The next evening, Luna awaited the arrival of her sister with gleeful anticipation. The set-up was the same as other evening meals, with a variety of dishes spread out across the long table. The only difference from normal was a clever substitution – and two additional place settings. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie would be joining them tonight; Chai Spice was at a midwife’s home, her husband accompanying her. Luna eyed the centerpiece confection again with satisfaction. In the place of her sister’s beloved angel food cake was a dark chocolate monstrosity adorned with brandy soaked cherries and a creamy chocolate frosting. Luna licked her lips. If there had been one earthly thing she had missed on the moon besides her sister, it was chocolate. The sound of hooves on tile announced the entrance of a bouncy pink earth pony, a more sedate unicorn and a regal and dignified…
“What in the name of our mother is that?” Celestia was stopped dead in her tracks, staring at the enormous black forest cake in the center of the table. Her eyes were as wide as saucers.
Luna stifled a giggle as she peered around the confection. “Do you like it, sister? It was a most generous gift from one of my petitioners last night! Have you ever seen such dark beauty grace this table?”
Behind the princess of the sun, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie were doing their best to keep their snickers inaudible. Celestia remained flabbergasted “Buh, buh, but sister,” she stammered, “what hast thou done to my cake?”
Hearing the normally modern-speaking princess lapse into the old Equestrian only used for the Royal Canterlot Voice proved too much for the little ponies, who collapsed with convulsions of loud laughter.
Luna gave her sister a smug grin. “You have chosen our dessert every night since I returned, my dear sister.” Her voice, saccharine sweet, was still audible over the guffaws in the background. “I simply mentioned to a friend how much I missed the taste of well-made chocolate and cherries.” She nodded towards Pinkie before continuing. “She recommended to me the recipe created by a wonderful changeling baker who happened to be among my detainees. After his wife brought him to my attention and I let him be with her, he was kind enough to assist in the creation of this beautiful centerpiece and gave the recipe to our chef.” The smugness never left her face. “We shall be having it in alternating takes with your favorite angel food until I receive a more variety of recipes.”
The smugness was replaced by an innocent glance at her sister, who finally appeared to be recovering. Celestia was reaching out toward the cake with a cake knife and deftly cutting herself a wedge. She put it on a plate and passed it to her sister. Luna took the offered slice and immediately scooped up some with a fork and took a bite. Soooo goooood! The explosion of flavor was making her eyes water as the rich chocolate cake and cherries melted in her mouth.
Celestia still looked mutinous. “Sister, are you certain it is safe to eat? I mean, it is a changeling’s recipe Lulu.”
Luna swallowed, then laughed in her sister’s face. “My dear Tia, this recipe has won awards at baking competitions across Equestria. Pinkie Pie here has made it multiple times with no ill effects. Stop acting like a foal with a plate of steamed broccoli and Brussel sprouts and EAT SOME CAKE!” The last three words, done in the style of the Royal Canterlot Voice, surprised Celestia into action. She cut herself a slice of cake and, staring at her sister as though she were answering the challenge of a thrown gauntlet, took a bite. By the look on her face, Princess Celestia was seeing stars. She did not even notice as Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle took their own slices; even the proud look on Princess Luna’s face was relegated to Celestia’s peripheral vision. The only sound in the room was that of happy eating. All good things must come to an end, though, and as Celestia finished the slice she became aware of the three ponies looking at her.
“Well?” Luna inquired.
Celestia looked guilty. “I never thought I would admit this about chocolate, Lulu, but that was absolutely wonderful!”
Pinkie Pie was bouncing in her seat. “I know, right? Cookie N Cream makes the most splendorific, scrum-diddly-umptous cakes ever! And his cookies are even awesomer! If you like these you should have him send you some of his gingerbread Hearth’s Warmers in the winter. They are the best right out of the oven but even cold they are like so mmmmmmmmmm!” She probably would have said more, but at that moment, an exhausted looking pony was admitted into the room.
He looked like a large pale cream stallion with a rust-colored mane and tail. He had a cutie mark of a stack of cookies on a plate shaped like a heart. “Forgive my intrusion, your majesties,” the stallion gasped as he tried to catch his breath. “I have some news for Princess Luna and Pinkie Pie from Chai Spice.” He paused again as the princess and the pink pony exchanged looks.
