Meanwhile, a pair of changelings were having a deep discussion of sorts with the guard. It involved using every trick they could think of to get him to take off the magic inhibitor that Zinnia was wearing. So far, it was not working. Finally, an exasperated Zinnia asked for a piece of paper and a pencil. Time to call in the big guns.
Fluttershy,
Would you be willing to speak to Princess Luna on our behalf and get her to let us remove the magic inhibitors for Miss Rarity’s modelling gig? The guard here seems to be deaf.
Your friend, Zinnie
PS. Have you managed to persuade Rarity that I would make a better model yet?
Fluttershy received the note with a slight feeling of trepidation. Rarity was wavering, but she needed some kind of final push to convince her to change models. It was not something that would happen with only Fluttershy involved. But perhaps Glow Wings’s idea might work fairly well. It would take a little time on the pegasus's part, but she had a suspicion of what could finally persuade her friend. The butter-yellow pegasus first discretely approached the princess of the night after Night Court had ended. “Princess?” She whispered. “May I ask you something?”
“Of course, Fluttershy. I will answer to the best of my ability.”
“Why do all the changelings wear those inhibitors? I mean, their magic only allows them to shift forms. They are unable to teleport and the only ponies who go into the barracks are you and your guests. Why would it matter if they are in pony form or not?”
Luna appeared thoughtful. “It is something that Princess Cadence insisted on, I believe. She has not been here since the wedding, of course, but the very idea of disguised changelings near the palace is unnerving to her. Why do you ask?”
“Well,” Fluttershy began hesitantly, “It has to do with those changelings you asked me and Rarity to talk to. You see, one of them would like an opportunity to test her skills in pony form. She was saying something about wanting to be an undercover agent for you. Then Glow Wings suggested that Rarity’s show might be a good opportunity. It all went on from there.”
Luna looked curiously at Fluttershy. “Surely you jest, my dear. I thought you would be modelling for Rarity.”
Fluttershy shrugged. “I was only doing it because the regular model got hurt and no other acceptably sized pony was available. But if Zinnia is able to replicate any sized pony form, she might be a good substitute. It would also give her a chance to try out one of these personas she has been itching to test out.”
Luna looked somewhat surprised, but assented. “I suppose it would be fine. If Rarity agrees, I will let Zinnia and Glow Wings go to the show with the two of you.” Fluttershy nodded her thanks and took her leave.
When she returned to the room she was sharing with Rarity, Fluttershy found the fashion pony experimenting with the fit of the dress Fluttershy was supposed to wear and getting increasingly frustrated with the differing dimensions of her model.
“I simply do not understand! This was fitting just fine in Ponyville! What has gone wrong? It does not fit the wings right any more and I am at my wit’s end! Fluttershy, darling, did you notice anything odd the last time you tried this on?”
The pegasus shrugged. “It was always a little tight around my wings, Rarity. You know mine are larger than Dance Steps’ wings. I am amazed they fit me at all. Perhaps you need a different model?”
“But who else is there?” Rarity wailed. “I simply do not have time to modify the dress for any other model!”
Inwardly, Fluttershy smiled. “Maybe you need a model who can change to fit the dress.”
Rarity froze. “What did you say, dear?”
“I said perhaps instead of making the dress fit your model, you need a model for the dress.”
“You think I should talk to that changeling again? You really think she could model my couture as well as you can?”
“It is worth a try, Rarity. Maybe you should give her a tryout, one in pony form. I bet Princess Luna would let her do it if you asked.”
Rarity looked appraisingly first at Fluttershy, then her dress. “All right, I shall do as you suggest and ask Princess Luna to let Zinnia and Glow Wing come up here and audition for me.”
The fashion designer swept dramatically out of the room. Fluttershy let out a quiet sigh of relief. Despite not being a unicorn, her not insignificant knowledge of sewing techniques had served her well. It had taken little effort to modify the wing seams just enough while the fashionable unicorn had been taking her beauty rest that day. Now it would be up to Zinnia to prove herself.
Sure enough, later that evening, both changelings were escorted to the Ponyvillians’ room. Upon entering, the guard removed their magic inhibitors and left them alone with the ponies. “Well,” Rarity said hesitantly, “Shall we begin?” Zinnia nodded. She walked over to the dress stand and examined the fashionable garment.
“Is this the kind of lighting we will be working with?” The changeling asked.
“It is a bit darker than that and a more yellow tint in here.”
