more responsibilities, Luna never really changes as a character, or makes a difficult decision. She's never tested, in other words, and for her worldview to mean anything, that worldview has to be tested. Even the mercy and responsibility things mostly vanish early in, pointing at something that mostly went on before the events of the narrative. She never even says, "Jeez, imprisoning all of the changelings was kinda a shitty thing to do," or perhaps, "While shitty, imprisoning the changelings was a harsh necessity.
It was a problem throughout the story, that everything mostly just was. I suppose the best way to put it is that there was no real sense of agency. Of a character either knowing what they want and not knowing how to achieve it, or not knowing what they want and figuring that out. A character says, "I don't know what I want to do," and the force of narrative just drops a solution into their laps, or a character says, "I think this should happen," and their will is made manifest after a time delay.
This is next to the issues I've cited previously, which are the lack of most contractions, and how weird the whole utopia detaining what are effectively citizens thing is. The latter could probably solved by some of that internal conflict I mentioned though, if anyone could get seriously introspective about anything that was going on, or perhaps have a conversation about it. The former could be solved by adding apostrophes all over the place in place of letters and spaces. Do that. Finally, after a certain point in this chapter, things weirdly transition into the present tense. You should make that not be the case.
5391550 I didn't pay attention to the tense shift, but if it was only in the epilogue chapter, I could easily forgive that. Probably supposed to be that way.
But yeah. I mentioned other things in various chapters like contraction usage, I think you and I are probably the critics here.
A so-called utopia detaining quasi-citizens, is not so big of a deal. As I've said before, people being detained has happened in shitloads of places throughout human history, and even many times in the past century. In my own little Equestria, changelings would get detained. They are, as far as the government immediately knows, all enemies of the state. Thereby being treated as prisoners of war. But then, slowly, new laws would be written, and they would weed out any actual spies and such, and grant the rest of the changelings refugee status, or something similar. That's my own headcanon, of course, but I kind of expected this story to portray something along similar lines... not just Luna gallivanting about and releasing prisoners on whims. That's the problem. And like you said, internal conflict should've happened. Luna could've fought with parliament over new laws, challenged her sister, or at least had some conversations with Eclipse about what could and could not be done.
5391646
It'd be problematic but vaguely acceptable in just the epilogue. The issue is that it happens in only the second half, leaving the first half unchanged.
Seems probable. I came into things with expectations scaled reasonably to the premise (some slice of life, and maybe some trialish stuff, perhaps with some changelings being deported or kept in jail after dramatic court stuff happens), and ended up rather underwhelmed.
Pretty much. There are absolutely ways to pull the general premise and narrative of the story, even while keeping the essential state of the setting intact. There just needs to be something else there. I figure that there are two basic choices where this plot-line is concerned. Either Luna needs to more directly contend with how bad the decision to detain changelings was, perhaps played out in the form of something more dramatic involving Celestia as well as arguments with the changelings, or the decision needs to have more justification within the story, perhaps involving those aforementioned courtroom dramatics (was kinda looking forward to those early on, given the title). In their current state, these story elements just don't fit together all that well.
LOVE IT
by far this is one of the best fan fictions i have seen on here to date.
my only suggestion for it is to make a sequel to this, an interesting title could be "a changelings rebirth or something.
If you would ever need help on it feel free to contact me. it would be an honor to work with a talented writer.
p.s. why dont they have a Luna emote? Luna is best princess
here is the thing i did while i was reading your story.
First chapter y prepare a coffee for brak fast, at second chapter i drank that coffee, as i reached chapter 8 i was eating lunch, and then so on until i reach dinner with the epilogue.
In conclusion your story is exelent to accompany ones meal.
it makes you feel sated and refreshed.
5426492
Chapter 8
This author established the existence of phones in Equestria and that they are widespread.
5428211 Gotta be sure it's from certified vendors though. Some don't remove the guano well enough...
5428400
Ain't that the truth. I rememeber one vendor tried telling me it was white choocolate. Can you believe that? Of course the smell gives it away. Smells like vinager dumped in a vat of fermented fruit juice.
5427929 As I noted, I would have been fine with the internment camps had they been treated more like, y'know, internment camps. As is, the story acts like Luna is going on a friendly mission of good will by doing them the honor of releasing fully integrated Equestrian citizens. It's all very off-putting. As I mentioned in other comments, there are ways of maintaining the integrity of the story without creating these incongruities, and they exist on various levels of change complexity.