“What is it?” Luna asked. The stallion licked his lips and then crowed “Two! Two healthy little pony-lings! Born just a little while ago! Chai Spice sent me to tell you. She wants you two to be godmothers to the little ones!” The stallion broke into a grin, followed by all four mares at the table.
“I thank you, good sir, for letting me know. Please tell Chai Spice that I would be honored to be a god mother.” Luna murmured.
Pinkie Pie left the table and gave the visitor a hug. “Yay! I love little foals! I hope they will be very very happy with you and that you will teach them all your yummy cooking stuff!”
The stallion returned the hug, then turned to take his leave. “Thank you. My wife will be very pleased. Oh, and I am glad you all are enjoying my black forest cake.”
“Wait!” Princess Celestia called out; the stallion paused. “Cookie N Cream? I would like to thank you for this most wonderful confection!”
The stallion bowed. “It was my pleasure, princess. If you should ever find yourself in Trottingham, please visit our shop to enjoy some more.” The stallion departed with more dignity and less haste than he arrived, evidently heading back to his wife and foals. Pinkie Pie was chattering about what kind of party she had to plan, with Twilight working out logistics with quill and ink. Celestia looked at her sister; Luna had tears in her eyes.
“Lulu? Are you okay?”
Luna nodded. “I am simply happy, Tia. This is one of the first times I have been approached by a non-night pony and asked to be a godmother. I believe I will be traveling to Trottingham sometime soon, at least for that party Pinkie is planning over there.”
Celestia patted her sister on the back with a wing before drawing her into a hug. The two alicorn sisters embraced for a moment before turning their attention back to the table. Luna raised the cake knife. “Now let us celebrate with more of this amazing schwartzwalder kirschtorte!” Celestia rolled her eyes. Leave it to Luna to use the Pferdic name for a chocolate cake.
actually, it`s "Pferde", not "Pferdic" (whatever that is)
*Reads last chapter...* "Buh... but... no more?"
What about all the OTHER changelings from Trottingham? What has happened to them?
5370942 They know that, I'm sure. From my understanding, it's like this: 'Pferde' = German for 'horse', and 'Pferdic' = to do with Pferde, which in the context of the story is probably the term for German ponies. Hence, 'Pferdic' is their way of saying German.
When I saw the 'sex'-Tag I was sceptical. Could this be a good story?
Would it end up being some lame changeling-sm-god-knows-what-thing?
Anyway, I was willing to give it a try and am happy that I did so.
(As of the time writing this, I'd recommend you remove that tag as it does not (currently) apply to your story)
This story does have surprising potential. It's written quite well, if paced a little erratic at times, though.
Also I don't really know what to make of the changelings behaviour. Sure it's understandable, that they'd be happy to have their freedom back but at the same time, they appear to lack a sense of camaraderie one would expect them to have towards their kind.
Maybe that'll be resolved later on but as for now it got me thinking a little bit.
All in all I like it. The concept is refreshingly new and your Version of Luna is interesting to say the least.
Though it is not outstandingly good it is unusual nevertheless.
You got my like and a new follower to your story
there gonna be sad cases with bad ponies and abuse of changeling who don't know any better maybe that what the sex tag about...
5371213 No, that's not what the sex tag's for... It's for "off-screen births and hinted baby-making" as said at the bottom of the story's description.
5371165
To be fair, Cadence apparently knew quite a bit about Changelings, even if that could have been from her alicorn domain or something. Or Chrysalis being a total idiot, as she tends to be, and telling Cadence everything about her species and her plans while the latter was imprisoned. So I tend to put Changelings Pre-Wedding into a category of "Very Obscure, but something you could learn about if you made an effort."
5371165
I just rewatched the episode to check on this, and it is never stated or even implied.
Love the story so far just one thing... what happened to Spike where did he go? one moment he is looking to room where Chai Spice is sleeping and then we never hear about him again.... or did I miss a part where he leaves?
5371358 ooo ok just worried cause it could happen is all.
5371569 A Canterlot Wedding may not have implied that, but the story itself has somewhat has. From the prologue:
Celestia and Luna don't even know how to feed the prisoners, and yet ten chapters in we find out there's a midwife in Trottingham who knows enough about changelings to be able to handle taking care of crossbreed pregnancies. Seems odd that there is such a disconnect between how much different part of Equestrian society knows about them.