Zinnia paced around the dress, examining its features. “Hmmm. Then I would say a darker yellow or golden tone would agree nicely with the chartreuse of this fabric. A subtly dark red for mane and tail. And wings, of course.” The changeling stood still, face deep in concentration. “It may take me a try or two to get right, as I am a little rusty, but here goes.”
Before the eyes of the assembled ponies, she used her magic to ignite illusory green flames that appeared to consume her from the ground up. Within a few seconds, the changeling was gone, having assumed the form of a yellow and red pegasus. Her eyes remained an odd blue-green. “Do you have an eye color preference, Miss Rarity?” The changeling asked in a voice huskier than the one the ponies heard when she was in her natural form.
The fashion designer shook herself out of stillness and examined the changed mare with a critical eye. “Let us see you in the dress first, Miss Zinnia. Then we can decide on subtleties and accessories.” Zinnia smiled and, with Glow Wings’s and Fluttershy’s help, changed into the dress.
“Hmmm. The wings still look too tight.” The unicorn mumbled.
“That is easily remedied.” The changeling replied, and modified her wings to fit the cut of the dress. Rarity stared open-mouthed. Fluttershy and Glow Wing smothered giggles at the flabbergasted and most undignified expression on the designer’s face.
“Does it fit now, miss?” Zinnia asked sweetly. Rarity nodded and approached the changeling model and began adjusting the fit. “It is a little large here.” She noted, trying to sound dispassionate. She squealed in alarm as the changeling adjusted her figure under the unicorn’s hoof.
“Is that better, Miss Rarity?” The changeling’s polite and obliging attitude was winning over the fashionable unicorn. She took to her adjusting model quickly enough. As the dress fitting was completed, the pair began to discuss accessories.
Fluttershy and Glow Wings looked on in satisfaction. “When I asked the princess’s permission, I asked her to include you in the invitation. I want you to be there with us.” The yellow pegasus commented off-hand.
Glow Wings looked at her in surprise. “Are you sure? I have never seen a pony fashion show before. What would I wear?”
Fluttershy beckoned her soft-spoken changeling friend over to a wardrobe. “Why not check here? Rarity has several garments that might work. Can you shift into pony form for me? I am not expecting you to take any color or form in particular; just make sure you are about my size and a pegasus or about Rarity’s size and a unicorn and we will find something.”
The changeling nodded and stood still with her eyes closed. Her flames were a lighter, almost white shade of green than her friend’s , and grew more slowly, but soon Fluttershy was facing a nervous looking pegasus about her size with sage green fur and a long cobalt blue mane and tail. Glow Wings looked behind her. “I do not know how to do cutie marks.” She whispered, flushing.
“That is okay.” Fluttershy answered. “We will simply have to select a style that covers your mark. There are a few in here that could do.” Fluttershy pulled out three or four gowns from Rarity’s previous fashion line, from the same one she herself had chosen a dress. One deep blue dress caught Glow Wings’ attention immediately.
“How about that one?” She asked, leaning closer. The dress was made for a pegasus and had a swooping, toga-like feel to it, accented by silvery closures in the shape of columbine flowers. A simple hair band and a few matching jewelry items were in a nearby box along with a set of shoes.
Fluttershy noticed her enthusiasm. “I think this would look good with your colors. Try it on and we can look at the fit. If I get it right and you like it, we can show Rarity.” The task was quickly accomplished, as the garment was deceptively simple. Fluttershy led the nervous changeling back into the main room.
“Fluttershy, dear, who is this?” Rarity asked. “And where did you find such a demure dear to wear that dress? It is as if it was made for her!”
Embarassed, Glow Wings looked down and shuffled her hooves. “It is me, Miss Rarity. Glow Wings.”
Rarity’s experience in dealing with Fluttershy’s shyness and stage fright overtook her astonishment. “Oh my dear, it is quite all right! You simply startled me. Fluttershy, you and Glow Wings had a wonderful idea to select this dress.” Rarity walked around the begowned Glow Wings, testing the fit. “Yes, I believe you will do nicely. I take it you will be in the audience with Fluttershy and myself?”
The changeling nodded with relief. For a moment, she had thought that Rarity would want her to join Zinnia on the catwalk. Rarity nodded in response. “It looks as though it were made for you, my dear!" The unicorn repeated. "I would be honored to have you share a box with us. I have an idea. You seem to be a good judge of colors. Will you help Zinnia and myself match colors for some of these other dresses? Some of them could use a more subtle eye than mine.”