On a low level, it could be something as simple as Luna saying, "Wait, we had changelings openly participating in baking competitions, and we decided to round all of them up based on the actions of an individual hive? I thought the work I was doing before was important, but I see now that its success, the full integration of changelings, is critical to our society's ethos." On a higher level, it could mean adding more complications to the core conflict of bringing changelings into society. That could mean anything from some changelings being problematic, to major societal opposition to their integration. In any case, as is, the whole thing remains incongruous.
5426467
This is true. I am entirely okay with illiteracy running rampant through Equestria.
But the Changelings can communicate just fine with each other. One can speak in their own language to a different one who can write for him. At least some of them must be literate (to keep up appearances, if for no other reason).
Of course, it's possible that, due to the rush of events, no one's thought up such a system yet.
5426552 Personally, I like to think pony tech is roughly between 1900 and 1920, and actually in that time range, that would be missing a few things randomly. Most noticably cars. Though I suppose if you really think about it, it being so vague, the technology timeline could be as early as 1860s. A lot of cool tech existed back then, steam trains and boats, steel frame buildings, gas lighting, all sorts of stuff.
5428776
In that I agree. Nothing really bad happens, everything gets wrapped up nice and neat. And every instance the writer makes something that looks like it'd be source of conflict or struggle. It is resolved almost instantly.
Ti doesn't trust Chagelings: Luna pulls a "Do you trust me?" BAM! It happens anyway.
Through the entire story:Cadance is traumatized by the events that happened: Changelings live in the community, are stationed a stone throw away in the same palace; and are actively walking the halls durring release / what have you: Never pops up (at least so far as XXII, I haven't finished the fic yet.), never says anything in fic, is no problem.
They need to ease Twilight in from what happened to her at the Wedding: Instant forgiveness / no problems. Oh so helpful to the Changelings.
Stone Jaw's and Flim Flam's chapter: The closest thing to conflict / a serious problem. Almost instant resolution.
Conflict arrises: Deus ex Machina fix, or contrivance solves it instantly.
But yeah. I agree they should've been more internment campy.
_________________________
5428880
But why need a written language when you have the hive mind? Think about it, it's like Skype for the Brain. Need to send a message?
Jzzrfiln: "Hey Pumprnkl, stop stealing the last Dr. Pepper!"
Pumprnkl: "What?! That wasn't me, that was Flu'z, anywho. Just got done infiltrating Canterlot. So easy lolz XD!"
Jzzrfiln: "So true. It's like they don't even try having security any more."
Pumprnkl: "I know right?"
Flu'z: "I LIKE PIE!!!!!!"
Jzzrfiln & Pumpernikl: "Yes Flu'z, why don't you get yourself a cookie."
Flu'z: "YAY!"
So you see. Writing becomes redundant. But yeah, at least a few have proven that they aren't completely illiterate.
5429057
Honestly they have what's best refered to as Schizo Tech. Since its anarchonistic to the extreme.
They have no Generators, Electric wiring, or Power Stations. Yet they have X-Rays, Computers, and DJ Stuff with no discernable power source (other than unicorn magic).
They were at first using pony driven trains in the show. Steam is a new concept.
They have really old style type writers, and pencils, but a lot of the writing was done with quills and ink jars. To the point it's a viable profession.
The Armor used is old Roman style armor. The archetecture through most of the show, fluctuates between the late 1800's / early 1900's.
Oh, they don't have telegrams or phones in the show, but they do have dragon mail, and pegasi postal workers.
Of course the large stism in tech can be explained that it's a largely magic driven world. And were they are behind / lacking in tech, they make up for in magic. Which 2/3rds of the population can use actively for transportation, or having something that they lack for in technology.
So that makes any real placement impossible. Since it seems that in some areas they are modern (DJ's, Medical Tech), while others shifts from around the 1860's - the 1920's. All mushed together.
5429757 Eh, you could explain a lot of this tech variation in a million different ways.
5432493
True. But tropewise, it's what was mentioned about Equestria. Honestly though it's a walking, breathing, living anachronism. Both in tech, culture, and society. Alot of that can be explained away with a magic driven culture, and pony tribal needs / extremely strong traditionalism we see in the show. With a side of being ruled by an immortal physical goddess who sees / thinks in terms longer than a decade or two.
5431797
Thanks for the link
.