5371954 OK, the story itself has at least a modest inconsistency, if not an outright plot hole. I can agree with that. But that's a different matter entirely compared to Blissey1's insistence that the story flat-out contradicts the TV show.
There's only one thing wrong with the premise of this story:
Celestia and Luna are imprisoning innocent beings who have committed no crime, without benefit of a trial or even a hearing, and holding them at their whim, for no reason other than being the wrong species. The phrase "sweeping injustice" comes to mind.
It's made worse by the fact that the changelings in this story thus far are long-time open members of Equestrian society-- not skulking about in disguise.
Look up "internment camps" for why this should be generating a literal nationwide uproar.
5372251
It should generate an uproar but it wont, just as the internment camps you refer to did not. In an environment of ignorance of others and fear of an event, it is so very easy to fall into an 'us vs them' mode. Yes those that know the detainees well will know better but for those who did not ,the actions of one become the actions of all and even those who knew them in passing will tend to second guess themselves into silence. It is not just a thing of the past either.... it still goes on today. Blaming a group for the actions of one.
5370942
Pferdic is to pferde as Arabic is to Arabia.
There are two things that I see you doing sometimes in regards to dialog.
One, when a new speaker talks you begin a new paragraph. Even if one person only says something as small as yes, you give them a new paragraph for their line. I noticed it in this chapter where the birth is announced, and in one of the earlier chapters. (I already forgot the details of that instance.)
Second, when someone is speaking long enough to warrant multiple paragraphs you don't always close the quotation mark on paragraph.
It can be summarized as such. If the speaker is taking at the very end of one paragraph, and also at the very beginning of the new paragraph you do not close the quotation on the first paragraph. If you do it implies that paragraph two has a new speaker.
Example:
This only applies if the speaker resumes talking right away in the new paragraph. If there's anything there other than continuing speech, you end the first paragraph with quotes as normal.
5372353 didn't? Dude, there's been nothing but a constant drumbeat of complaint about those camps since before *I* was born!
5372556
That is almost certainly true but there was none at the time. They were never questioned until later..... unless, of course we are speaking of different camps, at different points in history. I am refering primarily to the internment of japanese americans by the us government near the beginning of WW2. Innocent citizens rounded up for no other crime than their race after an attack. A rather perfect analogy to what has happened in this story imho.
I like it but your dialog is weird. Particularly the absolute lack of contractions (Oh god that's a pregnancy pun).
5372911 The dialogue is styled after the fashion of late 1980's fantasy and sci-fi novels. It's archaic sure but I have always felt it conveys the language better. The idea is that punctuation serves not the arbitrary rules of English, but is instead used to illustrate how the character is speaking the words. Periods for a long pause, commas for a short pause, and so on. So instead of putting a comma after every item in something a character is listing off, you would put one wherever they happened to pause. Once you understand that it feels much more immersive as the dialogue is written how people talk, not how professors say we should write.
"I need some eggs, milk, and honey." - Modern, comma used where English say they should be.
"I need, some eggs milk and honey." - Old Novella Style, comma used where character paused to think.
5372593 Actually thats a very poor analogy. The Japanese in turned in the camps were treated almost as badly as the Nazis treated people in concentration camps in many of the internment camps. Basically the only difference was no mass murder.
In this story the lings are held prisoner, and possibly starved (but only because the ponies have no idea how to feed them safely). Taken directly from Wikkipedia:
So yeah, the changelings are being treated far better. Though the situation of rounding up all members of a specific ethnic group after an attack on a nation by that ethnic group is identacle in the base concept.
5372927
That's good and all, but I was specifically referring to the contractions. If you're putting emphasis on how the character speaks, that's not a very good way of doing it.
Okay, why are the sisters surprised by the appearance of Changelings and be so easily duped by Chrysalis if they have changelings undisguised roaming the cities. Disguised and only reveal to love ones i can by but everyone seeing them.
5372986 huh?
F&F saw a problem of supply and invented a machine to meet demand. Now the original percentage was crazy but both side could have talked more and got a more fair percentage and both would profit. instead they have the face off which the the machine was producing the same quality cider as the apples but slightly faster. It took Twilight and the gang to out produce it and it's the turning off Quality control the doomed the brothers. However the apples can't rely on their friends being avalable next year, thus the same problem returns. poorly thought out episode.