Glow Wings nodded again. By the expression on her face, she was happy to be useful to the fashion designer. Fluttershy watched with satisfaction as the two changelings and the unicorn tried on various outfits. By the end of the evening, they had worked out a series of subtle changes for Zinnia to use at the show, and Rarity had given the model suggestions on how to show the clothing to the best advantage.
The next night served as a dress rehearsal for all those showing clothing at Canterlot Fashion Week. Rarity was only doing a minor showing of a few dresses, so Zinnia was easily able to change between strutting her stuff to exhibiting various clothing items. Glow Wings offered suggestions for more subtle color changes that her friend could use to show the dresses to the best advantage in the different light. To the complete surprise of Fluttershy, Rarity, and Zinnia, Glow Wings decided to stay after Rarity’s turn to talk to the ponies in charge of lighting for the show. She spent most of the rest of the evening in the company of Spotter Light in the lighting control booth, making suggestions about lighting for the various showing designers and learning about the different lighting used for the show.
“I have never seen her so enthusiastic before,” Zinnia confided in Fluttershy as Glow Wings tested out a pale blue light on a Manehattan designer’s creation. The designer on stage looked pleased with the change, as it highlighted the unusual silk of a wedding gown with a long flowing train to great effect.
“If changelings get cutie marks,” Fluttershy answered, “it would not surprise me if Glow Wings found hers tonight.” She nodded toward the normally subdued mare now hovering above the lighting booth.
Zinnia gave her a sly grin. “Who says we do not? We don't wear them on our chitin, but it is there all the same. I suspect part of Glow’s skittishness is from being teased about her blank flank all through her foalhood. The reason she can't shift one is that she has never had anything to work with in the first place.” Fluttershy glanced sympathetically at the normally shy changeling.
“So you have one?” She asked as an aside. “Yep.”
“May I see it, if that is okay with you?”
“Here, give me a moment.” Zinnia answered. The cutie mark of a tangle of flowers she presently wore dissolved in a greenish glow, replaced by a mirror with a gilt silver frame. The frame, Fluttershy saw, was decorated with flowers. Zinnia looked a bit surprised. “Those were not there before.” She commented, gesturing at the flowers. “It used to be plain, but now…” The two mares looked at each other, then chorused together, “Zinnias.”
The changeling pair asked for and received permission to stay with Fluttershy and Rarity in the castle rather than return to the changeling barracks. Rarity’s reason had been that she wanted to do another rehearsal with Zinnia before the performance. Fluttershy simply said she wanted Glow Wings' company. As all four of them got ready for bed, Fluttershy noticed Glow Wings appearing puzzled. It was Zinnia who realized first why. “Glow! Your mark! You got one!”
“What?” The shy changeling glanced at her side to see the mark of a lit candle in a fancy holder gracing her flanks.
“So, you got that just for lighting up those dresses?” Zinnia baited her friend.
“Why of course not!” Rarity broke in. “A cutie mark has more meaning than the obvious. I do not know what Glow Wings’ understanding of her mark is, but I would say that she was not only lighting up the stage, but she was also providing, if you will, a light of inspiration to those of us watching. Why, I heard several designers commenting that those lights and the way they were playing off different materials gave them new ideas for clothing that would show well on the walk. I would not be surprised at all if Mr. Spotter Light gets inquiries about the lighting after today and more after the show tomorrow night!”
Glow Wings looked at Rarity with wary approval. “You mean it? You think they would want my help?”
“Absolutely.” The Fashionista replied with enthusiasm. “Ask Spotter Light after the show tomorrow night. I would bet a custom dress that he would agree with me.”
The ebullient enthusiasm of the unicorn was finally winning over Glow Wings’ reticence. As the moon began to set, all four ponies went to get some beauty rest. Before they fell asleep completely, Zinnia gave Glow Wings a hug. “I am proud of you, my friend. If this all works out right, you can set up shop here or somewhere where you can do lighting stuff, maybe even theater work. I hope it does.”
Glow Wings returned the gesture. “Me Too.” She murmured as the changelings dropped off to sleep.
Why not for here? Some of us LIKE longer chapters. Heck, for some of us 4k is a NORMAL chapter, or even a short one!
Yea that pretty fucked up.
Are you serious? For all their magical prowess changelings can't teleport? Or is there something else behind this? Cause if it's natural to them then this sucks.
5377866
Perhaps, like how for unicorns levitation is natural, mimicry is natural to Changelings. It would follow that like unicorns, Changelings only inherently know complicated spells related to their talent. And seeing how most of the changelings are just normal citizens they would not have the natural talent, or reason to study such advanced techniques.