This fic reminds me of the official mlp books, such as the Journal Of The Two Sisters, but this is not a good thing. It reminds me because every conflict is resolved neatly and quickly; everyone gets what they want and more, and there is no sense that anything could go wrong.
Good story me glad to have read it.
*bows head in respect.*
Ps. That head thing...........I don't know.
5427652
You're off. Granted, it is possible for a closing quotation to be followed by a capital letter. However, the rules are clear as to when to capitalize and when not. For example, take these two sentences:
"Really?" she sighed.
"Really?" She sighed.
The first sentence implies that the question was said with a sigh. The second implies that the speaker asked the question, then sighed. As I said, when the words following the quotation do not finish the sentence, the next word must be lowercase. In other words, if the next word is uppercase, it signals to the reader that a new sentence has begun.
5497473
Actually, that's pretty much exactly what you might say. One meaning of dear is 'high in price'.
Canadian Oxford Dictionary, 2ed.
From the very first result in a Google search for the phrase "he was not in evidence":
Four Wooden Stakes by Victor Roman
Woona
I just wanted to pop in and say thanks to all of you for reading this and that I appreciate the comments.
I will be doing a bit of cleaning on this; it won't be anything plot-related or major. I'm going to be cleaning out all those obnoxious and out-of-character contractions (or lack thereof). It should read a bit cleaner afterwards.
Came here, looked interesting, went on the "read later" list. Dutifully read it later and... yeah, it was alright, but I find myself sharing most of the disappointments expressed here, particularly the fact that nothing actually happened. I was expecting some intrigue, some outrage at unjust imprisonment, and a sizable number of evil (and some just sort-of okay) changelings mixed in with the misunderstood paragons of patience. The need to act prudently and exercise sound judgement, then dealing with the consequences of a bad decision.
Instead, we get nothing but Luna coming up with an idea for each case and it working out immediately. Everyone is well-meaning and co-operative, and the only conflict comes from those with (quite justified) suspicions. That's okay for the first time, but if you don't mix it up from there then it gets dull and super-predictable.
And thus a beautiful end to a beautiful story. Well done.
5759545
She does disparage Trixie. Every time that she's mentioned in this fic, it's either with an insult, or a cutting remark. Hell nowhere in this fic does it mention Trixie as a show mare, rather than a show off. And another thing that contributed to me stopping reading this fic.
Luna is a patron of the arts, but treats Trixie whom she's never met, just like her assistant and the Mane 6 (well those in Boast Busters).
Well done. Warm fuzzies everywhere.
5760145
I think you might be reading a different fic. A text search yields no mention of Trixie beyond the Ch.22 dialogue between Eclipse and Luna, and the Ch.2 author's note. If you have references, please provide them.
Otherwise, your rant at and dismissal of this fic for one instance of poking fun at Trixie's pre-show behavior (not Trixie herself!) is both hair-trigger and suited to an outrageous bash-y fic, not this.
5766924
I'm not going to re-read thousands upon thousands of words. But the one before this was by Rarity, in regards to the incident where she ripped off the curtains from Trixie's stage to make a beautiful dress, and Trixie turned her hair green. It was made in passing, in a conversation between Rarity and Twilight, about a dress she made in one of the chapters. And Rarity told Twilight that they agreed not to mention that mare.
It was in passing. But then you have what you're ignoring.
So a patron of the arts. Who should know that an artist needs something to be memorable (which with the assistant remembering her years afterwards succeeded). Rather than pointing out that Trixie succeeded in being memorable. States that as an analogy that he wouldn't be taken seriously if he was to speak like Trixie, that he wouldn't be taken seriously.
Then yes, his wording was strange. But before then she was laughing at Trixie, and never bothered to point out the obvious.
Yes. Rarity had a reason to be mad. After she vandalized Trixie's property and had her hair turned into a green rats nest (Which in that episode, she did. The wilful destruction of property, is vandalism. Even if it was to show off her dress making skills.), but a patron of the arts. Poking fun of an artist who's not around. Not pointing out what her assistant saw as Pompous was indeed a part of the act to draw attention to herself as well as be memorable. Both of which Trixie succeeded in doing. If you want to re-read the story for where Rarity and Twilight are talking about the dress. Go ahead.
But that's still two acts. With the quote done in rather poor taste. In that her, Trixie's, gimmack, is never acknowledged. As much as it's something to laugh at, for it's "pompousness", and hoping that Shakes Spear doesn't act as pompously or "they won't be able to take him seriously."