5372967 It is actually a far superior way to most alternatives. After all it conveys to you how to correctly read the dialogue out loud as the character said it. Few writing styles can manage that.
5373009
No.
That is not correct. It does not allow you to read the dialogue as the character says it, because nobody talks like that.
Do you really think that Spike, of all people, would say 'We do not' instead of 'We don't'? Perhaps you don't know what a contraction is...
5373268 Okay then, lets see you write a story about changelings using your own headcanon. I promise to read it if you write it.
5371131
5372385
i`m native german, the word "Pferdic" does not exist in german language
5373501 ah, you misunderstood my meaning.
In this story, the equivalent of Germany is Pferde, where they speak the equivalent to German, Pferdic. I.E. in Horse they speak Horsish.
Interesting story. A lot of people probably haven't picked up that it's rather racist to pick up ALL members of a species as a security threat. Very much like the Japanese-American internment during WWII.
Edit: Of course these circumstances are much more di
5373501 That's because it's a derivative of a loanword, not a loanword. (German Pferd + English adjective ending -ic )
5373767
not sure if troll, or.........
5373501
I am aware of that. What I'm saying is that the author made up the word Pferdic by adding '-ic' to Pferde, so that they could have a pony version of the word German. Like you say, Pferdic is not a real word, but I'm sure the author knows that.
5373009
The whole issue of the contractions is a holdover from this being my NaNoWriMo novel. It's a fairly common way to increase your word count by not using contractions. There are a few places here where I seemed to have missed some of them.
5371095
As far as the other changelings (as a community), my headcannon is that they were protected somehow. I wasn't sure how to fit it into the story without it sounding like an outright rebellion, but I think that either town authorities (ie mayor) or the militia could have protected the Trottingham changelings (kind of like how bishops or city leaders occasionally protected Jewish communities from persecution in the European Middle Ages).
Just read every chapter over the last hour and a half. Very enjoyable and looking forward to more!
first of all might i just say, you are awesome!
i really like how you've done this, slow and steady covering the stories and making the relationships and back stories of these changelings clear. you also avoided doing any of the obvious would be changeling ponies for your early ones (bonbon for example). the way you wore down twilights conventions about changelings by showing her the way they effected lives was artful and celestias reaction too the black forest cake was halarious (here is hoping red velvet makes it's way to lunas recipe book soon) having trottingham as a kind of safe heaven for changelings is a nice touch and makes me wonder if the tip about the threat agianst canterlot didn't come form that direction. anyway great job please keep going, i wish to know more!
5376152 Really? You think those are headcaons or opinions? Or that they have a basis alltogether? I wont bother with you. Long story short they are not and this "opinion" is wrong and i wont hesitate to say it. Bye.
5376773 Speaking as someone who's never played or, indeed, seen gameplay footage of Starcraft, I can see where the hive connection thing comes from fairly easily.
Changelings are insectoids. They're extremely well-coordinated, considering that they managed to hide from ponykind for as long as they did (assuming they did - which is not necessarily confirmed, but not denied either. Headcanon, bitch) and all coordinated and worked together to invade Canterlot - who, I should note, shouldn't be capable of controlling her changeling swarm unless she's got SOME form of bond beyond the physical. You could make an argument for her swarm just being really, really loyal to her, but that still wouldn't explain how a gigantic swarm worked together to completely skull-fuck Canterlot, to the point that ponies needed a deus ex machina to save the day.
Also, Starcraft wasn't the only series that came up with hive minds - indeed, just looking at Ender's Game and tvtropes and BEES. It seems strange to blame people for copying Starcraft in particular.
Even if, hypothetically, people who reasonably made Queen CHRYSALIS (insect reference here!) and her swarm into parts of a hive mind were copying from Starcraft, I see no reason why that's inherently a bad thing. Look at Hard Reset and how it 'copies' Groundhog Day! Look at how amazing that story ended up!
Also, we're on a fanfiction site. If you're looking for true innovation and originality... It's not impossible (see Friendship is Optimal for what I believe to be an example of that, though there are some similar 'robat takes over the world' stories; or Chatoyance's Conversion Bureau stories which, while dirivitive of the original Conversion Bureau, actually explores it in a very original albiet controvertial way), but you're probably looking in the wrong place. I recommend your imagination - or, alternatively, fictionpress.