Is that why the chapters are so short? We thought you just didn't know how to break scenes versus chapters versus arcs.....
Many of the Fics I've read in the past are typically six thousand words a chapter, some even breaking the 20k mark often in there chapters.....
5377631 No. Imo, 1k is minimal, 2-3k is good, 4k is up there, and 5k is pushing it. Of course, the chapter material itself is what's best to judge by, but just in general. Honestly any more than 5k is a turn off for me, and many readers. Kind of want to keep chapters to bite-sized portions.
I can tell that you've put a lot of work into this story. However, there are a LOT of grammatical errors in these chapters. I'd highly suggest asking someone to beta-read the chapters before posting them.
As for this chapter, here are some of the errors I've spotted:
“Princess?” She whispered.
You make this kind of error very often. When a closing quotation mark does not end the sentence, the next word should be lowercase:
“Princess?” she whispered.
I am amazed they fit me at all.
It's been commented on before, but contractions make dialogue sound more natural; that's the way people normally speak (and write). Even soft-spoken Fluttershy uses a contraction or two. In other words, the sentence should read thus:
I'm amazed they fit me at all.
“Is this the kind of lighting we will be working with?” The changeling asked.
I mentioned this error already. It should read:
“Is this the kind of lighting we will be working with?” the changeling asked.
“Do you have an eye color preference, Miss Rarity?” The changeling asked in a voice huskier than the one the ponies heard when she was in her natural form.
Same error.
“Do you have an eye color preference, Miss Rarity?” the changeling asked….
The fashion designer shook herself out of stillness and examined the changed mare with a critical eye. “Let us see you in the dress first, Miss Zinnia. Then we can decide on subtleties and accessories.” Zinnia smiled and, with Glow Wings’s and Fluttershy’s help, changed into the dress.
As a general rule, you should have a new paragraph per "speaker." I put "speaker" in quotation marks because the rule does not only apply to two people speaking, but also when there's an action taking place in lieu of dialogue. Here, Zinnia's actions are in response to Rarity's suggestion, so it should be in a new paragraph:
The fashion designer shook herself out of stillness and examined the changed mare with a critical eye. “Let us see you in the dress first, Miss Zinnia. Then we can decide on subtleties and accessories.” ¶
Zinnia smiled and, with Glow Wings’s and Fluttershy’s help, changed into the dress.
“Hmmm. The wings still look too tight.” The unicorn mumbled.
Here, the punctuation and capitalization is VERY important. Did Rarity mumble that sentence, or did she say the sentence and then mumble? As punctuated, here's what you're saying:
1) Rarity said, "Hmmm. The wings still look too tight."
2) Rarity mumbled.
Unless that's what you meant, you should fix the punctuation and capitalization:
“Hmmm. The wings still look too tight,” the unicorn mumbled.
“Does it fit now, miss?” Zinnia asked sweetly. Rarity nodded and approached the changeling model and began adjusting the fit. “It is a little large here.” She noted, trying to sound dispassionate. She squealed in alarm as the changeling adjusted her figure under the unicorn’s hoof.
This paragraph is a combination of two of the errors that I mentioned before. Here's how it should read:
“Does it fit now, miss?” Zinnia asked sweetly.¶
Rarity nodded and approached the changeling model and began adjusting the fit. “It is a little large here,” she noted, trying to sound dispassionate. She squealed in alarm as the changeling adjusted her figure under the unicorn’s hoof.
There are further errors in this chapter, but I do not want to turn this review into a nitpicking session. Besides, you should be able to spot the remaining errors; they are mostly of the same types as I mentioned here.
I'm eager to see how the rest of the story goes. Please continue posting—preferably after you have a beta reader go through the chapters first!
P.S.: You're inconsistent when you make the possessive of "Glow WIngs". I've seen both "Glow Wings's" and "Glow Wings'" in this chapter. Please choose one and stick with it. Since "Wings" is plural, I'd suggest sticking with "Glow Wings'," without the extra S.
New line new speaker.
______________
While not incorrect. You're lack of contractions reads really weird. As mentioned in the last chapters comments, the show uses contrations (shound't, we'll, it's) reading without them feels off for the characters.
5387934
Actually in terms of Capitilization after close of dialog. A lot of written works I see use Capitilization after the closing dialog if it ended with punctuation rather than a comma. So those ren't incorrect as much as a stylistic choice. Although the author needs to capitizize titles.
5383801
Personally, I tend to favor stories with 10k chapters.
Oh, so we have a Flutterling in the firm of Glow.
Cya
Raziel-chan