... I haven't actually started reading. I just saw this comment, and decided that it really couldn't go without comment.
Whelp, off to start reading this thing! Intriguing premise.
5376940 http://magicman001.deviantart.com/art/MLP-Arguments-against-the-Changeling-Hive-theory-392905119 this... read this... THEN come back. I just mentioned starcraft as the most popular. Also... not all insectoids have a hive mind. Last but not least the fact that in the comics we see that it is mentioned "The gates of the changeling kingdom..." proves and downright shuts down any "hive" stuff. Not all maybe but still...
5376948 A: Not everyone has read the comics. Some people do, but it's got a small enough audience that many authors just ignore it. I don't see what's wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with placing it under 'optional canon' the same way that people who try to figure out the canon of Fallout can place Fallout Tactics under 'optional canon'.
B: There is no benefit to cutting off interesting stories just because, hypothetically speaking, it's been jossed. Alright, so he's got a good point with Fluttershy (the only good point as to why changelings aren't necessarily hive-minds - and even then I can come up with some refutations), but I don't see why that means we have to automatically stomp down on any stories that want to explore a world with a hive-mind Changeling swarm. That just blocks off an entire avenue of potential stories.
(The rest of the essay post-refutations is irrelevant - at no point has anyone here said that a changeling hive mind is the only way a story can have changelings, or else we wouldn't have beautiful stories like Integration or White Space. It just so happens that this author has decided on this particular occasion to have a changeling species with a hive mind.)
C: 'Not all insects have hive minds' is not absolute proof that changelings cannot have hive minds. It just says that insectiods aren't necessarily hive-minded. It doesn't say that insectoids do NOT have hive-minds, or that they do. It just leaves the question of how their brains work open-ended, which I'm perfectly fine with.
5376968 Oh you just don't get it do you? The fact that "hive mind" was mentioned here and EVERYONE immediately understood ((as if)) what it was serves to prove how this is not headcanon, this is just a tad bit... lazy. We are not given any clue on how the hive mind operates here, how it works, how the changelings achieved it, or what they do with it. It's just... there... bland, taken for granted, it's not headcanon... It's established fanon. THAT is the problem. I myself have delved into the concept of the changeling Hive Mind ((more than you think)) and it's nothing like an information superhighway or online chat room like most people make it to be. Oh and the worst depiction of the hive mind is that it's a directive, a big brother style command that the Queen handles. I don't reject stories that use it, seeing as i have read this one, but it still causes a grunt of facepalmy-discontent that authors can't use their creativity and deviate a bit from the common fanon that says changelings have a hive mind and live as insects in caves! Seriously you say that's an avenue... but it consists largely 70% of the stories i have read so far maybe even more!
5376984 I... actually haven't read that many stories with hive-mind Changelings, so I can't really sympathize that much (and I've read a lot of changeling stories - Integration (the place is called a hive, but they're clearly individuals that are just biologically forced to be loyal to their queen), White Space (individual changeling), Irony of Applejack, Without a Hive (again, while it's called a hive it's clearly not a hive-mind so much as a society named a 'hive') etc.)
Actually reading part of Chapter three, I'll agree that the author didn't go into nearly enough detail as to how the mind works in this specific instance.
5377005 Well yea and changeling integration is another kind of story that gets boring fast. That's why i didn't like "Body and Mind"... it didn't do anything else other than write a better integration story.
YUCK! Cherries! I would have gone with Strawberries.
I've seen many stories that happen during or after the events of "Canterlot Wedding," but very few of them deal much with the after effects of such a huge event. This looks to be a very interesting story and I can't wait to get started!
5377367
*LE GASP* how dare you deny the ever so wonderful taste of cherries you should try FRESH cherries versus the canned and essentially pickled variety vastly different taste difference trust me pm me when ever you do no need to post it here
CHERRIES and STRAWBERRIES for LIFE
5388808
The only two cherries worth eating are Maraschino Cherries, and Cherry Cordials. The former while good on icecreme are better enjoyed in bulk. Personally I like them besides Fresh Olives. While the later are just delicious.
der Kuchen ist eine Lüge
Ah, so du kommst aus Deutschland? (I am not sure so spelled that sentence correcty, although I haven't studied the German language for quite some time now...)